stalking list, summer 2007

- guy who operates burrito cart
- yuengling distributor's truck driver
- area pigeons

is it wrong if i look in a girl's wallet to learn her last name?

yes!

Who wants to be on my stalking list? It is currently empty of anyone I might possibly have a chance with.

Jon: Yes. Slap your own fingers and put her wallet back in her purse, and put her purse back on the chair next to her bed, and get the fuck out of her dorm room.

you fuckin guys

is it wrong if i install a gps tracker on the empanada man y/n

otm re: yuengling truck driver

i wanna be stalked:-/

Laurel, I am still slightly scared by some other thread where something I said reminded you of some ex of yours. Uh, I just thought I'd say that since it comes to mind every time you post on one of my creepy threads.

after the last one i have given up on human contact

the last girl that is

laurel stalk me stalk me

hehe laurel w/ the greatest zing!
that is seriously some seinfeld level shit, jdubs.

is it bad that i am kind of ok w/ not stalking anyone right now?
should i be stalking? if yes, who?

someone start a "wryly observing humanity's folly from a barstool in solitude 2007" thread

x-post to strongo
I thought you meant the last burrito

after the last burrito humanity has given up on ME

I always fucking end up single for the summer and all cranky when it's nice outside, then I end up in a relationship when it's cold out and there's nothing fun to do.

I am stalking all doggies everywhere.

every time i go to the west coast, i curse the entire world for the lack of yuengling truck drivers out there.

I think it was just some unpleasant emotional habit you brought up, mh. Don't worry about it. At least not for my sake.

yeah what could possibly be fun to do in a relationship when it's cold out

1. toboggan

2. snowball fight

3. snow angels

just some unpleasant emotional habit

...stalking?

4. 8 hour risk tournament w/ bottle of bourbon

well, as fun as a summer fling is, it's great to have a partner when staying inside during the miserable winter times!
xpost to mh

i wld like summer fling, but i think it's already too late for this summer. i thought it just started but it's already july!

5. SEX LOL.

6. stalking area pigeons

winter flings > summer flings

jess and curtis and jessie otm

4. 8 hour risk tournamentanything w/ bottle of bourbon

7. competitive drinking

8. competitive drinking (doubles)

I don't know if it's a complete let-down when you break up because all you end up doing is going at it all weekend

9. AA meetings

10. dancing to debbie gibson records in your underwear

admittedly i do this while single

and i dont wear underwear

wait now we're just devolving into things ally does, anyway, all the time

lol xpost

11. eat an entire baskin robbins ice cream cake

11a. for breakfast

cf. bill cosby

12. ice sculptures

13. david blaine style temp exposure

No, now I remember, it was more like

Girl: I feel like I'm just one of your friends that you sleep with
mh: No, I think yr great, maybe I'm just not very romantic person necc?
Girl: I need something else *sob*
mh: (sound of teeth grinding)

But carry on w/ stalking!

14. naked cliff diving

o_O

15. get one fan and imitate famous memorex ads

16. polar bear wrestling

17. gay bear wrestling

Girl: I feel like I'm just one of your friends that you sleep with

OH BOO HOO

WAAH WAAH WAAH

18. Shared champagne bath

19. indoor camp fire

20. shared tomato juice bath following skunk incident

21. smoke up and watch the complete works of r. dangerfield

11 is SO OTM.

22. shared 'champagne of beers' bath

22. Go the park and laugh and laugh at the suffering of couples with children.

jordan will you marry me?

23. fatten up

alternately i can just stalk you

25. buy each other disappointing gifts for various holidays, have awkward interactions surrounding family obligations

26. menorah fencing

27. Break up as soon as last NYE party has been safely endured

28. watch all 4 seasons of the wire in a 3 week period as the house decays around you

29. cocaine

we can have a winter fling, jess

can i watch?

/crepe

re: 27 week before valentine's amirite :(

i won't put out til the third date

p.s. I am stalking everyone on this thread

Fling-watching:

http://www.streetswing.com/histmain/histitl/1hghflng1.jpg

srsly though jordan/jess winter fling should be big brothered. live blog that shit!

uhh

errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

hehe. stalking, guys. get it?

plug-and-vlog

i won't put out til the third date shared bath

let the good times roll

i won't put out til the third date shared bath expensive gift amirite.

do you have amazon wishlist?

btw u r very pretty

does "champagne of beers" count as expensive gift?

u guys are unloved

x-post at Laurel

Oh damn, why was I even worried? I think I was in a foul mood about relationships when I posted that, in retrospect it was really more of a bad feedback loop at the time with that girl and the fact that she just didn't seem to catch some hints while accidentally pushing every button I have about relationship worries.

uh, anyway back to regularly scheduled programming. I'm also stalking gyros.

stalking olympics 2007

u guys are full of horny

is it wrong if i install a gps tracker on the empanada man y/n

-- bell_labs, Monday, July 2, 2007 2:32 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Link
Delete Undelete Ban User User Info

THIS IS WHY WE NEED TO LIVE BLOG **EVERYTHING**

no champagne as beers counts as MY GOD GIVEN RIGHT.

xxxxxxxxxxxpost

feelinonyobooty.mp3

too many xposts to figure out

champagne OF beers. but that typo is pretty telling.

stalking the new unadvertised bar below our restaurant district that's really only meant for other bartenders and such

they have coors, bud, pbr on tap... nothing else I think

u guys are full of horny

Aren't you married? If "y", shut the hell up.

laurel otm

the horny is actually spilling over

balls are so blue they're black

haha laurel i love yr sass today

btw guys did i mention that i was recently a REBOUND unknowingly

well, i figured it out eventually obviously

namely when, on the fourth or fifth date, she started unloading on me in the cab about her asshole boyfriend of two years which she recently dumped

yikes!

but at least you got laid, right?

Aren't you married? If "y", shut the hell up.

-- Laurel, Monday, July 2, 2007 6:54 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Link

OUCH

;___;

naturally after dropping her off at home i went straight to the bar and drank myself unconscious

which is typical, obviously, but at least i had a reason that night

xposts

yes.

was this a turn-off? I mean, I would not at all mind being a rebound right now

by the way now BACK with her asshole ex-bf. i know this because they were at MY bar the other night.

thanks smalltimore!

xpost: getting dumped on by crazy women who are still hung up on their abusive exes is generally a turnoff, yes

wait do i have to shut the hell up too ;_;

30. http://graphics.jsonline.com/graphics/owlive/img/nov04/cbrown112304.jpg

oh damn people need to learn to stay out of others' territory!
xposts

^ sexual tension

xpost

(add as many x's as you want and it still holds)

getting dumped on by crazy women who are still hung up on their abusive exes is generally a turnoff, yes

Uh yeah, I think this mopey guy who hangs around the bar I go to (and is now dating some crazy girl who dumped my friend. said friend is now dating my sister, but that's another story) might have been abused in such a way by a girl I dated. Like, she was hung up on me and used him.

there are smaller towns than baltimore

oh no doubt

keep in mind i used to live in the PA suburbs and OLYMPIA omg wtf lol

Anyone who knows self to be loved and adored and who gets smooches regularly from adoring partner cd maybe start own thread about awesomeness vs frustratingness of LTRs and leave us to our stalking of the celery at midnight.

there are smaller towns than baltimore

I thought I had a movie-level awkward moment when I was with new girl the other day and ex-fiance + dude I hate walked by, but it turns out they didn't notice us.

x-post
ahh wonderful anonymous new york where i go years without running into exes (and when i do i can reasonably pretend to not see them and cross the street or something)

LOL OMG WE ARE A WB DRAMA

ONLY REVEREND CAMDEN CAN SAVE US NOW

- mailwoman bringing me tex avery droopy box set

- mr chen's organic chinese cuisine delivery dude

- various interns

I MEAN, UH

yes, maybe there is something to be said for switching neighborhoods with the seasons...
xp to linds

is there yet a thread dedicated to our favorite 7th heaven moments?

you should start one

remember the crazy alcoholic aunt?

i basically bonded with one girlfriend over the "mary gets shipped off to the colonel's for bad behavior" plotline

seventh heaven???

guys srsly?

i know i've pointed this out before but it terrifies me that seventh heaven has outlasted every adult relationship i've ever had

maybe those christians have the right idea

r.i.p. 18 year old jessica biel before you turned into a muscley robot

dude that show is THE BEST. my favorite is the one where some kids are sniffing glue. also the one where matt meets his jewish wife.

I think some other department here has interns but NO NO NO

There are maybe a couple dozen women under 35 around this company, of which maybe 3 aren't married

one of those girls I want to talk is probably from my friend's sister's bible study group or some shit. secret 7th heaven connection?

talk = stalk, obv

because talking to them makes far too much sense

This article is about Heaven. For other uses, see Seventh Heaven (disambiguation)

I mean c'mon xp

the serious parts of this thread are verging on louis jagger level creepiness

also:

my favorite is the one where some kids are sniffing glue

YES

Wait, what parts are srs?

I meant it about the champagne bath, that is 100% serious business.

well i'm starting to get the impression that mh is going to show up outside the local bar in a raincoat

just sayin'

and yeah all of my winter cavalcade of whimsy suggestions are 100% serious

even though i generally take a shower in my jeans and a t-shirt

is that 7th heaven glue sniffing episode better than the walker texas ranger about a cabal of SATANISTS

WE GOT 18 KIDS AND THE POWER OF JESUS: The 7th Heaven Appreciation Thread

theme song stuck in head

Are you completely round the bend? Let he who has never gone out for coffee where the employees are the cuetness throw the first stone, that's all I'm saying.

my neigbors have 9 kids and the power of jesus.

my whole family used to walker texas ranger and sing along to the theme song. fact!

Are you completely round the bend? Let he who has never gone out for coffee where the employees are the cuetness throw the first stone, that's all I'm saying.

wait i dont...what???

^I was trying to find that thread last week and couldn't. :(

i've never in my life been at a coffeeshop where the employees were cute. TRUE FACT.

stalkin' jess's threads

My Brooklyn Jewish atheist raised-on-psychoanalysis friend just revealed that she loves 7th Heaven. I cannot relate.

this thread should have been about burrito carts
i would like to follow the taco truck around for a day

i'm not stalking anyone but if i were i'd stalk any of the girls at letizia's. the combination of having decent taste in music, being extremely easy on the eyes, and the only interaction we ever have ends with me in possession of a giant iced coffee is fantastic.

but stalking implies a level of comittment that i'm just not prepared to give right now. hell, i can't even get in the shower before 3 pm these days.

more stalking pls:

-Skinny little kitty with the weird face who belongs to the drug dealers across the street. I shall tempt you to my porch all summer with succulent bowls of off-brand cat food.

active stalking is passe, casual stalking is where it's at

hahahahah ohhhhh i get it now

christ i completely forgot that particular incident

i'm totally over the rotating series of hott girls at the local coffee place. none of them are as perky cuet as the original. place is ridiculously overpriced too.

did they all have enormous foreheads

don't they always?

helenhunt.jpg

maybe i should start frequenting coffee shops again instead of bars

Be nice, you have to put your hair back/up in food service, it flatters approximately NO ONE.

http://gametz.com/user/Josh.html

some of them serve overpriced beer or wine next to overpriced coffee
x-posst

i have seen at least 5 attractive bar staff in my life, versus 0 attractive coffee shop staff so i am against your insane plan.

xpost laurel i'm wearing my hair up right now and it looks fine, that's carzy talk

this thread went in all sorts of directions

whoops

http://images.kenyonhill.com/tz/biopics/2852_zorak_blink.gif

oh forget it..

lord knows whathappened to my settings here...ill just skrew off

ohhhhh i've already determined...NO MORE BARTENDERS

they be crazy

i used to work at a coffee shop ;_;

ONLY BARTENDERS

b-but i didn't sleep for six months and almost died of alcohol poisoning once

bell labs, i never frequented your coffee shop, but you would be the one (1) attractive one i would've seen in that case.

maybe i should stop pretending "carts" and "sketchy delis" are coffee shops tho.

xpost christ jess i do that every six months, man up

Tight weaves can cause receding hairlines. Jess, you should try stalking in churches. I hear they have nice girls there.

Ally, did you have to pull it straight back from your forehead and put on a hairnet/headband/stupid baseball-style cap w/ company logo on it?

What about bar waitresses?

HOW DO I SHOT
http://www.geosoftusa.com/images/ipaq-with-map.jpg + http://z.about.com/d/queens/1/0/h/7/elreytacotruck.jpg

i have put a stupid baseball cap on many times and been just fine! also i've never in my life seen anyone at, say, starbucks wearing any of those things you're talking about.

i think i'm going to stalk girls at the comic book convention in a few weeks

u mad

i was hit on more when i worked at coffee shop and diner than ever in my life, boys LOVE the service employees

guyz also carey is a coffeeshop/bartender extraordinaire and is cuet as a button

no, ally, c'mon think about it

as someone i work with said: "dude, it's like me and 500 guys who want to smell my finger."

carey is v hot bartender, v good at her job

exceptionally good at her job!

okay let me rephrase:

no more 23 year old bartenders that are borderline alcoholics with serious daddy issues

no more twentysomething baristas who knee me in the balls

more... comic babes?

girls at comic book conventions are easy sometimes. sometimes they are completely insane, too.

six of one, half dozen of the other

conventions of any type seem like a horribly depressing place to try to pick people up

girls at comic book conventions are easy sometimes.

for girls to be "easy" they usually have to be either drunk or batshit insane :/

no more 23 year old bartenders that are borderline alcoholics with serious daddy issues
this should go in the "in every bar ever" thread

also, comic book girls are fucking nuts

Haha that reminds me: someone I know picked up a cute girl at a bar recently, then said to me later "I really liked her! Which is weird cos I don't usually know what to say to those kind of girls" and I was all, "'those kind of girls'? You mean, all girls?"

when the hell was the last time people from ilx hooked up anyway?

bell labs is v right re:conventions pt.

second point questionable

Jess: About...three months ago? Linds, what say you?

i'm so out of the gossip loop u_u

linds otm re: easy girls.

wait waht laurel?

TEH INTERNET IS THE BEST PLACE TO MEET PEOPLE. THE END.

UH

I DISAGREE

ok maybe that is not completely true

carzy talk

Wow, you guys have been busy here today.

also NO.

my meeting-on-the-internet relationships ended as wackily as my meeting-in-real-life ones

- any girls at music festivals I am going to who bother to make eye contact

JOHN JUSTEN DO YOU APPRECIATE 7TH HEAVEN?

- any girls at music festivals I am going to who bother to make eye contact

also i was a barista once :-/

that's hot, rw

is there not a more masculine version of that title? xpost

baristo?

BARISTO

hahaha xpost

Well, the plus to that is it rules out the unconscious ones.

xpost to original eye contact RW post

xxpost waht to 7th heavane

xxxpost too fast so confused

xxxxpost BARISBRO

coffee guy

coffee cowboy

coffee jockey

BEAN BOY

FRIEND OF JUAN

Coffee jerk

barrister?

coffee jerk, surely dammit xpost

coffee chippendale

new strategy:

1. Do not hang out in bars all the time
2. Have set of friends who do go out all the time
3. Make sure they meet other, new people at bars
4. Somehow arrange to meet the non-bargoing friends of the bar people your group has met

then you have other people who can work outside of a bar framework, in theory. because relationships I've started with people who hang out at the bar 90% of the time have been... bad

i mean, dude has his shirt off enough

xpost oh c'mon!

http://rachel.nwbeanbros.com/images/nwbbdist.gif

my new strategy:

* stay home
* watch cartoons

people who can work outside of a bar framework = non-drinkers?

BEAN BRO

I mean clearly that is not going to work. xp

i dont think i could date a non-drinker at this point

xp

well i am sort of a jerk xp

^^^ that took like 2 minutes to post

strongo otm

TRY TO GUESS RE. WAHT

where's the goddamn mailwoman, i'm a terrible stalker

srsly i was gonna make myself have a crush on a non-drinker and then i decided that was a stupid idea, for many, many reasons

call the post office and ask. xpost

I can't date non-drinkers because I hate them.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxpost

i mean, dude has his shirt off enough

xpost oh c'mon!

-- strongohulkington, Monday, July 2, 2007 7:52 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

u_u

i dont think i know any non-drinkers

people drink outside of bars, that's what barbeques, homes with decks, and patios are for. or my living room

i have a deck!

i have dated a non-drinker once! that went...poorly

i tend to avoid crushing on non-smokers too bc in the end i will usually choose weed over them

So you're talking about frugal drinkers, more like.

xpostowhatever

i dated (for all intent and purpose) a non-drinker and it worked for a little bit. until she realized what she thought was quirky and charming behavior on my part may have been indicative of mild retardation or perhaps a traumatic brain injury. after that me getting a little tipsy wasn't so fun and me getting outright wasted at a friend's record release party was the final straw.

I was going to call max out for being vv harsh but then I thought about cigarettes and non-smokers and I knew what I had to do.

it is really best to have compatible substance abuse problems

OTM

keeps costs down

it is really best to have compatible substance abuse problems

-- bell_labs, Monday, July 2, 2007 3:00 PM (Monday, July 2, 2007 3:00 PM) Bookmark Link

ugh.... NO.

my new strategy:

* stay home
* watch cartoons

-- ghost rider, Monday, July 2, 2007 3:54 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

^

so i'm looking for someone who ABUSES alcohol but not necessarily an alcoholic

Volume discounts.

to be fair i could not have developed my strategy without the thoughtful help of all the ppl i've alienated

this thread gives me hope for humanity (nb i've barely skimmed it)

Well, that explains it.

it is really best to have compatible substance abuse problems

-- bell_labs, Monday, July 2, 2007 4:00 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

only if the increase in your consumption is linear and now by a power

well yeah good point.

to be fair i could not have developed my strategy without the thoughtful help of all the ppl i've alienated

^^^ this

I can't stay in and watch cartoons, I'm too busy alienating people with my overly combative responses and (s)mothering ways while still managing (somehow!) never to have a date. It's a lot to juggle.

overly combative responses and (s)mothering ways

every girl i've ever dated

overly combative responses
my idea of foreplay is picking fites. (sometimes) i rock. hah.

weed = linear drug consumption
...

:/

There are more linear drugs.

my idea of foreplay is picking fites. (sometimes) i rock. hah.

-- tehresa, Monday, July 2, 2007 4:32 PM (6 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

I don't even remember what I did last time :( I think it involved making out in the rain in front of a bodega?

Alcohol = linear

I've been the person who listens to friends vent enough lately that when I started to completely crack up a couple weeks ago I had to practically yell at them for them to pay attention. Maybe that no dating until mid-june resolution of mine would have worked better if I wasn't kind enough to act as a stress sponge for my friends during that time.

I don't think I've ever dated anyone who was at all mothering!

http://www.cs.fsu.edu/~cop4531/slideshow/chapter2/figure2_1_O.gif

THE BIG OH

There is a fine line between mothering and fag hag neediness bullshit

yes

fag hag neediness bullshit? whassat like?

i could go for a couple of linears right now, i've been (illicit) drugless for a stretch and truthfully, it's boring the piss out of me.

guys

i want a beer

now

HEEEEEY it's almost 5pm!! Hooo boy.

Con: I somehow destroyed my ability to metabolize alcohol last week
Pro: I had a good buzz going after two beers when I was tired on saturday

I don't even remember what I did last time :( I think it involved making out in the rain in front of a bodega?

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Monday, July 2, 2007 4:33 PM (Monday, July 2, 2007 4:33 PM) Bookmark Link

i didn't mean i pick fites bc it is good foreplay... i meant it sometimes happens by accident when i am on the path to ruining things :P

ooh yeah, beer sounds good.

strike that, whiskey sounds good.

i dont know if i should drink tonight tho because my chest hurts

1/3 bottle of makers last night O_o

picking fights is actually really good foreplay.

I have a date guys

!

You know what also sounds good? Some goat cheese wrapped in proscuitto. And look, I have both right here!!

minor league baseball w/INFINITE BEER included in ticket price destroyed me yesterday

xpost

take it to bragging thread already!
xp to jw

picking fights is actually really good foreplay.

-- Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Monday, July 2, 2007 4:41 PM (Monday, July 2, 2007 4:41 PM) Bookmark Link

if you mean in a playful, flirty way, then yes. but not when it's real. unless you like make up sex THAT much but it seems like a lot of hassle.

i need to switch back to hard liquor. all this beer is making me plump in the middle again.

i brought back about $50 of various boozes from the nh state liquor store but all i can think of is sweet, sweet beer :/

after beer and gin last weekend, all i can think of is sweet, sweet bourbon!

well it is summer after all

xpost

tonight i will drink rye while i stay in and watch cartoons, i think

just one beer

and then i will go home

i think i'm gonna...not drink????

famous last words
xp

I should start drinking liquor again but mixing drinks is too much work.

And I can't just drink cups of vodka anymore. :(

yeah i don't have mixers is my deal

can you drink a maker's and...lemonade??

wau

haha yes

adam schefter's nouveau bartending

just buy some ginger ale? or learn to drink maker's like A MAN

schef: YES, BY ALL MEANS

dudes sometimes i wish we all lived in the same house like the seventh heaven family

except as grownup alcoholics

and not christian

though yes, gr is right, drinking maker's like a man is best.

so more like a flophouse i guess

mebbe there could be a 7th heaven episode where rev. camden has to save us all, the house of heathens

i do not drink these things straight guys

god, that would be the dirtiest house in the whole world.

i would be the last hold out

It would be an awesome disaster unless there was a lot of room for getting away. But the drinking/slumber/porch parties would rock.

drinking them mixed stretches out how long the bottle lasts also

group house would be a terrible idea, i am surprised we haven't already tried it

i would sleep with his daughters to "test" him

also i have no idea what you guys are talking about but i'll live with all these white alcoholics

do i even HAVE lemonade is the real question i should be asking myself

i am bringing a flask with me everywhere i go this week :/
well, besides work i mean

i actually have both lemonade and makers!

PARTY AT STRONGO'S

haha "group house" sounds dangerously close to "group home"

i am so getting on the marc tonight

then i guess i'll just wander around baltimore screaming "jess? jess?" until some kindly person takes me to you.

EVERYONE WELCOME

IT SMELLS LIKE CHEESE AND DIRTY TOWELS RIGHT NOW

I was just wondering that "the marc" was; thanks for clearing that up.

AWESOME THAT'S MY FAVORITE PARTY SMELL

wait i like the idea that the marc is something besides a train, i think we should start using the phrase "getting on the marc" as a euphemism for drinking as if we don't already have enough of those

I had a bottle of that "real lemon" concentrate crap that I made lemonade with for mixers once. I think I mixed it with wild turkey. mmmm

So speaking of stalking and traveling to other cities, I tried to flickr-stalk bus-from-DC seat-mate but with no useful results. I fail even as a stalker.

WHY IS MY DATE NOT CALLING ME AND INSTEAD CRAZY HIPPIE GIRL KEEPS CALLING AND TEXTING

GO BACK TO BONAROOOOO!!!!!

mh that's some kind of mythbusters level of experiment

after the last burrito humanity has given up on ME

http://www.metallibrary.ru/bands/discographies/images/ozzy_osbourne/photos/ozzy_osbourne_01.jpg

Burrito or pigeon. Hmmm.

more than even beer right now, i want a burrito, or several tacos

BTW, guys I am the best stalker ever

Yes, that's how I like to picture Jess.

I'm not very good at stalking someone whose last name I don't know though. :(

This reminds me that I forgot to ask my stalker how he hacked into my email account.

lol @ bonarooo!

She was seriously there!!!!! For her job.

Stupid overeager hippie slutty voice on my voicemail. :( leave me alone!!!!!!!

Mmmmm bell, I wanted tacos, well, any TexMex really, SO CRAVINGLY BADLY and I got them yesterday and it was very heaven. I wish the same for you in your tacular pursuits.

maybe she will leave soon for burning man or something.

If my date bails on me, who wants to hang out?

xpost she leaves thurs... also i think she is going there at some point

damn it i always want ceviche on mondays but is bad day for fish :(

guys i need a drink

or i am going to post missed connections with anybody i can remember (including cartoon characters) till my phone blows up

deep breaths

i am also craving the baked beans from fette sau

was going to get last night, but there was a line out the door :(

Hey I texted the world's best bartender to see if he has new Mon pm plans, I cd use a tipple too. Will report back.

Laurel, do u want skeeballs

...it's a possibility? I am not necc skeeball luvvah, though. That is sleeeeeeeep and TZA.

well there's budz

and buds

and bud sudz

we have no good skeeball in this town :(

skee ball is cheap happy hour place. also easy to get to from midtown!

But so hard to get home. :( Bike needed.

solution = go home with a boy

don't you have a date?

That is one possible solution, yes. Sleeping in an alley under a cardboard box is another one.

cardboard box built for two

reminds me of my romantic hangouts circa a few years back

once my ex and i bought a handle of "mike's hard frozen lemonade mix" that youre supposed to mix w/ ice and blend or something but we just put it and some water (3:1 ratio) in those frozen popsicle makers so we could have mike's hard lemonade popsicles. but they didnt freeze very well so we ended up scooping what amounted to mike's hard slush out of the thing and getting really wasted at like 3pm on a friday... anyway the reason this is an especially great story for this thread is because we were really drunk so we got in a huge (foreplay) fight and then "made up" by 7 or 8 and then both ended up passing out at 1030 watching entourage and didnt go out at all.

Oh yeah, malt liquor not really known for its low freezing point, just FYI.

i think i covered most of the important bases of this thread with that story

I mean, high freezing point.

my roommate drinks antifreeze

yes, you did max. kudos, littlest noise dude!

I don't know what I mean. I have to approve text corrections now so I can leave this soul-numbing place.

one of my cats while i was growing up died from eating antifreeze

things from this thread incl in my story:

* fighting-as-foreplay
* unhealthy relationship (both my relationship to gf & our collective relationship to alcohol)
* making weird "mixed" drinks
* staying in and watching TV
* "stalking" portion covered since its story abt EX-girlfriend

not incl:

* 7th heaven (i should have pretended we watched that instead of entourage)
* fun things to do in winter (should have pretended it happened in winter)

i think you were right the first time laurel, if malt liquor had a low freezing point it would have frozen in the freezer. right?

No, it has a very very low freezing point, lower than water's. Which is why you can store vodka in the freezer for months and it only gets the tiniest bit thicker until it pours like godamned silk but never gets ice crystals at all.

ahhh yeah.... haha i would go into the thought process that led me to think you were right the first time but its not very interesting and reveals how dumb i am when im stoned

like godamned silk!!! :D

http://www.javaestate.com/category_resize.asp?width=300&img=Soy%201.JPG

skeeball where?

Prob Lulu's I'm guessing?

that's what i thought of. also there is a place on grand i think that has it.

when the fuck is my date going to call me back

when the fuck am i going to call my date back

ooooh

Is Vic my date??!??! :X

with sexy results

please keep me informed of lulu's plans.

I'm beginning to think this girl is afraid of the cock the phone!!!!

bummers: ILX unanimous in "don't date non-drinkers" opinion.

Hopefully you are not calling her as much as hippie chick is calling you?

xp

hippie chick txt'd me 2 x at 1:30 am today called once at 1:45 am

then called and left voicemail at 4:45 pm today.

I have called mystery girl once since sat night

lol drunken txt

that sounds like classic drunk dial/check phone in morning/call up to apologize for drunk dial?

yes I agree,

my friend drunk dialed some dude last night after he gave her the "let's just be friends" talk NOT SMART.

yeah i texted rebound girl on friday night after not texting for like week and a half

wtf is wrong with me

we've all been there :/

jess turn that frown upside down and take the 7th heaven quiz.

this is me at the library doing "research"

girl i stopped talking to a couple months ago texted me out of nowhere last weekend. i feel a little bad, but should i txt her back to say i'm kinda seeing someone?

no. ignore it.

My ex sends me texts that are obviously meant for other people every once in a while. ODD.

Why bother with drink mixers? If it's a dark liquor, mix in water. Tastes great (Crown+water+lemon = iced tea), no hangover, all problems settled.

HAY PEOPLE best bartender ever says 3 of cups around 9 or 10 pm.

i have been SO GOOD recently abt not calling/texting/sending cryptic one-line emails to my ex. i should put it on BRAGGIN 2007

My ex sends me texts that are obviously meant for other people every once in a while. ODD.

-- jessie monster, Monday, July 2, 2007 5:56 PM (19 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

^ i always worry about txting a family member or coworker :(

"don't text anything you wouldn't want your mother to read"

HAY MA, WHERE'D I HIDE THE COCAINE?

"need any 'sweaters' mom?"

oh, they aren't inappropriate. if they were inappropriate I wouldn't assume they weren't for me (see: reasons ex is blocked from AIM)

Guize stop having awesome threads while I am asleep ;_;

wtf, 428 answers in 5 hours?

I just realized that this isn't the thread where I was making stalking jokes a few days ago.

STALKING TRENDING UPWARD IN NOISE BORED SAMPLE POPULATION.

gross

wtf, 428 answers in 5 hours?

what are you, stalking this thread?

I just found it! How can you stalk that which you first found?
HOW?

do i post a missed connection???? basically all the girls at melt banana show were cute and i had never seen them before???

yes, do it!

never, ever, ever post a missed connection.

DON'T LISTEN TO HER

make it as vague as possible so as to get the most responses

i mean basically it would be

Hey cuet girls at Melt Banana show how come I have never seen you before??? Come out more often, and we will hang out! I was sweaty spastic guy at the front w/shaved head, not that other sweaty spastic guy with the awful shirt on.

Actually maybe I'll just post a link to this thread

oh yeah, that's definitely a way to win the ladies!

me: internet stalking
you: cute girl at melt banana
Was there a spark? Say yes or I'LL KNIFE YOU

i want to see you before the next BANANA IN MONTANA, dig?

maybe it won't win ladies but it's entertaining, which is what the missed connections is really for right?

it's kind of weird that i never got into melt banana
and now maybe it's too late for me

yeah srsly melt banana in montanana?

Not quite stalking, but how best to approach (via facebook) two girls from whose lives I disappeared from years ago but would like to see how they are? "'sup" or start with an apology for said disappearance?

New stalking: me with expensive beer sitting on my fat ass watching tv

hey that is almost like me with mid-level bourbon sitting on my fat ass watching tv!

Cheap beer + internets.

omg @ wedding planner on hell's kitchen right now

haha god i love hell's kitchen

that melissa skank needs to GO

no shit! that bitch is horrendous! i would drop kick her ass right outta my kitchen for sure!

melissa turned up the psycho tonight.

i was kinda amazed when they were tying up those little mint baggies that one of them didn't haul off and cold cock her

guys i love hells kitchen so much

guys i lose it is not even 1030 and i already think i need to go hide my phone

KEEP POSTING

DISTRACT ME

i love hells kitchen too! i am almost ashamed to admit this

my wife and i don't call it hells kitchen, we call it DOGS DINNA

why do you have to hide your phone?

i need to go out and buy more beer but i will be back

TXTING = NOT GOOD

DON'T LEAVE FOR TOO LONG. THIS IS DANGER ZONE!

http://web.mit.edu/qmahoney/www/photos/rush-06/danger-zone/thumbs/danger-zone.jpg

http://static.flickr.com/35/65586700_d6abca4e08.jpg

this song is on repeat in my head right now

cheap rye, preston sturges movies. this is a depressing simulacra of the life.

HI DERE

HI I JUST AET GIGANTOR BOWL OF SPAGEDDI. I FELT LIKE I HAD TO TELL ALL OF YOU.

spageddi or spadghettis?

i am trés hi right now

watching planet earth

hi dere max

I've never seen a reality show as blatantly rigged as HK (hoping the nanny breaks a bottle over Melissa's head before all is said and done).

haha but now they are on separate teams so she can't!

i love how she changed from 'personal chef' to 'nanny'

Oh man max! I want some w33d no fair ;_; I totally have to hit up my friend for some. I have holidays this week! OMG I NEED TO PLAN.

i am not good with w33d. however, i am v. sad now bc of beverly sills dying and am watching tons of youtubes of her. *sigh*

SHARKS, guys

DNFW sharks

We EAT sharks here. We're HARDCORE.

SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRK! week

I am really really drunk and just got stood up. Then I txted her trying a reverse gambit ("Oh hey I hope you don't think I stood you up. Sorry!") and I think I am getting el ultimo brush off.

I'm contemplating just fucking txting her asking for her to give it to me straight.

sometimes that is not a bad idea unless it is too rash and makes things more complicated.

what i'm saying is: it can backfire.

nooo don't do it jon

also hell's kitchen ehhhhh top chef is more compelling i need to start watching more tv. i love salman rushdie's ex wife she is a babe

Jon: just dont then repeatedly txt her if you dont hear anything! You'll come over all crazy ;P

(I know becoz I haf done this things)

top chef wld be great to watch but i'm poor and don't have cable.

also have you guys ever seen 'cooking under fire'? it was with that duden ming tsai who i have a total crush on.

srsly, waht
http://www.outlookindia.com/images/photoessays/slaman_rushdie_padma_lakshmi_BPE_20070115.jpg

yeah just fuck it man if she's gonna be like that.

not the same thing...but i have a weirdo friend who makes bizarre disappearing acts, cutting off contact for no apparent reason. it makes me want to scream. why i am still her friend if she does this? i don't know.

I called re: date at 4:45 pm. Txted around 6. Reply at 6:15 that she was called into work. replied at 6:30 that i was going to hang with friends for a bit. called around 10ish, didn't answer; txted her and was all "lol hope u don't think i blew u off" and she replied "no no its ok"

seems like that could be read as "i dont like you" or "playin it cool".... i guess i should gtb... although i want to say something to the effect that i want to play it straight and u r v v pretty

Top Chef is awesome.

Hell's Kitchen would be more entertaining if he was screaming at competent chefs instead of a nanny, a line cook, a pastry chef, a couple of third-rung sous chefs and a Waffle House short order cook. Can you imagine anyone on Top Chef not being able to plate an order of pea risotto after cooking it seven nights in a row?

maybe she really did have to work? play it cool. also padma lakshmi is single now i believe and she likes nerdy guyz

i say play it cool also.

send the bitches my way bell labs

i WISH i knew padma ;_;

u gonna top chefs
http://www.asiansinmedia.org/pictures/people/padma_lakshmi.jpg

jess is such a liar he said he was coming back after beer run :(

i am so stupid

oh hush

j0n is living some east coast parallel of my life right now

all my romantic missives are edited to fit in a single sms or alternately a twitter entry

hahahahaha

except when he talks about shit i dont understand

(xpost bitter laughter of the lonely drunk)

i have in my saved drafts right now a txt that says "yo ****, you are cute and i like you" that i didnt send at the last minute after calling a friend for advice

you fuckin guys

-- ghost rider, Monday, July 2, 2007 2:32 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

haha deej good call

so, I went out tonight with some friends for dinner and then met up with a bartender friend who just adopted a rescued great dane (so huge and adorable and shy!) and followed her and some other friends to another couple bars.

such a great, beautiful night to sit on bar patios and enjoy life.

i don't think people in their early 20s understand "playing it straight" :(

oh god i love a great dane.
also: patios.
namely: drinking on patios.
i have a patio. guys, let's make this happen soon.

I wd like to get such a to-the-point text from a crush as "yo, Laurs, you are cute and I like u."

It sounds refreshing.

ya, rly.

why am i watching ab fab?

it's only nice when it's sincere
jw do u even remember what she looks like? or is that a different one

stop it
xpost

its v sincere but i feel like she's playing the game so i have to too

there is no such thing as "the game"

oh fuck yes there is!

1st date went really well but i missed opportunity to say anything and 2nd date isnt til next sunday and she's all 'i dont THINK i have anything scheduled then,' like in case she needs an out she's got it, and id rather do something like this in person but this is complicated by me working w/ her every day :-/ so should i be patient?

so not used to this, i havent been 'crushing' really in like 4 years, just dates and fwb's and gfs who skipped the dating process altogether

i need a crush :(

i think you hit a certain age and give up the game. why do i want to waste all my time playing games and possibly ruining shit for no reason when i could just be a huge douchebag and fuck things up proper

wait deej she is co-worker ABORT

we both hate job tho and are trying to leave. it is like a contest to see who gets another job first

i think my mistake is that i hold people to a certain standard of decency so am constantly disappointed. jon keeps telling me i should lower my standards but i don't think so. i just want people to not suck.
xxpost.

x-post deej
ok wellll then i say if you really, really like her make an overture but not via text message, but in person. if you're not willing to, she's not worth it.

txt from girl who i hooked up w/ right after i broke up w/ gf:

i hate that i miss you as much as i do. denial has faded into acceptance and im struggling. i hope its been worth it max.

??? i knew this girl for like 3 weeks and hooked up with her only 4 or 5 times.

also she is my advisors daughter. OOPS.

WASNT THTAT THE PLOT OF REVENGE OF NERDS 2

http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/miramax_films/my_boss_s_daughter/_group_photos/ashton_kutcher1.jpg

YEAH ITS ALL A JOKE TO YOU GUYS

THIS SHIT HAS IRL CONSEQUENCES

ALSO REVENGE OF THE NERDS 2 WAS FILMED AT MY SCHOOL

aw max. i didn't mean it like that.

im willing to in person, just not in person @ work

is there off work bar-going or anything? or can you whisk her to the side while leaving the worplace and tell her how charming you find her?

All my friends are nelson-laughing at me saying I'm gonna end up daeting my friend who is moving in with me at the end of the year ;_; GOD STOP IT GUYS WE ARE NOT RARGH.

I mean he's cute and we get on great and stuff but ... NO.

I feel like my life is the plot of Questionable Content :/

is there off work bar-going or anything? or can you whisk her to the side while leaving the worplace and tell her how charming you find her?

-- bell_labs, Tuesday, July 3, 2007 5:00 AM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

yeah i mean naturally, im not really giving the full story here but im not so sure a reveal is a smart thing to do @ this juncture

play by the "heart"
not by the "game"
this sis the most sincere thing ive said on the internet today horrrayy

you know the "reveal" is just as much "game" as anything else

ok moment of weakness over, playing it cool from here on out

high-fives dueds i go to slleep now

i should go to sleep and stop stalkin'

I've got a m8 who's useless with women. He gets drunk and sends the women he's trying to pursue the WORST shit. We've, very wittily, nicknamed him the SMStalker.

I also remember reading his email once and he ended an email to this chick with a Neutral Milk Hotel lyric (that was about 5 years ago).

^^^It wasn't just me doing the reading, other people were there too. In fact, I was in no way the instigator.

I write lyrics in my emails sometimes ;_; Not crappy emo shit band ones though.

max that girl is creeeeeeepy.

in defense of max's creepy girl, she's probably just young and doesn't know better

doesn't know better than to not be creepy?

Well, more "overinvested" maybe.

girls be needing to learn making out with a dude will not make him your boyfriend.

uh so I'm all embarassed and shit sitting on the couch hung over.... and my phone just sms beeps :(

1 million gold coins to the person who invents a phone Breathalyzer.

But the Korean cell phone manufacturer LG Electronics, according to ABC News, has gone a step further with the party gimmicks. LG's LP4100 brand, to be released in the U.S. later this year, not only takes pictures of your friends' bar tricks, it can also ward off two of a wild Saturday night's most undesirable consequences--drunk dialing and DUIs.

The LP4100 has a built-in breath analyzer that, when blown into by an intoxicated partier, gives a warning and displays a nifty little animation of a car swerving on a road and crashing into traffic cones. (Which should be easy for even the tipsy mind to understand.)

The phone can also be programmed to block selected numbers in the address book--bosses, moms, exes, pizzerias--if the breath analyzer records a blood-alcohol concentration over 0.08.

It's already a hit in Korea, where more than 200,000 of LG's Breathalyzer-type phones have been sold.

at least all i did when i drank last night was posted about my boring bullshit on here

personally, i think all my phone should have in it when drunk is pizzerias

then get up late for work

I need like 8 blowjobs for this much ennui

I watched some tv and fell asleep. OH YEAH AND GOT IT ON.

that was actually a lot meaner than I thought it would be.

i would think a portable breathalyzer would encourage me to drink more and set new personal records

you know that actually is what happened with someone I know.

that's what happened to everyone I know who got a breathalyzer

If I had one of those, we could institute a scoring system into the "John Justen and Fluffy Bear will drink it" thread.

Which kind of means I need one.

I wish such a phone had existed four years ago. My life would have been so much tolerable. :(

I don't want any of those test strip ones.

What I want is a thing that goes up a tower and hits a bell like those test your strength ones. hmmm

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f146/cjmyers009/Breathalyzer-1.jpg

My old bar had this chart with wheels and things that you could use to try and figure out if you were over the limit. It was great fun to try and figure out how the fuck to read it when you were already too far gone. Hmm, maybe that was the actual test.

HI GUYS (NAMELY TRZA) I WENT OUT TO BUY MORE BEER LAST NIGHT BUT THEN I WENT TO THE BAR AND NOW I DON'T REMEMBER WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THAT!

SORRY!

(mostly sorry for my head.)

ruh roh!

did you buy beer and take it to the bar or did you cross the bar's path first?

i am kinda woah tired today but we have 4th of july breakfast so that is helping :D

consumption list for last night:
newcastle
curried chicken
newcastle
strongbow
strongbow
warsteiner dunkel

"OOPS I WENT TO A BAR"

Delicious delicious dirty martinis were the order of the evening for me. Two was prob not enough but I got sleepy.

unless they're small martini glasses (bar I go to has giiiiiiant glasses) two is def. enough

ha, I called girl last night and she was watching top chef while i was watching hell's kitchen (= she is classy and has cable, and I am low)

They were regular glasses. And if I'd gotten more than 4 hrs' sleep the night before, I'd have had a third drink...but alas.

i think i walked across the street and the liquor store was closed already but the bar was not U_U

I think Vic and I need to go to Uni0n p00l again :(

http://madinkbeard.com/blog/wp-content/images/tintin-nothing.jpg

i drank a bottle of wine and smoked and watch 3 episodes of larry sanders by myself

but i avoided sending a stupid email to my ex

All my weird paranoias about exes and such seemed to evaporate over the last couple days. Now it's all patios and beers and food and friends for the next few days, and music festivals and lots of shit to do at work. Life is back to normality, I guess

Last week, I was politely asked not to crash my exes wedding this Saturday and cause trouble. Which actually makes it a much more entertaining concept to do so.

Are you invited?

wow, if I got married I would definitely call people to tell them they weren't invited.

No. The groom is afraid of me, and requested that I be left off the invitation list.

xpost

For historical reference, plz to consult NB summer of love '06.

wow. xpost

Last summer blew.

Hooray for "not last summer" turn of events, srsly.

2x

you know, i can't say there has been any good summer of love action on my side, but at least there's been nothing BAD! last summer was some major crap.

Last summer10 months blew.

see i had FALL OF LOVE '06. i was behind the curve by like three months.

Back on topic: who should be on my stalking list?

- iranian hot dog vendor, corner of 53rd and broadway
- jerry stiller
- our nation's firefighters
- that dishy strongo hulkington

yeah i don't have any stalkees either

Noize should have it's own version of Secret Santa, but with creepy phone calls instead of inexpensive gifts.

And if I'd gotten more than 4 hrs' sleep the night before, I'd have had a third drink...but alas

dorothy parker to thread, regarding 3 martinis.

Maybe Andy Dick. He'd probably invite you back to his place to do coke.

never been stalked ;_;

I propose:

-drummer from A@ (at Cakeshop on Sun, any takers?)
-post-DC seat-mate, lost to the mists of time & hangoverness, alas
-?

* cute girl who works at jerry's tacos
* cute girl who works at mediterranean triangle
* cute girls who work at auntie em's

what does it say about me that all of my stalking candidates are food service employees

- any woman who would actually put up with me

it says you're needy

http://bsiderecordshop.com/oscommerce/images/DCHILDCATER2U.JPG

also fat

what about women who would put up with you up to the point of stalking. PARADOX

all attention is good attention

Especially where 'attention' means buying me drinks.

^^^ qft

-drummer from A@ (at Cakeshop on Sun, any takers?)

^ yes

what about women who would put up with you up to the point of stalking.

Actually, the only way I can put up with stalkers is if they buy me drinks/get me stoned. Otherwise I have to play pinball and ignore them long enough to where they get the point.

I imagine you attract lots of stalkers Michael.

Blind cretins, for the most part, alas, and people of highly suspect taste.

haha

Delicious delicious dirty martinis were the order of the evening for me.

That could easily be the order of the late morning for me today.

yeah i'm about ready to uncork the rye again

tho it is early afternoon on this coast

also i'm an alcoholic

It's five o'clock somehwere and tomorrow's a holiday.

xp also you work from home. Fucker.

I am going to make my day better by having fresh mozz & basil pizza for lunch.

i'm stalking this little guy. i'll see him in hours! MERE HOURS!!!!

http://lh3.google.com/kevin.rys/RoqDTslal7I/AAAAAAAAAGM/hFs4a88E7TU/s800/lbj.jpg

you can't understand how excited i am.

He looks a little nervous. I'd try the subtle approach.

aw. ian is dogsitting and i am going to meet the pup in question later tonight :D

the sound of the camera makes him nervous. years and years ago, before we had a digital camera, all the pictures of him had him with his ears down. when the gears on the 35mm camera would ajust the lens he'd get nervous and put the ears down.

he's still the awesomest dog ever.

Four toes at left side of pic.

Crepey

Oh man, Linds, Bill is awesome but "pup" is not the word!!

that's towga's ex, optical illusion, i commented on it the first time i saw it too.

xp

that dog is AWESOME. also I think we all need to start stalking m. white

I have been for awhile. He just hasn't noticed. I'm that good.

i thought we already did

will these work?
http://a416.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/00262/51/40/262990415_l.jpg

http://a765.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/01081/46/74/1081794764_l.jpg

NB: You can stalk M White fairly effectively through Steve Shasta.

I am in a bad mood.

If it makes you feel any better, the only person I am actively flirting with at the moment lives in Seattle = I'm an idiot.

As I count it, that's at least three drinks. Keep 'em coming, folks.

the only person i wld stalk right now is the person who will drive me to new york for frees
i wld stalk the shit out of anyone who wld fly me there
(i bet i cld be a good stalker if i weren't so changeable/lazy)