Two Lights! They're a band! They worry about money!

Yup, they do.

Training. Our folks shelled out for 15 years of piano and guitar lessons (times two of us!). These days, we're spending $250 to $500 a month on voice lessons. Cost to date: $30,000.

...

Harper (a freelance writer) has to turn down writing assignments worth around $400 a week.

dare i post the last paragraph, which is the most hilarious thing i have read in a week at least ?

In short, the School of Rock is expensive. Then again, class can be a lot of fun, and some of the homework is pretty cool. And of course, if we do graduate — if we make it in the music business — we'll soon be earning a lot more money than even doctors and lawyers. Or so we tell ourselves...

I'm so glad I managed to avoid them (and avoid hearing of them) when I lived In Maine.

Sadly, Portland has become Williamsburg North over the past several years, and these two are unfortunately not the exception with their stellar attitudes and expectations of a privileged existence.

Our family has invested in dozens of musical instruments and other gear (pianos, guitars, drum sets, keyboards, mandolins, PA systems, amplifiers...).

My brother bought me a ukelele once, and Xmas before last I got a pennywhistle from my sister

what a pair of assholes

i'm still getting over "abner"

.. with their stellar attitudes and expectations of a privileged existence.

Once upon a time, the suits at the record labels funded the enterprise. Your band would play local clubs in a major city, make a buzz, and an A&R (artists and repertory) guy would sign you and write you a blank check.

Yeah, that's exactly how indie bands used to operate

make a buzz

wonder if they considered including his nyu tuition on that list

Whatever cash we earn beyond that usually goes to our current drummer.

I should hope so, guy deserves a medal for hanging out with these two assholes

is nyu an advertiser?

ha, a friend of mine knows them and posted the story on fb. I responded with this.

http://www.negativland.com/albini.html

We pay a guy to send email blasts to databases of hip music blogs.

The phrase, "more money than sense" comes to mind

i was gonna write something furrow-browed about the extent to which journalists and editors can make interviewees look like dicks, but then i found out they wrote the piece themselves

i can't even

these young handsome brothers have ... got ... IT.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DsjzTfeQAc&feature=related

well that video totally underlines the good review in the indie press thats linked to :

"Their bittersweet, sugary indie pop songs tie the future of careers and relationships with the past of high school and teen angst. "

Our manager has snagged me an extra VIP pass to a show by a Grammy-winning British pop star she also manages. We make our way through the NYC crowd (2,000 or so jammed into the venue) toward the door that leads backstage. An imposing bouncer guarding the door sees our passes and steps aside, opening the door for us. This is the good life, I think.

What meets me backstage is nothing like what I pictured. No fountains of champagne, no elegant lounges. It's just as dingy as the venue itself, with a printed sign taped to the star's dressing room door. The band is hanging out on a couch that someone obviously found on the street, and there are some catered snacks that look like they could have come from the NYU dining hall I try to avoid.

It occurs to me that if any part of me is doing this for the good life, I should let that go. I'm sure this pop star's touring budget is substantially bigger than our own, but so are her expenses. Hmmm...

have these guys never been backstage in a venue before???????????????

I hear why they're taking vocal lessons.

http://www.tributebandreviews.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/22/kings-of-leon-tribute-bands-kings-of-lyon/kings-of-leon-kings-of-lyon1jpeg-320x258.jpg

I mean, I am just puzzled here; did these guys never go to any shows in high school and, more importantly, did they never do any performances ever while high school or college? I don't see how the fantasy of lush extravagant accommodations can survive one or two performances.

still loling about

make a buzz make a buzz make a buzz make a buzz make a buzz make a buzz make a buzz make a buzz make a buzz

that entire paragraph is just flat-out stupid

much like the rest of the piece

Guy's a freelance writer, man, he ain't stupid

I noticed there's no mention of tour costs in his list of expenses. He just talks about how they "rocked" some of the top clubs in NYC.

that's because they haven't gone on tour

•Performing. For gigs here in New York, we hire taxis to lug our keyboards, stands, guitars,basses, amplifiers and drums to and from the venue. Whatever cash we earn beyond that usually goes to our current drummer. And expenses soar when we hit the road. Cost to date: $1,000.

Hit the road in a NY taxi that is. I assume they're hoping to make a buzz before they tour.

soar all the way to $1000

I think their tour must have run the gamut from Hempstead to Uniondale

they actually just take ny taxis across the country

v poor budgeting decision

I stand corrected. Sort of.

that's because they haven't gone on tour

watch the video.
they have been on the subway.
surely that's a touring cost he should include in their career-to-date rundown ?

(xpost)

Maybe their parents bought a subway train for them

oh yeah the TL line I always forget about that one

it's not very useful it runs from NYU to all the most rockin clubs in manhattan

If you want to have REAL fun, please to enjoy their Twitter feed and some of their...selective RTs.

https://twitter.com/#!/twolightsband

78 followers. glad to see that publicity $$ was well-spent.

Once upon a time, the suits at the record labels funded the enterprise. Your band would play local clubs in a major city, make a buzz, and an A&R (artists and repertory) guy would sign you and write you a blank check.

Yeah, that's exactly how indie bands used to operate

― Charles Kennedy Jumped Up, He Called 'Oh No'. (Tom D.), Thursday, 26 January 2012 16:00 (42 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Also: repertory?

I guess this is proof that boys like to play dress up and make believe too. It's a little late for that, but I get it.

These guys are obv doofuses but this is the obvious endpoint of the idea that everyone who wants to play music deserves/has to be a career musician.

On one level, their "treat it all like a business" approach isn't that far removed from Big Black or Fugazi. On another level, DIE IN A FIRE.

Hmm, this is basically Raygun 2.0: Rich Parent's Edition.

My brother bought me a ukelele once, and Xmas before last I got a pennywhistle from my sister

― Charles Kennedy Jumped Up, He Called 'Oh No'. (Tom D.), Thursday, January 26, 2012 3:55 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

what a pair of assholes

― SELF DEPORTATION (Z S), Thursday, January 26, 2012 3:55 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Bit harsh on my brother and sister, don't you think?

lol

Once again Mark E Smith displays his psychic prowess. From "Winter 2" off Hex Enduction Hour:

The mad kid had 4 lights, the average is 2.5 lights
The mediocre has 2 lights, the sign of genius is three lights
There's one light left, that's the one light
That's the science law

I would like these people to meet with an unfortunate accident.

they already did; they accidentally made themselves look like huge douches in Time Magazine

http://sickmouthy.com/2012/01/26/on-selling-out-and-privilege-in-music/

Obviously this is a foolish move on their part and they come across terribly, but at least they're not pretending to be something they're not (unlike 99.9% of other NYC bands).

dunno, it does seem like they're pretending to be a good band.

Thanks to our man on the inside it made Gawker.

Oh and there's damage control under way at the Twitter feed.

I want to know where they live <-- real nyc talk

i mean it kind of is rough out there, it cost Low $2.7 million to just release 'i could live in hope'

"aerosmith" reached his pinnacle thanks to a fortuitous lotto win

ian svenonius received a quietly generous financial gift from steve jobs, allowing him to get weird war going.

what a pair of assholes

I have a friend from a v. wealthy family and these guys really remind me of her little brother. I think his dad built his band a studio.

I was all set to write a self-righteous post about Two Lights' clueless public display of entitlement, but these guys did it better and used bagpipes:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H1iR2Wi3u5o

Anyway, fight the real enemy

http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/popcrush.com/files/2011/06/Karmin.jpg

We've been mentored by former British rock stars

must've been Gay Dad

no they mentored young heart attack

Harper Willis graduated from the Gallatin School of Individualized Studies at New York University with a concentration in ancient theater and jazz guitar. He is a musician and writer, and lives in Brooklyn, N.Y.

wow, cool!

http://i.imgur.com/zi7hd.gif

swear to god the second verse of their single sounds like it starts with "waiting til the dawn to try and pee/promises i thought that i could keep"

those are cool lyrics!

they also sound like the jonas brothers making a snow patrol move

this is gorgeous, this story

I want to d/l that Albini article as a working spreadsheet.

graduated from the Gallatin School of Individualized Studies at New York University with a concentration in ancient theater and jazz guitar.

so good
like it should have been the entire pitch for the article

Just WTF-ing here at that bit.

BA (Hons) Individ. Std w/AncThtr & Jz Gtr - NYU

More like jizz guitar, amirite?

Two Hats, more like.

http://www.sweetslyrics.com/images/img_gal/1651_buckethead.jpg

we need a two lights v. pomplemousse poll

Two Shites, more like.

Orbital only spent $1 to make "Chime", you give 'em $100,000, that's a career, baby

No way, how did they manage to pay a guy to send email blasts to databases of hip music blogs on a budget of $1?

Because they were that guy?

And one day later...the parody:

http://twolights.bandcamp.com/

lol they've taken down their Facebook page the poor mites

lol
xp lol

Recorded at Platinum Sound NYC for $7000

haha !

cmon, own up - who did this ?

Yeah that parody is A+ well done all involved

That parody is much better than it has any right to be.

pretty impressed that this was whipped up in < 24 hours. union pool line is ace.

Five Dollars?

i'm a looking at ned.
he dropped the thread, the twitter, and now the parody.
after his success with the lulu campaign, i'm wondering if this is all some mad viral promo gig that he's running ..

[ love the parody btw .. ]

this is amazing

fantastic

omg the logo

Yeah that was a great touch

Once again Mark E Smith displays his psychic prowess. From "Winter 2" off Hex Enduction Hour:

The mad kid had 4 lights, the average is 2.5 lights
The mediocre has 2 lights, the sign of genius is three lights
There's one light left, that's the one light
That's the science law

― Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Thursday, January 26, 2012 6:04 PM (Yesterday)

haw

i'm a looking at ned.
he dropped the thread, the twitter, and now the parody.
after his success with the lulu campaign, i'm wondering if this is all some mad viral promo gig that he's running ..

I'm far too lazy for that.

I want a cover of the tribute song with Ned on vocals.

Lord. However, if someone cares to supply a new backing arrangement...

this is the link to 'Two Lights in NME (New Musical Express)' on their own site's press page

http://www.nme.com/nme-video/youtube/id/8DsjzTfeQAc/search/two-lights

I wouldn't be surprised if many semi and fully-successful bands have had money put into them by their wealthy families. The fact is that music is largely a middle-class business, moreso than it was 20 years ago. Most bands wouldn't be so stupid as to blurt it across Time magazine though.

But granted, these guys make shitty music and have no sense of the value of money.

If your parents pump money into your vanity band project, and then you complain about how hard it is ... at least pretend to be poor. That's all we ask.

"You're going to Pulp, you guys?"

"Yeah, we tried to open for them. We hear they wrote a song about people just like us!"

Good thing they didn't move to Atlanta, no music ever gets big out of here.

that so so def deal fell through for them ;_;

http://a7.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/400146_308805082503225_142682905782111_915758_1883687596_n.jpg

i have a very good feeling about where this is going

Hahaha!

https://www.facebook.com/TwoLightsMusic

The 'cost to date' thing is a little obscure. Calculating the lost wages it seems like it covers less than a year of time. 42 weeks I think. Anybody know how long they've been a band?

This is the biggest LOLz for me

What meets me backstage is nothing like what I pictured. No fountains of champagne, no elegant lounges. It's just as dingy as the venue itself, with a printed sign taped to the star's dressing room door. The band is hanging out on a couch that someone obviously found on the street, and there are some catered snacks that look like they could have come from the NYU dining hall I try to avoid.

What a couple of whining bitches. Welcome to the real world, not some VH-1 made-for-TV movie.

I feel a whole lot better about this if I imagine that it is an elaborate trolling operation. Not sure why, it just hurts my brain if I think about the reality of it.

I would sure like to introduce them to some musician friends of mine though.

haha wait is the whole akron/man is the bastard beef taking on two lights now? lol

i hope these guy find all the success they deserve

fucking snacks! we got snacks like 2 times, once opening for the futureheads (and also bottled water and some free beer) and i felt like robert plant!

^^why rock is a fucking racket. the only good part about playing in jazz bands is that you can gig at nice restaurants and get dope free dinners.

i like when you get a bar tab /braggin

the NYU dining hall I try to avoid.

it's so hard when all of the food is there laid out for you and there are people to serve it to you and clean up after you and someone else pays for it

avoid that at all costs!

They only time we've ever gotten backstage "snacks" it was off-brand Cheetos, popcorn and pretzels in a paperboat. At the end of the night the venue charged us a "rental fee" for using their PA.

Losing money playing music is like the easiest thing ever.

To be fair I have occassionally received an actual meal from a club.

Two Lights how's my ass taste?

the dining hall, just the hinting at it....god it's devastating stuff, it's like the missing lyric from 'tonight's the night'

Late at night when the people were gone they used to avoid the dining hall at all costs

"The Tweeting And the Damage Done"

Bruce Berry was a working man he used send out a 1000 emails of spam

'a man needs a maid'

"my dad pays the maid"

two lights, two lights

You know, I spend 20 hours a week doing music when I could be making $10/hr doing data processing, so I decided to figure that in. So now I can tell people I spent an extra $10k in the last year on my music career.

I could have invented facebook instead of posting on ilx so ilx has really cost me $100 billion dollars

it's called opportunity cost I learned about it at nyu

Losing money playing music is like the easiest thing ever.

― chr1sb3singer, Friday, January 27, 2012 2:08 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This is true. The fact that we mostly broke even over the course of five years was a huge point of pride for my band.

Early in the mornin'
at the break of day
He used to go get a spinach scramble at the dining hall and also an orange juice

He didn't pay cash for that, and I guess he won't too soon

Then again, class can be a lot of fun, and some of the homework is pretty cool.

*Eddie Van Halen riff on a toy piano*

Abner Willis was a workin' man, he used to load that New York cab
Delusions were in his mind, but his money was his dad's.

Well, it wasn't supposed to go down that way.
But they burned his omelette, you know,
And they left it lying in on the plate.
They left him down with nothin' to eat.

lol irony of using bazillionaire Neil Young to ridicule thousandaires' sense of entitlement

If I had spent $100,000 on my music in the last year, I bet I'd be in a better spot than these jokers.

Isn't that the timeframe they're talking about here? This is all stuff that's happened in the past year, right?

At the end of the night the venue charged us a "rental fee" for using their PA.

^^this is awful but kind of amazing

"Here's $300. Also you owe us $150 for using the PA"

Now that I think about Two Lights brings up some good points

Namely: money! It's good!

LOL that reminds me of the time I was in a band and we didn't have a PA so we only played shows with a friend's band because he owned a PA. Why? because the venues we played at didn't provide amenities like "their own sound system." The trade-off was we always had to open.

This wasn't even in the gritty real world of NYC!

Over on the fake Facebook page:

Nicholas James Baker
hey guys.. was just thinkign about the name "two lights" and how it sums up your bright futures. thanks for the great music.
Like · · 19 minutes ago ·

Two Lights thanks bro!
17 minutes ago · Like

Nicholas James Baker ‎...HOLY FUCK, TWO LIGHTS REPLIED TO ME!!! thank you so much guys!! this made my day, seriously!! so glad that a band that puts as much time and effort into your music cares about your fans!
15 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights ok!
8 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights
were thinking of doing a kickstarter for our next EP. what would be some good prizes for donators? anything but copies of the cd, we cant give those away.

3 people like this.

Joe Stadler How about some expense reports? Or, starbucks receipts?
about an hour ago · Like · 1

Nicholas Rejack POSTCARDS
59 minutes ago · Like

Thomas Owens email blasts?
59 minutes ago · Like

Thomas Owens starbucks receipts with digital download codes on the back?
58 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights Maybe for like.... the $400 tier, I can write articles for people. I'm still a freelance.
58 minutes ago · Like

Nicholas Rejack taxi rides
57 minutes ago · Like

Hoang Trong Tran mcnuggets
44 minutes ago · Like

Michael T. Fournier Piano moving services.
28 minutes ago · Like

Mike Smail A handwritten guide to which cabbies are the best at handling gear.
15 minutes ago · Like

Seth Robert Babb Trying to raise $2,000 for your "just got out of bed" haircuts?
14 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights mike, the best cabbies are the mini vans. the trick is to call for one but tell them youre a family and you need the van, otherwise they dont want to bother with bands. little trick we learned.
13 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights come on, our haircuts arent THAT expensive. image is important.
11 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights its the JEANS that are expensive.
11 minutes ago · Like

Lorin Jones Freelance is New York Twenty-Something for unemployed.
9 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights our job is this band, so were employed by the tunes.
3 minutes ago · Like

Two Lights and business is good.
3 minutes ago · Like

I am now feeling better about things. "business is good"!

Losing money playing music is like the easiest thing ever.

― chr1sb3singer, Friday, January 27, 2012 2:08 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This is why it's beneficial to think of your band as a hobby instead of a job. It's ok to spend money on hobbies.

did not read anything about this until norman weighed in, which, his thing about it is totally excellent http://nervousacid.org/post/16569305161/youre-doing-it-wrong

That is a fantastic read. I want to staple it to Abner's and whatshisfuck's foreheads.

I wanna just put them in a room with Colin Langenus (ex-USAisaMonster now CSC Funk Band/10 other things) and hear them explain themselves line by line.

Again, your family’s investment is not your own. But even if it were, you’re paying too much. I owned just one guitar throughout most of the ’90s — a Gibson SG that I paid $300 for — and a Marshall half-stack that I found at a pawn shop for $500. I spent another $150 on pedals.

pfff this guy wouldn't know PRO GEAR if it bit him in the ass

I wouldn't be surprised if many semi and fully-successful bands have had money put into them by their wealthy families. The fact is that music is largely a middle-class business, moreso than it was 20 years ago. Most bands wouldn't be so stupid as to blurt it across Time magazine though.

― JLB Credit (Jack BS), Friday, 27 January 2012 17:29 (4 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

miles got supported by his dad a lot iirc?, prob not on this scale but yknow so he could concentrate on it.

it's sorta just fun to infer lazy prejudices against these guys but the thing that's frustrating about seeing how much they've spent isn't just them trumpeting it but that it's like $X on years of voice lessons, not necessarily to overcome & learn to perfect your voice but to BECOME A WELL OILED SUCCESSFUL MUSIC MACHINE capable of hitting crowdpleasers. not the lessons but the weird thrusting intent.

If I had more time ATM I would write an in depth challops defense of these guys. Short version is that yes they are whiney entitled douchebags and also idiots, but at the same time it does in fact take some resources to bring a band from hobby level to making a record / creating a live show that people other than your friends will take interest in. It's a little either po-faced or obtuse for people to be like "dude just play through a $200 amp and practice on Saturday when you're not working your day job" because most people who do that have shitty sounding bands with shaky drummers.

that's kind of how I feel too tbh. the piece is stupid and they aren't really worth defending, at the same time all the derision heaped on them seems rather cruel and misplaced. if anything, it's weird to me how so many people - and not just these guys, but the general public at large - still thing this weird rock-star-lifestyle-archetype exists and is attainable. cuz it's not, and it hasn't been for quite a long time now.

still THINK

you guys should've seen the snacks this one club my band played at had. cheetos, fritos, doritos, you name it.

basically the whole frito lay family of snacks.

they weren't for us, though, they were for the headliner.

I would literally rather burn $109,000 in a fire then only be able to play on an SG through pawnshop pedals into a Marshall, Twin Lights or whoever OTM

Like you know for example I remember reading an interview with a member of Fugazi who said that in their heyday they practiced TOGETHER something like 5 times a week for five hours. I mean that's a big part of why they were an awesome, tight live band. And you can't really have a dayjob while doing that sort of thing.

OTOH, a big manager type who had brand name acts once told me that a couple of his acts basically just lived with their parents until they were making significant money, i.e. even while he was first managing them. So the whole "we need spend the money to live in NYC" thing is a bit dumb, yeah.

pro gear is nothing without pro tude and industry hookups brah

also it seems somewhat relevant that they aren't even listed on their own management company's website (and their manager seems to have moved on to a different job entirely)

Hahah.

I would literally rather burn $109,000 in a fire then only be able to play on an SG through pawnshop pedals into a Marshall, Twin Lights or whoever OTM

I played at one rehearsal studio that had a new Marshall half-stack in it and it was the WORST AMP I'VE EVER PLAYED THROUGH.

i've had good results using a marshall head but using a fender twin as the cab, and using a clean tone on the marshall, they have a surprisingly good clean tone (this was a vintage one tho)

The funny thing about the headline is that they're not remotely fucking rock stars $100,000 in.

Want To Be A Rock Star? You'll Need Someone To Give A Shit seems more accurate

It's a little either po-faced or obtuse for people to be like "dude just play through a $200 amp and practice on Saturday when you're not working your day job" because most people who do that have shitty sounding bands with shaky drummers.

i dont think anyone who plays music would begrudge them the money theyve spent on their band. i mean just kinda averaging some of these numbers out over the several years theyve playing they actually havent spent that much, really, even if they were just doing it as a hobby! and lots of these numbers are not really related to being a band. even if he was working a day job hed... still be paying rent. and his parents would still have paid for piano lessons when he was 12.

its not really the money theyve spent its the attitude the writer of the article has, his presumption that he deserves tremendous success for no real reason, or things like his snobbish aside about eating cafeteria food and turning down freelance writing jobs that makes everyone realize what a total pos he is

Yep, this is the thing. As a middle-class kid, my mum was able to get me some cool gear for birthdays and/or Xmases, and I have ended up with a nice array of synths of varying coolness. The difference is that I would NEVER count that as 'costs' for my band. They are AWESOME THINGS THAT I HAVE. Jesus, if you're going to count all that fun cool stuff that you get to do as 'costs', then maybe you don't really like doing it, then maybe you just shouldn't fucking do it, you twats?

Thing is, you read this band's article in the NY Times and they gloat about all this awesome stuff they've done, and how in the last year they've 'spent' almost double what the average family makes, and it really just makes them sound spoiled and ungrateful. I bet most musicians wish they had their kind of resources.

No one is saying play with shit eqipment, but 25k? My dream set up for bass & amp wouldn't be more than around 4k

I don't think all the gear from all the members of all the bands I've ever been in totals $5k.

Yeah I mean even splurging on a vintage fiat, that's in the 1k-2k range, for these guys, something like a fender twin would be fine and like an swr combo or something for bass

That's also true. You don't need to play on shitty gear to avoid paying $25k. I think my angle is to berate them less for the extent of their privilege and more for the fact that a) they don't realise this and b) they don't seem to treat playing music as something rewarding in itself. You know, horrible as it is that there is a level of inequality that allows these people to exist, it is a factual state of affairs, and not everyone born into privilege is a shitty person. These fuckers, however, are graceless, oblivious, disgusting fartknockers and should be destroyed.

this is crazy:

And of course, if we do graduate — if we make it in the music business — we'll soon be earning a lot more money than even doctors and lawyers. Or so we tell ourselves...

they just assume that "making it" = $$$$$$$$$$

they should talk to more people who have "made it".

they really are spending lots of money on stuff that, ideally, Disney should be paying for. your pockets have to be endlessly deep to break as a radio rock/pop act. plus, now, everyone is making fun of them! but, their name is out there, so, that's something.

Clearly these guys are in the wrong profession. I'm a paralegal at an indie law firm - I partnered with an agent at a rock star temp agency to get the job. It's a challenge...you have to pay your own way. Here's a quick rundown of my estimated costs to date:

• Training. My folks shelled out for 1.5 years of community college education. Cost to date: $2,250.
• Working expenses. Bus pass, Starbucks and lunch each day. (Once upon a time, the suits at law firms used to provide fountains of coffee and an endless supply of donuts). Cost to date: $2725.
• Lost wages. I put in about 40 hours a week. I could be a drummer for some band in NYC (originally from Portland, Maine) and get paid $250 a week. Cost to date: $13,000.
• Living in a house(!) in Atlanta with my friend Abby. Cost to date: $15,750.
Total (estimated) cost to date? $33,725.

This is my dream. I'm living it.

I've only played on the same $800 drumset my dad bought in 1993

But look now you can't even afford that smiley face wearing sunglasses jpg :(

B)

The actual Two Lights have fired up their Facebook wall again. Mysteriously enough, there is no link or reference to a particular Time magazine story anymore:

https://www.facebook.com/twolightsband?sk=wall

The fake page is of course still happily at it:

https://www.facebook.com/TwoLightsMusic

the http://nervousacid.org/post/16569305161/youre-doing-it-wrong article is good but i suspect twolights response would be "no you're doing it wrong... because we've never heard of you and you don't play stadiums and win mtv awards"..... like emil.y said, it sounds like they don't enjoy playing music, they just want to be famous (but not if it means sleeping four in a van or eating cafeteria food).....

but would they get famous sleeping four in a van and eating cafeteria food? i don't think so. they are better off working the angles. the press, publicity, internet, etc.

Nicholas James Baker i heard your new "i would never" song.. seriously? you prejudice fools. you guys are seriously a joke to music. how isn't your page blown up by comments right now! are people really okay with this? "i would never go to a state school or things that pregnant girls do" WTF.

27 minutes ago · Like · 2

Two Lights That's a parody song written by people pretending to be us. It has nothing to do with us.

4 minutes ago · Like

I hadn't fully noticed some of the joy on the fake page:

Genre
INDIE

Members
Abner : LEAD vocals, LEAD guitar
Harper : LEAD vocals, LEAD guitar

Hometown
New York via Maine

Record Label
Waiting for that blank check!

Description
The School of Rock is expensive. Then again, class can be a lot of fun, and some of the homework is pretty cool. And of course, if we do graduate — if we make it in the music business — we'll soon be earning a lot more money than even doctors and lawyers.

Biography
We've been mentored by former British rock stars, posed for photo shoots, hung out with models, worked with Grammy-nominated producers and rocked some of the top clubs in New York (places like the Mercury Lounge and the Highline Ballroom), opening for some of our favorite bands.

This is our dream. We're living it. And we're broke.

Artists We Also Like
COLDPLAY

Influences
COLDPLAY

Band Interests
Abner, 22, is finishing up at New York University. Harper, 25, works part-time as a freelance writer.

I think the worst things these kids are guilty of are being awful and writing their stupid piece. But the idea that a band that wants to be successful has to make sacrifices that - if you make a dopey blog post about them that itemizes every potential lost wage from not working an actual job and includes every one of your parents' dollars you've spent on your music in yr 22 year old life, etc. - might well add up to more than a hundred thousand dollars over the course of a year or two is not at all off the mark. I mean, the prerequisite to having all of this effort lead to success is that you have to be good and likable, but it doesn't mean that this isn't the best or only method that a lot of bands have at their disposal when they're trying to go about becoming 'bigger' bands and not just playing the terrible clubs in their city for zero dollars. You spend money and hire people to do things that could honestly be best described as 'zapping the hypeist blogs fulla hella fly publicity emails' or whatever they said.

I guess back in the day a label would do some of those things. But now bands kind of have to take on the infrastructure of a label if they're really trying to launch a career.

http://a4.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/155382_181637345180777_129154660429046_674923_6941532_n.jpg

Your band would play local clubs in a major city, make a buzz, and an A&R (artists and repertory) guy would sign you and write you a blank check

Ah, yes, the blank checks big labels used to give out to bands. They definitely didn't want you to pay any of that money back.

They are losing SO much potential catalog modeling money right now

summer
available fall

tbf the vampire weekend of 2032 is going to make so much hay out of a similar look

were i some high powered music biz dude id try to make this band just to troll the internet

childishly-drawn mallard duck t-shirt, $65

feel like their understanding of "making it" comes from repeat viewings of that thing you do!

http://capitalband.tripod.com/

Capital is a rock band based in cape elizabeth, maine. Our influences range from Coldplay to Oasis to Keane to Muse.

one of them literally used to be in a band called "capital"

06/28/06
Capital site up-and-running

06/27/06
Capital announce their intentions to record with Little Studios located in Portland, Maine.

06/06/06
Family fun day show cancelled, as Abner is out of town. Free Refills to play instead.

05/27/06
Capital invited to play "family fun day" in cape elizabeth. A sort of honor, as a thousand or so attend every summer.

05/07/06
Abner Willis won Third Best Vocals at the 22nd Rock Off

Matt won Second Best Drumming

Congradulations to both the guys

their music sounds like some band that only exists on a tv show

Your favorite fake bands from the movies...

maybe 'two lights' is an attempt to go viral by a secret PR firm

but would they get famous sleeping four in a van and eating cafeteria food? i don't think so. they are better off working the angles. the press, publicity, internet, etc.

Is this how it works these days? I dunno, my impression was that e.g. Soundgarden or the White Stripes did the four-in-a-van/caf-food thing before they became famous. Has the industry changed that much? (It's believable to me that it has. Just curious.)

OTM that this is insane btw:

And of course, if we do graduate — if we make it in the music business — we'll soon be earning a lot more money than even doctors and lawyers. Or so we tell ourselves...

Oh god that picture, I know so many fucking bands that look just like that. I'm in the UK too, obviously the indie-rock-boys-from-well-to-do-families look is universal. I bet they're really supercilious to the soundman / promoter / etc when they "rock some of the top clubs in New York, opening for some of their favourite bands".

Is this how it works these days? I dunno, my impression was that e.g. Soundgarden or the White Stripes did the four-in-a-van/caf-food thing before they became famous. Has the industry changed that much? (It's believable to me that it has. Just curious.)

― EveningStar (Sund4r), Saturday, January 28, 2012 6:59 PM (41 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

the other 2 people in the white stripes' van were a publicist and a banker writing blank checks iirc

the phrase "Third Best Vocals at the 22nd Rock Off" has so much pathos in it

it is too much sadness to actually think abt

That pic looks like a promo for an upcoming show on the CW or ABC Family. Given that, they probably WILL get big.

Man, I went to high school for a few years in their hometown and can't even get my head around this. I mean, the place had absolutely identical-looking/thinking dudes in the late 90s but they all gravitated to Vermont instead of Brooklyn. Wonder if this speaks to a more general trend where this super-particular kind of greyhound-caste LL Bean bro has turned to Keane-styled indie rock(???) in the absence of Phish...Bonnaroo cross-contamination?

I'm going to sound like a total snob now, but seriously I think battle of the bands are the most humiliating thing your could do...my last band got invited to some WB local tv affiliate/pizza hut thing were you got free ” professional” studio time if you won....barf

I'm sure the studio time is with some one that went to one of those tv add schools

http://i44.tinypic.com/1042nub.jpg

"hey two lights, can you write a piece for TIME - MONEY section?"

FUN HAS A PRICE!

Sorry, two lights. I invented 'doing it wrong' back in 2001 when I blew two months of Dairy Queen pay on a Vox 'Valvetronix' amplifier so my band could cover YYZ at local cafes on open mic night.

Ah, yes, the blank checks big labels used to give out to bands. They definitely didn't want you to pay any of that money back.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, January 28, 2012 6:45 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Bands didn't actually have to "pay back" their advances. The advances were "recoupable" out of sales. This was often abused by the labels, for sure, but it's not the same thing as having to pay back your advance.

I'm a paralegal at an indie law firm

I'm going to sound like a total snob now, but seriously I think battle of the bands are the most humiliating thing your could do...my last band got invited to some WB local tv affiliate/pizza hut thing were you got free ” professional” studio time if you won....barf

― the 500 gats of bartholomew thuggins (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Sunday, January 29, 2012 3:41 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

This is not snobbish. Pretty much the best way you can tell a band is wasting their time is by them entering a battle of the bands contest.

feel like their understanding of "making it" comes from repeat viewings of that thing you do!

― ban opinions (reddening), Saturday, January 28, 2012 6:53 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

ahahaha

xp stopped clock, etc. As you say, the real reason not to enter a battle-of-the-bands is because it's a waste of time. Their reason is because they're snobs who won't do things because they view them as 'humiliating'.

I mean, their whole attitude reminds me of...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/content/images/2007/05/08/third_duel_396x222.jpg
"We paid for this seat, and I think it's a damn liberty that we should have to stand for it as well."

i would like you guys to know that i fucking ROCKED cape henlopen high school's 1999 homecoming weekend battle of the bands and have no regrets

What was the set list.

some very shrill, screamy originals and iirc a cover of "just what i needed"

my band experience includes one night as lead guitarist/vocalist for a band dubbed O0nglebinky that did only covers

Haha, my crowning high school battle-of-the-bands achievement also involved a cover of Just What I Needed, as well as a rendition of Pat Benatar's Heart Breaker into which I worked some sick two-hand tapping.

I think we need a new thread here.

co sign

Ah wait, we don't:

Battle of the Bands Nostalgia Thread

The worst part of winning those would be the conversations worth the producer who was running your free studio time.

”When I was living in l.a., I mic'd drums on the third wallflowers album...it was so amazing to see jakob work”

lmao

I judged a BOTB once. Made sure the weirdest group won. Pissed off the grammar school jazz funk combo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WOsuvVfFDk

lmao

This continues to be hilarious.

One thing I will say, they have succeeded through this episode in becoming the single most un-rock-and-roll rock-and-roll band of all time.

this reminds me of that punky brewster episode where she learns that the average cost of raising a child from birth to age 18 is $100k so she tries to take out a loan to pay henry back.

200K, if your kids are Two Lights, apparently

also where is nataly dawn's "you're doing it wrong" piece??

The Lefsetz weighs in.

Various other takes.

Oh!

When they said Cabs, I thought they meant Bass Cabs. Not Taxi cabs.

Anyway, Two Lights are now officially this years Rebecca Black.

And did she make a fortune out of people laffing at her on the itnernet?

Oh, wait, she, did.

(left typo in on purpose)

I guess what I want to separate out from the ridiculousness of these guys is this: there's a myth floating around that in the age of indie and/or the internet, you no longer have to spend money to *make it* as a musician, because computers magically make good-sounding records for pennies and the internet magically promotes music via "word of mouth" and "viral" whatever. This myth is pernicious and annoying, and it's especially dumb coming from people who are in some shitty band that really is just a hobby.

What about the myth that the only way to have a decent recording is to spend a bunch of money in a studio?

Anyway, Two Lights are now officially this years Rebecca Black.

And did she make a fortune out of people laffing at her on the itnernet?

at least she had a song that people got some form enjoyment out of.

there's a myth that people need to make good-sounding records

A truly terrible almost-year-old live review:

Two Lights unlocked the night, though they weren’t in unfamiliar territory as the rock band call New York City home. While the venue was still filling up, the four man ensemble easily captured people’s attention with their catchy songs and impressive guitar work. Keyboardist Abner Willis seamlessly transitioned between the keyboard, guitar, and vocals, showing off his diverse talents while his brother Harper played lead guitar and took over vocal duties on several of the songs. Behind it all, bassist Ryan Gross filled out their sound with a steady, propulsive rhythm. They weren’t an opener that you would have expected for an act like Astronautalis, but it didn’t matter; they had the kind of sound that any music fan would enjoy.

YES OF COURSE.

What about the myth that the only way to have a decent recording is to spend a bunch of money in a studio?

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Monday, January 30, 2012 11:13 AM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Well if you're not doing that, you at least need a properly sound-proofed space, decent equipment (mics, preamps, software, mixing board, etc.) and you need someone who knows what they're doing with recording, and moreover, a lot of fucking time.

Astronautalis (born Charles Andrew Bothwell) is an American hip hop artist based out of Minneapolis, Minnesota.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/4/48/Astronautalis.jpg

Thanks wikipedia!

Also, all three of these bands look horrible.

I mean:

http://www.brooklynvegan.com/img/music/dirtygold/mercury/5.jpg

wtf at baby gilmour face?!

"Socks, I've heard of these socks
I don't need them, my band rocks!"

This BTW is the innocent Two Lights lighthouse from Cape Elizabeth, who really should sue at how its good name has been sullied:

http://www.gramlighthouse.com/image-files/me-capeelizabeth.jpg

Well if you're not doing that, you at least need a properly sound-proofed space, decent equipment (mics, preamps, software, mixing board, etc.) and you need someone who knows what they're doing with recording, and moreover, a lot of fucking time.

time more than anything else? if you have time then you can learn out what you're doing with whatever equipment you have.

While the venue was still filling up, the four man ensemble easily captured people’s attention

.. oh there's a band on ..

If you do visit the real Two Lights, enjoy the Lobster Shack!

Time and knowledge.

a lot of my favorite albums lately are being recorded mostly in-the-box, probably with cracked software, with maybe just the internal mic on a sampler for live sounds.

not that that makes it easy, just cheap. everybody has to learn to be an engineer now.

Meantime, the Willis brothers have a defender! Unfortunately for them.

The people who “used to” know how to make things work are not so good at making them work anymore. The Clive Davis and Ahmet Erteguns of the world do not fit as they once did. I find this sad because those two gentlemen alone sprung forth a ton of sonic greatness so mammoth we are still digging our way out.

weird, someone visited my page 15 mins ago who were listening to http://www.last.fm/music/Astronautalis

Makes it sound like elephant droppings. (xpost)

yeah i'd say the bands of the last 10-15 years have definitely been a lot more technically minded. the Raymond Scotts of the world are finally having their day

well did not expect astronautalis to pop up in this thread

btw he's not originally from MN, he just moved here i guess he was from out there and fell in love with mpls or something, plus for his type of hip hop this is prolly the best place to be

Baby Gilmour Face is also a dead ringer for brother-in-law dude from Weeds:

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTI4NTE3NjAxNV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDQ5NTk3MQ@@._V1._SY314_CR18,0,214,314_.jpg

also we are definitely being unfair to two lights...and mean, too

but there's something about a certain kind of naivete that comes from people that grew up privileged and so certain of their own specialness (probably reinforced by the type of parents that had the means and willingness to drop 25K on instruments and however much on voice lessons and shit) that i just want to grind into the pavement with my boot heel until it's dust.

i don't know why.

It's because we're annoyed with idiots who act like Gautama before he stepped outside the palace walls.

If only Austin Wiggin had had that kind of money and patience to spend on The Shaggs.

a lot of my favorite albums lately are being recorded mostly in-the-box, probably with cracked software, with maybe just the internal mic on a sampler for live sounds.

not that that makes it easy, just cheap. everybody has to learn to be an engineer now.

― the third kind of dubstep (Jordan), Monday, January 30, 2012 11:29 AM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I guess I have some personal bitterness on the matter, having had the experience of both successfully recording in a studio and trying and failing to DIY a recording. We even had a member who was fairly knowledgable about recording, but we all had f/t jobs and the only space we had where we could record loud stuff like live drums was a parent's suburban house an hour and a half away (which basically meant we needed to schedule for when they'd be out of the house or on vacation). We still had to shell out a decent amount of money for gear and software, and it ultimately just never got finished (admittedly, this was partly unrelated to logistics).

I also think people are blind to the utility/necessity of some kind of marketing/publicity budget -- not paying some asshole $1000 to send out "e-mail blasts" but actual, properly done marketing and publicity.

^^^

good art always requires resources

Then again, I also have had the experience of making a studio record in two days for less than our failed DIY record cost.

what is the utility of a marketing budget?

in a social sense

None, unless you want people other than your friends to actually hear your music.

I also think people are blind to the utility/necessity of some kind of marketing/publicity budget

agreed.

and fwiw i do think it's harder to make a great sounding "live band" type of record on a shoestring budget, the stuff i'm thinking about is basically electronic music.

another good way to do that is to make good music xp

I don't think they actually expected to see champaign fountains and elegant sounges backstage. This is just the kind of bad writing you'd expect form a certain type of ameteur.

making music, scoring babes, school of rock 4eva

lol @ iatee perpetuating the "good music will magically find an audience" myth

another good way to do that is to make good music xp

― iatee, Monday, January 30, 2012 12:27 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Again, this is the myth of cream rising to the top. There's a bajillion bands out there. In most cases you're not going to hear about a band without someone doing something to promote them beyond just having a bandcamp page and playing dive bar shows.

they should do more drugs prob

sort of feel contempt for any band playing shows in NY and not currently billing themselves as "two lights"

otm

lol

they should spend some money on cool clothes, write articles abt being sad/p4k and become superstar djs

Hey, I created a thread on IMM to share experiences and opinions on worthwhile diy marketing/publicity.

independent music marketing publicity done properly

lamp u should take this band under yr wing

Again, this is the myth of cream rising to the top. There's a bajillion bands out there. In most cases you're not going to hear about a band without someone doing something to promote them beyond just having a bandcamp page and playing dive bar shows.

ya but the idea that someone should hear your band instead of someone else's band - I mean this is something you are doing to help humanity, in the big picture it's basically a vanity thing. so it's not a total bummer people aren't gonna be using money for this.

this is not something you are doing to help humanity*

yes it is

music doesn't help humanity?

no I mean hurting's band not your band

also shakey's band

shakey's band does not help humanity

oh good, glad we cleared that up

playing in a band is def about helping humanity or least the subsection of humanity that covers total babes.

and helping i mean helping them get on yr dick

can you identify some bands that have helped humanity plz just so we're clear

xp

u2

I think humanity is a lot better off because there have been a select group of artists that have been able to reach larger audiences, get money to continue working on their craft, etc. rather than just a free-for-all of terrible hobbyist bands.

::two lights band guy nods sagely::

http://georgesjournal.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/band_aid_1984.jpg

so you think that

1. people can only reach large audiences through marketing budgets and 2. there is some implicit contribution in social welfare going on here, it's not just like picking between different types of peanut butter

lamp u should take this band under yr wing

there is a version of this band that lives next to me and have terrible parties all the time and wear plaid shirts everyday. the really love the black lips/keys. next time they are out smoking on our porch i will tell them to change their name to 'two lights' to 'make buzz' but i dont think god himself could change them

peanut butter has been great for humanity btw

no I agree, peanut butter is great, I just don't think that peanut butter would be less great if jiffy spent less money on marketing

have we ever had a thread abt the psychology of small time artists deludedly identifying w/the concerns of the irl $$ art market, its sort of a fascinating tic, joe the plumbers of indie rock or w/e

there is a version of this band that lives next to me and have terrible parties all the time and wear plaid shirts everyday. the really love the black lips/keys. next time they are out smoking on our porch i will tell them to change their name to 'two lights' to 'make buzz' but i dont think god himself could change them

― the parable is the parable of the (Lamp), Monday, January 30, 2012 12:44 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

tell the you know someone famous and would like to help them, rent a limo maybe

http://dribbble.com/system/users/70105/screenshots/404570/two_lights_small.jpg?1327891104

i don't think a marketing "budget" is necessary, but some degree of marketing savvy & effort helps.

i think having talent vision and being sexy r most important

flannel

feel like the guy on the right ruins the picture by not wearing a patterned undershirt to go with the others. i guess there's a pattern on his jacket lining but it's NOT ENOUGH

being good at twitter doesnt help because then u just do twitter all the time, cant f retweets bro

$100,00

maybe the way they are dressed is for marketing tho. "Meet the members of Two Lights: Stripey, Necklace, and Birdshirt!"

kinda silly to say that making good music isn't going to be a big help for the marketing

I've seen a ton of random opening bands and it always seems like the ones that I enjoyed were the ones I'd see discussed on ILX/making 2nd or 3rd albums (Holy Fuck, Man Man, and Future Islands come to mind)

$100.00

kinda silly to say that making good music isn't going to be a big help for the marketing

did anyone say that? thought it was implied as prerequisite #1. that and not being a dick.

Someone tell them they can buy Andre's pink champagne for around $5.

i'm just saying i don't think "cream rises to the top" is really a myth

especially since "word of mouth" is way more of a thing now in the age of endless internet discussion and RYM

i guess i go back and forth on it. half the time i hear something and think "that's amazing, why doesn't everybody know about this?", it ends up getting some shine sooner or later. but most everyone has friends or local artists that do great work and never get heard on a wide level.

i mean, by definition you're only going to know about the cream that does in fact rise to the top, right?

yeah but a. there's no universal definition of cream b. there's too much music made and people only care so much

I've seen a ton of random opening bands and it always seems like the ones that I enjoyed were the ones I'd see discussed on ILX/making 2nd or 3rd albums (Holy Fuck, Man Man, and Future Islands come to mind)

― frogs you are the dumbest asshole (frogbs), Monday, 30 January 2012 18:02 (20 minutes ago) Permalink

Those bands are all on pretty decent-sized labels though!

And unknown bands rarely even get opening spots for name bands without some kind of manager/publicist/booking agent/label

maybe they will when publicists don't have jobs anymore

just wait it out

just concentrate on being sexy and drugs is my advice

2 U 2 LITES

http://images.wikia.com/memoryalpha/en/images/4/4f/Madred,_four_lights.jpg

it feels so right that this band has come to ILX about one year after we first received the gift of pomplemousse

all we need is googlers and its the new dave matthews band thread

oh did the dmb thread get googlers?

thats kind of what made the dmb thread what it is

Any real or musical reasons to hate two lights? They do all sorts of music. Acoustic stuff, good improvisational stuff, are great live, have the respect of fellow musicians like astronautalis and Santana. All the mebers are great musicians. And the actual songs are good.
They wouldn't have been featured by TIME - MONEY or spent $100,000 if they weren't any good. The likes of Pomplamoose would love to work with them.

^^yo buzza get in this thread and type this dude's name out in the add a post box

They wouldn't have been featured by TIME - MONEY or spent $100,000 if they weren't any good.

Show your working.

gonna take a wild stab that the 'working' is that it's c+p'd from a comment box somrwhere

gonna take a wild stab that the commenter was named Lou Tights

Sufjan Grafton only has two other posts besides that, and one of them is making fun of two lights itt, so i'd assume that's c+p'd

c+p'd from DMB:NYRWTASBAH. Was just trying to be your random googler, but I can't afford the associated lost wages. How does one ILX and hold down a full time job?

I'm way behind the curve, but the Two Lights parody is legit awesome.

Beyond them sucking, I find it hard to believe anyone thinks that kind of sugary pop in the Youtube video linked near the top would be the basis for a money-making career. It's like an even more watered down and inoffensive Phantom Planet - and what happened to them after they lost the Coppola connection?

Sufjan Grafton

and what happened to them after they lost the Coppola connection?

They're hoping for a resurgence of The O.C..

aaaaaand the two lights bandcamp has been pulled ;_;

keep working hard, two lights. live your dream. http://i.imgur.com/zi7hd.gif

Sufjan Grafton

― ⚓ (gr8080)

The Twolight Saga: Bandcamp Down

lol am0n

I'm sorry gr8080 and buzza, but I cannot pay you for your efforts toward creating a Sufjan Grafton "buzz"

Sufjan Grafton

Two Lights would be a good name for a venture capital fund, which is kind of what these guys look like anyway.

Sufjan Grafton's "I is for Indie"

something about this reminds me of that endlessly sad harper's story from years ago about when the guy from sabalon glitz tried to "go pop."

i guess there are dozens of similarly sad stories. (at least that dude seemed to have a shred of self-awareness.) they're just not usually written from the artist's perspective.

ha wow I didn't know anything abt the Sabalon Glitz guy's career trajectory but reading up on it it's fairly bonkers

fake facebook got pulled too

i gotta say their lawyers are really earning their money today

their lawyers came up w/ their cool name iirc

they are lawyers iirc, in the future

Someday they will be earning more than those lawyers! Just you wait!

someday they will be earning the same as lawyers as lawyers

How many unearned wages were lost in the past 12 days since this thread's been updated?

won't somebody please think of the children who won't be born because two lights won't have the money to support music lessons for their own family? don't you want the unborn sons and daughters of two lights to have a firm grasp of harmony and phrasing? shame on us all!

lol

Gotta be them:

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mar/3282106595.html

douches be janglin

They should do a Kickstarter