Items you could never wear

Unless it was the one thing available that could save me from death by freezing, I could never wear a poncho.

I got made fun of in 1997 for having hand-me-down jeans with little side zippers at the ankle when everyone else was wearing JNCOs. Little ankle zippers, you are now anathema.

TBH I could not ever wear JNCOs either. Maybe anything associated strongly with junior high is right out.

oh man, JNCOs -- so glad I never have to be a sixth grader ever again

shiny shirt

I feel like I can't wear red lipstick because it makes my teeth look like a row of yellow yellow corn kernels.

Oh god, one more reason I'm glad I'm not a girl. My teeth don't need anything drawing attention to them.

I have a couple knitting friends my age who are really into snoods

http://ericleetroyer.com/wp-content/uploads/snoodjpg.jpeg

I don't know why but when I tried one on it made me feel like I was giving of vibes of fecundity and homeliness, a weird combo.

I had no idea that was called a snood

makes me want to say "you nood a snood"

when i was a bit heavier, i thought i could totally rock A-line dresses. instead, people would ask me, "so when are you due?" it was pretty humiliating to say, "i am not pregnant, i'm just fat."

also - stirrup pants - never again!!!

Stirrup pants OTM.

Spur pants, otoh, I would consider.

I miss JNCOs and Kikwear, particularly on women. I saw a girl wearing them at school back in '06 or '07 - it was like, where the hell did she come from?

Idaho, probably. My 17-year-old brother bought a pair of Kikwear pants a few weeks ago & called me to brag about it.

white pants

^^ what are JNCO and kikwear? ankle zipper Guess jeans were the pinnacle of junior high fashion, when i was in junior high.

Mohair sweaters, but only because I am pretty sure I am allergic to mohair.

sarahel, JNCO and Kikwear were huge bellbottoms worn by ravers between say 1995 and 2000.

http://img293.imageshack.us/img293/967/731216ou5.jpg

hipster onesies - or whatever they call those things that are a shapeless tunic + culottes

xp - ah thank you - by that point i was "safely" in adulthood

I totally rocked that bellbottoms look in 1997ish! Not as a raver, though.
Strapless boob tubes that are elasticated around the top. Look totally weird on me.
Also most A-line skirts, and I am pretty skinny. They just look so odd on my legs.

Empire-waist tunics/dresses, but I think they look unflattering on most everybody. I also can't seem to wear white sneakers without looking like a huge dork.

JNCOS were my thing for a while the first couple years of college. I loved the shit out of those things. I still prefer wide leg jeans. I can either do slim and straight or wide leg trouser jeans but that's about it.

Sarahel I can't really see why an A-line dress would make anyone look pregnant. Do you mean empire waist? Those are pure evil.

I can't wear red lipstick because my lips are too big and I look like a clown. I also can't really wear heels higher than 2 inches because then I'm over 6 feet and can't walk at all.

xp - yeah, empire waist!!!

Oh yeah - they're rarely a good idea.

i am sort of opposed to the idea that items i could never wear exist, on principle, but those spaghetti strap long dresses that people wore over baby tees in the '90s looked horrible on me.

ginormous batwing shirts -- you make me look lost
i will never wear you

Yeah, I would like to be the kind of crazy art teacher lady who wears sculpturally draped tunics and geometric flowing things but they all give the impression I am swimming in shapeless mushy fabric. You need shoulders and height for those. RIP my dreams.

RIP

http://www.brownthomas.com/DesktopModules/Articles/MakeThumbnail.aspx?Image=/Portals/0/SarahPacini.gif&w=400

i only started even considering tunics. being short is a style hazard.

like, nice pajamas middle schooler is not the look i'm going for

Can you live in my brain? Wd appreciate yr commentary on all areas of life.

lolling at "nice pajamas middle schooler" still.

dudes, there are so many things i would never wear, so many...
and yet, here i am wanting, desiring, a pair of skin-tight black leather pants

or maybe just a pair of cheapo h&m faux-leather leggings

Wife beaters!

Aviators!

Wallet chain!

lol those three things are like a uniform for some people

shoes, men's shoes, with a buckle or buckles. ack!

I really don't think I could wear a baja

cosine the buckles on shoes. Horrible.

I think they look great with knickers.

ok that's really not an image i needed

In the English speaking world, in particular United Kingdom, Ireland, some Commonwealth countries, and occasionally in United States, knickers is a word that is used to describe women's and occasionally (but quite rarely) men's underpants and undergarments, women's lingerie, and for sports pants sportswear. In the United States it more commonly used as a short form for Knickerbockers, a type of golfing pants, also called Plus fours.

http://rochesterbargolf.com/images/knickers.jpg

http://www.buffalobreathcostumes.com/wolthuis.aspx?productid=930&size=medium

like i said

either way

meant women's panties, natch

hi guys!!!!

I have such a list of these.

Pink
Yellow
shorts
sneakers/tennis shoes
athletic wear of any sort unless I am actually exercising (I don't exercise really anyway)
baggy pants
capri pants
pants in general really, I don't have much beyond a couple pairs of skinny jeans
anything too hippie (poncho, bells etc)
anything patterned (exception: stripey tops and tights)
anything navy or white unless it's a really good band t-shirt
any shade of brown (including gold trim/hardware/jewelry)
open-toed shoes
shoes that are not black (would make an exception for the right red or silver)

this sounds kind of awful but it is easy to get dressed I guess

I probably share like 80% of those, teeny. I'm a red, white, and black dresser; haet brown, esp brown shoes. I make exceptions for patterns I like but florals are almost always a terrible idea (for me). Etc.!

Hi Teeny :-)

I won't wear shorts, capris (my legs are too short for them), or hair dye.

My hangup with capris is they're so Mormon. BYU won't let you wear shorts on campus so all the girls wear capris, making them look prematurely old, IMO.

Tho I have super short friends who appreciate the existence of capris as regular length pants.

i only wear capris that are just below the knee, and only with cute shoes
looks cute and 50s rather than sad and 00s

Yeah I am thinking the ones that are 4 or 5 inches above your ankle that have like elastic toggles, and cargo pockets, things like that, are the unwearable ones.

Tho I have super short friends who appreciate the existence of capris as regular length pants.

― Stop Non-Erotic Cabaret (Abbbottt), Sunday, November 14, 2010 5:27 PM (20 minutes ago)

you don't have to be super short to appreciate these - you just need to have a bit too much junk in the trunk ... and thighs

would rather walk barefoot over broken glass and used needles than wear Crocs

i only wear capris that are just below the knee, and only with cute shoes
looks cute and 50s rather than sad and 00s

Those are called pedal pushers, and I do wear those on occasion. Regular capris make my legs look even shorter than they are. (I'm a 5'6" woman with the legs of a 4'11" one.)

you don't have to be super short to appreciate these - you just need to have a bit too much junk in the trunk ... and thighs

<old joke>

"Capri is an island, not a continent!"

</old joke>

http://www.lupashoes.net/l/Skechers-Shape-Ups-Optimize-11801-BBK.jpg

Skechers Shape-Ups
the ugly shoes that say "I think I'm fat!"

Hopefully no one here owns a pair...ok.

Also, I am a little incredulous that they actually do anything, you know?

they protect the soles of your feet from the longest rusty tetanus nails, but not much else i don't think
pokey shards of glass, i guess

* when you step in poop, it will be an inch or two further away from your actual foot/sock

* raises the hem of those elastic waistband pants you like so much and ensures that they don't drag in the dirt when you walk

* sort of has that creeper look so when you get them at the thrift you can lie and say you're going for a certain aesthetic instead of just wearing ugly used shoes

I had a pair of MBTs when I was a floor nurse. I don't think they toned my ass or anything, but they make you so much taller than if you were wearing regular sneakers.

Woah I just saw this thread but Abs Ive got to say a rocked the crochet poncho in the 70s and my secret wish is that it comes back in style for adults.

kkvgz i only wear dark wash flares or bellbottoms. my ankle width of choice: 23"

what i would never wear: jeggings. It seems logical to me that if something makes a size 0 models look fat they probably aren't going to work for me.

if something says 'chambray' i jump back like a poltergeist hand just came through my tv

i only started even considering tunics. being short is a style hazard.

― The Great Jumanji, (La Lechera), Wednesday, November 3, 2010 9:37 AM (7 months ago) Bookmark

Australians have this problem where they have short legs and really long torsos. I recently discovered instead of buying gigantic tops i can buy tops from the 'tall' section and 30" pants. GOD BLESS AMERICA

Those shape up shoes are clinically proven to do nothing.

I feel like I can't wear red lipstick because it makes my teeth look like a row of yellow yellow corn kernels.

You just need to find the right red! "True" reds like Cherries in the Snow or whatever look fucsia on me and make my teeth look yellow, but an orangey red looks pretty good.

I am sure I could wear glittery shirts with plastic shiny crap sewed all over the neckline* and those shirts/dresses that look like somebody tried to iron on a decal but the shirt was folded up so not all of it got covered by the pattern, but I won't. Shapeless, v-neck t-shirts make me look automatically 15 years older than I am. I hate shorts, although I did recently cut off a pair of jeans at just-below-the-knee length and I guess they look okay.

*I was wandering through the women's plus size sale racks at Macy's last week and it hit me that clothing designers must think fat women's lives are nothing but disco parties 24/7 because there is no other explanation for all of the sequins and shiny bullshit. I mean, it's been years with that shit. When will it end? WHEN WILL IT END???

Leather vests

moccasins

somebody tried to iron on a decal but the shirt was folded up so not all of it got covered by the pattern

Lolling so hard at this. Or someone ironed a decal on a shirt that was already PLAID!

http://s7.sears.com/is/image/Sears/040D3687000?hei=600&wid=600&op_sharpen=1

clothing designers must think fat women's lives are nothing but disco parties 24/7 because there is no other explanation for all of the sequins and shiny bullshit.

OMFG YES!!! I always thought that it was a sign of contempt for heavy women -- like "LOL you're as big as a Christmas tree, I will make clothes for you that make you look like a Christmas tree!"

if something says 'chambray' i jump back like a poltergeist hand just came through my tv

― Serial Chiller (sunny successor), Saturday, June 11, 2011 4:46 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark

Watching the X-files the other night I found myself saying outloud, "Nice Chambray buttondwon Scully." She may have even been wearing a turtleneck under it.

oops - button-down

I feel like I can't wear red lipstick because it makes my teeth look like a row of yellow yellow corn kernels.

You just need to find the right red! "True" reds like Cherries in the Snow or whatever look fucsia on me and make my teeth look yellow, but an orangey red looks pretty good.

I think blue-based reds are supposed to make your teeth look whiter.

I can't wear red lipstick at all because my lips are too big and I look like a clown.

the WORST uniform I ever had to wear was a short sleeved chambray button down that was only available in men's sizes and only L and XL. I am a rather small person, and we were required to TUCK IN our work shirts, so I had this almost knee length shirt with sleeves that went past my elbows crammed into my cords. It was ATROCIOUS and v uncomfortable. I looked like someone had shrunk me with a lazer gun but I was still wearing my very old very ugly clothes.

clothing designers must think fat women's lives are nothing but disco parties 24/7 because there is no other explanation for all of the sequins and shiny bullshit

my wife got a gift certificate to this really clubbed out mall store. total euro trash clothing. she figured why not go look, maybe she can find something tastefull. she was trying on some jeans and she noticed some shiny bedazzled shit on the ass pockets. she said no thanks, but the salesperson said to her "no really. think of it like this. you're in the club and the light hits your ass like pow and that guy notices. these pants are hot". she gave him back his pants and threw away the GC

and the light hits your ass like pow
hahaha

POW!

x-post

lol lech one summer when I was working at my parents restaurant my mom decided our summer uniform would be short-sleeved mens chambray shirts and khakis. Of course they also had to be tucked in. I found of a picture of me wearing that recently. It was AWFUL. I was not very happy with her that summer.

When the light hits your ass
like a big pizza pow
that's a gift-card

OH my god stop, today is too brilliant.

Ha! I was super pissed about that uniform too. I was supposed to wear khakis but I refused (naturally) and I wore these little boys-sized Levi's turquoise cords I got at Goodwill. I looked like a total bozo.

To this day, I cannot wear khaki or navy pants or collared golf shirts because I feel like I should be taking an order or wiping a table.

I'm kind of with horseshoe in that I don't like to say there are things I cannot wear, but here is a thing that I cannot wear: a capri suit. That's right, a set of matching capri pants and blazer. I saw someone in this today and while she looked okay, I guess, I imagined how I would look in that and was like "holy shit."

lol

it doesn't sound like a good look

I can't really wear anything that's too ruffly, deliicate, futsy or really girly looking. I find that as a tall woman I shy away from things that are cutesy. They always just look really weird on me. I tend to stick to things with classic simple lines and have fun with accessories. It sucks because it means there's a lot of really nice stuff that i just can't do but I've learned that it just looks too weird.

Right there with ya and I'm short.

i'm short and love frilly ruffles! (sorry)

My mom sort of instilled it in me that tall girls shouldn't do cutesy but I guess for me it's sort of a personality thing too. I just can't picture myself in frilly flouncy things even though I often find them really nice. Take chiffon for instance. I don't think I have or will ever wear anything made out of chiffon. I just can't do it.

even though sometimes I sort of want to

i still live in the vain hope that i may never again have to wear a tie, but i'm not sure that's the point of this thread

On a whim I just google searched and someone out there is making suit that consists of capri pants and a 3/4-length sleeve blazer. I mean what?

I like ruffly fluffy things but feel like they are too fussy for me. Any clothes that make me feel like I'm trying too hard are very mentally uncomfortable for me to wear.

On a whim I just google searched and someone out there is making suit that consists of capri pants and a 3/4-length sleeve blazer. I mean what?

omg

this is just

capri pants and a 3/4-length sleeve blazer

Surely this would just look like you shrunk your whole outfit.

someone out there is making suit that consists of capri pants and a 3/4-length sleeve blazer

thom browne, amirite???

capri pants and a 3/4-length sleeve blazer.

This seems...reasonable to me? I'm not sure I'd go for capris, but if I had the kind of legs that could wear cigarette pants, there have totally been suits with cigarette pants and an evening-ish jacket on top for forever.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_0X4NhY5UCAM/SrrOpxHtIdI/AAAAAAAAAWA/oYJtvBf5Z30/s1600-h/butterick7557.jpg

lol, i was gonna say thom browne too

http://s-ak.buzzfed.com/static/imagebuzz/terminal01/2011/6/17/12/carlos-santana-in-a-see-through-shirt-22157-1308327057-18.jpg

....

oh no

I don't get it.

When people make fashion mistakes that horrific it's especially mystifying to me because presumably he a) looked in the mirror and thought, "Yep, I look dope" and b) encountered other people (wife, friends, etc.) who let him go about his day wearing that monstrous ensemble. I mean really, how can that be?!

Maybe everyone he knows secretly hates him?

maybe he had the jacket zipped and no-one knew the shirt was sheer until after he left the house?? i mean

how does this happen?

oh I just noticed the shirt, fuuuuuuuuuuck

"If I just put on a jacket and take off the gimp mask, I can just go out like this. Oh wait the trousers are arseless."

I DON'T KNOW HOW IT HAPPENS!

It's . . . tragic.

sheer tees are for superfit gays and models in editorial shoots imo, and then only sometimes

a) looked in the mirror and thought, "Yep, I look dope"

Honestly? I have made SO MANY MISTAKES this way. Some of the things I used to wear were just borderline costumey -- like one time I wore a wig and dressed up like one of the Shangri-Las. Just on a regular night, a Friday iirc. So many examples, but this is just one.

Before I left the house I looked in the mirror and was like "yeah, i look totally dope." And then I got to my destination, and this guy Bill was like "what's with the wig? you would look a lot better without it" and it was like an awakening -- like, wow i have really stepped over the line this time, huh. I've toned it down a lot, but not as bad as, say, Iona.

Still, maybe he likes to step out, like this makes him feel good. Who the fuck would deny him that pleasure? I kind of support fashion mistakes when worn with panache.

Aw Amanda generally I agree with you when it comes to daring fashion choices but I am with Elmo here and can't support this mesh shirt wearing Santana. It's just not right.

I was so embarrassed about getting heated there -- I just, I dunno, I am really pro-personal-fashion -- I don't care if everyone walks around in a costume all the time -- I mean, we all basically do anyway, so who cares.

It is not flattering, though, I agree. If I knew in my heart that he felt good, I could support it. Otherwise, questionable choice.

I think Steppin' Out is a very important concept

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dopneKcyNXU

I could never wear almost everything phil-two wears (even though it looks great on him!)

I kind of want to make this scary demon head mask thing because it is sooo scary to me:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3076/2924941863_9ff907bb7a_z.jpg

Free pattern!
But could I even live with myself knowing I was covered in the woolen head of Moloch or some other demon? I don't know if I could handle making a little kid cry based on my attire; I did it once and I felt really bad. (Obv this would be on Halloween.)

It is also very silly at the same time!

whoa that is so cool

Ahhhhhhhhh!

I never look good in ANYTHING trendy, modern or on a mannequin at Barney's, Neiman Marcus etc...It is frustrating. I seem to only look good-great in vintage dresses or repro vintage dresses like Stop Staring, Pin-Up Girl and Whirlingturban. I have tried to do the jeans and heels, scarf tops and dresses but they just look terrible on me. But then I feel so Sandra Dee sometimes when out with my girlfriends. Empire waist makes me look pregnant so nothing in my wardrobe has one.I always get asked how much of a Mad Men fan am I really.
http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3248/5841714880_3595537504.jpg
I still like wearing slips for dresses. I have never been the girl with hoop earrings either. Just not very fashionable.

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3248/5841714880_3595537504.jpg
Summertime and the living is easy... by Tera in the Isles, on Flickr

Sorry the pic didn't seem to work the first time.

this "maxi cardi" by which i mean FLORAL ROBE

http://www.shopruche.com/images/apparel/8654.jpg

wtf is that

God help me I would wear that as part of my sartorial quest to turn into Maude by the time I hit 50.

hate this muumuu shit

that is a really ugly polyester robe, plain and simple.

That thing is an abomination, and I love housedresses.

i love housedresses too, for wearing inside my house

http://birthdayshoes.com/media/blogs/bdayshoes/Vibram_Five_Fingers/speed800.jpg

I looked again and yup. I'd still wear the floral Maudigan.

Never ever wear toe sneakers though.

god you'd think they could just add a little shield or something to cover the separated toe part/abomination

So it's fall! And you know what's back? SWEATER COATS.

are you referring to those... things... that look like chunky knitted bathrobes...?

Why yes, I am.

polyester floral bathrobes vs chunky sweater bathrobes

ugh. college flashbacks. camel-colored sweater coat + uggs + boot cut jeans was practically a nyu female undergrad uniform back in my day. that's if they even bothered to change into jeans.

a sloppy ponytail and a pack of marlboro ultra-lights really finished off the look

My disapproval of the sweater coats is because it can't be good for the sweater? The knit's going to get all stretched out over the shoulders where all the weight hangs from. I don't like when the knitted lines get deformed or stretched out so they don't match the rest of the pattern. Plus that makes it thinner/less warm wherever there's stress, so the warmest part is somewhere around your knees.

And they hang out visibly from underneath coats. Gross.

dress with dogs on it
http://productshots1.modcloth.com/productshots/0089/8187/1a32915b0d602a23012a8794bafacb79.jpg?1319145105

Important trends in fashion part 1: PENIS PANTS

Jesse just narrated the fashions he saw while walking near UIC's campus, which included a guy wearing pajama bottoms, flip flops, and a gray hoodie with a lace-up neck.

I mean really.

I'd rock the dog dress.

Just kidding, that's awful.

What if it were made of velvet?

Dog printed velvet?

I thought I could never wear ankle-skimming, paperbag-waisted, bright blue peg-leg trousers but hey ho, guess what I just bought. My 25-year-old self would hate me.

i would probably still pass if it were velvet, but i might have to think twice
the cut is also extremely dull
maybe if it were a pinafore?

if i saw a lady wearing that dog dress, i would think that she was a snazzy, fashion-forward lady

Now I want a dog skirt.

I saw a 6'7 woman from Oregon wearing those toe sneakers. I was speechless.

I don't know if the youngs would wear this, but I think the url says it all
http://shop.walk.by/products/cat-lovers-vest

i have a soft spot for tapestry vests. my date to the sixth grade spring fling wore one, so it's probably just totally irrational nostalgia. but those cats are crazy.

on the other hand, i think if anybody could rock the dog dress you posted above, i think it would be you, la lechera.

hahaha I was about to repost the link to the penis pants thread

ha
i'm not sure i could bring myself to wear that dog dress when there are so many more marvelous things to wear

i looooove paisley vests, but tapestry has always seemed shamefully ugly to me. plus heart shaped buttons? dear lord.

Save $3!

If you wanted to be covered in the many and varied colors of cat hair you could just own a couple of cats. It's really not necessary to mimic them with tapestry.

I say wear the cat vest over the dog dress, go full menagerie and confuse everyone as to which team you're on

:)

The cat vest is v nice tapestry, but the fact that it is cats makes me say no. It lives in the category with the kind of christmas sweaters worn by slightly elderly women in weird department stores like Gottschalks

not so much that i couldn't wear this, but i definitely wouldn't. it looks almost exactly like a stationery set i got at pier 1 in high school.

http://productshots3.modcloth.com/productshots/0119/5774/c07750a81b865be933e2954ec505d37c.jpg?1348090966

perhaps a useful outfit if you like to cosplay as a genealogy website

reminds me of those tops they sell at costco with the weird antique writing screen printed on them with like PARIS bedazzled in fake rhinestones

Gladiator sandals....sexy or granola? I had a pair when I was like 13 or so....I thought they were cool but cannot remember how I wore them at all. Recently been hmmmm gladiator sandals, the kind that lace...why do I want to explore? WHY?!

I love traditional leather gladiators - I finally found a pair on etsy made in israel, but they killed my feet.

I really liked them til the last outdoor music festival I went to; I saw 10,000 of the bloody things in one weekend and I AM SO DONE WITH THEM

but they can look super cute, I totally get the appeal

the flat-footedness of them is bad for me though. I need a bit more support in my old age

I want this whole look, but sadly I do not think it will ever happen. Pink hair stripe and metallic gloves and all.

http://25.media.tumblr.com/5a6b4fb68d464f53ba3e210edf37230d/tumblr_mhfmtmSD401r7vejfo3_250.jpg

hot!!

though her pose makes that sheer section look like she has a wrinkly old-lady stomach

I NEED SPORTS SHOES. Like...cross-training ones? For random gym classes and doing laundry, that will save my feet/look hip? The fact that I just said "hip" is probably damning already.

I've hated athletic shoes for so long I seem to have completely come around on them and now I want the brashest neon ones out there (nb: may be a slight exaggeration).

SO...I supinate and have shin splints and high arches, and I'm never going to be a runner again but I will wear these to self-defense/fitness/hip-hop/zumba/whatever classes.

Thinking...

http://www.zappos.com/reebok-realflex-strength-tr-flat-grey-solar-green-coral-contrast

those are p cool looking!

I know! I'm struggling to find shoes for my foot shape/activities that also aren't too bulbous, or worse, intended to mimic going barefoot, which is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. No, I want my giant ugly athletic shoes to feel like THE OPPOSITE OF BAREFOOT, tyvm.

In fact I want them to cushion my feet like I am floating on clouds being sung to by angels. IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?

I got some comfy lightweight nikes from their outlet not long ago. None of that barefoot garbage. clouds + angels otm

TBRR I think that it is good to get to a point where you truly do not give a shit and just get some trainers that fit your feet well and give you the support to make you feel good; you are doing a service to mankind (esp womankind) to just send the message to stfu if you think my shoes are lame.

^^^tbh I was recently forced into this position due to packing/travel activity disconnect. I did not really recognize myself in a T-shirt/non-hip jeans/running shoes; the other choice of packed footwear was thong sandals, which would NOT have been helpful for fun adventures. So I wore my trainers and looked like a Texas housewife and decided to be fine with it.

fwiw i see all these people on fashion blogs wearing the nike free/lunar type shoes with the neon soles. like with regular outfits not just for the gym. i got a pair myself (black, not neon) because yes it's necessary to wear sneakers with a suit on the way to work, i don't care

burger dress

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/1186714_10151804572992171_1777733390_n.jpg

burger dress!!!

omg burger dress!

that would end up looking like a stretched out casserole on me, lol

the fried eggs are a little high but there it is
burger dress
i do like the illusion of a lettuce peplum

"hey i like that dress? is that...nachos? lasagna?"

j/k would totally wear

Germany's Dirndl Revival
Long considered the dusty uniforms of an older, more conservative generation of Bavarian women, dirndls are making a comeback, even catching the eye of fashion designers.

lol yeah

wtf
http://www.betabrand.com/womens/bottoms/blue-vajamas-pajamas-drawstring-pants.html

I don't think you said that loud enough, LL:

WTF!

omg that brand.

$85!!!

So Soft, We Couldn’t Name Them Anything Else

Why are Vajamas so soft? Because they're made with 100% Vagisoft. And just how soft is Vagisoft? Let us explain:

Once upon a time, the world of tactile technology was satisfied with “soft as a baby’s bottom” as the measure of absolute softness. Anyone who dared name something “softer than” the aforementioned infant’s posterior was suggesting a theoretical world of soft that existed beyond anything man could conceive.

Then Betabrand researchers invented the Tactile Soft-O-Meter®, a device that can detect and compare the density of softrons, the subatomic units of softness. Using this newfound knowledge, they were able to create pants so ineffably comfy, test subjects had to be removed from them with the Jaws of Life!

The Tactile Soft-O-Meter® is a device that can detect and compare the density of softrons, the subatomic units of softness.

But to the chagrin of our marketing department, the Soft-O-Meter indicated that the fabric measured “Vagisoft” within a standard deviation of one softron. Vagisoft? Well, we decided that if the Soft-O-meter says it, so be it!

unspeakably awful copy

They look like they're made from bath towels.

They look like they were made from that same stuff they sell at Target, like fuzzy throw blankets. Seriously I thought the professional yoga pants were trolling, but then i saw this. i don't even know what to think tbh.

Who buys these? Serious question.

this brand is like the west coast answer to Jersey style

Vagisoft

why vagisoft
why

A seam up the middle is never vagisoft

is it

why are they

how

okay wtf

i can never wear boat shoes -- like sperry topsiders type shoes -- because i get blisters on my heels.

maybe if they made boat shoes out of vagisoft material...

please never again use 'vagisoft' in a sentence and then go dot dot dot at us.

Maybe if they made men's shoes out of material named for vaginas...men would fuck them? I mean I'm not sure what I'm supposed to think there.

NB that is not serious, my contempt is entirely for whoever named that sanity-forsaken product.

cool it with the coy ellipses treeship

Having initially seen this thread title as "Items you could never wear in 17th Century Catholic Spain" my initial thought was probably a Star of David necklace. having re read the thread title, I guess that doesn't count.

http://static1.betabrands.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/1150x673/0dc2d03fe217f8c83829496872af24a0/b/l/1150x673xblue_vajamas_8.jpg.pagespeed.ic.anTK4O3yq0.jpg

Family of the future.

Cat otm

hideous

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/t1/1891289_10152228919532171_247173884_n.jpg

I saw this in a Vanity Fair advertisement. Oh HELL no

http://www.tods.com/media/postcard/main_image-1011-6550-W_Doppia_A_SS14.jpg

the shoes are p ugly on their own but the dress? skirt/top? to me is like a hairdresser's smock, the kind you wear backwards

plus I would look like a sofa

wtf is this gigantic ankle length tshirt with a slit in it?! http://www.charlotterusse.com/product/Tops/entity/dc/999999/sc/3047/278171.uts

Just imagine how much fun you'll have styling this fabulous maxi tee! Jersey knit fabric forms a long sleeved, crew neck shirt that sweeps all the way to the floor, while sexy side slits cut all the way up to the waist.

like it's not a dress because there's a slit up to the waist
it's not a shirt because it goes all the way to the floor

Oooooh I am kinda down for that tbh. It's perfect for wearing over leggings to give you a little cover for your curves and a swishy movement for the eye.

Veg just reminded me tho: I hate, haaaaaate, driving shoes. I hereby promise that I will never wear them IN MY LIFE.

i dunno man
it seems kinda like a sheet with sleeves

I saw a very curvy woman wearing a short-sleeved one of those at a party on Sat, over extremely tight jeans. I thought "Well that's a new look" but on reflection I totally like it and might have to indulge. (Gives me an excuse to buy wildly patterned leggings that I can't wear without a lot of coverage around the hips.)

Possibly it looks like a sheet w sleeves (lol) because the model is quite thin?

maybe? i can imagine it looking somewhat ok if it were shorter and on a different person.

i'm not saying the whole concept is UGLY i just could never wear it without looking like a complete idiot

or a monk in a sweatshop robe

I'm sure even in 4" heels it would brush the floor on me, yes. The need to re-hem is real.

lol
http://www.thefader.com/2015/02/19/jncos-are-being-revived

haha i just saw this and my first thought was to post it somewhere here for ENBB

Glad I'm just in the age range for the new JNCOs.

i never knew what they were called before i saw enbb post about them here

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

lol this is amazing

fashion-forward sensibilities

(i would like to make it clear that I wouldn't actually buy them now)

Also i don't know who this is but this was basically me from 10th grade through sophomore year in college:

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/a8/39/a2/a839a222dc8bb66913fc2bf381925d8c.jpg

lol what a weird time

This is awesome news for fashion.

wait now I really want to know what you switched to sophomore year!

damn i used to love jncos when i was 13-14. i so badly coveted this pair of cordoruoy jncos my friend had, they were brown and the cords were like half an inch thick

Whether I was just too old for JNCOs or not in the right geographic location/groups, I was totally unaware of them until they were over. Content to remain unaware tbh.

how's life wrote this on thread why do i hate that artist thing that people keep posting on my facebook so much? why am i such a jerk? on board I Love Everything on Jul 14, 2013

When I took my backpacking trip to Europe in 1997, I just brought two pairs of JNCOs, which I thought would be ok, because "hey, it's Europe! Ravers, right?" I got sonned so many times over those pants, including the time I rolled up to my first coffee shop in Amsterdam and the bartenders just fell over themselves laughing. "Your DADDY bought those trousers! Your DADDY bought those trousers!" I was pretty indignant that, no, I swear I had bought those trousers myself with the money I saved up from my job at Sam Goody.

Also had drunken soccer fans on a train through northern England sing this at me:

http://youtu.be/XJOLwy7un3U?t=2m22s

i'm a just a few years older than enbb but it's enough to be a generational divide when it comes to pants like this

Yeah I missed the boat for the most part--only even saw these one time in my life, which unfortunately was on a younger dude I had gone out with a couple of times. I had already decided to pull the plug on that, but seeing him in those pants--which I had never witnessed nor even heard of before--probably sealed the deal.

massive trousers in the UK - people wore them circa 97/98 I think but no one knew them as JNCOs.

i had big pants but pre jncos i was a big pants og

I really liked the way they looked on women - they were kinda like antimatter daisy dukes or babydoll dress. "Does she have great legs?" Who even knows? It's a mystery. They were comfortable enough that you could just sleep in them if you were crashing on someone's floor or couch or whatever. They made big swooshing noises when you walked or played hackysack. They occasionally got caught in escalators.

i thought i was fighting the skinny orthodoxy but damn thats real commitment

tbf i too wore oversized pants but they were not name brand

i was never into the big pants w no break jincos style tbf

big pants OG! lol

Quincie - idk what I switched to really I think I just started wearing normal/old ripped jeans and/or skirts? The whole big pants skater look was really big on long island and with the kids I hung out with and I just kind of grew out of it. Following on from what OL said I think that at least for a while there I liked the fact that that wearing really baggy pants felt like hiding. I was very much a tomboy at that point and I think that baggy stuff just felt safer. If I did wear skirts I always had to like toughen them up with shitkickers or some ugly polyester. Also LL otm - I think I only owned one pair of actual JNCOs but it's easier just saying that then having to describe.

Yeah I wore baggy Levis but pretty much because I am so tall that I had to do dude Levis which aren't cut for hips (not that I had much of those at the time), but to accommodate hips waist pretty much had to cross my hipbones aka no where even close to my actual waist.

How I envied the girls in their Guess jeans with ankle zippers.

Oh yeah, I think my favorite big pants were actually kikwear.

wonder when those zipper ankles will come back and if they do, will do so with 35" inseam

...which is also an extant company. O_O Don't call it a comeback, I guess.

http://www.kikwear.com/

jnco revival is so-not-gonna-happen imo

Obvs I'd never wear the kind of shit I did in HS again but I never hopped on the skinny jean bandwagon and I still think wide leg trousers with a slim fitting shirt is one of the chicest look for women.

wonder when those zipper ankles will come back and if they do, will do so with 35" inseam

― mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Friday, February 20, 2015 11:06 AM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark

oh they're back! i've got some and they are my favorite jeans!

the big pants look was not a good one for me, although it did coincide with my first experience being real friends with boys so i guess some good came of it. i usually wore old men's boy-repellent cords from the thrift.

If I did wear skirts I always had to like toughen them up with shitkickers or some ugly polyester.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, February 20, 2015 12:02 PM (33 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol 1990s

my waitress the other night was prob like 22 and dressed so 90s i was simultaneously attracted and then repulsed by my old man nostalgia attraction, i think she was stoned too

dressing 90s now is the saem thing as dressing 70s in the 90s was btw

that is old news amigo

ur old new ha burn

u know it

plz refer to me exclusivly as amigo from now on ty

Yes amigo!

gracias

ur old new ha burn

― lag∞n, Friday, February 20, 2015 12:42 PM (51 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

LL is definitely old new, looks like you got a little blowback on that burn amigo

not actually sure what anything in that post meant

its cool man humor in the 90s is super random

It's weird to me that these are back

http://us.asos.com/ASOS-00s-Tattoo-Choker-Necklace/15a2xy/?iid=3859149&r=2&mporgp=L0FTT1MvQVNPUy05MHMtVGF0dG9vLUNob2tlci1OZWNrbGFjZS9Qcm9kLw..

I never had one though. No room cause I was wearing about 5 of these in various sizes at most times:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-0sG8HkXbOFA/T0K-KTw6laI/AAAAAAAAAoI/I1ssAPr5lEg/s1600/lg-ball-chain.gif

oh dear god the cross I wore (goth not christian intent, natch) was no shit almost the size of my hand. And I have big hands.

waitress was wearing a choker

obvs

how is it that I still have my notes from high school AP chem and all of my old genetics texts but did not save any of the many things I hung on my body? Not that it would much matter because I weighed like sub 120s because anorexia was also a 90s phase for me.

interesting cause it was in a restaurant and u dont want anyone to choke i guess thats classic 90s irony tho

hippie equivalent to goth choker was the huge fucking HEMP NECKLACE that was like an industrial rope around my neck. i wore one with beads in it that were the size of grapes

yeah those were terrible

I mean all of this was

lol i just saw that my dad commented on something one of the guys who used to work in our restaurant posted on FB so I followed some links and wound up on this daughter's page. She looks about 15ish and is totally wearing one of those tatoo chokers in her prof pic.

wow erica stalking sexi teens online not cool

!!!!!

erica stop bullying teens online too

dont catfish teens its mean

totally unrelated but her dad and his brother worked at our restaurant on the beach for years and they were awesome. my childhood nickname for them was the doo doo brothers. kids, man.

lol

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cool-guy-from-middle-school-still-sporting-phat-pa,34730/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:NA:InFocus

^ photo is amazing for catching the stares of the woman and kid

lol @ this $72 saggy dog tee
http://www.revolveclothing.com/wildfox-couture-the-hound-tee-in-warm-cement/dp/WILD-WS723/

Link broke

whoops -- it's sized for a large husky man, looks like it was bought at a rural gas station in the 80s, dingy gray in color and festooned with a saggy jowled canine

and it's $72

this is a different model but same shirt
http://d1lrgj85cm58ww.cloudfront.net/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/840x1330/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/w/t/wtj57980c_bbry_1_1.jpg

http://is4.revolveclothing.com/images/p4/n/z/WILD-WS723_V2.jpg

Ew.

i'm surprised it doesn't come with pre-stained pits

Of all the things I don't want from my clothes, looking like a starving unloved child who is literally disappearing into a dirty rag is near the top of the list.

I get the appeal of baggy clothes that feel snuggly etc, I LIVE in 20-year-old tshirts at home. But they don't have the same studied effect of erasing me from sight or making me look small and insignificant.

For $70.

I was marching behind two very very small women yesterday and it was like, how do ppl treat you when you never get bigger than a small 12yo? I bet it's not super duper funtimes somehow.

V. Neck. Tees.
Hate them with a white hot intensity.

V necks are my very favorite, on tees and any other item of clothing (blouses, dresses, sweaters, etc.).

Alas, I am a woman with a nice rack, if I do say so myself. Deep v-necks on men are obv a thing now and I'm not so crazy about the look on dudes as on women.

i like vnecks on everyone
why to hate them with such an intensity?

i hate v-necks on men too. especially the super deep ones. ughhhhhhh

i am with LL, viva la v neck

On guys they look either The Gap Zombie or... eurotrash. They look great on girls.

They look good on anyone imo. Just cuz someone wears generic clothes doesn't mean they're a zombie! Lotsa interesting ppl come in plain packages.

#normcore

V necks are very "out" rn but I don't mind them nec

My biggest pet peeve rn is the septum piercing which I'm afraid to state publicly

Depends on the V - a deep one is very Red Carpet Now.

Eg. http://www.usmagazine.com/uploads/assets/articles/82281-lupita-nyongo-wins-2015-sag-awards-red-carpet-in-elie-saab-gown-pics/1422238343_lupita-nyong-o-zoom-03.jpg

She could wear anything, on or out, and still look amazing.

Alas, I am a woman with a nice rack, if I do say so myself.

you are otm! I am v fond of v necks due to rackage + a short neck

otm

Maybe V-necks got American Apparel-ized and that's why everyone hates them? Not sure. They're my favorite bc I dislike being choked also I am short and welcome vertical lines.

^^^^

V necks are the most flattering for the larger boobed among us to wear for sure. I am medium of boob size and prefer either a deep scoop or V.

Overall though boatnecks are my favorite because I love how classic they are and because they help balance out my shoulder and hips.

this is the dumbest most pointless garment i have seen in a long time
i have no idea what its purpose is other than to make one's chest look like felix the cat
http://g.nordstromimage.com/ImageGallery/store/product/Large/19/_11971079.jpg

it was billed as a "bralette" which i thought was supposed to be a functional garment/a small bra

i loathe shopping

is that a fetish garment? like a slightly more demure spanking skirt for boobs?

Idk!! I found it in the everyday bra selection and was like o_O

Bras are kind of weird now, that's what I gathered