Desert Island Type of Sex

you're limited to one type of sex for the rest of eternity.

it's called marriage amirite fellas /obligatory sitcom gag

it would likely be sandy huh, amirite?

not gonna go public w/my answer but I voted

that's all I'm sayin

sounds like a butt man to me

chose oral bcuz it's most inclusive & also the best

I chose but I'm also hoping a crate of sex toys washes ashore

sorry just bud light but you could get creative

ounds like a butt man to me

― iatee, Friday, May 21, 2010 12:59 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark

pro·jec·tion
   /prəˈdʒɛkʃən/ Show Spelled[pruh-jek-shuhn] Show IPA
–noun
1.
a projecting or protruding part.
2.
the state or fact of jutting out or protruding.
3.
a causing to jut or protrude.
4.
the act, process, or result of projecting.
5.
Cartography. a systematic construction of lines drawn on a plane surface representative of and corresponding to the meridians and parallels of the curved surface of the earth or celestial sphere.
6.
Photography.
a.
the act of reproducing on a surface, by optical means, a remote image on a film, slide, etc.
b.
an image so reproduced.
7.
the act of visualizing and regarding an idea or the like as an objective reality.
8.
something that is so visualized and regarded.
9.
calculation of some future thing: They fell short of their projection for the rate of growth.
10.
the act of communicating distinctly and forcefully to an audience.
11.
Psychology.
a.
the tendency to ascribe to another person feelings, thoughts, or attitudes present in oneself, or to regard external reality as embodying such feelings, thoughts, etc., in some way.
b.
Psychoanalysis. such an ascription relieving the ego of a sense of guilt or other intolerable feeling.
12.
the act of planning or scheming.
13.
Alchemy. the casting of the powder of philosophers' stone upon metal in fusion, to transmute it into gold or silver.

lol u both like buttz

^^ also butt voter

this is gonna be a landslide innit

buttslide

are there any straight guys on this thread who are actually voting butt

serious q

well ok that's actually a pretty liberal use of the word "serious" but still

guys you are stuck on a desert island not Butte, Montana

stuck in the butte amirite

predicting right now that this thread will be epic with about four people actually disclosing their votes & going into detail about why they voted that way

anyone who cannot name all four of those people without clues deserves permaban from ilt

otm

LOL

thread sure is taking its time about becoming the epic talkaround fest I predicted

Everybody's researching so they can cast an informed vote.

question, will pets be allowed on the island

NO THEY WILL NOT

answer, :o

and gbx steps up to the plate

never wanted to see gbx's :o face

but it turned out not to be that traumatic after all

oh god no what have I done

Honest answer? "Whacking off" or the female equivalent you get the idea because it's guaranteed to have a good ending.

I dunno, I watched Mulholland Drive the other night and it just seemed to make Naomi Watts miserable.

1/4

:)

(please specify)

Dude I am a mod of this here damn bored so I feel it's my duty to be honest.

haha no I meant the first of the Four has posted

I know!

since it's not a real desert island you aren't the only one left, right? so the one you pick could be difficult to find (people have the choice of doing sex with people other than you) so i think everyone should pick whacking off just to be safe

^ also took that into consideration

yeah do you get to pick who your partner is?

you can choose left or right hand

http://www.frankenmuthcity.com/police/signals.jpg

wait is this like the prisoners dilemma

wait this could possibly be a desert island with, like, cities, and whole populations, and I only get to have one kind of sex? this is a weird island imo

desert island circle jerk would be so unsatisfying

this is actually the set up for a posthumously published piece by borges

GBX if I'm 1/4 that means I'm pretty sure you're grouping me in with Kenan and idk how I feel about that tbh. No offence Kenan.

since it's not a real desert island you aren't the only one left, right? so the one you pick could be difficult to find (people have the choice of doing sex with people other than you) so i think everyone should pick whacking off just to be safe

― Guns, Computer, The Internet (harbl), Thursday, May 20, 2010 10:21 PM (2 minutes ago)

hmm, I assumed it was a real desert island & you'd be able to build a sex partner out of sand, palm fronds, coconut shells, dead fish, and bits of seaglass.

but hey, I'm literal minded like that, so whatevs.

wait this could possibly be a desert island with, like, cities, and whole populations, and I only get to have one kind of sex? this is a weird island imo

well duh yeah cmon you only get to do it one way 4eva, this isn't normal
town

if i pick one of the other ones, what will happen if i later try to Whack Off

i.e will a mod stop me or something

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=canHzCiWoKI

GBX if I'm 1/4 that means I'm pretty sure you're grouping me in with Kenan and idk how I feel about that tbh. No offence Kenan.

one fingered collar pull dot jpg

I was imagining "you get a partner who's into you & is GGG" as an understood given if you're choosing anything other than whackin' off

^^^"plz specify"

xp to me

but what if your partner chooses something other than the option you chose xp

if i pick one of the other ones, what will happen if i later try to Whack Off

i.e will a mod stop me or something

― mookieproof, Friday, May 21, 2010 10:27 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

I'm kind of imagining what will happen is the same as when you try to put magnets together but they are facing the wrong way

all of the options are fine, but one type for the rest of my life? gonna be jerkin' it. haven't gotten sick of it yet.

dyao am I right that your preferred desert island type of sex is "unnecessarily complicating simple questions"

in that case i wanna pick "disagreeing"

it's the only one that works for me anymore xp

I think the extent of my willingness to actually tmi is to say that this very question is one of my favorite questions & I'm surprised it hasn't come up here before

I will also say that it is a tremendous relief to have an ilt thread that isn't about farts, or, at any rate, that isn't necessarily about farts

wait is this like the prisoners dilemma

― gbx, Friday, May 21, 2010 10:24 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is true, you and your partner are locked up in different cells on this desert island, and there is a police guard telling you that your partner has chosen buttsex, what will you choose

is the guard hott?

HMM

Was all set to pick oral until the idea that there may be no other people on the island was raised. I guess I'll be whackin it just for safety's sake.

if i pick one of the other ones, what will happen if i later try to Whack Off

i.e will a mod stop me or something

― mookieproof, Friday, May 21, 2010 2:27 AM (55 minutes ago)

this particular mod will be taking the laissez faire approach

and for myself - who am I to come between anyone and a little self-love?

which goddamn it i just realized is also a synonym for adam smiths invisible hand before one of you goddamn wits brings that up. xpost

Well, well, well.

three holes in the ground?

Well, well, well.

― Dan, Dan, DARRAGH (acoleuthic), Thursday, May 20, 2010 10:30 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

oh man, 2/4, the second's coming

u_u

I was waiting for him to make an appearance tbh.

I am still wondering who the 4/4 is though.

Oh wait

nevermind.

LOL

this is some Seventh Seal stuff guys

http://www.blackhorsedesign.com/artworks/4horsemen.jpg

oh yeah wait that's more what I was thinking

speaking as a str8 dude

Oral: so dope when it's dope, but really kinda not when it's not
Intercourse: yay!
Butt: it is a mystery
Hand: ok you mean like handies??? gtfo
Whacking Off: reliable, at least
Other (please specify): YIFF ME IM FURRY NO

GBX

did you read the cyst thread? I have a good medical story for u . . .

ugggh the word 'cyst' does not belong anywhere near a thread about sex

sorry but dude gbx go read srsly

k

I voted

you don't say?

(j/k!)

i can't decide

and shame as it is to relinquish the mysteries of rectal permeation, I had to side with vaginal intercourse. Provided protection can be employed, it's the most intimate, rewarding and enjoyable of the methods. Of course, it must be undertaken under the auspices of great emotional attachment and mutual erotic allure, and in a style that both parties are comfortable with, but provided closeness, passion and a healthy dose of fun, it's unbeatable.

Thanks, it was a pleasure reviewing vaginal intercourse. You will find the Bookmark button conveniently located after the username and date.

thread delivers

and shame as it is to relinquish the mysteries of rectal permeation, I had to side with vaginal intercourse.

new screen name.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlrZw4BjjlE

intercourse is a clear winner here UNLESS birth control is an issue. Don't want no desert island babies.

I think the poll question should’ve had more details. I assumed this is the sort of desert island situation where you’re also stuck with one partner for the rest of your life, so I voted based on that. At first I considered choosing oral, because that’s often the most pleasurable option for both parties. But then I thought, if I’m gonna be with the same person forever ever, in the long run we’d probably prefer the bigger intimacy that comes with traditional intercourse. So I chose that. But if the idea is that my life is gonna remain the same as it is now, except that from now on I’m only gonna have one type of sex, then the question is more complicated.

I assume the answers people give might be different if they’re in a long-term relationship at the moment, than if they’re not - if they are, there’s the question of what their partner prefers. Even if butt sex is your particular favourite, but your SO finds it yucky or painful, it would be pretty dodgy to choose that.

Also, may I say that the options in this poll are kinda heteronormative. You should’ve at least differentiated between ”butt sex / gay” and ”butt sex / straight”.

(Was that 3/4?)

yes it was

when i read the title of this thread "Desert Island Type of Sex" i thought id be reading abt a new type of doin it called "Desert Island" & now im disappointed

so i voted "other" & that vote is for Desert Island Type of Sex which, i have to say, is really really dirty

I guess that's the thing that leads to sand in your vag?

ur bein too literal minded. Desert Island Type of Sex isnt about palm trees and glass bottles its about a state of mind & body. its also about sum truly nasty sex

does 'whacking off' rly count as 'sex' now?

It's closer to being sexual than reading Garfield is, I guess.

J0rd's completely otm btw, so like, whatever, iatee, you [politics thread reference redacted]

there's something faintly Masonic, something faintly ritual about the Four Kaye Of Oversharing being turned, and nobody raising a finger of complaint because this is What We Do

Personally, I'd say it's a pentagram and not a square. Maybe it used to be a square, but I'm proud how well E has handled her new Overlady position in here.

Well, I didn't use the word Masonic for no reason, did I? Pentagrams are way cooler than squares anyway.

Oral: so dope when it's dope, but really kinda not when it's not

one rather, and sadly, gets the impression that by "oral" people on this thread just mean "getting oral"

I wouldn't be so sure about that. Well, not in J0rdan S' case anyhow.

yeah tbh don't bring the stax/volt box set, bring 69 love songs

Nonono, getting, giving, etc.

AerosmithJD OTM as usual. I'm quite proud of my blowjob skills.

^^^maybe C Indigo is the stealthy 5th pentagram arm

and what an arm

she didn't say that, in fairness

I was thinking about this earlier, and really there's a loophole where you can choose one act and your partner chooses the other act, and technically you can have two acts for the rest of your life. if you're polyamorous, or polygamous, then even better.

a "loop" "hole"

intercourse.

actually I don't think that's a loophole, that's a 'nobody gets any sex' situation

...about a BILLION!

actually I don't think that's a loophole, that's a 'nobody gets any sex' situation

― iatee, Friday, May 21, 2010 10:05 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark

this is when you grin at your coterie and go "SIKE! I picked jackin off, folks"

then you jack off. and they cannot join in, because they are not allowed. an ordinary student-night, then, except with an unforseen element of psychological horror

*unforeseen, even

they're all 'WHY DID I PICK ANAL FUCK THA WORLD I ONLY DID IT TO BE CONTRARIAN'

I call it the 'fornicate fakeout'

the mysteries of rectal permeation

I think if you are actually permeating the rectum, you are doing something horribly wrong and/or you have a spiny cat penis.

nothing feels better than fistula-in-ano sex

rectal permeation means that you are actually alex mack when having sex

But then I thought, if I’m gonna be with the same person forever ever, in the long run we’d probably prefer the bigger intimacy that comes with traditional intercourse.

btw Tuomas I wanna call you out for heteronormativity & acceptance of trad sexual models here - there is nothing inherently "more intimate" in intercourse really is there? does anybody wanna bear out the idea that there's something necessarily more intimate in plain-ol' PIV than there is in, say, anything thing else on the list except jackin' off?

The intimacy comes from being able to see each other faces, kiss, hold hands and so on while doing it. I'm not saying intercourse is more intimate in itself, but I do feel many other forms of sex feel a bit less intimate because of the lack of above. This is why, even though doggy style is one of my favourite positions, I rarely want to do only that during one "session".

And I only voted based on what I, and the sort of partners I usually have, tend to like. I'm not saying my definition of intimacy should be the same for everyone.

you can totally hold hands while reverse cowgirling

just saying

you never had anal sex with a girl from the front, Tuomas? It's awesome fun, really intimate too

LJ leave the girl alone, she needs to get back to the war

Why did I ever click this.

You're alright, some of us see our names interspersed with LJ's desert island fantasies every time we scroll downwards.

Picked hand, it's steady and reliable and you can actually get comfortable during.

kind of agree with Tuomas re: intimacy. Much fun as hitting it from the back is, current gf and I generally save that for the championship rounds when I'm having a difficult time finishing via face to face positions. (ILTMI might as well live up to its name)

what what

in the butt

Shit - it says I already voted! What did I vote for? I hope it was oral. Giving and receiving, thanks.

Oral sex always felt more intimate to me.

I'm kind of imagining what will happen is the same as when you try to put magnets together but they are facing the wrong way

Well that certainly puts a new spin on "fucking magnets, how do they work".

Other (please specify)

http://wallstreetjackass.typepad.com/raptureready/images/gorilla_style.jpg

I've probably said it before, but I'm not crazy about the buttsecks, at least not as a purely physical sensation. It's like jerking off with just your thumb and forefinger.

I suppose there are other reasons to do it, and to like it. I'm just saying... only butt for the rest of my life? No sir.

"intercourse" means dick-in-pussy? Sooooo heteronormative.

The intimacy comes from being able to see each other faces, kiss, hold hands and so on while doing it.

you can hold hands & see each other's faces in all manner of situations - the idea that oral sex is somehow less intimate than intercourse has always seemed really weird to me

"intercourse" means dick-in-pussy? Sooooo heteronormative.

OTM! I was going to say that intercourse doesn't just mean vaginal penetration... but then I looked it up, and actually it does, :/

"Sexual intercourse", anyway.

I mean, you could always just have lively banter.

perhaps the desert island referred to really means

http://extra.listverse.com/amazon/signs/727px-Intercourse_Pennsylvania_Welcome_Sign_2000px.jpg

I want to change my vote to "interstate commerce".

"intercourse" means dick-in-pussy? Sooooo heteronormative.

I am confused about why this is such a problem. That's like saying "'coitus' means dick-in-pussy? Sooooo heteronormative."

Well, because intercourse is its own thing, apart from coitus. Coitus is quite specific, but intercourse, at base, means interpersonal interaction in general and especially the exchange of ideas. "Sexual intercourse" is a bit of a euphemism to begin with.

And to define "sexual intercourse" as being different from "anal intercourse"... well, maybe you see the trouble.

"Sex is between a man and a woman. And not in that dirty butt way. The Founding Fathers did not believe in cocksucking and buttfucking. It's right there in the Constitution."

(I think Sarah Palin said that.)

not to veer close to lol conservative homophobic "anal sex is unnatural" rhetoric, but while anal intercourse is driven by 100% natural sexual impulses and desires the act itself is not "sexual" in the sense of sexual reproduction, which I believe is the sense of the term used in "sexual intercourse." (Not to say it's not "sexual" in other senses)

basically "sexual intercourse" != "sex"

Sexual as opposed to non-reproductive. I see where you're coming from. I mean... I see what you mean.

I don't know if I connect 'sexual reproduction' and 'sexual intercourse' as strongly as you do there crut

He's just talking about etymology.

However, the poll option is just "intercourse", so Morbs still has a point.

well yeah, obv sexual intercourse and sexual reproduction are not the same thing but sexual intercourse is the physical process which is required in many species for sexual reproduction

Just be glad you're not a fern.

okay that's fair. fwiw both dictionaries I just checked seem pretty including of non-PIV acts as well.

however the oxford concise did seem pretty bent on including 'penetration' in the definition

Which is interesting, and does expose a weakness in crut's definition. Lot's of things exchange sex cells without fucking.

I like the amphibians/fish species whose females lay the unfertilized eggs first, and then the male drops by later to spew all over them. seems so polite

Those fish voted "hand".

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/537163/sexual-intercourse

reproductive act in which the male reproductive organ (in humans and other higher animals) enters the female reproductive tract. If the reproductive act is complete, sperm cells are passed from the male body into the female, in the process fertilizing the female egg and forming a new organism. In some vertebrates, such as fish, eggs are laid outside of the body and fertilized externally.

i.e. sexual intercourse is a specific way in which sexual reproduction is achieved, but not the only way

so if the fertilization was not successful, can it still be called sexual intercourse? or would you say incomplete sexual intercourse?

still sexual intercourse

If there's a male tab A inserted into a female slot B, it's sexual intercourse. Jeez, no wonder it sounds so clinical. I naturally select not to ever call it intercourse.

different horses...

Better: "Riding the F train"

"Riding the F train" means dick-in-pussy? Sooooo heteronormative.

Het-tastic.

lol morbs lives on the f line

Anyone can ride. If you got the tunnel, honey, we got the train.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_syx9xNct6bQ/SLAPJkX9fkI/AAAAAAAAADA/9Fx7dZ875eM/s400/F+Train.jpg

The intimacy comes from being able to see each other's feces, kiss, hold hands and so on while doing it.

Things were getting pretty hot last night with my gf when all of a sudden the phrase "mysteries of rectal permeation" popped up in my head and ruined me for a good 10 minutes.

victory

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

can we get a widget that tells us how many times we tried to vote because our preference was so strong we didn't want to not weigh in

lol u totally voted oral

lol with the organ I voted with

i always get excited when these polls are closing because i get some small insight into all you disgusting heathens and your "sex acts"

no "ice cold washcloth draped around the genitals to silence the stirrings of the devil", no credibility

respect to MN, keeping it realer than real

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

only two people would "whack off" for eternity?

as vs. the possibility of sex w/another person? I should hope so

i only voted for it because i was hedging my bets

harbl I will totally do you on this desert island

yeah see the thing that got left out of the info at the beginning of this poll is that i get to pick who yer all getting it from for maximum lols

oh yeah!!!!!

xpost

curse this jjjusten infested island where I am blowing jjjusten in eternity

intercourse people i hope you like chimps is all i am saying

xpost ahhahahahhaha

Butt 2

WHAT

were all the gays voting Intercourse out of protest or something

oh lol xp

actually, quite a few of the gays presumably voted Oral. enough bigotry from me

no "ice cold washcloth draped around the genitals to silence the stirrings of the devil", no credibility

― CUSE EX MACHINA (jjjusten), Thursday, 27 May 2010 22:52 (Yesterday) Bookmark

not to silence stirrings as such, but to cool down between rounds it's a beaut tactic

lol @ me and Harbl. I thought our logic was pretty sound and that we'd have more company to be honest.

i'm the only person in the room repping for handjobs. ah well, not the first time, won't be the last.

if you're the only person in the room, how are you getting the handjobs... ?

there's always other people in the room, i'm just the only one suggesting handjobs

Is this an old joke? The one about the guy in the ship that sinks and so he swims to a desert island? He lives in peace for a few weeks, lives on coconuts and tropical fruits, finds a spring of fresh water, builds a hut for himself. Then, one day, he goes for a long walk and sees this woman on a nearby beach. He walks closer to her. She's naked on a blanket in the shade of some palm trees, wearing sunglasses, and, lo and behold, it's Cindy Crawford. Cindy Crawford! And he waits for her to wake up, and then he walks up to her, and, lo and behold, Cindy Crawford was on the same ship that sunk, and she swam to the island as well. So they start talking, share fruits and coconuts, build a fire. And they hit it off. The guy senses some chemistry, makes a move, and they make passionate love, fall asleep on the beach, wake up, do it again, eat a pineapple, fuck again; nap, fuck, nap.

After a while, Cindy starts to notice that the guy is distracted during lovemaking. Distracted and puzzled when he watches her, naked, approaching the fire with dry grass, or collecting shells for her shell collection, and definitely as they do the do.

She says, "Is anything wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

The guy says nothing.

Next night, she asks the same question.

This time, the guy says, "Well, there is one thing you can do."

"What's that? What's that?"

"Well..."

"Yes?"

"You could..."

"Yes?"

"Tonight, when you join me in my hut..."

"Yes?"

"You could put some mud and some grass on your face."

"Okay."

"And you could call me Steve."

"Steve."

"Yes."

"Okay."

"Yes?"

"Okay."

So, night falls. There's a fire blazing outside the hut. Cindy arrives, grass and mud on her face, forming a beard.

"Welcome in," says the guy.

"Hi there," Cindy says, in a deep voice.

"Is that Steve?"

"Why, yes. Yes, this is Steve."

"Steve. Steve. Listen. You won't believe this, but: I'm fucking Cindy Crawford."

You could call yourself Steve, that is.

I've read that joke before on ILX, except then it was about Natalie Portman. But it's a good joke anyway.

I've heard a similar one but it revolves more around an obstinate camel tbh

It's a happy joke, that one...

in my version of that joke both parties die of starvation and are eaten by scavengers before they meet each other

yeah, but don't let's dwell on yr failure as a standup comic, you're doing pretty good now man, it's a living, y'know, chin up.

you don't understand, failed at comedy is the name of my dog

i guess you really 'screwed the pooch' with that one.