Eurovision Malmö 2013

so with petra mede just announced as the host and many countries announcing their picks in the next few weeks, i figured a new thread was in order.

i already posted this in the norwegian semifinals thread but i think margaret berger has the standout tune for norway so far:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgGiBRj0yns

anything else worth checking out?

If this leads to Berger making another album, which she hasn't since the superb Pretty Scary Silver Fairy seven years ago, that would be terrific.

Something about this song doesn't sit right with me. I like all the noisy synths and stuff, but in the end it's just dolled up Evanescence and nobody wants that.

Here's my favourite from finnish semifinals:

Iina Salin - Last Night (handbaghouseish disco song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSzUp0zb9kI

But I think this has the most winning potential:

Krista Siegfrids - Marry Me (katy perryish modern radiopop)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lV5VOdBX2ns

So many things wrong with that Marry Me song.

Or this one. Personally I think the song is forgettable, she's excellent singer anyway.

Diandra Flores - Colliding into you (Finnish Idols winner)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HrSOzrgBcU

The danish winner:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XqOYAGgiFE

Rubbish

Yep, but Denmark always send the worst songs.

I Love Belarus bringing the quality as usual with their NF winner:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgrZ3ExffP4

Also as usual, they've announced they're going to change the song :(

Even if it never happens, my absolute favourite thing about ESC 2013 so far is the rumour that San Marino are going to send a C-Pop song: http://ilkar.blogspot.fi/2013/01/ex-cookies-stephy-and-theresa-for-san.html - genius in so many ways.

Yep, but Denmark always send the worst songs.

― questino (seandalai), 29. januar 2013 16:23 (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Hell no:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRFDYbb3vek

Apart from that, you're right.

yeah i saw that the danes had a choice already and was thinking huh, maybe they should have thought about it a little longer. i was really enjoying danish pop releases last year, and would love to see an entry from rasmus seebach or marie key. or hell, even something from their rap/dancehall scene would be neat, anything but that song basically.

that belarusian track is great though

in the end it's just dolled up Evanescence and nobody wants that.

wrong

OH MY GOD this estonian entry

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gP1FhBzw5EU

A vision, that.

estonian entry is song of the year, decade, our whole lives

from emo canon in twee major, that statement shouldn't surprise me, guess:)

lol

According to Mr. t**t re: said song:

the band name really is the Estonian version of Winnie the Pooh. Also the songtitle is “Our Homie Korsakoff Went to Latvia Yesterday,” ‘only they manage to make a 3/4-successful bilingual attempt to incorporate ‘the best part’ of the word cun* into that title…Now what happens to homie Korsakoff: he breaks a lot of stuff - his leg, nose, etc - or gets them broken for him. Depends on the perspective, I’d say.’ I have taken all this under advisement.

San Marino, why you disappoint me so? Though sending Facebook Woman a second time is some kind of crazy trolling. Not going to get through though.

"Gothminister" in MGP look like a good time:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bopA-d_Alf8

first swedish semifinal just finished — the second place finalist, yohio, i've been following since i saw him on skavlan, i can't find the song online yet but just look at this outfit:
http://poplight.zitiz.se/files/imagecache/default-large/files/article/0000087777777.jpg
none of the songs stood out to me as winners though. really looking forward to "swedish house wives" (pernilla wahlgren, jenny silver, hanna hedlund) next semifinal, the name alone would secure my vote for sure

Jenny Silver is awesome. Another Thomas G:Son song though? He and Kjempe need to clear the field for some new blood I reckon.

I admire Jay-Jay Johanson for taking a crack at a contest that is well outside his "core audience" for the most part, but the song wasn't any good either.

Berger.

yeah. not a huge upset but i'm glad she made it.

also the swedes were in classic eurovision form tonight:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJzVTv3yON4

The two songs that have gone through to Second Chance are better than the two that went through to the final by a long way. Sean Banan is a bloody buffoon who needs to stop, or be stopped.

Krista Siegfrids will represent Finland in Mälmö 2013:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLEBoVvSRS8

Greece, for one, made the right decision!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYSTA1XHF3k

Bonnie Tyler chosen for Eurovision
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqXk_FRw62Q
A standard mid-tempo Desmond Child joint. From 'Lost in France' to losing in Sweden?

For some reason I had thought Bonnie Tyler is American, but apparently not?

She's Welsh.

Makes a lot of sense from the BBC's perspective - where the UK places is a secondary concern compared to boosting viewership/voting. Everyone knows who Bonnie Tyler is (cf. Andy Abraham/Josh), people who wouldn't usually tune in will do just as they did for Blue/Engelbert. Not much chance of escaping the righthand side of the leaderboard, but hey.

She's the male Rod Stewart

looks like most polls have yohio winning melodifestivalen on saturday. i've been following him for ages but the song's pretty mediocre, he'll probably win the audience vote but hopefully the judges will see reason. he's very good looking though, so i see why he has a fanatic teen girl following (is that creepy to say if i'm 20? probably).

swedish final on right now, still on the opening performances if anyone's interested http://www.svt.se/melodifestivalen/se-program/9-3-20-00

Not going to be able to watch but I'm silently cheering for Ralf Gyllenthingy and Sean Banan.

robin stjernberg "you" comes in on top, though yohio did get the biggest audience vote as i predicted, he jumped from #9 to #2 on that alone. kind of a boring #1 in my opinion, i'd take berger over it for sure

ugh

Isn't it about time the BBC realize that 60s and 70s MOR doesn't appeal to even middle aged Eurovision viewers these days?

Former Eurovision contestant Engelbert Humperdinck has written an open letter to Bonnie Tyler, who will perform the British entry at this year's contest.

Dear Bonnie,

I wanted to take this opportunity to congratulate you on being the one to represent our wonderful country.

The Eurovision was such a great step in my career and with the grand support of the BBC and my beloved country behind me, the loss of winning had me stepping on a loose unforgiving stone on a pyramid to paradise.

But paradise will always be there for someone else to triumph in fair judgment to pride our country once again.

Most Sincerely, Engelbert.

PS. You can do it Bonnie.

Uhhhhhhh... come again, Hump?

Hm I'm thinking the Anouk one sounds like a pretty fucking classy song actually.

(I also quite love, in a Weimar Republic Neil Tennant way, Lithuania, I must say.)

I've been having my cooloff period before the madness.

Bookies' odds are characteristically nonsensical:

Denmark 11/8
Ukraine 6/1
Norway 8/1
Russia 12/1
Netherlands 14/1
Sweden 20/1
Italy 20/1
Germany 20/1
Georgia 20/1
San Marino 25/1
Ireland 25/1
Azerbaijan 25/1
UK 25/1

Yah confused abt odds of not necessarily Denmark (rousing mock-Celtica obv seems good with UK punters), but UKR is just horribly formed "Alone" by Heart?

Preliminary result from my deep and clever Bayesian analysis of all country votes from the last 4 years* (ie cobbled-together Excel spreadsheet) suggest that AZE is the country most advantaged by "friendly country votes". It's actually not a big effect, but it may have given them the win in 2011. The hottest couple is (no surprise) Romania + Moldova, but they don't really have friends apart from each other. A small surprise may be that FRA->TUR shows up as a stronger love than GER->TUR.

*) only data since 2009 allowed, as that is when the current voting regime was inaugurated (jury + televote).

still not impressed with denmark though i came around to the song somewhat. surprising to see them as the frontrunners here. for some reason i thought germany was a big player despite it being clearly a much shittier "euphoria"

Really surprised that Denmark is the frontrunner, I thought it was the typical boring stuff we always send. Fun fact: To find uniforms for the drummers, they just went down in the basement at the television station to find some old ones. Later on people told them, that their uniforms was from a tv-series about Waffen SS.

AZE is the country most advantaged by "friendly country votes".

Irritates the hell out of me this argument, esp. coming from whining Brits who can't understand why no-one else in Europe is interested in washed-up hasbeens singing third rate songs from third rate songwriters.

Yes, Tom D -- that is exactly the type of reason why I wanted to quantify it. The effect *is* present (conclusive results pending tho – CPU working overtime; a non-parametric model means there's a lot of parameters), but nowhere near as strong as sometimes shouted about. GBR is not immune obv -- MLT seems to favour GBR like hell, and no-one seems to really HAET the GBR apart from everyone when the GBR's songs are quite shitty, ie what every country gets.

Denmark's odds have to be influenced by its familiarity to Brit punters. I reckon the song's rancid and won't trouble the top 10. Remember when SHE WOULD NOT SIT IN THE DAMN CHAIR and that was one of the favourites? Exactly.

Ukraine is pretty nifty and could surprise like "Angel" did, because it usually does well, though people have tired a bit of its ultra-big pop (see how "Be My Guest" and "Be My Valentine!" didn't do that well), and I reckon this is a good compromise. I think its odds are about right. The ersatz Ukrainian song this year is Belarus! You can imagine a Tina Karol type doing that one. Very good it is too. Bulgaria could do really well if it's smartly staged - EPIC BAGPIPE GUY! Also watch Georgia - big ballad duet thing with bits that are straight out of some high-performing songs also written by the same dude - includes "in a moment like this" and the big build-up into the final chorus out of "Quedate Conmigo".

Norway is such a great song but I think it's too forward - remember how Iceland's "If I Had Your Love" didn't go anywhere? Fear this happening to Margaret, but it's gotta be a lock for the final even if juries have to carry the damn thing there. Where it'll come like 9th.

Azerbaijan with no Turkey in contest = votes. Especially if singer gets kit off. Also blandly reasonable ballad: see Bilan, Dima. I think it does get favourable votes but the people who select the entries put effort into being contemporary and of broad appeal to Europe.

Interested in taking odds against Netherlands making the final. They never do. I don't like "Birds" much, but I listened to it on headphones from the leaked CD and it somehow sounded even worse, like it's this dull song with two different icky Disney soundtracks going on underneath it. UK a sure contender for last place with this tripe.

(FWIW, I think Blue deserved a better showing than they got, but Jade didn't deserve to go that high, but apart from that, no UK entry since they last won has got a raw end of the deal. Maybe Javine could have come a bit higher, but that was rubbishly staged and her voice gave out a bit. They routinely put out the worst-or-nearly-so songs in the contest.)

also also while I don't like the Swedish song much, VERY BROAD APPEAL with very instant hook that will stay in memory. Might be worth speculating who will die on stage and who will hold it together. As I may be living in Sweden next year I would quite like the contest to remain in the general area.

Bulgaria will do fine, they're proven on the stage. Margaret Berger obviously has no trouble singing live, nor does Robin Stjernberg. The Azeri song isn't particularly challenging for the most part. Georgia might be in danger of one singer eating the other alive a la "In A Moment Like This" but I think it's sturdy enough.

Surprised Finland isn't one of the favourites. It is extremely contemporary.

Finland is...polarising. Greece will do well on account of being one of the only fun songs in the final. As classy underdogs go I think San Marino's "I Will Survive" ripoff is much better than the Netherlands, though neither will go through without a lot of heavy lifting from the juries (new voting system once again, maybe it will shake things up?). Ireland's entry is far from their worst though I'm not sure the singer is up to the job. Bulgaria is decent, but I preferred their original song.

All that said, Romania has to win:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pNEEb6dzi8

<i>Finland is...polarising.</i>

rly? is it not obvious that it is a piece of wrongness that must be hunted, silenced and forgotten?

grr.

It sounds like when the uk are DUMB (ie not infrequently), and *thinks* (<- pronounced in spike milligan and/or peter sellers voice) "say, say. These Easterners seem to have it for the Accordion!" "Yas, yas. We will do the Accordian, and we will be loved."

^^^ grumpy anatol on the vodka

agreed with scintilla that ROU has a gimmick that is pulled off flawlessly, and that just might work.

Anyways (sry in advance for long scrollery), my excel model that attempts to use all the televote+jury rankings since 2009 to quantify and correct for regular inter-country voting has indeed finished its run; some modifications to the preliminary results mentioned upthread are in order. First, the top fifty country-based voting channels are as follows (the units used may not be immediately interpretable, but can be taken to lie on a linear scale):

plc	dir	fri2
1	CYP -> GRE	3.99
2	MDA -> ROU	3.99
3	GRE -> CYP	3.98
4	ROU -> MDA	3.60
5	AZE -> TUR	3.46
6	POR -> ESP	3.46
7	TUR -> AZE	3.43
8	LTU -> GEO	3.26
9	ARM -> RUS	3.17
10	FIN -> EST	3.13
11	TUR -> BIH	3.07
12	IRL -> LTU	3.05
13	GRE -> ALB	3.03
14	BLR -> UKR	3.02
15	MKD -> ALB	2.99
16	BIH -> MKD	2.98
17	CRO -> BIH	2.97
18	SLO -> SRB	2.96
19	BLR -> RUS	2.90
20	SRB -> CRO	2.90
21	CRO -> SRB	2.88
22	SLO -> CRO	2.82
23	CRO -> SLO	2.82
24	GBR -> IRL	2.79
25	LAT -> EST	2.75
26	UKR -> AZE	2.71
27	BIH -> CRO	2.69
28	MKD -> TUR	2.69
29	ESP -> ROU	2.65
30	BIH -> SRB	2.55
31	ISL -> FIN	2.55
32	DEN -> GER	2.52
33	ROU -> HUN	2.51
34	UKR -> RUS	2.50
35	ITA -> ROU	2.50
36	SRB -> BIH	2.49
37	ROU -> GRE	2.47
38	EST -> RUS	2.47
39	ALB -> GRE	2.47
40	MKD -> BIH	2.46
41	ESP -> POR	2.46
42	EST -> SWE	2.44
43	ISR -> ARM	2.43
44	AZE -> UKR	2.42
45	SRB -> MKD	2.41
46	MKD -> SRB	2.40
47	SUI -> ALB	2.40
48	FRA -> POR	2.38
49	AUT -> BIH	2.38
50	DEN -> SWE	2.37

So, I'll not deny that edwardo may have a point predicting absence of Turkey may channel votes to Azerbaidjan (the model is not set up to treat such second-order effects), but it seems more certain that AZE have lost one of their greatest sources of points. My guess is that the latter effect will be more important.

More in a "weird friendships" vein, it seems that for some reason, the Anglophone block (GBR+IRL) both seem to love Lithuania, of all countries. (GBR -> LTU just fell outside the top 50, in 53rd place with voteage index 2.29.)

The bottom twenty, ie the top twenty unvoting relationships are probably less interesting (apart from a few pairs in there), but in case of curiosity, they are:

1	TUR -> SRB	-1.99
2	DEN -> GEO	-1.92
3	CRO -> ROU	-1.86
4	CYP -> IRL	-1.85
5	CYP -> TUR	-1.83
6	EST -> BIH	-1.83
7	ARM -> AZE	-1.79
8	AND -> BIH	-1.79
9	FRA -> NOR	-1.76
10	CRO -> ARM	-1.74
11	BLR -> POR	-1.69
12	AZE -> ARM	-1.61
13	GRE -> FIN	-1.60
14	MLT -> EST	-1.59
15	MKD -> EST	-1.59
16	LAT -> GRE	-1.59
17	FIN -> ROU	-1.58
18	ITA -> SWE	-1.58
19	ISL -> MDA	-1.57
20	NOR -> ARM	-1.57

oh noes the French hates us! :/

But the point of this exercise wasn't really to unveil those relationships, it was to correct for them, ie to try to quantify how "good" the songs were, if the inter-country relationships were to be taken out of the equation. I balked a bit in scarequoting "good" there, you may have noticed; that is possibly mainly because however you count, Rybak's "Fairytale" comes out on top. And I am not a fan of that one. Let's just call it "votability", eh?

So, here are all entries from 2009 to 2012, ranked by country-independent votability. It is instructive to youtube the list (or randomly sampled parts of it) from bottom to top, to get a handle on what works and what doesn't. Some impressions I was left with:

-- Comedy doesn't work.
-- Pandering to The Great Unwashed, ie to perceived simple tastes, doesn't work.
-- Do Not Send Old Rockers In Spangly Suits.
-- Pet theory of mine from years back confirmed: voters are GOOD at spotting bad vocal performance on the night (possibly due to training from Idol-like tv shows).
-- Overall: Do not overthink or focus-group too much, just send teh quality. Make interesting songs, with some sophisticated stuff thrown into it; mix light and dark but not too visibly.

(Man, "Fairytale" really is an odd one out).

1	NOR 2009	3.762410311
2	SWE 2012	3.045080907
3	ISL 2009	2.319976274
4	GER 2010	2.238872864
5	AZE 2009	2.175346279
6	RUS 2012	2.153825774
7	SRB 2012	1.9310897
8	TUR 2009	1.917099905
9	GBR 2009	1.830351049
10	BEL 2010	1.734117655
11	GEO 2010	1.656390169
12	ALB 2012	1.598154694
13	FRA 2009	1.579755298
14	ROU 2010	1.559665728
15	TUR 2010	1.520739021
16	AZE 2010	1.474413974
17	ITA 2011	1.433805926
18	SWE 2011	1.403467931
19	DEN 2010	1.396406516
20	ARM 2010	1.307126915
21	GRE 2009	1.20014912
22	BIH 2009	1.19005574
23	GRE 2010	1.162330518
24	AZE 2011	1.101097901
25	ITA 2012	1.080223799
26	EST 2009	1.071744445
27	DEN 2011	1.065547851
28	BIH 2011	1.029056891
29	AZE 2012	0.990244921
30	MDA 2009	0.926168471
31	ARM 2009	0.925736748
32	FRA 2010	0.872443062
33	EST 2012	0.870536084
34	UKR 2010	0.868958735
35	SLO 2011	0.865945472
36	ESP 2010	0.857009741
37	GBR 2011	0.842931085
38	ESP 2012	0.718633482
39	ISR 2010	0.71598099
40	GRE 2011	0.647690697
41	UKR 2011	0.637812139
42	LTU 2012	0.632516635
43	GER 2012	0.540283184
44	AUT 2011	0.4952933
45	FRA 2011	0.460817161
46	TUR 2012	0.459549425
47	ROU 2012	0.436056882
48	RUS 2009	0.427588527
49	GER 2011	0.411955807
50	DEN 2009	0.405777113
51	FIN 2011	0.398952744
52	MDA 2012	0.388319763
53	ISR 2009	0.38716266
54	IRL 2011	0.373328481
55	CYP 2012	0.367289496
56	GRE 2012	0.353639483
57	SRB 2010	0.335366721
58	IRL 2009	0.327008502
59	ALB 2010	0.305787007
60	ALB 2009	0.227201124
61	ISL 2010	0.189157305
62	ROU 2011	0.187142657
63	MDA 2011	0.175776456
64	SWE 2009	0.165702935
65	POR 2009	0.160554688
66	MKD 2012	0.151435048
67	GEO 2011	0.151224437
68	UKR 2012	0.149298049
69	CYP 2010	0.138786627
70	ISL 2012	0.133373298
71	MLT 2012	0.121991598
72	UKR 2009	0.115239288
73	MLT 2009	0.108335978
74	POR 2010	0.101952077
75	BEL 2011	0.098604798
76	LTU 2010	0.080600496
77	SWE 2010	0.07441241
78	BUL 2011	0.058502217
79	ARM 2011	0.05463401
80	NOR 2010	0.038804626
81	LTU 2011	0.035119608
82	SVK 2011	0.031503659
83	IRL 2010	0.009570835
84	SRB 2011	0.008934751
85	RUS 2011	0.004351012
86	IRL 2012	0.004131095
87	POL 2009	-0.042851627
88	SRB 2009	-0.048137829
89	RUS 2010	-0.050228524
90	SUI 2012	-0.073403914
91	BUL 2012	-0.087234495
92	POR 2012	-0.098911569
93	HUN 2011	-0.103564066
94	CRO 2009	-0.115613498
95	BIH 2010	-0.137470487
96	ISL 2011	-0.142315696
97	LTU 2009	-0.155402815
98	GER 2009	-0.161280525
99	NED 2010	-0.185910631
100	BIH 2012	-0.196478744
101	MNE 2009	-0.21604371
102	ROU 2009	-0.247124318
103	NED 2012	-0.276822422
104	MDA 2010	-0.28844304
105	CRO 2010	-0.32343094
106	BLR 2011	-0.327071098
107	ESP 2011	-0.391136866
108	MLT 2010	-0.40865343
109	MLT 2011	-0.450089828
110	EST 2011	-0.454120336
111	BLR 2009	-0.460361023
112	POL 2010	-0.462046018
113	FIN 2010	-0.468775457
114	CRO 2012	-0.506131111
115	DEN 2012	-0.509940618
116	NOR 2011	-0.521039601
117	CYP 2009	-0.541891961
118	TUR 2011	-0.544780301
119	FRA 2012	-0.576957335
120	SUI 2011	-0.588237418
121	HUN 2012	-0.594411364
122	BLR 2012	-0.615103076
123	FIN 2012	-0.621155176
124	ISR 2011	-0.625109205
125	BLR 2010	-0.637748842
126	ISR 2012	-0.642396033
127	ALB 2011	-0.661633007
128	SMR 2011	-0.682181153
129	MKD 2011	-0.702309562
130	CRO 2011	-0.792349603
131	GBR 2012	-0.796892417
132	GBR 2010	-0.805477119
133	LAT 2011	-0.806944096
134	NOR 2012	-0.863849631
135	MKD 2010	-0.88851261
136	GEO 2012	-0.898723794
137	SMR 2012	-0.902709217
138	BUL 2010	-0.903733313
139	POL 2011	-0.910236035
140	LAT 2012	-0.949181687
141	MKD 2009	-0.949547425
142	SLO 2012	-0.973968487
143	EST 2010	-0.977740454
144	ESP 2009	-0.991563481
145	FIN 2009	-1.022688604
146	SVK 2009	-1.073843353
147	SVK 2012	-1.110050374
148	SVK 2010	-1.114188659
149	POR 2011	-1.174903077
150	BEL 2012	-1.191993877
151	SUI 2009	-1.210156355
152	MNE 2012	-1.246527329
153	HUN 2009	-1.386908319
154	NED 2011	-1.445085519
155	AUT 2012	-1.466898102
156	SUI 2010	-1.470487386
157	SLO 2009	-1.476990211
158	CYP 2011	-1.489363804
159	LAT 2009	-1.600939966
160	SLO 2010	-1.645442101
161	AND 2009	-1.688271196
162	LAT 2010	-1.708887261
163	NED 2009	-1.727065637
164	BUL 2009	-2.085719686
165	BEL 2009	-2.200100881
166	CZE 2009	-2.224051452

-- Pet theory of mine from years back confirmed: voters are GOOD at spotting bad vocal performance on the night (possibly due to training from Idol-like tv shows).

Nothing to do with Idol and the like, people prefer singers who can sing in tune and always have, which is inconvenient for Britain as our representatives often have problems managing that.

Fair point, I'll buy that.

(Note especially that, in 2011, Italy comes out on top, followed by Sweden and winner Azerbaijan. Ah well, it was a somewhat weak year.)

(To get subjective for a moment, notwithstanding Finland gruffery recently: Montenegro 2013 is really a piece of work innit? Objective side says not a chance, subjective side says milestone in metal-dubstep fusion territory. I'm not sure one wants to go to that territory, but twould be churlish to deny it a Montenegran milestone.)

I like to try to sing Montenegro's 2012 entry on top of it. TRY IT, it doesn't work, but it's fun.

Lately really enjoying Serbia and San Marino. And as much as I don't want to, Switzerland's song has a great riff.

Also HRNK Bulgaria have GLOW IN THE DARK DRUMSTICKS, hand them the trophy.

Also. France. France is a good one.

More in a "weird friendships" vein, it seems that for some reason, the Anglophone block (GBR+IRL) both seem to love Lithuania, of all countries. (GBR -> LTU just fell outside the top 50, in 53rd place with voteage index 2.29.)

There's a diaspora explanation for that.

Can't believe the odds on Denmark are shortening - the idea of any song, no matter how good (and Denmark isn't), being evens (1/1) for Eurovision is nuts. Can't find a comprehensive source for last year's betting but this says odds on Euphoria were 2/1 or longer at one point.

Oh, god dammit...

The bookies were spectacularly wrong on "Sognu", remember.

First semi tonight! It's mostly a heaving pile of ballads, but I'll be cheering for MONTENEGRO.

Apologies for gratuitous pluggage but if you're watching it by yourself and want some snark and lots of further discussion about how Denmark is terrible, The Singles Jukebox is once again live-blogging this bitch.

Our host is called PYRAMID. I think.

this year's creepy little kid quotient has been more than taken care of already

Oh damn, I've got to go to band practice very shortly. Shall check back on this thread to look out for contenders, so keep up the commentary, please!

You're not missing anything so far.

Faster than light
Here comes the night

Slovenia ripping it up

Vocals are all over the place but this is fun.

Unlike Croatia

These guys don't sound anywhere near as miserable as I was hoping for.

They make me feel kind of miserable.

Get the Croatian dudes to sing Slovenia's song and we'd be in business.

hate Denmark so much right now

Ah, it's fantastic.

Celtic mystery and BIG DRUMS making this sound very early 2000s Eurovision.

I liked the drums and Celtic mystery, but not the song so much.

Odd marketing strategies of our time:

When she participated in the Danish MGP competition, she introduced herself saying that "my full name is Emmelie Charlotte Victoria de Forest, and my great-great-grandmother was Queen Victoria of England".[3][4][5] The claim of descent from Queen Victoria was originally used as a part of the marketing strategy, but this strategy was dropped by the DR broadcaster[6][3][7] after the claim was disputed by different genealogists.[8][9][2][10][11]

x-p singer wasn't that great either, but saving it for the final i guess

Up next is RASHA

Worst Russian entry ever?

YES! Giant man!

Sounds like the Swedish singer is singing "bugger off Harry".

I like the Netherlands song but can't see it doing much.

MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO MONTENEGRO

This should win just because of the spacesuits.

This should win because of everything.

This is what Google Glass users will look like next year.

I hope that Montenegro will enter post-modern electro rap every year until they win.

They should eliminate every other song and just send Montenegro through.

Who See were also featured guests in the hip-hop track titled "Pozovite neke drolje" ("Invite some sluts") with rappers Ajs Nigrutin and Prti Bee Gee.

"I will lol with you"?

mumble mumble mumble because of my shoes mumble mumble

"the other is Spain"?

I LOVE BELARUS

SOLAYOH
REPLAYOH

Moldova always brings it.

Moldova is the best of the ballads tonight. Her dress is on fire!

Celtic dudes, big drums, plenty of bosh - Ireland going all out for the trifecta.

what the hell Australia

That presented just threw so much shade at Australia.

Erg, presenter. Stupid keyboard!

This is far from the dizzy heights of Cyprus 2012.

Excellent eyebrows by Belgium.

Just tuned in, but I'll catch the big ones again on Saturday. Anyway whatever is this.

Some kind of impenetrable pastel-coloured psychodrama from Serbia.

PYRAMID on a SEGWAY

I just can't even. Anyway, the clips for catching up were helpful.

I fear all the ridiculous Eurovisiony stuff is going to be cut in the semis, so I recommend watching them if possible.

Is this dance thing about anything?

Ah, it's about the Northern Lights. Thanks, PYRAMID.

YES SWEDISH HUMOUR ALERT

Tension mounting...I hope they don't do that idiotic thing they usually do where they show the qualifiers in the green room before they announce them.

Ah they're not doing it. Thanks Sweden.

FIASCO

No major surprises. Would have liked Serbia to make it through.

And Montenegro, of course.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EA8z-hWSaxw

How long until the first FAKE full results come out?

Also fuck off Netherlands.

I thought Lithuania making it but not Serbia was a bit of a shock.

Lithuania presumably aided by the fact that Ireland and UK were voting in this semi.

Yeah. I believe one year when Lithuania came dead last their only votes came from their neighbour, Latvia, plus UK & Ireland. (That song, "Little by Little", deserved better. And was better than this year's).

Is Moldova a real place that exists

I have been there!

Are you sure you weren't in a virtual reality simulator.

Would explain why Jeff Fahey was trying to kill me.

And hey - Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia, Austria - all geographical neighbours - all failed to go through.

(and Montenegro of course, but we all feared the worst there)

Er, the first Montenegro should have been "Slovenia".

It is kind of weird they were all in the same semi and failed completely.

Can't believe Montenegro didn't make it.

Did Moldova finally send Sasha Bognibov?

Just caught up with this and can't believe nobody commented on "because of my shoes".

I actually just put a small amount of money on that being the top Baltic entry. Estonia was fine but didn't stand out against Moldova, Russia or Ukraine. Lithuania was more memorable and less terrible than i initially thought it would be.

Here we go! I will mostly be cheering for GREECE and ROMANIA.

Latvia's Jedward apparently, but immediately they look far too competant.

Latvian Ant'n'Dec bringing the European Peace vibes

This is the year dubstep hit Eurovision obviously.

For once the guy playing keytar doesn't look like the most stupid musician on stage, overshadowed this time by 'guy playing iPad attached to a TV aerial'.

oh, you guys sent Muse?

It's San Marino's Geri Halliwell aka Facebook Woman

I hsve a feeling that a lot of these entries are going to be hedging their bets with a ballady first half / uptempo second half strategy.

Esma! Such a legend.

Ok, Macedonia is awesome.

Song would be better without the guy though.

ESMASTEP

HOLD ME
JUST UNFOLD ME

Excellent man in a box action there.

This had a shaky start, but it's not bad.

er, the creep-o leering pose at the end though, not so good...

Is she singing 'fuck you fuck you fuck you'?

I hope so.

uke hipster alert

Belgian Bobby has competition in this year's Eyebrowvision.

This is like the backing music for a Co-Op Bank commercial.

This is fucking horrible.

It sounded like that shitty 'She Moves in Her Own Way', whoever did that.

THIS is more like it, though. Go Bulgaria!

Holy Bulgarian Bagpipes!

This is amazing.

Their 2007 entry was even better than this.

^^^ right - this year's feels a bit unfocused by comparison

I'm seriously loving this. Was the Bulgarian entry last year by the same people?

Wasn't so fond of them last time. This bangs though.

Oh wait, you said '07? How am I supposed to remember that far back?

Sleepy time now.

"Eurovision, that's where I'm a Viking"

Greece! With a utopian vision for our world.

alcohol is free!

'Alcohol Is Free' < beginning to see where Greece's economic problems are coming from if they're just giving it away?

lol, Greece. I wouldn't like this outside of the Eurovision contest, but inside of it, it's great.

I like how the old guy isn't just in the background.

This sounds like every Israeli entry ever.

Every entry except Dana International, which was the last time they won. This might not even get to the final.

Armenia's song co-written by Tony Iommi. It's rubbish.

"Who is farting?
who is dialling?
Who can say 'boo'?
Who can sore bet?"

This has a real sub-sub-sub-Brian May vibe to it.

Statement eyebrows very much in this year among the male participants.

"lonely planet, with a Dalek"

I want Bulgaria to come back on.

Margaret Berger should be a pop star more often. I've missed her.

This would be a lot better if the first guy could remotely sing.

Norway was alright. I kind of want to like Albania but I don't.

Albania's song is enough of a mess to be interesting. A bit of Simple Minds, a bit of U2...

Ha, pyro guitar is quite good, though.

YES! PYRO GUITAR SOLO!!!

oh and throw in a bit of The Darkness and/or KISS for the firework spewing guitar

Completely sold on Albania now.

Gah, I keep missing the semis this week, at least I'll check the end of this here.

I'm not here for the actual thing, and these days most of the best stuff fails to make it anyway, so semis have become essential.

xp yeah, i just managed to get the weird software on the eurovision website installed in time for the pyro guitar. bummed i missed norway's entry

Key Change of Mass Destruction

The Swiss bass player is 95 years old iirc.

Switzerland's double bass player looks completely lost.

Slobodan Milosevic on trombone, someone with no sense of rhythm on bass drum.

It's ok, he'll be home soon xp

Soooo cheesy.

Are you ready to ROMANIA???

Auditions for 'The Avengers 2' have started early...

Haha, okay, this is a grand old melange.

dubstep + falsetto opera = new Eurovision template

VAMPIRES ARE ALIVE

not pictured: someone under that costume with a pair of pliers on the singer's family jewels

dammit the Swedish presenter just made the same joke

lol

I don't have the power :(

People can only vote up to twenty times?

Pretty certain Romania just gave us a live preview of "Xanadu 2: Dubstep Boogalooo"

really hope romania wins now. falsetto took it to the next level of cheesiness, then again w/ the dubstep

Most of my favourites are about to be eliminated :( Hopefully Greece will make it though.

COME ON BULGARIA.

Though I'm rooting for Romania too. Ideally we'd have Greece, Norway and Albania in the mix as well, and the final might actually be fun.

with you all the way on that

Plus FYROM

Were they the first guys? They can go through, I guess.

FYROM was gypsy dubstep woman plus superfluous guy.

Who is this guy?

Oh yeah, Finland and the 'fuck you' song can go through, too.

Ok, Twitter tells me it's "Darin". Who is Darin?

And who is "Agnes"? Apart from being Sweden's biggest pop star, allegedly.

Bobby Darin?

agnes' "release me" was pretty popular a few years ago i thought. know less about darin though

oh, she's playing it now. lol

Darin has never really been huge outside of Sweden.

why are certain countries pre-qualified btw? past successes?

The amount of money they give to support it.

BBC would probably pull out if they didn't get a free pass.

ah ok. also still can't get over how easily you can sing "euphoria" over germany's entry

Think I might stop watching now to postpone the disappointment.

Hungary WTF

Bulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgariabulgaria

Not a promising start.

hungary? their entry was so strange i thought

ROMANIA YES!!!

Damn you Iceland.

Oh come on.

sweet romania & norway. don't care about the others really

Boos ringing around the arena.

ROMANIA!!!!!

Ugh, fuck off Malta.

ok, that marry me song isn't terrible i guess

Greece predictably through. So annoyed about Bulgaria.

GREECE!!! Ok, that was less of a surprise.

okay I am listening to the Romania song now and omg

Hahah I was wondering what you'd think.

Bah, no Bulgaria. I guess I'll have to support Romania, then.

Happier than I was on Tuesday but yeah Bulgaria should have gone through.

i wonder if countries like malta would even want their act to win, considering the amount of infrastructure they'd have to build to host it next year

omg Bulgaria's song is amazing

btw I'm watching videos from the country competitions on Youtube and did Bulgaria bring Matt Lauer the bagpiper with them to the semi-final?

I'm not entirely sure who Matt Lauer is but they did have bagpipes.

What's your professional opinion of Romanian man's singing? We were erring on the side of 'Mrs Miller meets Klaus Nomi'.

Awesome, me and my o/h were given Romania and Finland for fancy dress on Saturday. Getting out the binbags and net curtains...

my professional opinion is that dude knows what he's doing

I am not 100% sure I would actively follow his career but he's pretty fukkin' good; it's murder for most countertenors to do those register shifts and I was impressed with how present both his chest voice and falsetto were.

also this is Matt Lauer, famous American newscaster for NBC who really resembles the Bulgarian piper in the Youtube of their country final performance:

http://therealdeal.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/matt_lauer.jpg

Yeah Romanian dude appears to be well-regarded; here he is from an Arthaus live DVD of <i>La Salustia</i> by Pergolesi:

http://youtu.be/NnZhjQGv0GE

(he comes in at around 0:50)

Romania love to bring out impressive voices. I just hate the song. Bring back "Playing With Fire". Or "Tornero".

Vote on it, people: Eurovision Poll 2013

I'm struggling to think of many notable countertenors in pop, other than Klaus Nomi and Vitas. Is there anyone obvious I'm missing?

Are you talking classically-leaning countertenors doing pop songs or generically dudes who mostly sing in falsetto? Because for the latter there's also Phillip Bailey, Jimmy Somerville and (possibly, don't know his body of work well enough) Robin Thicke, plus Chris Kirkpatrick of 'NSYNC

Was thinking of classically-leaning people, really, but falsetto is under-utilised in more conventional pop too. Good reminder about Chris Kirkpatrick.

I should have also included Aaron Neville in my list; the discrepancy between his speaking voice and his singing voice is the most comical thing

http://fireandair.wordpress.com/2009/04/24/another-attempt-to-clarify-the-types-of-high-male-voice/

This link also mentions Franki Valli, which is a good catch

That's a really good article, thanks.

yeah I kind of want to start a thread about it, it's a fascinating read

If we're talking about falsetto in pop music, I'd say the two biggest names are Curtis Mayfield and Prince.

Every time I hear Romania's contribution, I keep on thinking about that Bon Jovi song with the same line in it. I think having Jon Bon Jovi, dressed in "Slippery When Wet"-era garb, walk on during the performance could only make the song better.

I am now half tempted to put an amount of money on Romania to win that i can afford to lose that would make my year if it won. Because I really don't want it winning otherwise.

i do legitimately love that song after hearing it yesterday, especially since singing falsetto to mariah songs is a shameful hobby of mine. at least televoting should save it from nul points.

Romania won't win but it might come top 10 - it's this year's last year's Albania.

I put a few bucks on it to win, and a few more to come top 10. Also have got 14-1 on Estonia to come top 10 which I think is at least a good shot too even if nobody's talking about them that much. And if AZE, GEO or UKR win then I'll come out easily ahead too. Denmark can continue to fuck off.

I have bets on Azerbaijan, Greece, Georgia, Sweden and Iceland.

Denmark can continue to fuck off.

is OTM.

I have (small) bets on Azerbaijan, Norway and Romania for top 3. Not that I think they will all be in the top 3 but...

7/2 on Iceland or Romania to finish top 10 seem like decent bets.

8-1 on Belgium to finish top ten looks OK. Have a bit of money on Denmark and a ludicrous e/w on Moldova at 100/1. Also Lithuania to beat Estonia at 5/2.

I got 9-1 on BEL for top 10 as well. I think the song's very very juror-friendly, and the writer obviously has great form.

Where do we think the Balkan countries' votes will go?

I'd guess Greece.

Even Macedonia?

(ESPECIALLY MACEDONIA).

Ugh I just read the worst thing about Eurovision, about why the UK can't win. Bollocks about entries being overtly political and how you can "vote against" your neighbour.

who would be voting against the uk, france? seems like they just put out some dismal acts recently that wouldn't even make it past semifinals under normal circumstances

Will be interesting to see where all those Balkan votes will go, now they don't have each other to vote for.

Zlatan has to be involved at some point today, doesn't he? I have a suspicion the sole-presenter thing is a ruse and he's going to be doing the whole thing with Petra.

He must put in appearance - he's a big game player innit. Musing on that Balkans thing and looking at voting history, I suspect a load will go to Azerbaijan, so I'm calling them as winners.

FILTHY OIL RICH WINNARZ

The Singles Jukebox is doing this liveblog-style again. You should be posting in BOTH THE PLACES.

French entry, very familiar song..

Good chorus, but the rest of the song was a bit of an unsecured hollering mass.

This one's very "Just what I needed" Cars..

"because of my shoes I'm wearing today" - I still can't believe those are the actual words.

two shoes - one is called love, the other is PAIN

Not "Spain" then?

whoever wrote that lithuanian song should go to prison.

Moldova's singer borrows La Roux's haircut.

(am on the 'red button' now, all words and translations are ours now..)

she looks a bit like kylie.

I've seen enough! Finland ftw

Fake lesbians ftw!

all bias aside ..

fucking loved the finnish entry.

Pissing off Turkish television and Daily Mail readers and homophobes everywhere ftw!

Is that the bald bloke from Mock The Week on drums for Spain?

Spain tune is shite.

The singing's not great either...

Belgiums's answer to Josh Dubovie...

Actually he looks a bit like a young Chris De Burgh.
(*vomits*)

Like the Belguim song but that's a big ole stage there and they did very little with it.

Watched the semis and I can tell you that about half the acts do bugger all with the stage and just stand there.

Aye, I watched them too, 'tis true.

oh and here's this years shakira soundalike entry..

Definitely wins the trashiest vote, this one. Hope they don't get shot by Lukashenko's goons if they lose!

Also a preponderance of bagpipes/bagpipe like instruments and small stringed instruments.

Malta spawned a male Kate Nash.

finally. some indie rock in the eurovision song contest. bess

"His name is Jeremy, working in IT..." rofl

that's should have been "yesssss"

i thought the last one was bad, but it has charm compared to this actually. pull it together malta

the park bench setpiece does kinda kill me though

Malta provided my first toilet/drinks fetching break of the night.

Russia needs that key change.

Pretty sure this will guarantee evacuated dancefloors the continent over.

It's not so much that 'Germany's entry sounds a bit like the winning entry from last year', more that last year's winner borrows heavily from a genre that Cascada, amoung others, have been peddling since the mid 90s.

xp more like evacuated bowels

Gloreenious.

Drinks break in three, two, one...

Uh-oh, here's the Iommi clunker...

huh. black sabbath?

at least they grouped all the turds together by the sound of it

Yep, co-written with Tommy of the self-same. And is that... triple denim???

gawd, the singer's 'busting for a piss' jumping up and down dance

Good lord, Armenia and Malta. Kill them both.

Anouk Anouk!

video gaaames

This is the best song in the competition, lovely chord progressions. Not a chance of winning though.

yeah. good stuff.

Romania!

Well, it either has no chance of winning, or it will romp home. Nul points or 374.

(Anouk)

yes! i'm ready

PATHETIC EARTHLINGS!

xxp SAme could be said of Romania. He's mugging for the camera a bit more than in the semis, which spoils it a bit.

lovely voice.

The first dubstep/falsetto opera sanitary towel commercial

Imagine turning up to a Eurovision Song Contest and finding your 'skirt turning into a mountain' trick has been pinched by another act!

oh gosh bonnie. get it over with then

i haven't actually heard the song yet actually thinking about it

UK entry this year actually sounds like a proper Eurovision entry, instead of the usual tired out old shit.

no THANK YOU Bonnie!

what are you gonna do when your ship is sinking and the birds are falling on the rooftops and one of your shoes is called pain?

She's a pro though, isn't she?

(I don't mean prostitute)

what a strange little dude this guy is

what is wrong with him

The only way this guy could look more like a hipster is if he were wearing a pair of Google Glass.

Is he singing Yad Vashem?

The favourite did well, good performance.

Rick Wakeman, on ice(land)

lol yess the box man

awesome

I wonder if this is how the Azerbijiani lottery works? Each petal has a number on it and the guy in the box has to grab six of them?

aww the girl cockblocked the man/shadow man romance

They're like a Greek version of Madness in some ways.

or Bad Manners...

whats this song about

Now this is what I call a rock song *cymbal*

Italy's entry is one of their biggest pop stars, usually a good sign that a song will do well. He looked like Springsteen in the intro VT, but on stage he looks like post army Elvis.

Although the song itself was a bit underwhelming.

This Norwegian one's half-decent. Can't see Mr Italy going very far though.

there are a lot of drummers. graham norton has a point.

ugh the online feed stopped working for me after the gaultier thing.

this must be awkward for germany now that loreen showed up. they'll have to go home and change

I'm hoping Norway wins but i have a horrible feeling it might be Greece

Greece is the turd in the chocolate box.

My fb feed has a surprising amount of Dutch love but us Brits rarely chime with the tastes of Euroland at large.

I like the Greek entry. Actually this year there have been very few clunkers and no outright garbage.

Voted for the Netherlands, Romania, Ireland (based on totty alone) and Norway.

I think quite a few Eurovision fans like the Greek entry trolololol.

really enjoyed tonight's show but am forgoing watching the vote

Truly they are shoving their liberal Scandinavian attitudes to sex down Eastern Europe's throats.

The UK isn't going to win, but I'd be surprised if it was a total wash out.

uh oh, hopeless green room wonk alert

hashtag shit presenter

Now let's play 'which country representative is the most drunk?'

Alcohol is free douze points.

Denmark struggling a bit.

Urgh, that'll be a nasty hangover if Greece win.

Ukraine field a tipsy rag week student to announce the result of their vote.

Wish I'd had a punt on Azerbaijan now.

It's looking like Denmark, i'm not a big fan, but its a worthier winner than azerbaijan

Hashtag beyoodiful girl!

Montenegro forgot to turn their TV off.

La Montenegro was in front of a green screen too.

hashtagbeautifulgirl wins.

Are they not announcing the rest?

I guess they had to announce the winner now, because they've already over-run by 5 minutes and some TV channels will have to switch off now?

Hmmm, the production on the night has gone off the rails somewhat...

Ugh, would have won the bet on Lithuania beating Estonia had Lithuania not voted for Estonia.

http://twitter.com/paddypower/status/335884819072425985/photo/1/large

Dang it, we won. Was on a bridge in Copenhagen dancing to Daft Punk when all of a sudden fireworks flew up from the city, and the rumours started spreading what had happened. Then everyone said 'who cares' and kept dancing.

Well, I plan to move to Sweden next year so the entry being in Copenhagen is great news for me, it actually winning aside.

Had a big party fuelled mostly by Fernet Branca, favourites round our way were Romania, Greece and (ugh) Malta, fun was had. Made some money on Azerbaijan placing. Still hate Denmark's song but don't really care at this point.

Hungary, Malta, Netherlands. Take those three out! I had bets on 11, 12 13 for top 10. FUCK./

this turned out like the sonic youth poll.
romania woz robbed

Voted for Finland and, um, in a sudden fit of generosity, Ireland. The Netherlands, Malta and Ukraine were also pretty good.

Would buy the Norway song if Berger put it out on one of her own albums, but it didn't feel very Eurovision to me.

Didn't like the winner, but I have an aversion to penny whistles in pop in general. Spanish bagpipes were great though; interesting song, shame about the singer.

(^this all based on how the songs came across on the radio during the contest)

Would buy the Norway song if Berger put it out on one of her own albums, but it didn't feel very Eurovision to me.

I would have voted for Petra's halftime performance.

Nah, one large showboat for the host and her talents to a europewide viewing public..

So we won't be hearing from her again, like, ever.

Don't know if I'd buy the Norwegian song but it's the best piece of music I've heard in Eurovision in years. When oh when will Europeans ever get over this tootling pennywhistling bagpiping Celtic bollocks?

"lynda woodruff" was AMAZING

as was the interval song about sweden!! like, genuinely inspiring to me. it was at least as good as the (overlong) london olympics opening ceremony thingie.

my faves were:

- nederlands
- iceland
- ehhhhh can't remember

a cow-orker just shared this with me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MFJaRzv-beI

Azerbaijan probes Russian 'nul points'

Everybody who missed this part of the show, WATCH THIS NOW:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1J8hiN9K4ko

Not-so-useful "breakdown" of the jury/televote results: http://wiwibloggs.com/2013/05/28/eurovision-2013-jury-televote-split-for-the-grand-final/27806/

I dunno though..

e.g.
Greece were ranked 12th by the juries, on average, but 6th by the viewers

Which means the viewers enjoyed "Alcohol Is Free" more than the 'discerning' jury panel. Which you'd expect, really.

Ironic, since the jury were probably enjoying free alcohol.

It's useful in the sense that you can see what the jury/televoters did and didn't like - e.g. juries slaughtered Romania and televoters slaughtered France - but there's no way to work out where a country would have come in a jury-only or televoter-only setup (as in previous years) or how the average ranks add up to points. In principle you could have an average rank of 11 and get 0 points or have an average rank of 11 and get lots of points.

Yup. Apparantly the irish song was more popular than several other songs with both juries and televoters, but it only got 5 points. Also, Denmark won the vote both places. It's really weird, you don't hear the song anywhere, even though the victory is close to all the media talks about. I checked it again on youtube, and BOY is it bad. Just staggeringly inept. No melodies, no structure. Just some notes and then her shouting ONLY TEARDROOOOOOPS. And drums. pure crap.

Not gonna start a new thread (or should I?) but did anyone notice that Türkvizyon is on? The Tuvan entry is blowing my mind right now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NAZwbMI8HM