Nipsies for the prom queens, malternative lifestyles for the menfolk, BEERGARITAS FOR ALL! HSTNGS THRD AGANE

I would also like to thank our new gracious host Mr. Whois Ghostrider for providing the bandwidth with which to spew our stream of bitter invective, drink recipes, and joeks at the expense of others.

l-r: FB, Br14n K1mm3s

So that's where he got the idea from.

(it was hard to resist a river wolf joke)

i guess i sort of maybe didn't, but now it's implied

I am hiding in my office from a 16 year old wearing a "BUM EQUIPMENT" tshirt. I was unaware that they still made those.

Oh sweet lunkhead suburban teens, how you continue to amaze me.

Upon further inspection, it is sleeveless, so sort of more of a t-vest.

KEEP HIDING.

That is a cute picture of FB. I don't think I've seen him in that kind of corset before.

RIGHT SURE YOU HAVEN'T

ACTUALLY WAIT WHICH KINDS HAVE YOU SEEN HIM IN?

QUIET!!!

Aren't you supposed to be hiding? The t-vest kid is going to HEAR YOU.

No comment.

xpost

http://www.romantasy.com/cyboutique/Newsletter/images11_00/man.jpg

FLUFFY BEAR HEARTS RAINBOWS SATIN.

haha why is this in itr???

T-vest is gone, replaced by 15 year old bloozman w/porkpie hat.

I'm thinking this is a lateral move.

xpost: TO KEEP THE BAD PEOPLE OUT.

I figure if we ask nicely the kind moderator will ban teh crazees.

Also, it is a test of how badly people WANT the HSTNGS experience. Will they go that extra mile?

God, look at how that is pinching his waist in! Poor guy. He should just cut back on the carbs.

xpost John thinks he has to hide these days. I'm offering safe harbor in exchange for cleaning out the front closet in my house. But he's probably stuck hiding from the t-vest guy for a while.

yeah, i'm about the best choice for cleaning assistance you could pick, that's for sure.

Also, it is a test of how badly people WANT the HSTNGS experience. Will they go that extra mile?

Will they play Russian Roulette? Will they hook friends up to electrical outlets? Will they?

"Wait, you're just going to throw all these old newspapers and oily rags away?" xpost

xpost - re: cleaning. Uh, John, I saw your teenage bedroom. I'm looking for ruthlessness, not cleaning ability.

"THE KIDS DON'T NEED THESE WINTER BOOTS ANYMORE..."

Also, not related to that at all, M1ke D0nnd3ling3r and his wife J3nnif3r B3lisl3 (HHS, class of 1992), have a new baby boy. 3than J4m3s. He weighed 11 pounds, 14.5 oz at birth! (birthdate: Sept 18)

BTW, it was a planned c-section. Apparently the Giant Baby was not a surprise.

The size of that baby would be awesome if that baby were made out of ham.

or turkey.

Wait, how much does a thanksgiving turkey weigh?

You can buy turkeys in many different sizes; it depends what you want/how many people you are serving.

Now I'm hungry.

So, if that baby had been made out of farm fresh turkey, how many people would it have served?

CALL THE THANKSGIVING HOTLINE FOR THIS KIND OF QUESTION, JOHN, YOU KNOW I'M A HORRIBLE COOK

theres a thanksgiving hotline?

also, I'm afraid that if I call the thanksgiving hotline and ask them how many people a 12 pound baby made out of delectable oven-roasted chicken will serve, I might get in some trouble.

1-800-BUTTERBALL

xpost - Yes, you are probably right about that.

Go to www.butterball.com for more information.

(They probably don't directly address the baby question, but I'm sure you can extrapolate. Make sure to invite Jonathan Swift!)

Is he a big eater?

For reference:

http://www.butterball.com/en/main_canvas.jsp?includePage=prep_calculator.jsp&t=Turkey%20Calculator&s0=plan_n_prep&s1=plan

Quit your English major a bit too soon, IRISH?

Apparently, a healthy adult can eat on average one pound of baby per sitting, but if you want leftovers, you should estimate at 1.5 lbs.

xpost If I could make a modest proposal, it would be to assume better of me.

Mike's baby will require 13.5 cups of stuffing, so you might want to let him know in advance.

You know what they say about assuming.

PS Do the leftovers.

WITH A TURKEY, THOUGH.

Also - 13 and a half cups of stuffing?! That is one serious baby!

Hey, I just report what your website tells me, lady.

"my" website

OK, am I the only person that thinks that the flood of poll results/poll closing at the top of new answers every day can suck a dick?

In general, I am unperturbed by it, but my tolerance for things has gone way up since J was born. Compared to being woken up every morning by a 5 year old who insists that we MUST sing "Simple Gifts" RIGHT NOW, I barely even notice the polls.

See, everything is relative.

Also, I'm REALLY starting to hate "Simple Gifts."

I won't, however, start a poll about it.

What the hell is "Simple Gifts"?

"'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free, 'tis the gift to come down where we ought to be..."

I think it's a Shaker song or hymn. Someone taught it to J this summer. I hate that person now. "tis the gift to be simple" always sounds like "yay, being an idiot is GR8!"

If you've heard Aaron Copeland's "Rites of Spring," you've heard the music.

I think that's right.

Copeland = Copland

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FB TO THREAD STAT.

dammit, Appalachian Spring

xpost ??????!!!!!

FB is the master of "The Shaker Folk Song" on the trumpet.

I don't think you could make something like that up.

WHEN WILL HE PERFORM?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Simple_Gifts

http://blog.wired.com/photos/uncategorized/2007/06/11/lrg_rifle_bugle.jpg

Though often classified as an anonymous Shaker hymn or as a work song, it is better classified as a dance song.

WAHT?

My god, Martha Graham has a lot to answer for here.

xpost John, you're the marksman, but it seems to me that might be dangerous.

But what do I know about it?

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/165/387039160_6fce03a06f_b.jpg

DEBUT FB PERFORMANCE, PRIOR TO CORSET FETISH

I'm so tempted to call him right this second and ask how much it hurt to have his belly button pierced.

"Rate the pain on a scale from 1 to 10, 1 being no pain and 10 being agonizing..."

I can guarantee that his other piercings were far more painful.

If anyone would know, I suppose it would be you, John.

Well, no, if anyone would know, it would be FB.

I can get into the philosophical underpinnings of this for you later, if you'd like.

Well, okay. As long as there isn't an essay test involved.

You're a philosophical underpinning. Pervert.

Hey, I'm not the one with the piercings and the corsets!

(Um, FB, if your comments were addressed to John, just ignore my last statements, okaaaaaaay?)

Sara "pass the buck" R-C.

Just trying to keep the peace here, John. Move along, move along.

Someone should find Ned, because tonight I downloaded Chrome "Half Machine Lip Moves/Alien Soundtracks" from emusic while both reading his review and watching MST3K "Hercules against the Moon Men".

He would be so proud. It was like a Ned-themed evening.

Heavens! :)

To do list:

1. Find Ned
2. Borrow all of Ned's cds so that his blog is more easily digested
3. Call doctor for John (ADD test)
4. Borrow all of John's cds, too
5. Find FB, apologize for corset/piercing cracks
6. Offer to lend FB personal lingerie stash or go along while he gets more piercings (promise not to listen to screams or pleas for mercy - Ulysses contract)
7. read willfully naieve nutrition book
(8. learn to spell "naieve" or whatever)

Wow, I can already cross #1 off on my list, guys!

That means I get a multi-hour nap now.

I hope you didn't mean "Find Ned" the way that people mean "Find Jesus".

Randy Quaid: I will yodel in your wife's pussy

xpost - No, I got a message from him. That's the best I can do as to finding someone who lives so far away these days. Although I guess you could argue that he found me. I did my best, though; I wrote a message back.

Also, I'm afraid to click on that link, Dan.

PS So you don't think people should have deep and personal relationships with Ned, like they do with Jesus? I'm going to tell him you said that!

you guys should we invite the f41thm0us3 guy here y/n

y y y y y y y y y y

hahaha awesome

I'm at a loss as to who you're talking about, so I'll just vote with ADD Boy there. He's never led me astray before, right?

GUYS THERE IS A VERY IMPORTANT ADDITION TO THE IRM FACEBOOK GRP

hahahahaha it really is an amazing picture i love you internets

also, note my shock. thus i approve of this message.

Oh, Dan, you are soooooo bad. I heart you.

HI DERE TELLS IT LIKE IT ARE

Did I happen to mention that the R Kelly DVD's are both superradawesome?

I need to watch parts 13-22 over again because i was too drunk to follow the intricate story curves.

resisting urge to start "ASK HSTNGS" thread to compete w/god, a puppy, and what, abbott, vodka thighs et al frenzy.

I don't have time to sit here all day and say "SHUT UP DRINK MORE" over and over again.

HSTNGS will always give the best advice. John's is v. succint.

So I should add the R Kelly stuff to my Netflix queue? (I mean, something has to push my list longer than FB's list...)

OH YES YES YES.

Also, contrary to popular opinion, the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie is GREAT.

Okay, done and done.

But wrt Aqua Teen Hunger Force - is it necessary to watch the actual show first?

(Not that it matters since I'll be about sixty by the time I get through my queue).

FB still ahead of me in terms of queue by 10 discs. WHAT WILL IT TAKE?

Rolling list of people to be summoned to HSTNGS THRD

1. Ned
2. Faithmouse
3. Adam Schefter
4. Ghost Rider
5. River Wolf
6. 69
7. Faithmouse
8. Faithmouse
9. Fluffy Bear
10. (your name here)

xpost: it's self contained, but it wouldn't hurt
xxpost: he stays ahead because he never gets around to watching anything, I think. Also, I believe he has now added every movie made prior to 1965 to his queue.

I blame this thread for the fact that Ghost Rider appeared in my dream last night. (I should really stay offline past 10 pm.)

I tried to summon Ned last night, btw. We'll see if it works.

Also John, thx for Netflix thoughts - actually that MIGHT make my queue longer than his. (HSTNGS-related irrational competitiveness gene emerges)

Mine is the shortest because I only choose movies with the potential to be good.

TELL US MORE ABOUT YOUR DREAMS OF GHOST RIDER.

10. (your name here)

hi and thank you

HI DERE AND WELCOME!

Hello & welcome!

xpost RE: Ghost Rider dream: we were at a party. The rest is hazy.

I only choose movies with the potential to be good.

John wins the prize for most delusional person of the day!

OH I BET xpost

(To be fair, though, maybe I should actually look at John's queue. I might be able to out-delude him...)

10. jergins (but with fancy double dotted i)
11. tomboat
12. ???

xpost Actually "we were at a party" and "the rest is hazy" = Labor Day weekend.

Go ahead and contest all you want; the rest is jumbled. (in other words, no one fought a bear or anything)

http://media.abum.com/image/56610.jpg

L-R SARA R-C, GHOST RIDER (NOTE THIS IS NOT A BEAR, NOT FIGHTING)

John, you just added a really uncomfortable level to that dream. THANKS A LOT

You aren't the one who looks uncomfortable in the photo.

John clearly unfamiliar with wearing uncomfortable lingerie.

Where's FB when you need him?

To clarify, what I'm saying is that Fluffy Bear is a furry that enjoys wearing corsets, and this thread is a SAFE ZONE for him, no matter how much I may find his lifestyle choices distasteful.

Okay I may have to disown some people for enjoying and recommending that R. Kelly shit. Dude is a fucking embarrassment.

Altho if you keep pwning yrself with English like that I may not have to do anything, lol.

xpost I'm sure he has photos that would prove that you are v. familiar with wearing uncomfortable lingerie.

Okay I may have to disown some people for enjoying and recommending that R. Kelly shit. Dude is a fucking embarrassment.

YOU MAY BE MISAPPREHENDING THE REASON BEHIND MY ENJOYMENT.

Unless the reason was "lol drunk" I don't... oh.

This shines a whole new light on my future movie-watching plans. (Just a reminder: Sara lives under a rock, suffers from disfamiliarity with popular culture, also should be cleaning right now).

a) well yeah
b) also people who think they are doing great things failing abjectly due to complete megalomaniac blindness to their shortcomings but being painfully unaware of how terrible their magnum opus is = super mega ROFFLES.
c) midget...midget...midget...

That's the kind of recommendation we can all get behind.

Other things I have recently expressed love for: Sorry, I Accidentally Domed Your Son. Hercules Against the Moon Men. Badly executed Christian puppetry.

There is a pattern within my aesthetic reaction here.

And that pattern is called BOOZE.

I guess the thing that really bothers me about the whole R. Kelly thing is that a borderline-retarded asshole who likes fucking and pissing on underaged girls is continually held up as both an unironic modern R&B icon and an ironic object of derision where that derision often gets expressed in terms of "lol darkie". I got made fun of on ILM for calling "Trapped In The Closet" out as a bad minstrel show but that is pretty much exactly what it is; a poorly-executed series of escalatingly stupid cliches and stereotypes surrounding how life is led in black America mixed in with ever-increasing doses of surrealism. Watching parts 1 through 6, I found it initially amusing, then boring, then more and more offensive.

Also when I heard about the midget I was basically like, "Too late, you fucking bored and offended me past the point of no return and no amount of absurdity is winning me back."

I think the crucial difference between "I Accidentally Domed Your Son" and R. Kelly is that no one's going on about how wonderful and talented the people behind IADYS are and how they epitomize modern black cinema.

Supporting evidence to explain my irritation with TITC:

R. Kelly - "Trapped In The Closet"

cliches and stereotypes surrounding how life is led in black America mixed in with ever-increasing doses of surrealism

I am clueless on the whole R Kelly thing, but this comment just reminded me of the end of school year party I was at in May, where I was in a house full of white people. For some reason we were talking about Song of the South and then Gone with the Wind. Someone actually said, "well, educated black people don't think those things are racist." SO MANY THINGS WRONG WITH THAT

(PS Dan, I think you might be able to guess whose house this was at - yes, the racist/nutcase guy!)

Also, later I will have to like, look up R Kelly in Wikipedia. Because that is where Clueless People like myself are forced to go these days.

(I should point out that I don't think you were going "lol darkie", John; I definitely understand the "I am enjoying this person's abject failure at making something that could be described as 'good'." style of schadenfreude as much as the next person; I just think there are things about the way this thing comes across, particularly coming from R. Kelly, that I can't get past to enjoy it on that level.)

I also like semicolons, wtf

hey guys! not dead, just busy! because like i am supposed to change jobs and MOVE or something next week!

but i welcome you all to the idiot thread repository

wtf why am I at work drinking Coors and bitching about R Kelly

Thanks ghost rider!

Dan... only you can answer that question.

I have to take Alex to his Tae Kwon Do class. ENVY ME

I should post the series of emails some fundraiser woman keeps accidentally sending to my gmail account y/n

y y y y y y y

HOORAY GHOST RIDER NOT DED.

I reread all of those emails and they are boring ;_;

well then y y y y y y y n n n n n n n

By the way, WTF NAACP Image Awards nomination? Seriously, this dude is retarded. I totally get your point, Dan. However I still derive much pleasure from the simple idiocy of it all. Rhyming words with themselves. Plot devices that don't stand the test of reason, from the perspective of a four-year-old. Unwarranted drawing of the handgun. Hee hee hee.

DON'T WATCH 13-22!!! It gets pretty dull, and he starts going all Eddy Murphy wannabe with the multiple characters, including Pimp Luscious, who is in there for no good reason. Plus there are like five episodes at the end that are basically rounds about "the package".

Still, 1-24 is precious. Stupid precious.

Plot devices that don't stand the test of reason, from the perspective of a four-year-old.

Dude should get a second job writing for Days of Our Lives.

Remind me what's going on.

God only knows.

I don't know either. But HI NED!

Slow day, guys.

Quick, someone start juggling.

http://kscakes.com.nyud.net:8080/LolCats/Uploads/Saved/maybe-its-tourettes.jpg

Maybe it's Maybelline.

It turns out that 4ng13 H1n1k3r's husband is running the marathon on Sunday. I will find ways to avoid her. I hope.

Who? (i'm not confused by the googleproofing, I just don't know who that is. Should I?)

I don't know - she's blonde, she graduated in my high school class; she was at St. Mary's with me. She still doesn't get why I left since she loooooved it. I'll write out my catalogue of petty complaints this afternoon and send it via email.

If I feel cranky enough.

Ah weekends. You should love them. I do.

Ah, World of Warcraft. You should love it. I do.

Ah, sleep. I love it, but I WANT MORE.

Oh - also you guys, if you have a chance to wish Austin good luck for tomorrow (MARATHON DAY) via Facebook or Myspace or whatever, please do! I know he'd appreciate it.

It's going to be unreasonably warm for a marathon tomorrow, so he's adjusting his goal time to 4 hours, 10 minutes, but I'm still concerned about the weather.

SUCKA BAY

don't worry, inside joke w/FB.

I was not at all worried.

Although I did read that as "SUCK A BABY" at first, which was worrying.

SUCKA BAY

You know, that's really not clarifying anything. I'm just sayin'.

GUYS I GOT WOW EPICS

*WOW!*

Okay, actually I have almost no idea of what that is, except that it's connected to your online game obsession.

I carbo-loaded with marathoners, but since I am not running tomorrow, it probably just means I'll be fatter.

http://www.wowwiki.com/Shard_of_the_Virtuous
http://www.wowwiki.com/Masquerade_Gown

^_^

Uh... congratulations?!

I'm at a loss about computer games. The kids understand them. A. enjoys them. I'm still living in the time of Pac-Man and Space Invaders. ;_;

This is my character: http://www.wowarmory.com/character-sheet.xml?r=Deathwing&n=Grinz

Note under "Spell" menu the +1314 healing. I = well on the way to being UEBER.

Dan is the UBERMENSCHER.

I'm off to drop the kid's at my mom's house (they don't get to see marathons yet). Hope you guys have a fabulous Sunday. Dan, if that involves WOW... enjoy! But don't forget that it's your wife's birthday, okay? ;)

OMG WAY TOO FREAKING HOT TODAY

A. survived and finished. Description: "brutally awful."

I don't get this hobby at all.

Also, a 35 year old guy died running the Chicago marathon today. (And they shut down the race in Chicago after 4 hours due to heat and humidity).

The guy dying freaked me out, though.

This is why I eat ice cream instead of running marathons. Who's heard of someone dying from eating ice cream?

http://gothamist.com/images/2004_05_fusdie.jpg

I would rather die of eating ice cream than running marathons myself.

Given my dietary habits, I'd say there's actually a fair chance of that happening, too.

You can let Austin know that his dumb "fun run" made me late for lunch at the bar on Sunday.

I forgive him, though.

(that's the worlds largest ice cream cake and the worlds scariest mascot upthread, btw)

I will let him know, but I doubt he'll be apologetic. I'm not sure there were a lot of people who thought it was "fun," this time, either. I don't care how masochistic you are, the weather made the whole thing suck.

I think that mascot is cute, not scary. Even ND's "Fightin' Irish" leprachaun is scarier than THAT.

http://www.d.umn.edu/cla/faculty/troufs/anth4616/images/FightingIrish.jpg

http://www.jimtardio.com/notre-dame/notre-dame

Scary or just kind of sad?

http://www.jimtardio.com/notre-dame/notre-dame

Okay, so the image of an actual guy dressed up like the mascot is apparently not going to work for me.

What's so scary about a used butt plug?

Well, let's start with bacteria, shall we?

You know what, on second thought...

hahahahahaha

Sara, ruining ice cream since 2007

Dan: Diverting blame to others since 2007.

(I mean, who used the phrase "butt plug" here? It wasn't me!)

I wasn't the one who started a detailed analysis of what made a butt plug scary!

http://www.healygates.com/ego/famcirc.jpg

xpost

xpost Hey, babe, you asked the question.

John, you are funny.

Britney can i get your sister jame spears Email

LOL IML

Okay, LOL - the iTunes free song of the week is this crazy country song that includes this deathless lyric:

"I love him, want to have his babies; the only problem is he hates me..."

MUST GO TO ITUNES NOW

Hey guys, I spent a good portion of the weekend wearing a shirt that said "Your words hurt more than my pussy."

Ten points to whoever can guess the originator of said drunken text message.

I vote FB.

Also, I want one of these fabled beergaritas. NOW PLZ

I also vote FB. Or maybe J1ll M4th30w1tz.

j1ll only texts me about her spurned love for you Dan.

You get those texts, too?!

Other FB text classics from the weekend:

"Ham Steak and Hashbrown are all about 'Stone Cold Lee Majors'. Grits having tore it up, is dropping it in Sucka Bay in a big ol' sucka hole. Propper."

Spelling and punctuation transcribed for accuracy.

"Some day Dan will come and take me away from this."

I got that one from both J1ll and FB.

Aw, that's kinda sweet.

Wait, does he want to be taken away from ham steak and grits?

I won't speculate about J1ll.

PROPPER

Yeah, I know, that was our favorite but we didn't have enough iron on letters ;_;

Also: "GRITS ABIDES".

I wait for my bus line 2 while I am sitting in my power wheelchair (normal size) at 22nd/Franklin Ave, rolled into secured area. While riding my bus to the Lyndale/Franklin Ave, I saw a oversized mobility scooter at Bloomington/Franklin Ave, the elderly woman’s scooter face forward onto the lift, the driver told elderly “Turn around and backward onto lift”, she little bit of fericous (sp?) and not want go backward instead she using forward onto the lift, the scooter went into wheelchair secured area next to me.

Okay, next few stops, another elderly hopped onto bus and put her fare into box and asked passenger “Can I have change for $1 dollars”, I told elderly at box “Nope!, Change at the store” and driver told her get off the bus and change at the store, she got off in next block. Finally at the Nicollet/Franklin Ave the elderly in oversized scooter need to get off the bus. she going backward in the alisle to the lift, hard to manuvering, and she threw her cane to her grandson outside of front door. Oh boy! that bitchin’ in the oversized scooter need to learn how to use backward onto lift.

^^^ PROPPER

xpost Less of a t-shirt, more of a muumuu.

"it all foggy in sucka bay"

Is he sending these messages right now? Maybe it's a cry for help.

Go rescue him, John; you're closest.

i think it was more a cry for "get these chemicals out of my hed", and he returned safely. we made the shirts in his absence.

As long as you're sure he's safe then.

You never confirmed or denied that it was FB who texted the original quote. Are you waiting for more guesses?

yep. keep em coming.

My only other guess would be subgenius, but somehow that doesn't quite compute.

Disfamiliarity with your social group becomes a sudden disadvantage...

P3rry?

I give up.

Ok. The correct answer was FB.

SHOCKER

(Insert obligatory insistence that John injure himself here.)

Ned has all kinds of creative suggestions for self-injury, apparently!

30. Ned, should I sleep with my work colleague or my house mate? Both are female AND brunette!!

-- King Boy Pato, Wednesday, October 10, 2007 8:11 AM (Wednesday, October 10, 2007 8:11 AM) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

30. I would say that you would seem to be a prime candidate to ask them to sleep with each other while you watch. You should at least ask them to sign release forms before setting up the webcam, as well as checking your health insurance since your privates might be forcibly removed from you ten seconds after making the suggestion.

-- Ned Raggett, Wednesday, October 10, 2007 10:53 AM (Wednesday, October 10, 2007 10:53 AM) Bookmark Link

Hmmm, maybe I'll subcontract some of my responsibilities to Ned. He's always going to be more creative than me, that's for sure.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2301/1517244429_5b7a45842d.jpg

partialjefftxtmsgshirtprank.jpg

I can't read yours at all, John - wait, or the other man's!

Also, on the far right, is that the HSTNGS-related person I met at FB's party who lives in NY? Because I'm seriously irritated that you never introduced me to her long, long ago. She was really cool and nice - and even checked that A. and I were sober enough to drive home!

Ahem, so what I'm saying is, tell me what your shirt says and also the other guy's shirt. I can read Caledonia's, GRITS ABIDES girls' and it looks like M1ch3lle's (?) shirt also says SUCKA BAY.

My shirt says "YOUR WORDS HURT MORE THAN MY PUSSY" (we ran out of black letters). Mark's says "PLAID DUCK".

m1ch3lle is correct, although I believe she spells it M1che113.

I got "green duck" because jeff knows that I am wicked smart and tried to trick me.

I think the impact of your shirt is lessened by the fact that some of the letters appear to be the same color as the shirt itself. This may be a function of the photo, however.

M1ch3ll3 then. I appreciated that she also had extensive arm trauma/surgery to talk about. (We're both BIONIC)

It's black text on blue, requiring the interested party to lean in and stuidiously squint at it, which produced much required roffles from a few strangers at Minnehaha falls.

It's all so clear now.

I just remembered that gff revived the Labor Day, MN thread yesterday, wanting to know what the deal was with some fireworks. (Actually, someone else might have revived the thread first, but J. is in my lap causing trouble, so I can't look. In fact, I can barely move.)

Okay I have offloaded J. to watch a video, Jon Lewis revived the thread, but gff was wanting to know why fireworks were going off. I could only toss out possibilities; John or FB - please help him out if you know.

Ham Steak was the originator of, "Your words hurt more than my pussy." I am Grits. I abide.

Zen and the Art of Breakfast Sex Maintainence

I have a riddle:

Q: What's black and white and about to go 10000000000 kinds of creepy?
A: THIS THREAD

Was it creepy when you started posting on it again or am I misinterpreting?

(kidding, kidding...)

dude, the levels of how bad a ILX thread turning into "internet relationships C/D?" could get are at an all time high right now.

Also, Tuomas is dispensing relationship advice.

Well, sure, but do you really think anyone will take his advice seriously? (Anyone who has visited ILX more than once I mean...)

But yeah, you're dead right about your first point; I won't deny it or argue about it, or even mock you about it.

ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS JOHN

clerar piktur of sharts:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2355/1538118735_7fcd69fc69.jpg

also, note heart shaped sweatmarks on my shirt. classy!

Thanks for sharing.

As for sweat, if you were insane enough to be outside this past weekend, good luck avoiding it.

Of course, now it seems FREEZING out to me. Meanwhile, A. is planning to go running tonight - outside.

Guys, I think I married a wacko.

Okay, I think I might be a wacko, too.

After usual 5 mile treadmill walk, I thought I'd get a head start on the massive batch of cookie dough I need to make tomorrow (bake sale, part of a benefit for B4rb C4rls0n's sister, M4xx). I have not made cookie dough at midnight since... um, possibly ever.

But hey, I'm ahead on what I need to do tomorrow.

Wait, why does M4xx need a benefit? Have we discussed this before?

No - sorry - that's my fault. M4xx had 3 kids in rapid succession, which for most people would be fine, but it turns out she was genetically predisposed to heart problems. (I think the correct term is postpartum cardiomyopathy). She hasn't recovered well and she has a pacemaker now - but her heart is still only functioning at 15-20% capacity. Her husband has some injuries that keep him from work - so little kids, medical bills, no money - and they've had trouble getting help from Dakota County.

I'm not sure whose idea the benefit was, but it's today and tomorrow - today there's a huge rummage sale at the C4rlson's, and tomorrow it's kind of a fall festival/bake sale/silent auction.

(Dan, check yr email; I'll send you what B4rb wrote to us about it).

Also - I can never remember - was M4xx in your class or was she behind you? (It's embarrassing, but I can't keep the C4rlson kids straight to save my life. At least I recognize M4xx by sight!)

R1ck was in our class; I am pretty sure M4xx was a year ahead of you.

PS: lol at yr faulty memory

Also M4xx at 36 looks almost nothing like M4xx at 18, like even moreso than the rest of us.

Well, she's been ILL!

PS My memory SUXORS sometimes, I confess - but to be fair, there are, like, 8 or 9 C4rlson kids! I always get the boys mixed up. One of them married & divorced a classmate of mine, but I can never remember which.

PPS Stop implying that we don't all still look 17. ;_;

I think subgenius is thinner now than when we were in high school, which is of course completely unfair.

What was the name of the oldest brother? There was R1ck and 3r1c and the other one (I think second-oldest kid?). I know there were 8 altogether and R1ck was the youngest. I think my brother's social circle came close to overlapping B4rb's but I'm not entirely sure (was she '87? My bro was '85).

subgenius is very thin, and it IS unfair. My sister sometimes pulls that off, too, only it's extra weird since she's had FOUR babies.

Gl3nn?

Yes, B4rb graduated in 1987 - very possibly their social groups overlapped. I think D34n told me once that he used to hang out with your brothers when your family lived near them.

(Also, wrt the C4rls0n's - it is harder to keep track of who is who now partly due to the fact that many of them have multiple kids - partly due to the evolving marriage status of... uh, one or more of the brothers. It's confusing!)

RE cause of Sub G thinnitude: T/S Pussy veganity vs. the slow agonizing process of cirrohsis.

I keep looking at the title of this, and thinking that it says "merfolk", and feeling like a douchebag gamerdude ;_;

(all I have to look forward to is cirrhosis.)

yellow, wan, and SMOKIN' HOTTTT

As in kind of sweaty.

Also LOL at "merfolk."

Is subgenius really a vegan? That would explain the skinniness.

I could never go there myself; having ice cream and butter in my life is worth the extra padding.

he's a vegetarian, which just means he's too lazy to politicize his food.

honestly, he lost the weight before becoming a vegetarian, I just wanted to see if he'd found this thread yet by slandering him.

Yeah, he said he was a vegetarian - but believe me, you can gain weight if you still eat CHEESE and BUTTER and ICE CREAM. Maybe he just has an insanely fast metabolism. (I'm jealous)

I'm totally saving that NPR interview Caledonia posted for after I drop J at kindergarten. That should keep me entertained for a few minutes while I bake the cookie dough...

xpost - so far as I know, subgenius has ALWAYS been enviably thin.

lol John, remember when you posted that online letter blasting St. Paul as the City of Suck to a previous HSTNGS thread and it was written by subgenius and you hadn't noticed?

whoa, I don't remember THAT!

AWESOME

PS I like St. Paul

John was all "people like this should just stop breathing" and read the byline and was all "hahahahahahahaha REBUTTAL, M1K3?" and John went "oops" and subgenius chimed in with a "see if you drink in my house ever again" and lolz were had.

I'm so sad that I don't remember that at all!

But I'm pretty amused right now.

Also John continuing to insist, well into his 30s, that people should "stop breathing" = hilarious. I GUESS SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE

I'm just trying to curb global warming.

I've always appreciated your altruism, John.

Actually that might have been pre-HSTNGS threads, now that I think about it. It was still funny, tho.

And it all turned out okay: subgenius still lets John drink in his house.

Whew!

Well, he certainly isn't going to stop me with those little noodle arms of his.

Them's fightin' words

(maybe not to subgenius)

Wow I hate Mondays.

Benefit was awesome AND I won two jars of Mrs. C4rls0n's hot spicy garlic dill pickles in the silent auction. Also, I now know the names of all 8 C4rls0n siblings.

Kind of freaky: two of the people in the band - R0b Gr0th and J03 P3t1t.

R1ck on drums?

Also, did you take pictures?

B3rt C4sp3rs0n on drums.

I completely failed to take pictures. ;_; Which is kind of too bad, since I kept turning around to see people I knew in high school. Also, my sister randomly showed up.

Weirdly, I didn't see any of the C4rls0n brothers, but I saw all three sisters, plus multiple other extended family members.

I didn't notice who was playing the drums, but I'm certain it was NOT B3rt C4spers0n. What I DID notice was that the band was not awful, as I imagined it would be.

Oh, and the highlight of my day was totally my friend C4rr13 asking me, in front of her 14 and 16 year old stepsons, when I'd let my kids read MJ Davidson romance novels (there was a basket there that MJ had donated). I basically said, "whenever they want to." And then I had a hard time not getting into the stuff C4rr1e and I did at or before that age (I am really good and did not say, "remember that time we went skinny dipping with our boyfriends...?").

Someone remind me why I bother posting to ILM...?

It was B3rt C4sp3rson. He is bald now, looks v v different. The band is called K00ky Uncle T0ny, I believe (I did sound for them in a tent for Rivertown Days).

Also, ILX in general is not-funny crazy today. yuck.

haha xpost yeah i think we're talking about the same thing, dan.

daer people who get all serious about teh internet stfu

So confused - that was B3rt C4sp34s0n? Well, I was puzzled by R0b Gr0th, who looks exactly like he did in high school and who I'm pretty sure dated my sister, so I guess it's no surprise that I didn't catch on to B3rt.

AND yeah - what the hell is going on today? ILE seems a bit insane in a Not Okay way, too.

I am making brownies, though. At least the house smells good. And the kids are entertaining themselves with a Nintendo DS. (more great parenting here, jeez)

LOL John, you saw the clusterfuck thread I accidentally started? Jesus Christ.

Also, does J03 now look 50 or has he just not aged since high school?

he's a little rounder.

i have to admit i'm losing my patience wrt the majority of posters on ilx these days. which is why i've been snapping at tuomas, whose "gawrsh gee willikers" act is supremely irritating to me, especially when he reacts angrily to people telling him he's full of shit.

also, "luna fake or not" debate seems to be bringing the non-location thread to its knees.

wait sorry "the debate about the "luna fake or not debate" debate"

SNAKE EATING OWN TALE BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Yeah, the luna thing is out of control.

J03 looked pretty much the same to me once I realized who he was.

I saw a classmate of mine (J1ll H4ns0n), who I swear was the same size, but looked at least 10 years older than she should. I asked her what she'd been up to, and she said, "oh, nothing." And that was our conversation. (Super Bitchy Sara did not say, "Apparently not wearing sunscreen.")

Also, Dan, J03 looked kind of older than us, even in high school.

Still, the all-time worst-aging people I've seen from our h.s. years: P4t 3st3ns0n (who I'd happily strangle to this day) and S34n F4rr3ll (who I went out with ONE TIME, amusingly recounted in my journal).

Yikes, I went to look at that ILM thread (WHY?); I offer you all fresh hot virtual brownies.

I hate Mondays, but I'll always be fond of you guys.

</end retarded sentimentalism; sorry - I really need a nap right now>

Haha Sara, that was the point of my post! I remember my senior year, my brother went to a party at the P3t1t farm during one of his visits back home and ran into J03, who introduced himself as a classmate of his brother. D4rr3ll assumed he meant our oldest brother Dave, not me!

(I find the "Luna is fake" stuff somewhat fascinating for completely tangential reasons.)

xpost LOL, Dan you are awesome. Also, poor D4rr3ll. It's really easy to put your foot in your mouth in that kind of situation.

I haven't followed the "fake Luna" stuff, so I'm at a loss. But it's probably not critical to my life, so I probably won't try to catch up. It does seem to pop up a lot of places, though.

Also, I'm hugely cranky right now because I just had to call my Dad to ask him to pay me for work in advance. Which I would not have to do if the freaking financial aid people would ever, you know, distribute the financial aid loans. Not my fault, but still humiliating. But I never carry a balance on my credit cards if I don't have to, and I need to pay for my books, white shoes, and the CNA class that is allegedly going to start next week (assuming the Red Cross doesn't screw me over by moving it again or canceling it).

Plus, I'm cold.

I have posted to this board for 7 years and today is the first day I've encountered the "luna is fake" thing that's apparently been going on off-board for years. I guess bailing on the chat rooms kept me out of the loop.

Wow - that's crazy!

I saw some of it over the weekend at random spots, but otherwise, first time I'd heard of it. At first I thought it was some kind of weird in-joke, but apparently not!!!

It's not very surprising in retrospect (you should see if the pornstar pics she posted are still up on old "What do you look like?" threads) but it's odd to realize that so many people on the board spend enough time together off-board for shit like this to run for that long.

Also, be glad you missed the K3rry K34n3 fiasco which was actually much more disturbing and awful.

Oooh, pornstar pics? My favorite! ;)

I always have the sense that a lot of UK people spend a lot of time together; everyone else seems geographically spread out. It's amazing that it has been going on that long, though.

I will be glad I missed the K3rry K34n3 fiasco. Um, I guess?!

IT KEEPS HAPPENING.

it is uncharitable to say "bunch of nutjobs", right?

I think I need a new sockpuppet.

also, sara r-c does not exist.

http://www.supah.com/cards/kittyfight.gif

If I don't exist, it doesn't matter if I sleep all day. AWESOME. THANK YOU JOHN

Should I tell my g/f about a Cyber "One Night Stand"

lolololololol

Just think, 25 years ago, these kinds of problems didn't even exist! What did people ever do back then?

xpost I did take a Celebration of Not Existing nap.

My solution 25 years ago would have been "obsess about Doctor Who and Choose Your Own Adventure books".

Aw, the Good Old Days.

Would Doctor Who books scare the hell out of Alex? That is the question that haunts me.

Most of the ones recently published are actually written for adults rather than children, so unless you are cool with him catching the occaisonal swear word/sex scene/dismember, I would wait until he's a teen.

Well, he hears me swear all the time (my kids valiantly try to correct me), but I suppose we should minimize the sex and dismemberment exposure for a few years. Alex really wants to watch all the Buffy episodes (he's seen a few of the funny ones), but the later seasons are REALLY violent and the sexual content is too much (although a lot of it would likely go over his head entirely... maybe). He's a funny kid in that I told him he could watch the Lord of the Rings movies, but he won't because he thinks they will be too scary.

His self-policing kind of makes me laugh because I grew up watching whatever horror movie I could find on tv - and I swear we had an unedited videotape of Caddyshack that we watched constantly, despite the inappropriate content (for our ages).

(See, there's my excuse for turning out so BAD.)

Also, thanks Dan - you have probably saved me from paranoid pre-readings of a bunch of Doctor Who books...

Ah, calmness and sanity. Of a Hastings sort.

This just in: HSTNGS THRD not craziest balkanized thread. today.

also, hi ned.

the internet is a scary place.

Hi dere. Yeah, it is. There's me, after all.

Wacko.

(I meant that for alllllll of you, btw.)

There's this crazy music-fixated college in town here, and I'm going to see some of the students sing through "Carmen" on Thursday night. This is a good idea y/n

hi can I play in your jungle gym for a while, the big kids are fighting. I bring this anecdote: Bono came to my friend's work today and did a Robin Williams impression.

Hi and welcome!

Yes, you are safe here: we are not very big. ;)

Also - I did not know that Bono did impressions! I learn so much here...

Apparently he does! I can only imagine what it was like. Horrifying is an adjective that comes to mind.

I'm trying to imagine myself seeing that and I'm getting a "I have no idea how to react to this" feeling. Maybe your friend did better than that, though...

She started laughing out loud at her desk in the SAME ROOM AS HIM when I started telling her to punch him in the face over gchat. I can only hope she's been allowed to live. ;_; IF THERE EVEN IS A "BONO," that is.

Okay Bono impersonating Robin Williams brightened my day even more than the comedy aspects of the meta-fallout did.

Also: YYYYYYYY TO CARMEN, ALWAYS GO SEE CARMEN, EVEN BAD ONES ARE ENTERTAINING

reading the fallout thread is like staring into the time vortex.

so yes I guess it is kind of funny.

Dan on kee-razy ILX Heaven thread: TRUST NO ONE. Dan is our Fox Mulder.

Jessie: clearly gives good advice

Re: Carmen - I get the feeling that it will just be music and singing (as opposed to full staging with costumes, sets, and - presumably - acting) since it is in the recital hall not one of the theaters. I tried to get M4rk K13ff3r to come with me since he is a HUGE opera fan and I figured he could Explain It All to me, but he was flyin off to NY to see, like, 5 professional operas that weekend. (Sometimes I hate that guy.)

I'm taking M4rn1e with me instead; I told her if it sucked we could drink Bloody Marys at the Cow and then pass out on my lawn. (Too bad you and J031 are so far away, though, Dan - we could use your expertise!)

From the ridiculous metathread:

i once went on an internet date with someone who sent me a photo of a girl who looked like lucy liu and when i picked her up she looked like a short, squat javier bardem.

-- omar little, Tuesday, October 16, 2007 2:43 PM (Tuesday, October 16, 2007 2:43 PM) Bookmark Link

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and i love javier bardem but come on now

-- omar little, Tuesday, October 16, 2007 2:43 PM (Tuesday, October 16, 2007 2:43 PM) Bookmark Link

Mulder, you aren't saying you think that there were extraterrestrials involved, are you?

Short, squat women who look like gay Mexican men cannot come from this Earth, Scully!

Also, there is very little that needs to be explained with Carmen:

Carmen is a bitch who uses guys. She seduces a soldier named Don Jose and gets him to dump his girlfriend and become an outlaw in order to support her in the lifestyle she wants. She gets bored with him and dumps him for a rich bullfighter and is on the way to turning herself into a better person when he tracks her down and kills her for ruining his life.

FIN

lolz to all of that

Best description of Carmen ever.

Hi dere Jessie! Yay for calm.

Dan should start a service for aspiring opera-goers, beginning with pithy summaries of all the plots.

DON GIOVANNI:

This dude Don Giovanni is a total horndog and fucks his way through the entire female cast before getting sent to Hell (I think, I fell asleep before the end).

I'm going to go get food and beerz w/mookie and FB. If they do not show up, I will question the fabric of reality.

Also, it's good to see the "Noize Bored chases people off ILX" meme make another appearance.

Well, the thing is the Noise Board does chase people off of ILX and not all of them are completely crazypants. (Most of them are, yes, but not all of them.)

I must not get invited to any of the secret meetings ;_;

Enjoy your food and beerz.

I'll be hosting secret meetings when you aren't looking.

Re: DON GIOVANNI - it seems like I remember reading somewhere that he's happy to be going to Hell at the end, because it's warm there? See, if you had just stayed awake, you could tell me if I made that up or if it's how it actually ends. DANIEL, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HELPING ME HERE

Meanwhile, in random lols, I was booking a SuperShuttle run to LAX today for my flight on Thursday and this was the main graphic on their page:

http://www.supershuttle.com/headers/main3.jpg

Which leads me to think that FB and Dan have a wonderful second honeymoon planned in thirty years.

WHERE THE HELL ARE THE REST OF THAT DUDE'S TEETH

Aw, it's so nice to see happiness in their futures.
xpost

Dan, don't worry; we can find you a nice orthodontist...

FB is rocking that necklace.

It's like Miami Vice gone dreadfully wrong.

Dude on the left smiles like B3n 0bl3r!

Dude looks kind of manic.

Feeling super-relieved right now; the class the Red Cross pushed back is finally going to start on Monday. Yay, I can get the requirement fulfilled and continue in the program!

Hey, cool to hear. :-)

Thanks! I didn't sleep well last night because I was so worried about it at this point. SO SO RELIEVED.

Plus I'm sure you'll all be feeling a lot safer when I'm qualified to take blood pressures and change the diapers of the elderly.

jesus christ people are crazy

hey guys i was gone for a while did i miss anything?

This and that.

i'm not from hastings but

Greetings sir.

i am sort of

brain fried at all that came out of what happened on that thread bc i had some idea but apparently actually NO IDEA

hi ned

Hi omar

You know things are messed up when Hastings seems sane in comparison...

HSTNGS or us? There is a difference (I hope)...

Definite difference; HSTNGS THRD insanity = funny and not life-threatening. We cannot say that about HSTNGS itself.

HSTNGS, world of wonder.

World of wonder, world of night!
World of royal beauty bright;
westward leading, still proceeding,
guide us to thy Perfect Light.

--"We Three Kings of HSTNGS Are", trad.

That's going to be in my head all day now. THANKS

This is the song that doesn't end,
Yes, it goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because—

hope that helps

Anything to relieve the boredom.

I guess.

Gah, I have to go to the grade school walk-a-thon and then the kids are home for MEA weekend. All hope of productivity is lost. I may as well start singing the song that doesn't end.

This is the song that doesn't end,
Yes, it goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because—

This is the song that doesn't end,
Yes, it goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because—

This is the song that doesn't end,
Yes, it goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because—

This is the song that doesn't end,
Yes, it goes on and on my friends
Some people started singing it, not knowing what it was,
And they'll continue singing it forever just because—

You can print that out and bring it with you in case you forget the words

Hey guys, should I start posting the lyrics to the songs my band's been writing y/n

Y of course.

srsly guyz what's in the ilx water

Only if they can be sung to the melody of the song that never ends. I'm on a mission to help Sara out here, people.

xpost I have no idea. probably lead.

There was some study once that said that the Roman Empire collapsed because all the plumbing from the aqueducts had lead in it that leeched into the water. The parallels are overwhelming. Maybe.

Actually, mercury seems more likely, when I think about it.

If we get a few more suggestions, I will start an "ILX: What the fuck is in your drinking water?" poll.

DAN POST YOUR LYRICS

TURN AWAY

Kiss me like you mean it
Make me think you care
Look at me in ecstacy
Catch me unaware
You can make me happy
Make me feel alive
You should be my everything
I can make you thrive

I won't let you go
You're the only one I know
On my own I'm terrified
Without you I'm paralyzed

Don't you turn away from me
Don't walk out that door
Every lie you say to me
Makes me want you more
Faithlessness is easy for you
That's not true for me
I will never leave your side
Don't do this to me

I won't...

Don't you turn away from me
Don't you turn away from me

Kiss me...

I won't...

REFLECTION

Basking in the aftermath
Of every broken dream
Making sure to laugh
Along the way
Every lie and every truth
Are all the same to me
You can't trust
A single thing I say

This is simplicity
I'm you and you are me

Asking for forgiveness
Is a weakness of the soul
Weakness is a sin
I can't afford, oh no
Friendship is a sickness of the heart
That makes you old
Happiness is like
An open sore

This is no mystery
I'm you and you are me

Masking desolation with
A weak and sickly grin
Substituting pleasures
For your pain
You can fool the masses
That you think you're gonna win
You can tell yourself
We're not the same

This is simplicity
You know you have to agree
This is no mystery
I'm you and you are me

THE ONLY GIRL

I remember every detail from that night
You were beautiful and I was sick with fright
I could not believe it, you're standing next to me
I wish I could have made you see me

I need you in my world
I need you in my world
There is no other girl
You are my world

Tried to say hello but couldn't seem to speak
Tried to catch your eye but I was just too meek
Watched you get your drink and walk across the floor
How it hurt to see you go

I need...

LET ME BE YOUR LOVER

When I met you I was smitten
When I met you I was smitten
I was bitten
I was driven into passion, into love
I could tell you were a winner
I could tell you were a sinner
Made you dinner that first winter
Thanked the stars above

Asked you out and you said maybe
Asked again and you said maybe
Little lady
I was shady, I was trying to take you home
When we kissed I caught on fire
Full of passion and desire
I aspired
I inquired to be your only one

Let me be your lover
Let me be your lover
There will be no other
Woman in my life since I met you

Amnesia

I can count the seconds
Since you went away
I can count the times
I begged you to stay
I can count the times
You put me in my place
I can count forever
But I can't recall your face

Who were you to me?
Who was I to you?
Who were you to me?
Who was I to you?

Staring out the window
Staring out the door
Staring at the ceiling
Staring at the floor
Staring at the photograph
Taking all the blame
I can stare for hours
But I can't recall your name

Who were you to me?
Who was I to you?
Who were you to me?
Who was I to you?

okay that's enough for now

It's too soon for me to comment on the lyrics, but I thought that you'd all enjoy this. Due to the recent ilx crazypants stuff and other odd online incidents of late, I decided to google my name and see just how bad the results would be (they weren't) and came across this:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/pdp/profile/A10URMDL9KFVIG

SO AWESOME.

that review makes me wish ILX had sig files.

BIG GAMER

Should I start appending that to every post I make y/n?

_____________________________________________________
it is the beat keyboard i have ever youd. i am a BIG GAMER. I LOVE IT. JJ JUSTEN

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

There's definitely chlorine in the drinking water.

Well, and plutonium.

John, I appreciate your attempts at helping me, but without the melody, I was forced to chant during the walk-a-thon. Also, lol at the Amazon thing. Perhaps he's a long-lost relative?

Dan, I will read your lyrics very thoroughly this afternoon. I know I have at least one of your songs on my iPod!

Strontium 90 perhaps?

___________________________________________________________________
it is the beat keyboard i have ever youd. i am a BIG GAMER. I LOVE IT. JJ JUSTEN

Cocaine and beer.

Delicious AND refreshing

Alright guys, I'm going to go open the frere jacques indie racebait nightmare thread. see you in an hour.

___________________________________________________________________
it is the beat keyboard i have ever youd. i am a BIG GAMER. I LOVE IT. JJ JUSTEN

IF YOU LIVE THAT LONG

(not a threat, btw; a warning)

JOHN GO TO THE RACIST GENETICIST THREAD INSTEAD, IT IS MUCH ROFFLIER

ugh.

WAIT WAHT WHERE IS THAT?!@

James Watson: Avoid Black People

wait wait i just got to the point where geir starts deliniating the difference between sampling and influence.

i might have to read further.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I keep trying to look at that thread, but honestly I can't get past being depressed that James Watson is a racist idiot and that he's perpetuating that because people equate "scientist" with "authority."

But I just got the news that my cousin's wife is in labor, so I'm kind of super-excited about that.

I have discovered, as Dan knows, the antithesis to sad news and bad news and so forth for this week (or ever). Behold!

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/117/284205175_3b0f943165.jpg

Super cute! Uh... is that a bunny that's been through a dryer or what?

It's a bunny that just saw Tuomassundae.jpg

Also Sara that thread is beyond worth it for the part where people start reposting comments about the article.

Until I opened that, I just assumed it was tyra.gif.

xpost hahahaha

xpost Well.... I'll look again. I SUPPOSE

Tuomassundae.jpg = an efficient hair-fluffer

What would rather you have – surgeon with high IQ score or surgeon that plays basketball well? Note: IQ is not politically correct since results would favor Dr. Watson’s view. Bottom line: you dead and surgeon receive extra credit for basketball skills since IQ was never determined.

Tom, New York City, US/NY

o_0

This is the other photo that has made me happy today, for different reasons:

http://www.latimes.com/media/alternatethumbnails/photo/2007-10/33279883.jpg

lol balding

hahahahaha sara i really do need to buy you a dictionary that has all the dirty words in it xposts

Sara already admitting to puppet-fluffing!

I was going to let that one go.

I hate you all, in a very affectionate way.

Back to W.'s kung-fu moves.

Oh, he can't be any better than that than he is at speaking English, can he?

SECRET ILX SYMBOLIC HOBO DICTIONARY

OH SNAP GUESS WHOS A MOD HERE NOW

Uhhhh... Bob Dole? Cesar Chavez? Marcel Marceau?

Oh, I give up.

oh this is sweet

(We can't actually unban ppl, right?)

(bah, can't move threads either)

how come there is no jarvik on this page

WORKING ON IT

Dan, there isn't much that can be done, but it's the principle of the thing. Also, now I can ban FB out of boredom.

You horrible man.

HOW DO I SHOT EDITING POSTS???

http://www.smithsonianlegacies.si.edu/photos/172.jpg

Oh... my.

http://www.theage.com.au/ffximage/2006/01/23/MIA_060123125611022_wideweb__300x375,1.jpg

ps the admin controls don't seem to work at all? Being an admin seems to mean you can't see the pictures.

Yup. That was a security feature built into the new coding.

It's for your own protection, dears. (pat pat)

http://static.howstuffworks.com/gif/how-scooby-doo-works-1.jpg

HSTNGS THRD keeps us safe from "ghosts"

Ruh-roh

http://i.l.cnn.net/cnn/2007/SHOWBIZ/Music/10/17/spice.girls.ap/art.spice.girls.gi.jpg

What are sauna pants and why

l-r: John, FB, me, Gear, Dan

Huh, I only recognized Dan in that shot. (The slinky red skirt is a dead giveaway.)

That and the crotch grab.

This is spooky.

BOO!

I like to go poopy in my pants.

Tell us something that's a surprise next time.

Aw, FB never changes.

Which is why sitting near him can be kind of a (don't say it!) crapshoot.

Weight lifting is painfully dull tonight.

OK, one of the mods just totally ironically guessed my thing but htey were like trying to make fun of me weird like because i actually like to go poopy in my pants

John: the picture of Caledonia on WDYLL thread. What kind of frosting is on those cupcakes? MUST KNOW

(And I'm being literal, not figurative, so mocking me will only end in me knocking on your door and then strangling you, guys...)

There was an unnecessary comma there.

Whoa, nitpicky this a.m.!

Wait, don't you leave for Hawaii TODAY, Ned?

I think the frosting was cream cheese based? Some sort of cupcake called "red velvet"? or something?

I was too drunk to eat any of those cupcakes ;_;

Sara, stop trying to chase Ned off the continent. We've talked about this before.

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM RED VELVET

I'm trying to get Ned to take me with him off the continent, John. DUH

But thanks for the cupcake info. The frosting looked like cream cheese-based frosting. OMG YUM. Did one of you make them? (obviously not John)

Making your own food is for the poor and the elderly.

And the nutters who want to not be poor when they are elderly.

Mike got them at a place called "cupcake". And yes, they were red velvet with cream cheese frosting.

Also, they were delicious, drunk or sober. It did not matter

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Caledonia.

I must visit this "cupcake" place. I have heard it before, but the visual evidence is v. convincing.

"cupcake" should also use your photo and testimonial for ads.

My cousin and his wife had a baby girl yesterday - LILA. So excited!

CONGRATS

Thanks! This baby is the child of two of the only other liberal-ish people in my entire family, so it's extremely A+++++. (We are slowly evening things out here... it will help if my sister stops having kids.)

I'm going off to see Carmen in a few minutes. Hope everyone else is having a super-relaxing evening. :)

Carmen was good; they did stage it and made great use of a VERY shallow stage. Woman who played Carmen was v. v. good. Don Jose wasn't quite up to her.

I wanted to strangle the man who sat to my left during the first two acts; he was either leaning over, apparently trying to read the program in the dim light, or LOUDLY sucking on his teeth. I was thankful when he didn't return after the intermission.

Hate people like that. this is not your living room.

Also, good job, procreators. Lila is a fine name.

At least the guy didn't have a hacking cough. It would have sucked to have had a hard time hearing AND THEN to be exposed to tuberculosis or whooping cough, too.

Yeah, I like the name Lila, too! I like the revival of some of the older, more classic names. Choosing and agreeing on a name can be really hard, though.

The only Lila I've ever met had a moustache.

That is part of why names are really hard! You associate them with images/experiences of other people. Apparently their second choice of name was Orla, which I can't say that I like at all.

I'll never forget A's mom, upon hearing that we had "Alexander" picked out for a boy, responding with, "well... what about 'Frank' or 'Walter?'" Okay, they are some family names from her side, but NO.

Franklin would have been cool, though!

Actually you should have named your kids after MN towns: "Hibbing! Sibley! Come inside now!"

Franklin is kind of cute. Except it reminds me of a cartoon turtle! I just met a little baby Franklin the other day - in 5 years it could be wildly popular. That is the big downside of "Alex" - there are about 8,000 of them in Northfield alone.

I look forward to congratulating you on the birth of little Fridley Eden Prairie Perry, Dan!

(Just make sure J031 has a few extra doses of Nubain, and you can just seize the birth certificate from the nurse and go crazy.)

Wait, how about just "Eden Perry?" It sounds so refined, and yet so Minnesotan!

Personally, I look forward to the day I get to take little Mahtomedi to the park.

I predict St. Cloud's going to be a little on the pious side, tho.

Not to mention Republican.

"So, what is Midge short for? Margaret?"
"No, Bemidji."
"... Wow."
"Yeah. My dad's a total dick."

... said Bemidji Orr Perry (age 3)

(oooh, initials spell "BOP!")

I am now, indeed, on the island of Oahu.

Waht is Nubain? When Sara posted that I thought she was saying that J013 needed extra doses of "Nubian" and I was disturbed and confused.

Hawaii. Feh. No snow.

Also, ORLA? srsly?

Nubain = a nonnarcotic analgesic frequently used for pain relief in labor. Everyone I know who had it described it as making them dizzy and/or VERY tired. MJ calls it "Placebo-bain."

Yes, Orla. What, Orla Justen isn't your ideal name for a daughter?

Also, I vote for no snow. I'm all for Hawaii!

Wait, wait, waht is Nubian?

I'm picturing Ned on a beach, surrounded by coconuts.

PS re: the Nubain - "takes the edge off" not so much "takes pain away." File this away for later, people, just in case.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nubian

Also SHAME ON YOU for encouraging my wife to sleep around!

xpost Well, that might work, too. Bring in some people of Nubian descent to distract women who have just given birth by describing life in Egypt and the Sudan, or just by distracting them with their puzzling presence. Then you can name your baby ANYTHING YOU WANT!

Why has no one thought of this before?

Now, Dan, I would never encourage your wife to sleep around. Don't be silly. (Apparently I would aid her husband in birth certificate shenanigans, however).

Guys, I'd forgotten how much I like "Kid Charlemagne" by Steely Dan.

I love it when I listen to something and go "omg, I remember that I LOVED this!"

Dan, remind me what the Siouxsie and the Banshees album you were all excited about all over again last spring was.

Last spring? That would have either been The Scream or Juju. Probably The Scream.

No one said boo about my song lyrics. ;_;

(I should warn you that The Scream is their first album and is really, really punky compared to the rest of their output. Banshees albums that capture the sound for which most people really remember them would be Kaleidescope, Juju, Hyaena and Tinderbox.)

Sorry - I liked your song lyrics! Very angsty.

Hmmmm, thx for Siouxsie thoughts. We might go to Cheapo tonight since we have a babysitter and our dinner reservation isn't until 9:30. (Aimlessly looking at cds = happy belated anniversary?)

I think I liked your "Turn Away" lyrics best of the ones you posted. Please bring your band immediately to Minnesota so that we can more easily judge these songs. ;)

I don't know if my favorite line of the ones posted is "Every lie you say to me makes me want you more" or "Happiness is like an open sore".

EVERY LIE YOU SAY TO ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE A+++++

(So that's my vote)

Also, angstiness reminds me of high school. You should totally find your old poems and make them into songs!

Actually, the song "Reflection" is a rewrite of a song I wrote in high school called "Red Face, Black Lace" (which was about weekend bondage parties).

weekend bondage parties

Ah, the good old days....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mlufxatPxnA

I think that Leprachaun 5 - Leprachaun In The Hood needs to be live-blogged by John, Caledonia, FB (and whoever else can be talked into it). It's not at Netflix, though, so finding it might be problematic.

I am still on Oahu and it's all good. gr8080 is as cool as ever (having first met him in 1999).

I am hopelessly envious of Ned.

More song lyrics!

CRYSTAL EYES

All my hopes and all my dreams
Are realized tonight
Everything I've wanted
Has come true
Everything was going wrong
Until you made it right
How did I survive
So long without you?

You are my Holy Grail
My pot of gold
My rock
You make trepidation certainty
You crystallize my thoughts

I feel you in my veins
You go straight to my head
Make me feel invincible
Alive
Your strength could raise
A fallen savior from the dead
You could save the victim
From the knife

You are my Holy Grail...

When I am lost in you
I leave my thoughts with you
When nightmares frighten me
You bring tranquility
When I can't face the facts
You make the world relax
When I can hardly breathe
You make things clear to me

I never knew that I could feel invincible
Sitting in a pile of my own filth

You are my Holy Grail...

I am printing out a copy of that to take with me to my CNA class. I will examine it during boring moments. (Should you be flattered or offended by this? I have no idea.)

I'm leaving pretty soon for Minneapolis; will report back late tonight. Hope you are alllllll having fabulous Mondays.

apropos of nothing, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is an incredibly funny show.

Also, Hawaii is gross.

John is afraid of being hit on the head and killed by a coconut.

Or possibly that he will be stranded on a minor Hawaii island and be unable to figure out how to make a radio from a coconut.

A fear that we all share, I'm sure.

apropos of nothing, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is an incredibly funny show.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ TRUE

"How does that even work?"

How did I totally miss the boat on that show until last week?

SOME FRIENDS YOU GUYS ARE.

I only just realized this yesterday!

"I think we should cool it."
"Why? What's wrong?"
"Well... it's your... your..."
"My penis?"

I have never heard of this show before in my life. I will look into it and see how we have all failed in this regard.

Class was not too bad. Also it *is* about 2 blocks from Grumpy's.

FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES AT GRUMPYS ARE THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD.

Thank you, John; that was a very helpful tip.

Actually, just the information that there is food available near the Red Cross = v. v. important.

Tonight we are going to learn how to wash our hands. Should be an exciting class.

soap, not poop. The golden rule of handwashing.

plz to keep the word "golden" far away from the word "handwashing" okthx

haha. I should go find that peeing in the shower thread.

...and John inadvertently adds to my "sentences that should never have been composed" collection.

http://www.crossovers.net/underhill/cbfluff.jpg

further indications that FB's furry lifestyle has stolen him away from us.

FB, I just want you to know that I accept you, and don't judge you because of your super creepy secret lifestyle choices.

I, however, am totally judging you.

As in, "not doing so well in the swimsuit competition."

Seriously, consider shaving your legs if you're going to go that route.

Going to Minneapolis now. Where I'll be safe from more disturbing images.

http://www.missingcanadians.ca/images/Missing-Jeff.gif

;_; ;_; ;_;

DAER NETFLIX,

I can tell that you fuckers are taking an extra day to send me my discs. You aren't fooling anyone. Dicks.

That is all.

-j.

http://a465.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/87/l_a7afd7f6031bb27ca1a5878b526a79f0.jpg

it's alive

I sure hope the little guy is ok :(

PS guys: happy birthday, david fredrick douglass perry

God, he would have been 44! OLD MAN.

wow, that's sort of mindboggling. time passing, etc.

Mindboggling is right; we are talking about 20 YEARS having gone by. I have cousins younger than that.

44! Holy cow, that IS mind-boggling. He has really been gone 20 years? I never even knew him and I can hardly believe that.

I feel sure that he would have wanted us to all address Dan as OLD MAN as soon as he turns 44, though. And every moment thereafter.

I'm also kind of amazed at the age spread between you and your brothers, Dan.

Something completely non-related that is amazing me: I FINALLY got my financial aid information today. Yes, it is midterm time and now I know what this year's loans will be.

I'm also kind of amazed at the age spread between you and your brothers, Dan.

My parents carefully planned things out so they would never have more than two kids in college at the same time, and only for a year.

I am no longer in Oahu ;_;

Ah, Ned. You're still someplace warm, aren't you...?

Dan - I can totally see your parents POV, as you may also notice that my kids are a solid 4 years apart in age. That was VERY deliberately planned, partly due to the college thing and partly due to my having had such a hard pregnancy the first time around. I just don't think I ever consciously realized what the spread would be if we had wanted more than two.

Okay, it's also just hard for me to imagine that any of us are old enough to have a sibling who would be 44. (Possibly this is due to me being the oldest in my family. Or maybe it's because that's how old my mother's younger sister was when she died of ovarian cancer.)

Ned is someplace that is ON FIRE, so yes he's warm.

It's really odd, thinking that if he hadn't died he would in all likelyhood be married and have a teenaged child by now. I could have been an uncle!

Aw, poor Ned. I hope he is safe.

Okay, I can't think about you as the uncle of a teenager; that is just crazy. (On the other hand, what a cool uncle you would be - especially to a teenager.)

He would have corrupted his nephew in just the right way.

I am not on fire.

Ugh. I am neither R. Kelly nor Johnny Gill.

You, however, are totally on fire. Fireboy.

Me, yesterday:

http://www.oyoyo.fr/images/fireboy.jpg

Look guys, Ned has a cute new haircut!

Okay, every time I go to "home" on Facebook, it notifies me of a new band or artist that John has added as a favorite. I looked at your page, John. I think the concept of "favorite" may be a bit broad in your mind.

Apropos of nothing, here is a picture of back fat:

http://news.nhs-info.com/creature/data/upimages/pre_liposuction_back.jpg

What the hell is that person wearing?

I should not have looked at that right after eating a piece of pumpkin cheesecake. Now I have to go back to the treadmill again!

I think that person is wearing something that would be awesome on someone else.

Like, say, you.

///

Oh come on Dan, don't be shy.

Okay, my Dad just sent me an email picture of the elk my brother killed on their hunting trip. For some reason he sent this photograph to my cell phone. WTF

Oh like you haven't enjoyed the fact that you're living in a historical moment that relatives can send you photographic proof of their butchery of innocent animals via a handheld electronic device.

And just think! In twenty years' time your son will actually be able to teleport HIS elk kill straight to you, with the flies buzzing around it and everything!

No, I'm just bitter that my Dad understands how to use cell phones better than I do.

If people start teleporting dead animals to me, I'm going to have to find a way to time travel back to 1980.

lol Ned pwned by Midwesterness

thread transported to ITR!

(flies optional...)

Hi Mark! We will try to keep the flies away from you. ;)

We will?

Okay, fine, let the flies land on him. Just don't complain to me when he escapes before the sacrifi... er, I mean, "special dinner."

http://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_2.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPG

http://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_2.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPG

http://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_2.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPG

http://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_2.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPG

http://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_2.JPGhttp://www.thinksimian.com/images/flies/flies_1.JPG

t-b: Fluffy Bear, John Justen

I just barely resisted the urge to post this:

http://www.artshole.co.uk/arts/artists/richard%20sayer/FLIES.jpg

to the "things to put in your vagina" thread.

DO IT DO IT DO IT

done

Awesome.

Sometimes I seriously worry about you guys.

Affectionately.

Serious affection!

You spelled "affliction" wrong.

I am affectionate toward my afflictions (i.e. you guys).

Clearer?

you spelled affectations wrong.

My word, how offensive to refer to a personage as illustrious as mine own good self as an affectation!

who made louis jagger a mod?

You can still ban people if you get banned, right?

yes indeed.

100 minor embarassments thread is pure gold, BTW.

also postingfliesonthevaginathread.jpg is quite a threadkiller.

YES to both.

What have you perverts been up to now?

Catching bass with pork chops.

Pfft. Amateurs.

Hey, did you guys ever see this?

what do they call those things that hang from the rafters?

I don't think I will take the darkies challenge.

WTF is going on with site new answers?

Also, FB, I am calling you to see if you want to see a show tonight.

BONUS: HEADLINER IS "WEEDEATER"
EXTRA BONUS: ONE OF THE OPENING BANDS HAS THE BEST BAND NAME IN MN
EXTRA SPECIAL BONUS: THAT BAND IS NAMED "GAY WITCH ABORTION"

Wow, I want to hear about THAT show.

Afflictiontationally.

Afflictionatetationally.

Drunk.

Insomnia!

But close enough.

OK, missed weedeater, but GAY WITCH ABORTION was great great great. Like Lightning Bolt, but less loud, a little more coherent, and faster. no really.

Sara, you're going to have to trust me when I tell you that the last sentence actually conveys information.

jeff also invented the word "repetally" at the end of the evening. it's a good word.

Wow, that sounds like a fun night!

I think...

And I am not a Lightning Bolt fan. This may, in part, be due to the fact that before this moment, I have never heard of Lightning Bolt.

PS You guys should hang out with me after class some night next week or the week after. Here are the obstacles: 1. class ends sometime between 9 and 10:30 pm - completely randomly and 2. post-class I have trouble making my brain stop running through the steps to particular cares, so it is entirely possible that I will try to take your temperature or your blood pressure.

PPS I am suffering major, serious, every freaking night insomnia. I'm going to try to sleep again now.

The word was "repetially". GWA was very very good. Woulda liked them better without the singing.

Either go back to bed or come help me with my fun day as a single mother of 3. (A. is going to Florida to run a race this weekend and I have my nephew for the day, too.)