I Lost A Coughdrop in His Asshole: The ILX Gays TMI Thread

To make the ILE thread 'safe' for our friends :)

\o/

ahaha.

so, in some TMI news, my bestie and housemate Jaime (a girl) slept with a mechanic last night. and took a picture of his erect penis. and...my word. i'm experienced, and i was like 'holy mother of god that is some schlongggggg'

we're talking a ten-incher. if he was three inches taller, he'd be a shoo-in for porn.

whoa. those guys are the reason I grew up thinking I had an "average" dick.

(not that I care that much or that there's anything wrong with that)

Hi gays, I am so bookmarking this thread.

Can ladies play too? I have a good one which is sorta gross but pretty lol at the same time.

Oh fuck it. Years ago I hooked up with a girl I knew and spent the night at her place. When I woke up my hands were covered in dried reddish brown stuff so naturally I was like oh shit, she had her period. I was pretty grossed out for a couple mins while I sat there trying to figure out how to make an exit until I remembered that we'd drunkenly eaten chicken nuggets the night before and the stuff all over my hands (and hers as it turned out) was barbecue sauce.

aaaagh

ok never mind i totally clicked on this thread

ENBB i am irl loling tremendously at that story

we're talking a ten-incher. if he was three inches taller, he'd be a shoo-in for porn.

I was under the impression that male porn actors tended to be a little shorter than average.

and is three inches (in height, not length) really noticeable on screen?

yeah I think most ppl in porn are smaller than average overall but with larger than average genitalia, so everything looks big

like, that cock looks huge because she's only 4'11!

So is this the thread where I talk abt fucking 4 guys in 24 hours last week?

:D

most I've done was two, and that was tiring

Oh I am totally kidding.

I mean, it happened and everything but I am so not discussing it.

I didn't think so!

T3ddy, you can't bring up that you took a picture and expect me not to ask to see it. So I just did.

And ENBB, I read your tale in the back of a cab and surprised the driver with my snortols.

ENBB, that is like die-worthy funny. i am still giggling.

i didn't take the pic. my friend did.

also, from my experience, porn is full of all types. like i know this kid who can't get into kink because of his looks (twink central) but has been in other porn because he's 6'1" and has a massive dick. he's all right, but awfully...full of himself in this certain way, which is off-putting to say the least.

:D

omg bbq

I know.

at least it wasn't buffalo sauce

we're all stumped 'bout the buffalo sauce
we eat the wings and we start to toss

ILT isn't like 77, is it? i.e. it's Googlable and all?

But srsly, when y'all get the chance, ask tabes about the title story. it is A++ good. also, the poem is better, tho.

alex, your forget that my naked body is on the internet and my latest pub is pornography, who gives a fuck.

here's the poem about the boy: http://www.flickr.com/photos/metamafka/5211244690/

the story:

i was with this boy. things weren't going all that well, but on the night before valentine's day, he came over and we had some fun. i was kind of sick with one of those terrible winter colds that isn't the flu.

in the morning, on valentine's day, we started some frottage, then uh... i was rimming him, and i had a ricola in my mouth, and i lost it in his asshole. i had to search for it.

i found it after some effort. it felt like a miracle.

then we continued while it snowed.

the end.

http://i44.tinypic.com/24o34oo.jpg

i had to search for it.

Why?

More sapphic nuggets.

I mean being an arsehole the Ricola's going to find its way out pretty smartly.

my advice is to rip out your heart.

everyone.

Love this thread already.

at least you didn't fall asleep on a piece of partially melted candy bar.

http://thumb3.webshots.net/t/58/58/4/14/76/2665414760080997043NPchXu_th.jpg

My sexcapades have never involved anything so exciting as a lost coughdrop. The unfortunate stumbling blocks are sadly more prosaic, like, you know, selfish dudes who orgasm without warning you and then act like helping you finish off is a distasteful chore, and such.

^^ worst part of sex imo

There have been times when I've felt it necessary to establish a vocal contract, like, "No, I really want to focus on you and get you off and basically shock you with how good this is gonna be for you, but the proviso is you have to not go all weird for at least ten min afterwards."

it's stupid too because, like, that feeling happens to all of us, and we all (should) realize that, so just suck it up (no pun) & finish your end of the deal

ILT isn't like 77, is it? i.e. it's Googlable and all?

I deindexed this thread just in case someone doesn't want it showing up on Google. But anyone who visits ilxor.com can still read ILTMI, it's not a secret board like 77.

okay here goes: anybody else been puked on during oral sex?

years ago in college an old flame of mine got into gagging on purpose during oral sex

like the power trip part of it, being bossed around and such

he told me to just keep shoving regardless of what gagging noises he was making

so we are going at it hot and heavy and I'm about to erupt

when I hear these really weird sounds from down there and then

wham

his barf is all over my cock and coming out his nose

I can't be the only person this has ever happened to, surely?

you aren't but that's never happened to me

selfish dudes who orgasm without warning you

i seriously wanted to smack the guy who did this when i was going down on him

On one hand, I think it's preposterous that we 'need' a separate TMI thread. On the other, it's fascinating to see who's come out for the party.

If anyone's into the scene that the tune is space describes above, then just click right here, baby! (extremely NSFW [does that need to be said on this board?])

Yeah, thats happened to me

:( x FOREVER just for remembering it

i have never barfed on cock, or had my cock barfed on. but i have a THROAT, so i dunno.

The day after I shot Johny Boy's audition, he emailed me to say that he was no longer interested in being a "porn star". He said he was getting married to a woman next month, and that he just wanted to satisfy his curiosity about sucking a dick before he settled down with a woman. Sorry, Johny Boy, but you signed a model release, dude! Hope your wife doesn't mind that her husband has been captured on video for eternity with a fat dick in his mouth! lol...

ahahahaha. what's funny is that i KNOW this guy who does work as Johnny, and he's 'straight,' but does tons of gay porn. has a girlfriend and everything. tbh, his Tranny Seduction video is one of the hottest, cuz he clearly is a straight dude who likes things up his butt but also enjoys breasts.

has anyone ever gotten cum in their eye? damn that hurts.

I have to say I really like the thread title. The capital H in His makes it seems like the coughdrop is in Jesus's asshole.

Anyway, thread bookmarked, <3 you guys even if I have no reason to join in.

has anyone ever gotten cum in their eye? damn that hurts.

― hot weiners is the best and i want a hot weiner (the table is the table), Wednesday, December 8, 2010 11:22 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark

no, but my 5 year HS reunion was epically memorable when one of my old friends who was pretty reserved in high school got like 10+ beers deep (no joke) and told a story about getting with a dude who had had spicy food for dinner and then came directly into her eye. i thought the story was hilarious and A++ anecdote but, for obv reasons, a lot of other people listening were O_O

...which, apparently, is not the expression you want on yr face when a dude is about to come

O_x

I have gotten cum in my eye. It feels terrible, but worse, it stays red and swollen for a couple days.

mine didn't— lasted like two hours at most. i went to a bonfire right after. (this was the first time i had sex with m4tt, btw)

this is all i want out of life

(very NSFW)

(also i don't know this person)

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_laa9w42kFc1qdt0f4o1_1280.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=0RYTHV9YYQ4W5Q3HQMG2&Expires=1291892101&Signature=XpSy9ND1Qk9EMr1A0fr%2FY7u1ytQ%3D

removing my bookmark from this thread and putting it in there

lol ppl really have this shit bookmarked?

damn thats a squeaky clean bhole

rump lookin like a big ass peach

damn

i'm sayin

lol balls are totally ridiculous

balls are really stupid

Redheaded asshole
Oh man.

x-post right?

Jordan are you a top? This is ILTMI so, that's right, I'm askin'.

I'm not a top but I'm still like "daaaaaaaaaamn"

lol

Jordan are you a top? This is ILTMI so, that's right, I'm askin'.

― ˙❤‿❤˙˙❤‿❤˙ (ENBB), Wednesday, December 8, 2010 6:54 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark

ummm primarily, yes

j0rdan is like a different dude on the gay threads. Since I only know him from autogoon i expected his posting style to be more like, "butt dumb tight my boners got boners"

sorry yo, i need to get twee somewhere

I think it's kind of amazing to see how many ppl are reading this btw and now I sorta wish I hadn't gotten as TMI as I did last night. Oh well.

i will be reading this thread very intently *steeples fingers*

now we all know ENBB likes chicken nuggets

xp

http://www.ratemyink.com/images/ul/283/Only-God-Can-Judge-Me-in-old-english-tattoo-28343.jpeg

"butt dumb tight my boners got boners"

what?

hiphop ref

lol they were veggie nuggets tbh

house stupid dumb big my rooms got rooms

hardest thing in the lot that there mine

hardest thing...eh?

FANTASTICO...

I feel so less likely talkin TMI now that there are even more people reading this than the orig gay thread

yeah me 2 tbh

hard hard big big BBQ sauce

(Don't have anything to contribute--all of my encounters with women were too normal to post here about.)

so when do you guys think the series of all of us posting underwear photos is going to start happening?

until June rolls around all y'all are seeing are my long johns :)

o fuc I forgot about the underwear thread.

i mean i DID just buy cute underwear

you can at least post a photo of the underwear alone!

He'll have to take it to the other gay thread if he's going to go that route.

:) :)

this thread can't have Too Much Whiney.

TMW

ya in the name of disclosure i feel the need to say that i am straight dude reading this thread. in the spirit of the topic, though, i did once get cum, albeit my own, in my eye. no fun.

braggin 2010

I've done the self facial thing. I felt dumb.

PUNK BOYS PUNK BOYS GIVE ME MORE PUNK BOYS

sorry this cuet guy on a4a is like, baiting my hook.

i've done that too.

who had peed on themselves? that is my question. then i know who are my brothers.

I mean if you want I could put on my cutoffs and homemade Mouse on Mars tanktop and flip up my baseball cap and...

my blonde hair this summer is as punk as I've ever been

but I looked more like Vince Clarke from Yaz

also:

http://i188.photobucket.com/albums/z245/tapiola/1249830570225.png

Oh God what have I done... is such a consistently rewarding meme

i am a human urinal, and no one can stop me. fuck shame.

TMI Gays, I have some questions! Where do you stand on casual hook-ups where one or other of you are already partnered?

My rules: I always explain my partnered and open relationship/full disclosure status beforehand. The reasons are:

1) To manage their expectations, so that they don't run away with the idea that we could be boyfriends.
2) To reassure them that they won't risk getting into trouble with a deceived and angry partner.
3) To give them a chance to back out, if they aren't into hooking up with married men.

NB - regarding 3), almost nobody ever backs out. I'd struggle to recall more than two or three occasions.

Similarly, I always establish the other person's relationship status beforehand. That's because there is one line that I don't cross. Namely, that I won't have sex with anyone who's partnered, if their relationship isn't fully open. This isn't so much a moral as a practical issue (although I don't find deceit a sexy look, at all). I was once caught out by someone who pretended his relationship was open, only for him to reveal the next day that it wasn't, and that I was to keep quiet about what had happened. Not long afterwards, I met his partner. It was excruciating. I couldn't act naturally around him at all. So it's largely a self-preservation issue, based around the fact that I'm a hopeless deceiver. And deceit isn't a sexy look on me, either.

What are your rules, or don't you have any?

I won't have sex with anyone who's partnered, if their relationship isn't fully open.

Sensible.

I mostly agree with the rest.

Mine are largely the same Mike.

When I was in a relationship, we only hooked up with others in the context of a threesome.

When I've hooked up with other guys who I know have partners, I will only do so if I they are in an open situation, and only if I actually believe them. There have been really quickie encounters where such a discussion was not relevant.

Well, this is true. I wouldn't break the sanctity of the darkroom with a lifestyle questionnaire...

^^^ potential song lyric

Morrissey could pull it off.

my thoughts exactly

whenever i've been with someone more 'exclusively,' i always make sure to tell the dalliance. most of the time that's what they are to me, tbh, which sounds shitty, but having lovely romantic sex with someone you aren't partnered with is just a romp...if you make it clear , then if they act like they want to be your boyfriend...well, that's just kinda crazy.

oh right, remember the cum in the eye? yeah, uh, last night....

cross-ref'd from the ILE thread— this boy was 5' 4", and had an 8.5" cock. no joke. it was unreal. we listened to Mirror Mirror and Light Asylum while we fucked, and i kind of felt like i was in gay heaven for sec.

also despite my penchant for taller people, it was nice to be big spoon :)

what happened to jordan's link? when I click = nada

i would feel like an idiot posting that photo again, so i webmailed you the link

nice one, especially that backwards glance that sez "go for it"

jealous, tabes

and yeah, Jordan's pic has been saved to my hd

this morning i made out with my date right after i popped a throat lozenge into my mouth and i had to stop myself from laughing because i kept thinking about this thread

hahaha

wait jord i wanna see that pic.

and i'm glad that happened, donn rouge. i still can't rim somebody without wanting to go RIIIIIICCCCCOOOOOOLLLAAAAAA

ditto. pic, j0rdan?

this is the pic:

http://imgur.com/CcVoo

guys, i had the most explosive orgasm i've ever had today. during my first porn shoot. the director gasped, and afterwards called it 'glorious.'

That reminds me, I've been wanting to say this on this thread for a while: SEMEN DOES NOT TASTE SALTY.

So many times you hear people make jokes about jizz that involve references to saltiness, and it IS NOT SALTY.

Does anyone disagree?

doesn't it depend on the jizz

it does. but for the most part, it has a nice sweetness, ime

I've noticed sweetness, bleachiness, mushroominess, and some other variations, but never salty. And I've specifically tried to identify saltiness.

it's sweet and bitter, like a gin and tonic.

Like love and passion.

Table, have you done electrostimulation stuff? That seems like something you would try. If not, you should! It can be pretty great.

Take a whiff of brie sometime soon, boys....

lol.

i have...uh....well, sort of. but not really. i have a lovely prostate massager though.

This is not TMI, but it is gay and NSFW, so this is where it's going. I can't wait for the feature-length version of this http://www.nakedsword.com/features/iwyl.aspx. It is probably my favorite hardcore-sex-based film (I don't really want to call it porn) ever.

NakedSword.com is excited to present I Want Your Love, an independent short film with hardcore gay sexual content, from director Travis Mathews' forthcoming feature film of the same name. IWYL is in the style of Mathews' critically acclaimed web series, "In Their Room".

I've never seen In Their Room, but I'm going to.

i think we might've discussed that somewhere a while ago. it's like gay mumblecore thing.

A while back I went through security at the state courthouse while filing something for work and the deputy sheriff saw something fishy in my messenger bag. He made me pull out the questionable object which, to my horror, was a urethral sound (a friend gave it to me weeks before and I forgot to take it out of the bag). I claimed ignorance ad to what it was and how it got in my bag. The deputy just looked was dubious, but he let me go with it, though not before commenting on the price tag and saying "have fun."

"have fun"?? I wonder if he knew why it was??

What, not why.

he knew not wherefore

i learned something today!

was it what a urethral sound is

because i didnt know either

someone pls tell me what one is here because I don't want to google that at work

does it have to do with measuring the urethra or something?

urethral sound is, in fact, the name of my darkwave band

was it what a urethral sound is

because i didnt know either

― the boobfinder general (Princess TamTam), Monday, December 20, 2010 3:01 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah i haven't googled it yet but it seems pretty straightforward

ok i actually did just now GIS it and a)nsfw duh and b)there's no way i'd ever be able to guess the use of such a thing if i stumbled upon it in someone's bag, unless i'd seen one before (whereas other sex toys look pretty....sex toy-ish). either the dude has used one for fun, or had a medical procedure that involved one or something, i dunno.

yeah it looks like one of those things you measure your tire's air pressure with

It is a slender metal rod whose medical use was originally opening a urethra that was gummed up (by STDs). My doctor told me that they are sometimes still used to stretch the urethra if it is too constricted to allow proper bladder drainage (I thought I had a prostrate problem, and my doc was telling me about possible treatments).

Sexually, they are used to stick in your urethra. V. invigorating....

ha, i had a somewhat similar experience at the Cleveland airport a few years ago.

i forgot i had poppers in my bag, and the security guy was just like, "what is this?" and i said, "poppers." and he was like, "what?" and i was like, "it's amyl nitrate, it's used to stimulate the blood." and he looked at me, then looked at the bottle, and was like, "well, i'm confiscating whatever it is."

he also took my jew-harp because it could be used as a weapon.

tbh, i'm surprised i didn't get TONS of shit for that incident.

it's used to stimulate the blood

Haha - that makes it sound like it's some kind of early 20th century quack tonic.

he also took my jew-harp because it could be used as a weapon.

anti-semites!

urethra that was gummed up (by STDs)

my new least favorite phrase aaagggghhhh

i participated in my first impromptu orgy last night

i've been seeing this boy, and he had a coldwave/minimal synth party at his place, and eventually, 12 females and (mostly) males were naked and getting super nasty.

it was called the D4RKP4RTY.

i don't feel dark cuz it was amazing, but man. i am tired.

also i can't help but laugh myself stupid
http://www.hulu.com/watch/200105/saturday-night-live-ice-show-at-the-garden#continuous_play=on

Tabes, do you have sex with women?

(Note to self: Crash Table's parties if ever in the area. Consider 'area' to be a 100-mile radius.)

(Next note to self: Add another zero onto the 100.)

ahaha.

um, i kissed a girl that night. but no, i don't do ladies.

kinda like Katy Perry?

Always thought that song had piano-bar potential.

I'm sad that her version eclipsed Jill Sobule's.

Not "version," rather song of the same title.

eeyup

tabes, I liked that punkboy porn clip on your blog!

(didnt get off tho)

URL?

http://vid.xlive.com/watch.php?u_id=32638&v=1iySTYle&title=Punk%20Fuck&from=&preview_scene_id=

oh and by the way, morbz, glad you liked that one. it's pretty hot, especially the kind of janky lighting during the plowing sequence.

lmao @ "the plowing sequence"

is it cowpunk?

i knew that would get a lol from someone after i typed it. think i might have a display name.. no, it's 80s 'punks' fucking and sucking.

^^i read that as "it's eighty punks fucking and sucking" and was like daaaaamn i gotta see THIS

hahaha

I thought it was going to be a clip of Table's porn.

oh hell no. i will post that when it is up tho, or at least the preview clip

^^^ I am not sure how I feel about this.

stoked for the madness

little weird, will totally watch

i'll post the preview. i mean, everyone on the gay thread already knows the site name. so.

We will give it a thorough Pitchfork evaluation.

WDYLLTMI?

about bloody time someone stepped up

i dunno, that thread is history in a weird way i wouldn't post pics there.

as always, closeups of butt penetration ew ew ew

"An industrial film covered in fur" - Robin Williams

(well, he wasn't talking about hairless twinks)

so...i really hate when i can't get it up when i'm with a guy i like >:(

:(

yeah that isn't fun.

um, i think i'm meeting a guy tonight. he's paying me.

How did you get this gig?

Paxil makes erections fickle for me, though mostly when emotions are at play - with a totally meaningless hook-up it's never a problem, but sometimes when I start to like a guy it can be. Lol intimacy issues, I guess.

yeah it has pretty much never happened when it's understood that it's a one-night thing, but it's happened a couple of times with guys that i'd like to see again. idk, he was very sweet when i told him i was embarrassed about it.

I have a friend who said this invariably happens to him when he first has sex with a girl he is dating, but never if it's a one-nighter. It's really fucking obnoxious.

And when it's followed by anorgasmia....

CGLDI-- it's a site where one pays for an ad, then people pay you for your services.

i rarely have this problem, but on occasion, it happens. mostly when someone isn't into my sense of foreplay, which is very kiss-centered around the upper torso. if a dude isn't kissing and nibbling my neck and mouth and chest, then i have problems.

^^^ yep. We don't have to make out constantly (which does get boring) but bussing limbs and torsos is required practice.

um, some guy has offered to fly me to Minneapolis for a weekend.

wtf i forgot how insane this shit is.

say whaaaaaat

ya rite. i'm asking a friend for advice about it.

the weather here is terrible right now

gbx fess up

okay, i'm shitting on a dude tomorrow. for money.

apparently he has quite the modern art collection.

o_0

what are you going to eat tonite!!!

paint

How does one poo on command? Will you not poo all day and then he will make you espresso from a fancy espresso machine and then 15 minutes later you will get down to business?

'business'

'Always Be Pooing'

in his email and on the phone, he told me to make sure i saved my morning dump for him.

he used those words exactly. "morning dump." this guy is notorious, he has a special chair for the whole thing even. he never calls after the first time. and he's old and rich.

'save the last dump for me'

I can bugger off out of this thread if you like.

A photo from this session would qualify for two threads at once.

in the email he sent, the end of it didn't have a greeting. it just read:

"MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

NO JOEK.

How much money?

Can I ask you a dumb question Table? Are you scared? Like his enthusiasm, does it wig you out? Or is it more like a weird adventure?

Just curious.

curious about his art collection, myself

$200.

and no, vegegirl, whatever. weird fetishes are where i'm a viking.

'oh i mean, what a freakshow, i mean, that comes with the territory when you...uh...shit on people for a living'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xAK108u2xAs

http://vaughtgallery.com/show-image/620065/Heidi-Vaught/Untitled-no.-345.jpg

^^ curious about his art collection, myself

lol lol

Chris Ofili on the wall

and on his chest haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

a hot carl on a cold day

DO NOT LICK THE ART

tabes maybe you could hit two birds w/ one stone and show him a copy of that abstract mystery painting I posted to ILE and see if he knows it.

OK, if table isn't back by 6 p.m., we're busting down some art-collecting scat-loving doors.

What's the most usual rate for fetish work? $200 a session seems a bit low to me.

i was gonna say, i think yr getting shafted (ahem) here. i'd've held out for $300 at least, esp. if this dude does this all the time and has an art collection

I hope the guy at least paid for his plane ticket and gave him a tip at the end.

saw this thread was updated and then got so let down that it was by ppl who arent tables

lets talk about how much money it would take to get you to shit on a guy

i would do it for a handful of nickels and a taco

Is the guy Harry Chapin: y/n

in all honestly, i probably would not, could not shit on a guy for $200

$200 seems hella cheap imo, but i don't really know what the market, uh, supports

poll

like is there a line out the door of dudes willing to crap on other dudes, just waiting to undercut someone holding out for $250

I want to know how it's itemised on the receipt.

he gave me a blowjob, the most excellent rimjob i've ever received, and then i shat in his mouth. $260, and that's pretty standard— it's not like i'm eating shit, cuz that's fucking disgusting.

his art collection was mostly gay erotica from the 70s and 80s, but he had two original Mapplethorpe prints (one of them went at auction for $70k recently) as well as some Peter Hujar and really lovely bronze statues.

also the guy lives like 15 minutes away.

what did you eat beforehand?

also the guy lives like 15 minutes away.

within shitting distance

i think it would be the easiest and most natural thing in the world showing up, having a drink, looking at some badass modern art, then having him show you his "speacial chair" and kind of laughing together at it then also maybe complimenting him on it, then getting down to business and taking clothes off and having him lay down and then getting to squeeze one out-- i think that would be pretty easy no problem.

but the thought of what the fuck i'd do next when i'm pantsless in some dude's house and he's lying on the ground with my shit on him gives me a panic attack so no i dont think i could shit on a guy for $200.

oh xposts

i mean, after i shat on him, he was like, 'okay, shower time for you.' took a quick shower, came out and my money was on the table, and then we talked about his art for 20 minutes.

did he have a cool shower

i love showering at other people's places or hotel rooms with cool showers

was he talking with his mouth full of shit or did he swallow first

i can't even

good question, dayo

he swallowed. and also kept on saying, "you have a sweet hole."

god, maybe i should just start a thread: 'table's adventures in escorting.'

please

jesus

'you have shitty breath, dude'

actually, i'm just not going to do that, and not going to post anymore about this sort of....shit. makes me feel weird.

okay, enough scat talk. i have a date with a cute punk boy this thursday.

hey gay dudes, what is your opinion on vaginas?

i don't think about them much tbh

that said, gay dudes who are all like EW VAGINAS are kind of the worst

I had never met anyone like that until a few weeks ago when I mentioned cunnilingus around 2 friends and their friends and they started acting all grossed out and squealy. I think it was the group setting in a gay bar that made them act so vocally squeamish.

vaginas are fine, i just don't want to eat them.

Huh, I was just about to post about cunnilingus.

cunnilingus is about as "gross" as eating asshole, isn't it?

The first time I did it, I licked out a glob of thickened (ah, what should I call it? "Pussy juice" is too crude, "natural lubrication" is too vague. You all know what I mean). I was grossed out for a second, and then I spit it out and went on.

Is it my imagination, or is going down on women more difficult than going down on men?

It's harder to put a hole in your mouth.

Not if it's a Life Saver.

god damn, stfu

Roxy, this is the second time you've done this. What's going on?

cunnilingus is about as "gross" as eating asshole, isn't it?

― =(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Tuesday, January 4, 2011 7:50 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

i could answer this question if boys had vaginas

for the record I've never seen a vagina irl

i've seen a female crotch irl twice, but never an actual vagina & i don't really have any plans on it

i second roxy btw

y'all are trippin vaginas are the best

the actual taste of cunnilingus is closer to metal spoons dipped in butter
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, July 28, 2003 5:35 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

fish

u mad

y'all are trippin vaginas are the best

― gr8080, Tuesday, January 4, 2011 10:32 PM (12 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

how did this thread get on this, anyway?

I dunno I'm trippin' vaginas bro

I'm going to shut up and wander off since that's not really ilx gay thread material. I've got nothing real to say here, gay men can be ambivalent about vaginas all day, it's cool.

yes but before you leave tell us what you think about dicks

irl i've seen vaginas probably five times. only three of those times were 'sex' involved.

y'all are trippin vaginas are the best

^^^

...but I'll drop this topic to avoid any problems.

the actual taste of cunnilingus is closer to metal spoons dipped in butter
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Monday, July 28, 2003 5:35 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

http://myspace.roflposters.com/images/rofl/myspace/1222656832699.jpg.%5Broflposters.com%5D.myspace.jpg

ban roxy and jordan from iltmi plz

tbrfr their negative hardbro schtick is fucking me off more than any other ilx poster and I wish they'd quit being the egotistical dickholes they seem so intent on being atm because they're alienating other ilxors and painting themselves in a really terrible light

what other posters?

uh huh

ban l0u1s jagg3r.

roxy and j0rdan are like the best posters, when the living fuck are you gonna hit 153 already

i'm just working towards a better ilx

I'm not

basically ILX is a really chill place but certain ppl seem to think they own it

guys.

haha the 'I'm not' was an xpost

basically ILX is a really chill place but certain ppl seem to think they pwn it

never thought i'd ever say/type this but can we drop this nonsense and go back to talking about gross shit we'd do for money

we say we wouldn't shit on a dude for $200, but we still shit on jagger all day for free

^^^

to go back to the topic:

as a gay man (at least, er, most of the time) I can say that eating pussy is really fun, would do it again

ive done like five years of life drawing

^^new pickup line

How many labia/vulvas (nevermind vaginas) do you see in life drawing??? Wide open leg poses were not a part of the life draw classes I took.

Wow, you fuckers have somehow managed to make this even less fun than the other gay thread.

loool

I mean I have little desire to eat vag much the way most hetero dudes prob have little desire to put their tongue inside another guy's asshole. I mean w that being said it doesn't like OMG TOTALLY DISGUST me or anything but I don't think I actually want to do it.

the question seems sort of irrelevant for me because I don't ever see myself in a situation where that could occur?

The history of my feelings toward the vagina:

Early puberty: I was lucky in finding lots of woods-porn*, all of which was all-female, and I was happy to fap to it.

Late high school to age 21: Had "girlfriends" with whom I went to over-the-underwear petting. It was horrible, but not at all gross.

21 to 27/28: No vaginas on my mind.

27/28 to 32: Got curious about going down on a woman.

Age 32: Did so. It was very interesting, but not arousing at all.

32 - present: Curiosity satisfied. At peace. Probably won't go back vaginas, but no one can say what the future holds. Actually I still have one bit of curiosity left: MMF....

*Some friends and I were talking about woods-porn, which is porn that you randomly find in the woods. We all had multiple experiences with it. I thought it was just me, but for some reason the woods is a good spot for youngsters to find porn.

roxy and Jordan and Stevie: T. created this thread as a quarantine for TMI that was objected to on the gay thread, so it's not like you're being assaulted with things you find appalling!

i have never found porn randomly in the woods! i did find a completely unopened pack of cigarettes once tho, and took it

27/28 to 32: Got curious about going down on a woman.

ypu posted about this on ILX iirc!?! or am i imagining...

roxy and Jordan and Stevie: T. created this thread as a quarantine for TMI that was objected to on the gay thread, so it's not like you're being assaulted with things you find appalling!

No dude that's exactly what I meant! I was referring all the stupid bickery horseshit

Its like when your sister dares you to fart or something, and you do, and then she's all EEEWWW MOOOOOOM STEVE JUST FARTED and then you grounded. WTF.

Oh! OK! Hugglez 2 U Stevie D(eux)!

gr80, I think I said something about it somewhere on ILX - maybe a Chicago thread?

haha yes i knew i wasnt crazy

I feel like ultra-hetero plain-sex dude when I'm like "why the hell would I want to put my mouth near an asshole" but I'm all like "going down on women is so awesome!" when in reality it's a difference of inches

i've heard a lot of gay dudes say the first thing tbh

I never thought I would until I did it

I was gonna say, I didn't really think that was a universal thing, but I can't say that the gay dudes I know (or lived with) are that average so I don't feel like I have a handle on things.

when the thread title is 'i lost a coughdrop in his asshole' i think the lid is pretty much blown off of decorum and restraint. santorum and taint, on the other hand...

I think about that cough drop all the time tbh,,

I giggled the other day thinking about a dude going "RIIIIIICOOOOOLAAA" at another dude's asshole, tbh

I feel like ultra-hetero plain-sex dude when I'm like "why the hell would I want to put my mouth near an asshole" but I'm all like "going down on women is so awesome!" when in reality it's a difference of inches

― mh, Wednesday, January 5, 2011 8:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i've heard a lot of gay dudes say the first thing tbh

― thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Wednesday, January 5, 2011 8:54 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I never thought I would until I did it

― =(^ • ‿‿ • ^)= (corey), Wednesday, January 5, 2011 8:56 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

This was my trajectory which ended this evening.

Which is to say. There is a lovely young gentleman who I have been on a few dates with etc. etc. and "I never thought I would until I did it." Also, I might have been hit in the left eye with cum.

This is far too much information to comfortably divulge on the Internet, but TMI, RICOLA ASSHOLES, etc.

Awesome :D

Running seems pretty standard fare to me. I mean, I'm very mildly surprised when someone says he or she isn't into it, but I totally get why s/he would feel that way. It's like finding out someone doesn't like chocolate.

fuck i just got hungry for chocolate

*rimming (had to teach auto correct that word)

I have a question about rimming but don't want to derail this thread again.

go on *strokes chin*

Orrite. There's a fair amount of disgust in this thread about table's dispensation yet rimming is par for the course. I've never gone near a bum or eaten some poo but the two activities don't seem a mile away from each other. I mean I get that a clean arsehole is favourable but there's still a healthy degree of sewage getting about in the region. Am I missing something?

This is not a question expressly for gays coz obviously heteros can lick a mean starfish too, but as it's all come up in this thread it seems the ideal place to ask.

For me, it must be immaculate. Clean enough to eat (off of). Sweat is great, but it is only decent to deter the potential rimmer if things are less than spotless.

i'll just point out that eating someone's poop is really not in the same realm as eating someone's butthole

it's like the difference between drinking pee and sucking cock, yeah?

or, idk, licking a scab vs drinking blood

1. going down on ladies is the best
2. i can p much poo on demand and if only i wasn't freaked out by almost everything involved in sexyfuntimes, think i could make quite a living off of it.
3. i will lick a lady on the bumhole but really when there is a vagina right next to it that seems more pleasurable for her, seems a bit pointless. also its where poo comes from, so you best be CLEAN.

the vagina is where pee comes from

uh

don't argue

The difference between wee/penis/scab/vampirism and bum/poo is that poo is not sterile or safe to consume, which is why I was wondering. Anyway Jesse I think your cleanliness tip explains it so thanks for that.

uh

ok so I glossed over a few details, you'd have to be really meticulous to avoid the urethra

The difference between wee/penis/scab/vampirism and bum/poo is that poo is not sterile or safe to consume, which is why I was wondering. Anyway Jesse I think your cleanliness tip explains it so thanks for that.

― "Smurfette's Smurfy Adventsmurf" (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, January 6, 2011 3:57 AM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah but the thing is not that most ppl are adverse to shit because of health reasons, it's cuz they find it gross -- i.e. if an average person was sucking a dick and the dude peed in his/her mouth, the person's first reaction would not be "well at least this isn't going to make me sick!!"

also urine is not sterile

Urine is sterile until it reaches the urethra where the epithelial cells lining the urethra are colonized by facultatively anaerobic Gram negative rods and cocci.[1] Subsequent to elimination from the body, urine can acquire strong odors due to bacterial action[citation needed]. Most noticeably, the asphyxiating ammonia is produced by breakdown of urea. Some diseases alter the quantity and consistency of the urine, such as sugar as a consequence of diabetes.

Agh really? (re the urine thing)

yeah but the thing is not that most ppl are adverse to shit because of health reasons, it's cuz they find it gross -- i.e. if an average person was sucking a dick and the dude peed in his/her mouth, the person's first reaction would not be "well at least this isn't going to make me sick!!"

k so it's (a) courtesy cleanliness and (b) sexual gain. Cool, ta. Having not rimmed I don't know my way round the mechanics of it.

well yeah it's pretty easy to pleasure a butthole w/o encountering poop, if that's what you're asking

Yep

god I feel so Tuomas in this thread.

tmi tuomas != ilx tuomas. asking questions and knowing nothing about rimming is fine, just don't masterbate in front a baby

ahahahahahaha

I have a teach-yrself-German video series which is interrupted for no apparent reason by brightly coloured RIIIIII-CO-LAAAA adverts in German, which were already pretty hilarious but thanks to this thread are now 6000x more so

thank you thread, you are entertaining and educational

sorry for being nosy straight female

oh yeah sorry for being nosy straight male

knowing nothing about rimming is fine, just don't masterbate in front a baby

words to live by, tbrr.

in fact, possibly new board description.

real talk: the tuomas baby masturbation thing was played about 4 years ago, leave the dude be

how does a 'baby masturbation thing' ever get played out be srs

I really don't think tuomas is at all bothered by it either, so I don't know why you're bringing him into it unless it's to make us feel guilty about bringing up something you just don't like.

LJ making his case to be a sitewide mod (it's his best shot at not being 51'd anymore).

if you want to chide people for saying stuff thats played dont preface it with "real talk"

There's a fair amount of disgust in this thread about table's dispensation

great euphemism, like he got a ruling from the Vatican.

lol

a few things:
1- rimming is probably the sexual activity that gets me off the most after fucking. love rimming, love being rimmed.
2- there's a thing called an enema. if you ain't cleaning yourself out, then i ain't rimming you. whenever i travel, i travel with my silicone enema bulb.
3- alex, i love you.

i'm pretty sure "whenever i travel, i travel with my silicone enema bulb" needs to be the new board description. well, actually any individual sentence in that post would make a great board description. table rulz.

consider it done

What about the deindexed thing...

the board (and this thread) are d-ix'd, but i will change the board desc bac if it is controv

k

we're de-indexed and it feels so good

silicone enema bulb

New Oasis single.

http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id=1-7-AJ-1001

i use the big tube.

fast n' silicone enema bulbous

"Phone, cards, keys, douchebag... I'm good to go!"

lol.

uhm, anyone who wants to can watch the preview of my solo scene, as it's up now at Heavenly Spire.

sfw?

um, i talk about getting gangbanged, so no. no naughty bits are shown in the preview, tho, just my bare arms and thighs (i'm wearing underwear).

Just like any episode of The O'Reilly Factor, no big deal.

So, which one are you? It's fun to guess, but I'm basically clueless.

the one who looks like 'the table is the table' from the world famous wdyll threads?

Ah, I see. I almost never read those threads. I am such a part-timer.

Ah, got it...

enjoy masterbating

um, okay, i'm pretty sure i secured this job in LA. (i know i said i wouldn't talk about escorting here, but this is just too weird to not talk about).

$3000/weekend to....trample this guy. like, jump on his stomach and junk and everything. he wants to buy me a Fascist Youth outfit for it, even.

he seems "normal" otherwise. highly educated and well-to-do.

it's just that i've never signed a waiver of this sort before, iykwim.

what if you kill him

or is that what the waiver is for

that's what the waiver is for.

i mean, it's not like he wants me to crush his skull or anything. just...like, jump on his stomach til he pukes. and "flatten" his privates.

it's like the weirdest shit ever, but that's a lot of money, and i actually have tons of anger and aggression i could get rid of. like right now i want to beat the shit out of this boy, but i'm keeping my distance (and no it isnt my ex).

i would certainly jump on someone for $3k

i would get jumped on for 3k

wtf! who wouldn't jump on someone for 3k

that is really not a competitive market price there

i mean, that's without the bonus and tips.

also you don't understand. he wants me to do this for like 6-7 hours a day. it takes...uh...fortitude. and the ability to conjure up anger.

this sounds incredibly dangerous? like how does he still have testicles

like 2 days a week?

Wait, so jump on him for 6-7 hrs per day? Or is that just the climax? Also, which movie studio does he run?

haha

man you gotta get a jump rope and start practicing

or a trampoline

i stomped on a book over the phone. it shook my entire house. that was when he was like 'yr it'.

it IS dangerous. that's why there's a waiver. i'm mystified by this fetish but he wants me to "take out my punk aggression" on him, so to speak. i have that aggression, but wow.

i'm going to do it tho.

yeah I mean when he's in the hospital w/ bloody crushed mess of a ballsack just remind yourself that this dude was gonna get somebody to do this regardless

i would do it w/o remorse -- but i do wonder about his ballsack

i don't have any problem with it tbh. i mean, shit guy exposes himself to tons of disease by doing what he does. this guy gets off on someone torturing him? that's fine.

anyway, enough. i really just want a date tonight.

is this waiver court-certified?

also at $3000 you should take me out for a drink afterward, since you'll be in LA ;)

uh, no.

but yes to the latter :)

Totes comfortable with this as long as he says 'oooh me plums' at some point.

he wants me to verbally abuse him. like call him a dirty fag and stuff. as i've thought about it since he first called me last week, i've been realizing that maybe he has some sort of fetish for high school and middle school style abuse? but maybe that was just my experience.

aren't there dudes who pay escorts to stomp on their balls w/ stiletto heels?

how strong are balls? what would it take to crush one

those dudes are straight.

it, um, it takes something

please post his safety word to thread

Totes comfortable with this as long as he says 'oooh me plums' at some point.

― a can, a mla, a nmutua ― (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, January 13, 2011 6:31 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

Post of the year.

Enjoy this table. Also don't kill him - let him pay up first.

aren't there dudes who pay escorts to stomp on their balls w/ stiletto heels?

when i was at uni i had a friend who was a prostitute, and she had a client who just liked to have his chest stomped on while she wore stiletto heels. no sex, just stomping.

Hacked into table's iTunes playlist "work":

Kris Kross
Van Halen
House of Pain
Pointer Sisters - too slow

i dont think i could do anything for 6-7 hours except websurf

mets doubleheader?

i watched your preview, table - the music is kind of ominous!!!!!!!!

v peculiar aesthetic on that site. like one minute it's old-timey film projector sound effects and the next minute it's modem sounds.

steampunk?

steam powered modem

http://steampunkworkshop.com/images/M19.jpg

haha, yeah, it's kinda funny, Shine has a specific vision. tbf, the videos themselves don't have much sound. like in mine, it's mostly the squishing sound of skin and lube.

the sounds of squishing

lol at your porn name

did you stomp that guy yet or

the reference is actually obscure:

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41yGgwzumvL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

stomping guy started tecting me 10 times a day and getting weird and i was like, "if you're acting possessive and not like a client and we haven't even met yet, then we're not meeting, sorry bloke"

would def text w/ a guy 10 times a day for $3,000

if you saw these texts and the frequency, you would've been like "no" too, just trust me. i could really use the money (like really use the money) and i decided no. it was when he said he was 'worried' about me after we hadn't talked for two days that i was like, "you're not my friend, you're a fuckin guy who wants me to stomp on him and fuck him for money, get it straight." and he kept on with his weirdness. i can't stand that in lovers, much less in clients.

anyway.

Ha. "Bloke." Was your stomper persona British?

xpost

tbh i was worried when you went a weekend w/o posting to this thread!!

like that you were locked in a dungeon somewhere in LA

Glad I'm not having to choose between bursting a feller's nuts and receiving his texts tbh.

i watched a lot of british tv this past weekend, i was ill. (for some reason, only reading and watching movies appeal to me anymore when i'm sick, ILX is too much).

it really is

the preview is totally teal & orange.xls

didn't travel with my enema bulb because going out was spur of the moment, and despite my best efforts to clean....

i ruined this guy's sheets.

that said, he was a bit...passionless. like, robotic. so in a way, i'm glad.

Oh no! Santorum!

RIP ;_;

he was one of those types who was like "yeah, you gonna cum? you gonna cum?" and i was like "dude, maybe if you stopped talking i would be able to"

I CANNOT STAND people who do that.

ugh! yes

some ppl get off on that -- it's sort of a dom thing no?

i can never tell if it's a dom thing or just desperation (or exasperation)

or bad communication skills

w/ str8 dudes its usually fear of inadequacy fwiw

indeed

tru

god, IMPE guys who do that feel inexperienced/inadequte and think sex means acting like u are in a crappy porno

"YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?? YOU LIKE THAT, DON'T YA."

professional?

Yeah, the one guy I had in mind basically acts like it's a porno every time we fuck, like "Yeah, you like that?" and all that shit. God, it's so dull. Also he refuses to take his shirt off and he keeps trying to have phone/chat sex with me.

if anything coming out of yr mouth is not some variation on i feel awesome / you are awesome then u are doing it wrong

^

This thread is worth it for straight dudes just to see that some things are the same across sexes, and guys are just as ridiculous with other guys as they are with women.

roxy otm

roxy otm, when I am pretending I am in a crappy porno I yell all kinds of bullshit

I hooked up with a guy a couple of times who I thought was saying either "oh yeh, son of a bitch" or "oh you son of a bitch." I finally figured out it was the latter.

professional?

― sarahel, Wednesday, February 2, 2011 2:55 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

i loled

if anything coming out of yr mouth is not some variation on i feel awesome / you are awesome then u are doing it wrong

as with most sweeping generalizations, presumptive and not true for all situations.

so lick my balls.

I really want to make a joke based on 'if anything coming out of your mouth is not jizz you're doing it wrong' but that would just be wrong (in more ways than one).

when I first read that post I 1/2 expected it to say something to that effect

morbius otm about that not always being true

yeah look whatever. was not intended to be gospel. for christ's sake.

yes, sometimes "so, lick my balls" is the right thing to say

This thread makes me think of that situation guys sometimes run into, the one where a girl is giving you head but not going down to suck on your nuts even though you'd really like her to. So you sheepishly ask, "could you suck my balls?" hoping she will, and then she does, but all you can think about is the sound of your own voice asking "could you suck my balls?".

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, December 1, 2004 10:05 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark

lol I was looking for that post. Bryan sounds like he was getting head from girls who were doing it wrong. He's otm though. That or any variation thereof is maybe the worst sounding question ever. Best to make sure that it never has to be asked imo.

using your mouth like a hand is the key to good head. massage, don't eat.

Wait, doing it right always involves sucking on nuts? I am missing out, here.

haha, i was looking for that post too

buzza's on vacation, i'm filling in.

maybe you need to do it in a fake voice, like darth vader or something

this is the biggest lol from The House Bunny imo:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NWYsekCJdac

*suck my balls* [exorcist voice]

are you drunk too grady?

lol no

are u a tranny chaser?

i did have a cocktail about half an hour ago but i try and steer clear of the ILTMI gays thread when i'm intoxicated

sarahel "tranny chaser" is KBP's tired old meme for me

it's different for girls iirc

She's a man, baby!

My one concession to dirty talk: when someone's on the brink, direct eye contact, "DO IT. FUCKING DO IT." That tends to work quite well!

i try and steer clear of the ILTMI gays thread when i'm intoxicated

oooooooooooh

haha

See also: Louie episode "Old."

lol I was looking for that post. Bryan sounds like he was getting head from girls who were doing it wrong. He's otm though. That or any variation thereof is maybe the worst sounding question ever. Best to make sure that it never has to be asked imo.

― ENBB, Wednesday, February 2, 2011 9:33 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Strongly disagree.

fwiw ever since table's shit-eater story i have read this thread title as "I Lost An Ass-Drop In His Cough Hole"

loooooool

Jesse - which which part? That it's an awful sounding question?

I just think "could you suck my balls" IN CONTEXT is totally acceptable and maybe sexy if said the right way. Though I would put it "will you suck my balls" or, in certain situations, "suck my balls." Also maybe disagree that it sounds like Bryan's girl was doing it wrong.

But I also totally see the comedy intended in the post quoted above.

Some occasions call for "Willst du meinen Balls gehrsucken?"

Idk to me it just sounds so ridiculous. Balls. It's a silly word for a fairly ridiculous body part. I only meant that it sounded like she was doing it wrong because generally I think it's better approach to . . . errr . . . at least incorporate them into the whole deal in some way than not to. I mean everyone's diff, of course, but I'm just saying that generally speaking I think including them is better than excluding when it comes to this sorta thing.

x-post If they were asking in German they'd probably say Eier because iirc eggs is the common colloquialism.

A request that echoed distractingly in my head included the qualifying phrase "for a second." That was a big mistake.

I keep thinking of the Louis C.K. sketch where he's talking about trying to ask his wife to lick her palm during a handjob, and how his inability to communicate this is misinterpreted.

slap my sack

lol at correcting him on "Balls" but apparently gesucken is the correct verb. :D

sorry, gehrsucken

The important part is sounding like Christoph Waltz.

Meinen Eier heißen Lekkerland.

I thought gesucken had a nice ring. Hey if geflirted can be an actual word that's used today (which it is) then gesucken can too in my mind.

Rot ist Liebe,
schwarz ist das Loch.
Auch wenn es weh tut,
rein muss er doch.

Ficken, Bumsen, Blasen,
alles auf dem Rasen.

Ficken, Bumsen, Blasen,
auf dem schönen Rasen.
Und ist der Rasen nass,
macht es auch im Stehen Spaß.

its better than naw on my choad.

This made me laugh and I wanted to share it, but no one available ATM, so I hope someone here will enjoy it! Be sure to click View It In A Room.

http://www.regretsy.com/2011/02/25/view-it-in-a-room-nsfw-3/

NSFW, obv., but not very.

ayo

hello. yesterday i did a group blowjob/cum-eating scene with four other guys in an RV that was parked on a side alley in SF. i am somewhat surprised that i still qualify as 'twink.' think it's my face? i dunno.

anyway, it was fun, and soon enough, my cum-covered mouth will be on the back of a DVD in disgusting porn shops all over the land.

Claire Daynze in My So-Called Cum-Covered Mouth.

Claire Gaynes, more like it, right?

Jizz Staynes

Jordan Cuminmylano

I very nearly posted "Cumallanyou"

jesus fucking christ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lpx_VXRG_qc

i like want to vomit everything the world has ever eaten right now.

cool song

"it's the meaning of life"