Dane Cook is the worst thing to ever happen to comedy.

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I hate him.

― howell huser (chaki), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:28 (nineteen years ago)

My Name is Earl is also up there on the list.

― howell huser (chaki), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:28 (nineteen years ago)

surely, you're overlooking carlos mencia.

― origami snail (origami snail), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:31 (nineteen years ago)

my name is earl got nominated for at least one golden globe award. clearly you're wrong.

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:32 (nineteen years ago)

ugh, mencia

― Penis, NV (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:33 (nineteen years ago)

mencia < cook could be overturned on the technicality that mencia has never been "funny"

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:35 (nineteen years ago)

i watched earl for the first time last nite and the only part i liked was how the one guy taped polaroids of his best video game scores to the wall. oh, and i like how whatsherface was waiting by the radio with her tape recorder so that she could tape bust a move for her wedding mix-tape. she is funny. i always like her in the movies.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:38 (nineteen years ago)

Mencia fucking blows.

― giboyeux (skowly), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:40 (nineteen years ago)

dane cook is horrible. i want him dead.

― howell huser (chaki), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:40 (nineteen years ago)

jaime pressly. that's who i meant. she was awesome in not another teen movie. she did the trash thing better in the movie poor white trash.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:41 (nineteen years ago)

he is an interweb phenom. i still have never heard his stand-up. i should watch comedy central more vigilantly. he was on adam carolla's awful show, but i fell asleep before it came on.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:42 (nineteen years ago)

To sum up this thread, Comedy Central is one of the worst things to happen to comedy

― Mickey (modestmickey), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:43 (nineteen years ago)

has he been around forever? cuz his name is really familiar and it seems like i probably saw him a zillion times years ago on all those comedy shows, but he wasn't famous so i didn't pay attention.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:44 (nineteen years ago)

I think he's alright. Enjoyable enough, some bits on his most recent CD made me giggle quite a bit.

― Hairy Asshurt (Toaster), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:46 (nineteen years ago)

I don't trust him. He's allegedly from Boston but has A CANADIAN ACCENT!

He seems harmless enough though. A minor poet in the Observational Humor tradition. Curious what could possibly get under anyone's skin other than media whorishness and overexposure.

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:49 (nineteen years ago)

his schtick is so dude bro im in your face!! im the shit!! uggh.

― howell huser (chaki), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:50 (nineteen years ago)

I also saw Earl for the first time last night and was not impressed at all. Also Dane Cook, based solely on his SNL debut, is not good. Seemed kinda Carrottop-y without the muscles or the props.

― ianinportland (ianinportland), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:50 (nineteen years ago)

his schtick is so dude bro im in your face!! im the shit!!

that does seem to sum it up pretty well. even if he's "ironic."

― rogermexico (rogermexico), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:53 (nineteen years ago)

Dane Cook is terrible frat boy "comedy"

― jaxon (jaxon), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:54 (nineteen years ago)

"Carrottop-y without the muscles or the props"

and that's a bad thing?

― Christopher Costello (CGC), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:54 (nineteen years ago)

i don't mind my name is earl. mainly for the mustache

― jaxon (jaxon), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:55 (nineteen years ago)

the worst thing to ever happen to comedy is probably still saturday nite live. so, i guess, blame canada. and chicago. who knows what american comedy would have looked like without it. probably would have been funnier.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

Dane Cook literally has jokes that start with things like "You know when a chick is blowing you?" (The payoff is something about how guys turn into "salon hairstylists and shit" while the chick is blowing them). Really pretty horrendous.

Comedy Central has had some amazing highs to help atone for their deadly lows, though. I always wonder about that - is the staff 1/2 super smart people who put on things like "Strangers With Candy" and "Comedians of Comedy" and Colbert, and 1/2 people who greenlight Carlos Mencia and Man Show frat-comedy?

They just had this special on called "Last Laugh 2005" or something that was split right down the middle between shit like Carlos Mencia riffing on the small penises of Asian men and then a genuinely smart and hilarious skit with David Koechner as Bush's go-to "blame guy."

Upon reflection, Mencia is definitely the worst thing to happen to comedy in a long time. He's racist and hateful, but worst of all, he's just really stupid.

― Mugged Outside the Jabberjaw, 1993 (Bent Over at the Arclight), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:10 (nineteen years ago)

comedy central has always been half smart and half dumb. they are just trying to fill time and make a buck. i doubt they care much what they make a buck with.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:22 (nineteen years ago)

He's the only guy who's made me turn off SNL and study just based on his intro.

― Sundar (sundar), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:27 (nineteen years ago)

he couldn't have been as bad as andrew dice clay. songle worst snl ever.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:40 (nineteen years ago)

http://myspace.com/mencia

i googled him... i still don't have any idea who he is.
i guess i've never heard of him. i suppose i should be grateful.

― nein Socken (nein Socken), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:45 (nineteen years ago)

Mind of Mencia is just so weak.

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:49 (nineteen years ago)

He's not even Mexican. Well, his mom is, but he's from Honduras.

― ath (ath), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:51 (nineteen years ago)

otm - I thought the bird flu thing was good too. Andy Dick's Tom Cruise sketch was kinda funny, and Colbert and Stewart had some of the weakest bits, oddly.
you're right though, i have new levels of disdain for Mencia after that(and speak of the devil what's with that middle aged lady trying to pull a Diceman? horrific).

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:52 (nineteen years ago)

Oh, and another fact about "Carlos Mencia": his real name is Ned Holness. He adopted the name "Carlos Mencia" to market himself as a Mexican.

― ath (ath), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:55 (nineteen years ago)

I wonder how many closet Neds there are out there.

― Lars and Jagger (Ex Leon), Thursday, 15 December 2005 01:59 (nineteen years ago)

closeted neds? probably a lot.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 15 December 2005 02:05 (nineteen years ago)

I think he's alright. Enjoyable enough, some bits on his most recent CD made me giggle quite a bit.

-- Hairy Asshurt

i hate you

― howell huser (chaki), Thursday, 15 December 2005 03:25 (nineteen years ago)

The SNL skit w/ Dane Cook where he wears the itchy wool sweater was pretty funny though.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Thursday, 15 December 2005 13:57 (nineteen years ago)

Dane Cook reminds me of a New School Evangelist. I totally thought he was going to bust into some "BUT THERE'S NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT OUR LORD JESUS WHO DIED FOR OUR SINS" when I watched his DVD.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Thursday, 15 December 2005 14:45 (nineteen years ago)

he sucks. that saturday night live thing made me want to strangle the mother fucker.

― slow jamz and white guy indie acoustic shit (Chris V), Thursday, 15 December 2005 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

one month passes...

im going to add Demetri Martin to the list of stand ups that suck and must be stopped. motherfucker has a segment on the daily show now. i hate that dood.

― howell huser (chaki), Sunday, 15 January 2006 03:53 (nineteen years ago)

Chaki, I don't know you anymore.

TRENDZZZZZZZZZ

― David R. (popshots75`), Sunday, 15 January 2006 04:33 (nineteen years ago)

demetri martin was pretty funny when i saw him live, and i'm usually very distrustful of stand-up comedians who play instruments (that dana carvey HBO special notwithstanding)

― joseph (joseph), Sunday, 15 January 2006 05:12 (nineteen years ago)

and speak of the devil what's with that middle aged lady trying to pull a Diceman?

you mean lisa lampanelli? she's AWFUL.

― joseph (joseph), Sunday, 15 January 2006 05:14 (nineteen years ago)

aww, man, i wish this thread had been around six months ago when dane cook was selling shitloads of albums and i was starting to think i was losing my mind and my sense of humor.

how some fratty "MY BOYFRIEND IS SOOOOO FUNNY" type got so popular i'll never know.

― baby, disco is fuck (yournullfame), Sunday, 15 January 2006 14:27 (nineteen years ago)

that dana carvey HBO special notwithstanding

what was this? when was this? I would watch it, I think.

is Dana Carvey's aborted series on torrent anywhere?

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 15 January 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

Demetri Martin

who's this one? the kid?

― kingfish kuribo's shoe (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 15 January 2006 18:01 (nineteen years ago)

kyle, the HBO "critic's choice" special that comedy central used to run like nonstop. he reprises the "CHOPPING BROCCOLI" song on piano and does a whole bit about the OJ trial. haven't seen it in ages but i loved it back in '95 or so and for all i know it may have dated pretty well.

― joseph (joseph), Sunday, 15 January 2006 18:07 (nineteen years ago)

we get Earl in the UK now. seems like an attempt to do coen bros lite (esp. raizing arizona), god help us

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Sunday, 15 January 2006 18:14 (nineteen years ago)

Oh yeah, with the bits with Ross Perot talking about Waterworld and Forrest Gump

― kingfish kuribo's shoe (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 15 January 2006 18:15 (nineteen years ago)

one month passes...

Comic Dane Cook signs with HBO (How do I Hyperlink btw?)

http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/view.php?StoryID=20060302-125408-4367r

Dane Cook seems like the kinda guy who got started in the funny business by being "that guy" at the party doing obnoxious Jim Carrey bits ("SMOKIN!"). He also strikes me as the kinda guy who, at thirty-something, still refers to sex as "gettin' laid" and who bitches about the music at a party until somebody plays something from Who's Next.

― Cunga (Cunga), Friday, 3 March 2006 22:29 (nineteen years ago)

I had no idea who this guy was when I saw him host SNL and couldn't figure out why they gave a horribly unfunny comic free reign all over the opening monologue to hack stand up. Not that SNL is any hallmark of comedy but I was surprised they broke with tradition like that for someone who seemed like a blip on the radar of popular culture.

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 3 March 2006 22:41 (nineteen years ago)

I was surprised they broke with tradition like that for someone who seemed like a blip on the radar of popular culture.

They used to do this a lot more in the beginning but I think that in recent years it's gotten worse and worse. I actually wish they'd book some more obscure acts but preferably better ones.

― Cunga (Cunga), Friday, 3 March 2006 23:40 (nineteen years ago)

one month passes...

Isn't it funny how you say you hate these people but can't stop talking about them? You people need to grow up and get a fucking life. If you really hate these people, then don't talk about them. Christ

― damn you're all thick, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:06 (nineteen years ago)

fuck off, cunt

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:10 (nineteen years ago)

You spent 10 minutes (including spell check) typing out 3 sentences on an internet message board telling people on an internet message board not to "talk" about people they don't like because you like them. Are you sure that was a wise use of your time?

Also, your sensitive plea for tolerance is undermined by your fake email address.

― Ricky Nadir (noodle vague), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:10 (nineteen years ago)

why do you critocize dane when what has he done notihng to you. he is an awesome guy i met him once he was so cool he signed my cd and i told him to sign my bong and he did. do any of your band idols do that? i bet you fagz listent to mariah carey and her butt buddy ahley simpson dont you losers

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:14 (nineteen years ago)

I'm fod up cos all you wanna do is critocize

― Ricky Nadir (noodle vague), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:17 (nineteen years ago)

don't call us fagz, you asked a dude to sign your bong. sometimes a bong is just a big ceramic cock you know.

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:21 (nineteen years ago)

More like Dane Cock amirite?

― Ricky Nadir (noodle vague), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:22 (nineteen years ago)

ok know im beng harsh but you all need lighting up with my 'creamic' cock and then maybe youd understand the sublety of danes humorous

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:25 (nineteen years ago)

yes, mariah carey and ahley simpson have anal sex. with their penises.

I clicked on this thread to impart my tale of how Dane Cook played Boston recently, and people at my university were offering up tickets they'd bought in advance (and paid around one hundred dollars for) for free. So hopefully that ship has sailed. Or maybe we just don't understand Dane's humorous.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 00:29 (nineteen years ago)

Didn't Dane Cook's comedy CD break sales records? For comedy albums? Or something?

This guy is a GOD to hordes of college students, I've witnessed the Dane-worship firsthand

Also the ladies love him

― Chris Bergen (Cee Bee), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:15 (nineteen years ago)

I CANT BELIEVE HES FUCKING JESS SIMPSON

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:15 (nineteen years ago)

dam straight, my gf wants a fantasy 3some with me her and dane, hes the only man i would lett screw my gf, except maybe tommy lee, but dane is the man and he gets buckets of trim

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:18 (nineteen years ago)

i vote animal poster of the year

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:19 (nineteen years ago)

i hav a poster of dimebag on the wall

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:22 (nineteen years ago)

me too wit his bro vinny

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:23 (nineteen years ago)

I'm still interested in hearing more about how Ashlee Simpson and Mariah Carey are butt buddies. I hate being teased!

― Cunga (Cunga), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:32 (nineteen years ago)

the best concert ever wood be dane and dimebag and fucking bob marley and, like dane would bring the laguhing, marley the spiritual and the weed, and dimebag the weed and the fucking power and the riffs and the weed.

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:32 (nineteen years ago)

I wish Smash would post to ILX again

― JW (ex machina), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:33 (nineteen years ago)

cunga man you seen requiem for dreams? that shit with the junkies and the chjick she connects ass dildos with other girls for money and shit? jennifer connely, she was in the labyrnth. i dont know any facts about mariah and ashlee they just suck donkey balls

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:36 (nineteen years ago)

I remember the Labyrinth playing on Disney Channel in the early-90s alright. David Bowie was as scary as you got for a little boy.

― Cunga (Cunga), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:50 (nineteen years ago)

yeah themuppets are effin scary and shit, bowie is like the 80's muppet man. i used watch this when the babysiter came and she was smokin' but iwas like 4 and it wouldnt work out ya know? i got scared when she told mne the goblins comin to get meman arrr! but bowie is like evil in this moviee i bet the thing is hes really nice and in personable

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:56 (nineteen years ago)

you don't want tommy lee fucking your gf unless you want her to get hepatitis!

― gear (gear), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 01:59 (nineteen years ago)

well its a fantasy mange a tois, in real life id be all, hey dude get yer innoculashions and shit

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:02 (nineteen years ago)

Cook often refers to specific places or things using his own slang terms. For instance: Burger King is the "BK Lounge"
- wikipedia

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:03 (nineteen years ago)

I CAN'T WAIT TO USE HIS SLANG WITH MY REAL PALS

― gbx (skowly), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:05 (nineteen years ago)

Jessica Simpson is back in the USA from her down under trip to Australia and she has been welcomed home with more speculation that she is deeply involved in a love triangle with hunky co-star Dane Cook and his girlfriend and rocker Raquel Houghton.

Are Jess and Dane an Item?

Cook and Jess have both denied any romantic relationship.

But the actress has reportedly been spotted taking in Dane's comedy club shows (where he is cracking jokes about infidelity) and Alan Smith is now reporting that Jess has wrecked the hunky comment with his live-in love Raquel.

This is the story according to the Enquirer.

***

"Jessica couldn't resist Dane and vise-versa," revealed a friend of Jessica to the magazine. "Dane is her first full blown love affair."

Now it gets complicated.

The report details that Raquel has threatened to move out on Dane since she found out about the steamy affair. Jessica's rep told the magazine that since filming ended the comedian is back with Raquel but the weekly cites a source that says otherwise.

"Jessica is a sucker for a guy that makes her laugh - and (Nick) wasn't very funny," the source reveals.

***

Jess and Dane reportedly made a pact to keep the affair secret - both have indeed denied the affair several times - but the pair were reportedly spotted in several New Mexico nightspots holding hands and raising eyebrows.

If the details of this are accurate - who will Dane choose?

--Kate S. Campbell

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:22 (nineteen years ago)

dane inspired my rap dreams

dane is a playa the poon-tang slaya the bk lounge is where he eats the whopper, gayer

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:25 (nineteen years ago)

Looks like Dane finally got around to googling himself. A+!

― John Justen (johnjusten), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:26 (nineteen years ago)

im jus playin my roomate chris made that shit up, hes real good at shit like that.

the bud is kind, inspires ya mind!

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:28 (nineteen years ago)

no effin way thats not dane, he wouldnt post messages on here

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:29 (nineteen years ago)

shit man, if thats dane, fuck, man you are a god brah!

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:30 (nineteen years ago)

PEACE

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 02:31 (nineteen years ago)

ok i dont like you anymore. too forced. keep it subtle, mang.

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:17 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah I nominate animal as worst poster of the year

― Chris Bergen (Cee Bee), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:19 (nineteen years ago)

He's similarly annoying on other threads

― Chris Bergen (Cee Bee), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:20 (nineteen years ago)

you both are new. fah q!

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:23 (nineteen years ago)

bite me

― Chris Bergen (Cee Bee), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:28 (nineteen years ago)

i cant im bizzy biting yer mom

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:36 (nineteen years ago)

you're hurting her :(

― Chris Bergen (Cee Bee), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 03:48 (nineteen years ago)

fuck yall im screwin both yer mamas

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 06:05 (nineteen years ago)

im comin down off this buz hard im not feelin this thred aynmore

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 06:09 (nineteen years ago)

yall dont like dane anyway, but you shoud buy his cds, your tune will change after words

― animal, Wednesday, 26 April 2006 06:11 (nineteen years ago)

I decided to google Dane Cook to see what this fuss was about. Oh dear! Not Funny At All.

I don't mind My Name is Earl though. It's amiable enough.

― David Orton (scarlet), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 10:22 (nineteen years ago)

my favorite it the "Roomates" section

― city of gyros (chaki), Wednesday, 26 April 2006 22:15 (nineteen years ago)

Dane Cook is a f!^%@#ing wanker! He reminds me of one of those locker room guys who, deep inside, has such a low self-esteem of himself. Really. A quarter of the people who knows him thinks he's funny coz they have even more complex deep-seated issues than he does. Good example would be Jessica Simpson and jocks who think it's macho to relate with a guy like Cook (hey! maybe Jess really is a jock! ever wondered abt tht transvestite smile of hers??), another quarter laughs at his jokes coz they are good human beings who just don't have the heart to witness a wanker be completely dissapointed with his life tht he decideds to jump off the stage and kills himself in the process, second-final quarter would rather see him dead and talk shit about him, whilst the final quarter just can't give a shit about him. Oh how I wish I belong to the final quarter!

― Armani Ibrahim, Wednesday, 3 May 2006 10:48 (nineteen years ago)

pls more info on mariah/jess butt action

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 3 May 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

http://www.redban.com/blogy/?p=51

dane steals from louis ck! fucking hack.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 18:33 (eighteen years ago)

Definitely brings back the old "Dennis Leary steals from Bill Hicks" days...

The thing that both cases have in common--same material, much better delivery second time around. I certainly don't think Dane Cook is a brilliant, original comedian, but I respect his presentation of the material. I also think that if he was fat and unattractive, this thread wouldn't even exist in he first place.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:03 (eighteen years ago)

i like handsome comedians. michael ian black is good and so is jalapeno on a steeek guy.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:06 (eighteen years ago)

you think dane cook delivers material better than louis ck? you are a fool, mr blanchard.

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:13 (eighteen years ago)

"I respect his presentation of the material"

He's a hack comedian, FFS, not an off-broadway dramaturg. LOLZ

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:17 (eighteen years ago)

serious! dane make louis look like richard pryor.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:18 (eighteen years ago)

i hadn't seen any of his standup in awhile and then some co-worker was watching one of his clips online. it reminded me again of how TERRIBLE he is. dane makes me appreciate larry the cable guy.

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:19 (eighteen years ago)

pls more info on mariah/jess butt action

-- Huk-L (handsomishbo...), May 3rd, 2006.

otm

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:20 (eighteen years ago)

you know who is cool?

bob newhart. more comedians should be like him. dress nice and shit. i'm sick of seeing dudes in hoodies. be a professional.

i like my name is earl. it's funny. not super oh ho ho i'm peeing my pants funny, but amusing and there's a sweetness about it i like.

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:23 (eighteen years ago)

"you think dane cook delivers material better than louis ck? you are a fool, mr blanchard."

Yeah, the monotone no-personality thing is a real selling point...god knows that's never been done by eight million other standup comedians. There are two qualities that sell me on a comedian--material and charisma. You can be decent with one quality, but need both to be great. It's why Carlin, Bruce, Pryor, etc. are among the greats.

There's a reason why Cook is popular, and there is also a reason why it's popular to bash on him.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:23 (eighteen years ago)

The only laughter Dane Cook deserves is the contemptuous sneering laughter of a serial ass-rapist.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:24 (eighteen years ago)

It's also pretty damn sad how defense people are getting about any defense of Cook--he's a frat-boy comedian & doesn't live up to your standards of hipsterdom--GET OVER IT.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:26 (eighteen years ago)

didn't de la soul invent called burger king the "bk lounge"?

but yeah more butt info, sorry dudes i shouldn't be getting off message.

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:26 (eighteen years ago)

I don't like Dane Cook because he doesn't make me laugh, not because of some cultural slide-rule hipster-o-meter. Put the torch down, fuckwit.

― elmo argonaut (allocryptic), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:31 (eighteen years ago)

didn't de la soul invent callING i meant.

i've never even seen or heard any of dane cook's jokes.

the only comedy i watch these days are those infomercials for the dean martin celebrity roasts...i'm kind of addicted to them. it's so crazy! ruth buzzi! sinatra! red buttons! that's when stars were stars.

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:33 (eighteen years ago)

http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg
"It's also pretty damn sad how defense people are getting about any defense of Cook--he's a frat-boy comedian & doesn't live up to your standards of hipsterdom--GET OVER IT."

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:37 (eighteen years ago)

i'd hit it.

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:37 (eighteen years ago)

Dane Cook is not Larry The Cable Guy!

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:57 (eighteen years ago)

Dane Cook's delivery is the primary reason I can't stand him at all.
x-post
Well, at least he has that going for him, Dan.

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 19:58 (eighteen years ago)

Cook often refers to specific places or things using his own slang terms. For instance: Burger King is the "BK Lounge"

ok roffle

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Friday, 28 July 2006 20:02 (eighteen years ago)

bob newhart is great.
i have some old tapes but haven't listened to them in years. great delivery.

i know nothing about these new-fangled comedy guys.

― rrrobyn sharkattack battleforcenet (rrrobyn), Friday, 28 July 2006 20:05 (eighteen years ago)

Umm...why exactly was it necessary to post a photo of me?

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 21:24 (eighteen years ago)

context.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 21:42 (eighteen years ago)

also: put on a shirt, tubby.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 21:42 (eighteen years ago)

fuck that! no rules! i just took my pants off! tevs squares, it's casual friday bitch!

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 28 July 2006 21:44 (eighteen years ago)

i just poured a dr.pepper over my head.

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 28 July 2006 21:44 (eighteen years ago)

no he needs to put on a fucking shirt

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 21:56 (eighteen years ago)

a hairshirt

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:00 (eighteen years ago)

chaki, that was sub-dane

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:01 (eighteen years ago)

http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/lucysimms/steelydealy.jpg

How's this for context--IT'S DARK OUTSIDE YOU HIPSTER FUCK: TAKE OFF THE OVERSIZED 70s SUNGLASSES. Or is it possibly the glare from the Pretentiousness Fairy that follows you to Steely Dan shows?

And shave off the crustache; it's almost an unappealing as your girlfriend's bowl-cut bangs. And by the way, if I'm putting on a shirt, it sure as hell won't be the pretty little blouse you're wearing.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:01 (eighteen years ago)

i just kicked the UPS guy in the nuts! RIOT!

― M@tt He1geson: Real Name, No Gimmicks (Matt Helgeson), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:02 (eighteen years ago)

"Don't mess with the Dan"

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:04 (eighteen years ago)

americanhistoryxkerbstomp.jpg

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:05 (eighteen years ago)

**waiting to see how many smart-ass comments he can get his friends to help him come up with in the next five minutes**

**checks watch**

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:08 (eighteen years ago)

did the cool kids pee in your coke in 4th grade or something?

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:09 (eighteen years ago)

Funny, I was going to ask everybody on this board the same thing...

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:10 (eighteen years ago)

that's very Dane Cook of you. I expect you would have BELLOWED IT AND SAID IT IN FUNNEEE SLANG though

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:14 (eighteen years ago)

i look fuckin cool, jay.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:22 (eighteen years ago)

That was very clever. Very. Pat yourself on the back.

I find it funny that I'm even involving myself in this thread--I'm not even a Dane Cook fan. I just appreciate the entertainers who have the ability to be charismatic & appeal to large groups of people. Funny, with all the blabberings about "rockism" on ILX, no one seems to realize that this thread has turned into "Stand-Up Rockism 101: Why Dane Cook Sucks".

What I find really bizarre is that I never attacked anyone for disliking Dane Cook; I simply said that I appreciate an element of his act. And simply because I didn't walk the company line and join in the fun of "ganging up on the popular kid", I'm attacked (personally even). Yet if I would have started a thread about how untalented Justin Timberlake is, I'd be labeled a rockist. Whatever; if it somehow enhances your self-worth to have a bunch of people on a website blindly agree with you on something, have at it; I could care less.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:23 (eighteen years ago)

You look however you think you look, Chalky.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:24 (eighteen years ago)

What I find really bizarre is that I never attacked anyone for disliking Dane Cook

"he's a frat-boy comedian & doesn't live up to your standards of hipsterdom--GET OVER IT."

*pats self on back* :-D

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:25 (eighteen years ago)

YOU LOOK LIKE SCARY INTERNET CAM PERV DOOD

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:25 (eighteen years ago)

And you look like a spic child molester. Guess we're two peas in a pod...

And dumbass, that picture was taken quickly to be used for a photo manipulation--it's not a goddamn self-portrait. I don't have as many insecurities as you do that I need to glam it up for pictures.

And seriously, if you can't afford decent sunglasses, I can send you some money via PayPal.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:30 (eighteen years ago)

if you want a serious answer:

i love stand up comedy. ive always admired stand ups and aspired to be one myself. i appreciate the skill and and discipline it takes to be an awesome, funny comedian. when i see comedians that shit all over the form and steal jokes from people i respect im going to call them out on it. and so is the rest of the country. dood isnt funny. period the end.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

spic child molester?

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:32 (eighteen years ago)

Do people still give a shit about rockism?
Why are you the only one taking this seriously?

― milo z (mlp), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:33 (eighteen years ago)

spicy child molesters

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:35 (eighteen years ago)

so is dane cook the popular kid or is he the one who doesn't meet our supercool popular hipster standards?

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:36 (eighteen years ago)

Steely Dan appeal to large groups of people.

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:36 (eighteen years ago)

motherfucker called me a spic? you racist piece of shit. sorry i dont like your precious man crush DANE. that doesnt mean you need to resort to fucking racial slurs, you shirtless fucking moron.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:37 (eighteen years ago)

Nice opinion; try respect those of others. No one I know died and made you the authority on stand-up comedy. I probably have just as much, if not more, respect for the medium than you do. But I also live by the "50,000,000 Elvis fans can't be wrong" philosophy--if the guy has as big of a fan base as he does, he must be doing something right. And when I went to one of his shows, I found out exactly why. His material was nothing great, mostly rip-offs of Family Guy episodes and other 20-something pop culture references. But he had the crowd in the palm of his hand, because he was so dedicated to what he was saying. It's incredibly difficult to be that charismatic and keep a crowd that size on their toes. And as much as I can't stand bubblegum pop groups or punk rock, I still respect them for their ability to get such energy out of a crowd.

So, whatever, if that is outside of your "high authority" standards for being something to respect, then sue me. But man, based on your comebacks, you've got some work to do before you can quit the day job at Starbucks and start the the full time stand-up career.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:40 (eighteen years ago)

The white heat from the Prejudice Fairy made it so hot he had to take off his shirt.
x-post

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:41 (eighteen years ago)

his comebacks?

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:42 (eighteen years ago)

Oooh...did that touch a sore spot? How about you starting the personal attacks fuckhead? How is making fun of someone's weight (and for christ's sake, I'm 147 lbs!) any better than making a comment about their background? Schmuck.

And I'll repeat it again because nobody seems to understand it--I'M NOT A DANE COOK FAN. Jeez ...

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:43 (eighteen years ago)

But he had the crowd in the palm of his hand, because he was so dedicated to what he was saying.

You sure his crowd wasn't just stoned, drunk and/or stupid?

― milo z (mlp), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:44 (eighteen years ago)

jay, where the fuck do you live where you think calling someone a spic is the same as calling someone tubby?

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:44 (eighteen years ago)

Wait a second, since when is Louis CK monotone?

― darin (darin), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:45 (eighteen years ago)

More than likely, but even still...someone who can sell millions of records must be doing SOMETHING right.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:45 (eighteen years ago)

"jay, where the fuck do you live where you think calling someone a spic is the same as calling someone tubby?"

A personal insult is a personal insult. And while you outright called me "tubby", I said you "looked like" a spic child molester in that picture--I didn't say you were one. I'm sure in PC Land there's a scale somewhere where racial remark trumps disparaging one's physical appearance, but I don't buy it. Where I grew up, plenty of kids recovered from remarks about their ethnic or socioeconomic background (or at least grew a thick enough skin to insult the guy right back and not play the "you're a racist" card. But I know at least two people I went to school with who blew their brains out because they were sick of the fat jokes, and about a half dozen who developed life-threatening eating disorders.

Here's the think Chaki--I don't give a fuck what you think or what you think about Dane Cook or what you think about me. I simply came on to give a Devil's Advocate viewpoint (as you can easily see by reading my posts), and instead I was called an "idiot" and "tubby" within a couple of dozen posts. So fuck you.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:50 (eighteen years ago)

jay. i am mexican. you said i looked like a spic. do you not understand the world around you?

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:51 (eighteen years ago)

And you look like a spic child molester.

HUNTER.JPG

T/S: RACISM v. FATTISM

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:53 (eighteen years ago)

a racist insult isn't a personal insult.

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:53 (eighteen years ago)

And you said I was fat. Are you that fucking dense? I don't know where you're from & I don't care where you're from. You're an asshole. You told me what you think I looked like, I told you what I think you looked like. It's easy to dish out disparaging remarks, but obviously it isn't so easy to take them, hmm?

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:54 (eighteen years ago)

"I JUST SAID YOU LOOK LIKE A SPIC'!!!!

― milo z (mlp), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:55 (eighteen years ago)

so you're fat AND a bigot. cool, got it, thanks.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:55 (eighteen years ago)

Did that sound like a good counter-argument in the first place? "I just said that you looked like a nigger, boy, not that you was one"?

― milo z (mlp), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:55 (eighteen years ago)

Wow that is the quickest I have EVER seen someone go from zero to racist flip out.

In case this typhoon of getting disproportionally angry comes my way, can I be a chink cow fucker?

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:55 (eighteen years ago)

gear, who asked you to get involved in this? It's between me and him.

Don Rickles to thread.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:56 (eighteen years ago)

oh so it's only between you and him and don rickles. sorry!

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:58 (eighteen years ago)

I think, jay, that the wtf here is the fact that you somehow think that racist slurs/racism in general is somehow comparable to telling someone they're tubby. Or that, because two people in your fucking high school killed themselves because of fat jokes, FATTISM is actually bigtime serious and racism is no biggy, because the few minority kids you "knew" managed to get over the bullshit you and your pals gave them.

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:58 (eighteen years ago)

I've had enough of this. Anyone this sensitive to words shouldn't be discussing stand-up comedy in the first place, and anyone who can't see that there's no such thing as a hierarchy when it comes to insults is an idiot.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:58 (eighteen years ago)

Says he what flipped out over "tubby"

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:59 (eighteen years ago)

i guess you would have all-too-easily busted out a photo of a black poster who said the same thing and said he looked like a "n----- child molester"?

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:59 (eighteen years ago)

PERTINENT QUESTION: ARE YOU, IN FACT, FAT?

BECAUSE CHAKI IS ACTUALLY MEXICAN.

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 28 July 2006 22:59 (eighteen years ago)

Anyone this sensitive to words shouldn't be discussing stand-up comedy in the first place

omg he really said it

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:00 (eighteen years ago)

"I AM ONLY 147 LBS"

― gear (gear), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:00 (eighteen years ago)

though probably not a child molestor, i'm guessing.

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:00 (eighteen years ago)

yeah, but what if he's 4 feet tall?

CHUBSTOCK.

― gbx (skowly), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:00 (eighteen years ago)

Every time this thread gets revived it is 100% classic.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:01 (eighteen years ago)

(and for christ's sake, I'm 147 lbs!)

Are you 5'2"?

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:01 (eighteen years ago)

(x-post)

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:02 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, and I'm the abusive one...

Look, I'm willing to be the bigger man here and apologize for my remarks offending you and anyone else. You, however, seem to not recognize that your remarks offended me, so whatever, I just don't feel like being involved in this hypocracy anymore. So, I apologize, I spoke out of anger and I shouldn't have.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:04 (eighteen years ago)

I wasn't offended, I just think you're a moron.

― milo z (mlp), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:06 (eighteen years ago)

Feeling is mutual.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:07 (eighteen years ago)

just a bit of racism, let's be cool

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:07 (eighteen years ago)

Whatever, if you're not going to take this seriously, that's fine.

― jay blanchard (jay blanchard), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:09 (eighteen years ago)

this thread is funnier than dane cook.

― La Monte (La Monte), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:10 (eighteen years ago)

True dat.

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:12 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.randomimage.us/files/436e66cff0956.gif

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:13 (eighteen years ago)

anyway a that sucks that dane cook stole those jokes from louis ck

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:17 (eighteen years ago)

Lucky Louie has gotten pretty good.

― Marmot 4-Tay: Hold these goddamn chickens! (marmotwolof), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:19 (eighteen years ago)

But I once heard Louis CK call McDonald's "Mickey-D's", clearly a Cook-ism. Okay I can't get over the BK thing sry.

― tremendoid (tremendoid), Friday, 28 July 2006 23:37 (eighteen years ago)

Oh fuck you, Chaki.

-- Jay "22/M/147lb" Blanchard (mperpetua) (webmail), January 8th, 2005 1:37 PM. (link)

― mark grebt (sanskrit), Saturday, 29 July 2006 00:46 (eighteen years ago)

lol is that for real?

― a name means a lot just by itself (lfam), Saturday, 29 July 2006 00:48 (eighteen years ago)

i wish

― mark grebt (sanskrit), Saturday, 29 July 2006 00:55 (eighteen years ago)

wow/oah! this thread!

― rrrobyn sharkattack battleforcenet (rrrobyn), Saturday, 29 July 2006 06:54 (eighteen years ago)

holy shit, this thread

I don't really have anything against Dane Cook.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Saturday, 29 July 2006 10:24 (eighteen years ago)

Anyone this sensitive to words shouldn't be discussing stand-up comedy in the first place, and anyone who can't see that there's no such thing as a hierarchy when it comes to insults is an idiot.

This is the point where I realized something was drastically, horribly wrong.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Saturday, 29 July 2006 10:39 (eighteen years ago)

Um, yeah. This thread got way too fucking insane, didn't it? Which is a shame because earlier in this thread I'd have thought I'd found my people, what with the anti-Carlos Mencia thing going on. I can't explain in words just how much I hate Carlos Mencia, though the general idea has been proposed before by the people who shared their anti-Mencia POVs upthread. I don't know enough about Dane Cook to comment on him; the only thing I know is that he's apparently some kind of teen idol type the girlies today like to crush on. Sounds less damaging that Mencia's POS bigotry. That half-German, half-Honduran nitwit...grrr.

― Phoenix Dancing (krushsister), Saturday, 29 July 2006 11:06 (eighteen years ago)

The idea that Dennis Leary is better than Bill Hicks is making me "roffle."

Some thread here.

― Euai Kapaui (tracerhand), Saturday, 29 July 2006 11:44 (eighteen years ago)

jay just made explicit what everyone on this board thinks re: mencia

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Saturday, 29 July 2006 15:51 (eighteen years ago)

I think you have the idea of 'speaking truth to power' wrong.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 29 July 2006 16:06 (eighteen years ago)

Ned, shut the fuck up for once, please.

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Saturday, 29 July 2006 16:13 (eighteen years ago)

So you could hear Jay talk some more and whisper sweet nothings in your ear? Pobrecito.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 29 July 2006 16:15 (eighteen years ago)

Don't speak Spanish to me, honky.

― cousin larry bundgee (bundgee), Saturday, 29 July 2006 19:07 (eighteen years ago)

The idea of Ned murmuring consoling Spanish nothings is so much more comedic than any of the people mentioned up-thread.

― Laurel (Laurel), Saturday, 29 July 2006 19:10 (eighteen years ago)

ok jay you can fuck with me and call me all the racial slurs you want but your fatal mistake was insulting my girl. i can post the pics of your cosplay lovin girlfriend i just saw right now dressed up as a superdeformed lara croft or a rather large sally from nightmare before xmas but you know what ill be the better man and keep them to myself. ahh myspace. you two are going to have beautiful role playing large anglo dream kids one day. :)

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Saturday, 29 July 2006 19:57 (eighteen years ago)

Haha, man. You ain't kiddin.

― Marmot 4-Tay: I'll sip from his well without hesitation. (marmotwolof), Saturday, 29 July 2006 20:06 (eighteen years ago)

Look, I'm willing to be the bigger man here...

-- jay blanchard (kinojay3...) (webmail), July 28th, 2006 8:04 PM. (jay blanchard)

well you are the bigger man. i mean, we're talking huge.

― Lmaoborghini (eman), Sunday, 30 July 2006 00:34 (eighteen years ago)

you guys know he's been banned, right? are you getting the last word in or something?

― Zwan (miccio), Sunday, 30 July 2006 00:46 (eighteen years ago)

my bad "you guys", i made a terrible poorly-timed joke on the dane cock thread

― Lmaoborghini (eman), Sunday, 30 July 2006 00:55 (eighteen years ago)

http://image.guardian.co.uk/sys-images/Football/Pix/gallery/2004/05/26/timzaccheo.jpg

― Zwan (miccio), Sunday, 30 July 2006 00:56 (eighteen years ago)

http://static.flickr.com/49/167458271_81d7e69749.jpg

― Lmaoborghini (eman), Sunday, 30 July 2006 01:10 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.eiain.co.uk/wp/fred_20durst.jpg

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Sunday, 30 July 2006 01:23 (eighteen years ago)

ha de-evolution in action!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 30 July 2006 01:38 (eighteen years ago)

http://img.xxxtom.com/site02/join_19.jpg

― gear (gear), Sunday, 30 July 2006 01:42 (eighteen years ago)

myspace is creepy.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Sunday, 30 July 2006 01:46 (eighteen years ago)

seven months pass...

http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg
http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg
http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg
http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg
http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg
http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg
http://i7.tinypic.com/2111hg4.jpg

― gershy, Thursday, 8 March 2007 06:11 (eighteen years ago)

Oh god this thread.

― Pashmina, Thursday, 8 March 2007 10:58 (eighteen years ago)

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