ASK HSTENCIL (FORMERLY ASK HSTUNTCIL)

parts of it are available here:

http://www.geocities.com/hstencil/tonyconradintro.html

the bard college library has a copy.

i'm not sure where my extras are but if you really want it, i could make photocopies.

best,

hstencil

ps. be warned, it's bad undergrad writing.

where can i hear latest release by Bastards of Young?!

love,
neil young backwards

in my itunes library.

your biggest fan (despite you calling me fat),

jorel

do you think this thread title should be in caps?

no. also i think my name should be spelled correctly, tho obv. i don't command much (or any) respect anyway. : (

best,

hstuncil

thanks.

best,

hstencil

can you explain british "humor" to me?

actually i thot that thread was pretty funny, but then again i'm a mean fucker who likes practical jokes. i promise i won't pull any on you, though.

best,

hstencer

have you ever read Peter Gay's Weimar Republic? Really kick-ass history of the pre-nazi era, and pretty easily digestible, unlike his other mammoth tomes. That guy is a nutball of a historian. If he was an NFL fan, he couldn't buy a customized jersey tho.

Speaking of sports, congrats on the new gig! And will you be playing fantasy baseball with us or what??

yrs,
-Stormy

i have not read it. i've only browsed bullock's "hitler and stalin" and "the rise and fall of the third reich" (who wrote that?). i did finish "eichmann in jerusalem" but it's short. i suck.

thanks for the congrats. i'm assuming that fantasy baseball is not verboten, even if i'm not going with the corporate brand. i will not claim to have any more insight once i start working, i'm still a dummy.

best,

hstencil

do you have a middle name and congratulatinos on yr new job question mark exclamatino mark

HELLO,
cozen

yes i have a middle name. thanks for the congrats.

you say goodbye, and i say hello,

sir paul

don't be sad?

xx,
caitlin

Two part question:

1. why won't you get one of them thar perty NYC bartender gals to cover yr shift Wednesday night and come rock with us at Glass House?

2. Where did I leave my good flannel - at the bowling alley or at Chilis? I was blind drunk both places.

Sincerely,

Roger

1. i might actually take wednesday off since i worked last night and took another guy's shift. i dunno. i really need the cash tho, this negro's broke.

2. i am not psychic friends. call dionne?

loves and misses youse,

th'hstencil

i think i sided more with tony in the interest of "history" or something. and, like, since the project was in tony and john cale's estimation, composerless. tho i'm not entirely against la monte. it's complicated.

best,

hstencil

When one makes HUevOHS RancherOHS, should the eggs be runny or should they be done done. This place I go to on GRaham always has the eggs done done and I feel this is not right. They are always switching the hot sauce on me too. You know about eggs.

lv
carey

i only learned how to make eggs recently! i think done done is the way, at least that's how i prefer them. plus, getting salmonella sucks.

ksses,

hstencil

did you get my text? is that plan ok?

yrs,
rosemary

How many o' U R THWERE?

yours in Rikers with my contractor,
C

yes and yes. didn't you see my response on that one thread?

best,

hstencil

I don't understand your questions. Sorry.

Best,

hstencil

oh okay, now I understand. Yes, jinn have homes of their own.

Best,

hstencil

should I a) keep on drinking or b) stop drinking?

always,
cozen

since you are scottish, I would suggest that perhaps you would be more culturally inclined to go with a, but I do think you really should do what you think is appropriate. I have been sick, so I have not had a drink since last Sunday, except maybe for two beers with dinner last night (I think they actually helped because I feel better today).

best,

hstencil

did you have fun last night?

Regards,

Jed_

At Siberia, is it okay for women to hit on men?

Regards,

j.lu

are you feeling better? i had some ideas about what could be wrong.

xox,
tr

no, because i didn't get to work and didn't therefore make any money so i had to fucking borrow money to pay rent. goddammit, when will this bullshit end?

best,

hstencil

dear j.lu,

yes.

your pal,

hstencil

dear tr,

yes i am better, no worries. also, cold/flu thing has gone down to my chest, which means it'll be gone soon.

yrs,

hstencil

do you ever come back to L-ville? because you could come and totally hang out with me 'n nickalish 'n drake if you wanted to. WE ARE GOING TO NOIZE SHOW next weekend!

god bless,

—sp.

yes, i make it back home every once in a while. every time i do, nickalicious wimps out! but yeah, let's hang. dunno when the next time will be tho.

best,

hst

Have you just got a new job or something? What is it?

Adam

Did I see you dancing last night? Did you touch any hotscots?

best,
carey

Why on earth did I read a butt sex thread on ILE that had "teh bbc" offering his opinions???

g!

I have two jobs. I bartend/book bands at Siberia, this bar in midtown. Starting next week, I am working for the online division of america's pasttime. I am excited.

Best,

hstencil

Dear carey,

Yes you saw me dancing. yes, I shook hands and hugged K3ith and J0hnny. Unfortunately they cannot hang out tonight because they are afraid of the cold!

Best,

hstencil

Dear g!,

Where was this thread? I am of the opinion that some ILXors have never had sex, much less butt sex, and I'll leave it at that.

Yours,

H

"t/s: anal vs. vag sex"... do not search, it's as bad as you can imagine.

do you like plush/liam hayes?

g!

i read the thread and there's nothing indicating that poster in question has ever had, or ever will have, anal sex (much less vag sex). I think what he posted was more of a "be careful, even us virgins know about aids" advice. No worries.

i am not a huge plush fan but it's been ages since i've heard anything. I used to see Liam riding his bike around Chicago a lot, and buying groceries at the same Whole Foods I went to.

Best,

H

have you ever been to the dollhaus gallery in the WB?

g!

wait, you mean the store dollhouse? or something else? because on both that would be a "no."

best,

h

-not hstensil

"INFINITY!"

http://www.sacticket.com/static/movies/news/images/250x285_conana.jpg

where is caitlin?

-jw

no idea, prolly hanging with $dude. or swimming or something.

best,

h

dude, sorry i didn't get back to you. i'm hella busy at da MLB DOT COMMIE. I don't have time to work on dat shit, plus it's on my home laptop which is FUCKKKKKKED at the moment. sorry bro.

bestest,

hstencil at bud selig's house dotty com

can I read some of your reportage? post linx!

I am not a reporter, I am an editorial producer. As it happens, I'm working on a notes story for your beloved Detroit Tigers.

Best,

hstencil at bud's pleasure palace dot commie

should one make subtle menu changes when brunching on saturday as opposed to, say, sunday or wednesday?

love,
tehresa

hrm, i dunno. i made myself a garlic and onion omelet today, with toast. which i suppose was different from my asparagus and onion omelet on wednesday, so i say yes.

yours,

hstencil

thanks. i will keep that in mind for future brunching.
i already had 2 drinks. should i have another before i go out to open bar?

tehresa

drink a lot. it is the key to life.

yours,

hstencil

music aside, why do you hate the members of outhud so much? they're fun to dance with and good houseguests.

curious,
lp

white man's overbite.

best,

hstencil

WHY YOU HATE REVERB????

Yours,

i like reverb, but everything in moderation. except booze.

best,

hstencil

ps. basketball?

i only have time to watch one of the games on saturday ... which do you recommend?

- doctor j

LOUISVILLE VS. ILLINOIS is gonna be a stunnah! serious, despite my team being in it, i think it will be more exciting than izzo v. williams.

best,

hstencil

since you are a professional insomniac, what is the best that way that i can continue never sleeping and still maintain functionality during the day?

thérèse

what is the best way to maintain functionality while on meht?

tizzy

WHAT IS BEST WAY TO DO HOMEWORK AND SLEEP AND SEX AT NOIZE SHOWS AT TEH SAME TIME? I AM 2 BUSY FOR ALL OF THESE THINGS. ALSO I HEAR IF I HAEV SEX I WILL END UP IN TEH E.R.?

THANKS CAITLIN?

dunno, i don't think i've ever really done much meth to know. maybe i did it once? but i was already drunk? so it didn't matter much.

best,

hstencil

dear caitlin,

fuck if i know. my life's a mess.

best,

hstencil

Where have all the cowboys gone?

Love,
Steve Perry

PS Why god why?

all my heros killed cowboys.

best,

hstencil

ps. there ain't no god.

did you get my email about other?

m.

yeah i did, thanks brophy! i haven't had a chance to check it out yet, too busy sleeping off hangover today.

bestest,

h

How did we never manage to meet while I was in Novum Eboracum? Also, why do you never go out in Manhattan anymore? Is it no longer cool?

Salutations

MW

i dunno, i just have a weird schedule, y'know? i don't generally go out much in manhattan, tho i guess i was out there friday night, but at that show all night. oh well. i am hoping i can make a trip out west this fall, we'll see.

yours,

h

"Across the street from St. Louis Cemetery. Two bedrooms, one bath, basement, fenced back yard, carport behind house, terrific front porch, hardwood floors, other extras. Call 553-6467 for more details/to see."

where are you lately?
i was searching ile for stuff about cover letters and found your thread.
please come home soon.

theresa

XX CAITLIN

no but we have like 10billyun of them left in the warehouse.

best,

hstencil

how was the stoop sale? i would have come to browse records, but i was working.

one love,
IJ

did you start "the tony conrad project" as formal academic work, or just on your own?

vahid

"formal academic work," yep. it was my senior project.

best,

h

i didn't realize you ate fish. let's go out for fish tacos sometimes.

love,
ian

was weller completely grey? and how were his trousers?

-c

anytime, bro.

c,

weller has his hair dyed blonde, though perhaps there are some grey bits. his trousers were tight, i think.

best,

h

You missed me wearing my Brokeback Mountain hanky about the neck in Jersey City last Saturday! been to any good Polish disco nights at Exit lately? who will be playing 2nd for the Mets in April?

hugs
Morbs

sorry I didn't say hi on Saturday, but I was kind of cranky at the start of the party

yours,
tr

why do you hate malkmus/pavement so much?

btw it was a solo set and he did box elder, we dance, frontwards, major leagues and gold soundz with his solo stuff. i was happy and he has very very shiny hair.

lv
carey

it's that godawful horse-face killah rebecca gates, ok?

HAHAHA when I worked at a certain manly men's magazine in the 90s one of the other editors pushed the Spinanes like nobody's business next big indie-rock thing on Subpop you gotta love it and I just thought man this girl sounds like a horse. Connections.

It was so dark or I was so 'happy' I don't remember seeing you!

Morbius

I actually left after Malkmus and I felt very unChristian-like doing it. So, I did not spot any horse faces. Malkmus' whole set was requests. Though he could not "remember" quite a few songs.

lv
c

thxpls

yeah, probably. not on the release calendar yet but they've been a yakkin' about it.

h.

Are you going to be in your office on Friday? Huh big guy? Huh?

Steve Shasta

WHAT IS THE NAME OF THAT PLACE WHERE THE MINUTEMEN DOC WAS PLAYING WHEN I WAS LAST IN YOUR HOOD.

THANKS,
JRAM

http://i6.tinypic.com/71nxogg.jpg

"Children are sexual".

I used that phrase today on GC, in some thread or other. I've used it many times on GC over the years, as most of us have. I've used it, invoked it, preached on it, ruminated over it; joyously meditated upon, and riotously masturbated to, its wondrous truth. At least, where the latter is concerned, the half of it that relates to little girls...

It's the sexiness of little girls (and of one particular little girl, of whom more in a minute) that I want to talk about here. I'm obsessed with, and utterly adore the cuteness, cuddliness and fluffiness of little girls, but girl love is a stew of many different flavours and textures, and there is in the mix at times a spiciness which fairly takes your breath away and provides some illustration of the divine truth with which I began.

And no, anti-ped lurkers, I am not about to describe some illicit act of illegality - I've none to describe: sexiness is no less sexy when it is not acted upon; in fact, it is in some delightful way, even more sexy when it is unspoken, understated, un-acted; just evident in the spirit of the moment and the play of the eyes.

OK, on to the detail. The little girl who has inspired this post is a member of the class which I am teaching at the moment. She is nine, a beautiful brunette with a killer smile and giggle, an infectious sense of fun and an affectionate sexiness about her which has the capacity to nearly knock the sense out of me in one glorious swipe. In the absence of my beloved and much-missed Saoirse, this little wild beauty is doing pretty good at keeping me alive...

And, to return to the point of the post, she knows it. That unspoken 'connection' is evident and alive in the little sparks of magic she is giving me. She began just by holding my hand and telling me she liked me. Just held my hand and snuggled into me a little. That was nice. Next day she did a little more - by doing less. She placed and lightly pressed her hand against mine, but without taking hold. And the way she was looking at me.... whew. You want to hold my hand, don't you?. She didn't speak it in words, but she said it nonetheless, clear as ringing crystal. And when I took her hand, the spark in her eyes and the triumphant swirl of her shiny bobbed hair, the mischievous but delighted smile on her face - just about said it all.

There were lots of cuddles after that - sometimes she would wrap herself around me and hold on tight, gazing up at me or burying her face; other times she would back off and only give me a little of the closeness she knew I wanted. Until, that is, she saw enough need and desire in my eyes (actually I think she sensed it somewhere deeper - she is reading my spirit) to respond to with a gift of her affection. And she gave it generously. This little girl really knows what she's about;)

In the classroom, she takes me lightly by the hand and over to where she is sitting. I kneel beside her and look at her book; she is looking at me - there's no way I can describe that look, but I doubt I need to;) She is taking my hand in both of hers and caressing it.

She alternates between smothering the breath out of me with cuddles and hugs and a light touch to the hand and a back-off (with a sexy smile).

She is teasing me, of course (though with a purpose in her teasing). Affectionately...yes. Sexily... ? Hmmmm:)

This kind of self-awareness in lg's - it's rather more common than would be acknowledged I certainly think. She reminds me very much - both in looks and in character - of a girl I once knew, years ago who used much the same tactics. The sweetest memory I have of her was from a certain Christmas time, when the children were giving me gifts - she presented her box of chocs, or whatever it was, and told me she had another present for me. It was a cuddle. One of the others looking on asked her what the other present was, and she answered, with such a look of sexy teasing in her eyes, "Me!" That is a memory out of which I daily drain the nectar, and never tire of doing so. As Christmas approaches this year, more of the same I hope:)

hey h stencil - can you tell me the name of the louisville neighborhood where my grandparents lived? their backyard was right next to the grounds of bellarmine college. on saratoga drive, nearby streets included valley vista and trevillian way. I'm gonna go back for a family thing on memorial day, haven't been there since the early 80s and am looking forward to it. great memories of grandpa taking us to cherokee park. cheers.

I haven't seen evidence of hstuncil in weeks