Things men do.

2. Set aside sticks for stirring paint with.

area men

3. scratch

thread OTM so far

4. keep a tire pressure gauge in their cars

5. Describe impressive shits to other men.

6. wear shorts that smell vaguely of concrete

7. stand around barbecues

8. wear clothing with paint on it

9. suck off other men (if they are gays)

10. act macho around other men (if they are not gays)

11. touch each other's arses (if they are not gay but play football/rugby)

5: no

10: "act"?

12. wear sandals with socks

y'all getting sloppy

13. those sweaty insulating sponges they put beer in

better

14. Make a *point* to their wives/girlfriends in an overbearing way

or maybe most guys dont do this and I'm just a schmuck

15. reach up and grab things that are high.

16. use a hammer

17. try to fix it.

17a. fail.

17b. press on undeterred

18. High Five.

^things guys do

18./19. talk about spark plugs

20. Take pleasure in talking *business*

21. watch channel 9 news watch channel 7 neww

22. Drink domestic beer
23. Despair at their meaningless existence, married with two point three children in the suburbs

24. Open jars

25. Tinker

26. yawn ostentatiously

27-107: http://www.errolmorris.com/commercials/miller.html

actually 27-106, I guess

107. secretly feel ashamed they are not *guys* anymore

106. flip through cable channels while never settling on a one for more than a minute

2. Set aside sticks for stirring paint with.

-- roxymuzak, Sunday, 6 April 2008 20:56

I have done this.

108. look around, arms crossed, feeling a sense of pride about things

2. Set aside sticks for stirring paint with.

-- roxymuzak, Sunday, 6 April 2008 20:56

I have done this.

I JUST DID THIS LIKE YESTERDAY WAH

109. Deal

i love men

Developing...

'Nebb!

110. refer to their sons as "son"

111. complain about how they don't get "the email"

112. wonder exactly what it is that they do that makes their neighbors think they're gay

or maybe that's just me

113. stretch like a bear on waking

do bears actually do that?

114. fry eggs and bacon in their long johns

115. look under things with a flashlight

116. measure stuff while temporarily holding other stuff in their mouth

117. put 'er there!

Wait, that's what grandpas do.

2. Set aside sticks for stirring paint with.

-- roxymuzak, Sunday, 6 April 2008 20:56

I have done this.

-- Bodrick III, Monday, April 7, 2008 2:47 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Link

I have done this.

I JUST DID THIS LIKE YESTERDAY WAH

-- pj, Monday, April 7, 2008 2:48 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Link

ha i read this one incredulously like who the fuck does this

men need projects

Being a man seems to require some sort of garage and or shed.

113. stretch like a bear on waking

-- remy bean, piątek, 11 kwiecień 2008 18:31 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

114. fry eggs and bacon in their long johns

-- RabiesAngentleman, sobota, 12 kwiecień 2008 14:30 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

aww shit
this makes me wanna get a man

i dont even know what the paint one means, if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt) id just use like a spatula or something & then rinse it off

my dad has never called me son

if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt)
if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt)
if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt)
if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt)
if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt)
if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt)
if paint actually needs to be stirred (which i doubt)

I move for bannage.

118. spend a Saturday scraping paint off a neighbor's house

113. stretch like a bear on waking

-- remy bean, Saturday, 12 April 2008 03:31 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

I misread this.

Damn, I wish I had a neighbor with a house to scrape paint off of. That sounds like the perfect Saturday.

119. Smoke a pipe.

id just use like a spatula or something & then rinse it off

But...you don't have to rinse off a stick. Or cook grill with it later.

120. Keep going to AA even though they haven't had a drop in 20 years.

121. wtf@women, srsly

Damn, I wish I had a neighbor with a house to scrape paint off of. That sounds like the perfect Saturday.

-- Hurting 2, Saturday, April 12, 2008 6:04 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

this is what my bf did today, in an outsized "race for the cure" tshirt and backwards baseball cap. wtf, u look like a dad right now

inspired the post, natch, cause it just seemed so...nothing i would ever do

some man you turned out to be...

i spit, ok? that's as far as i'll go

122. Tell their friends they love them. When drunk.

114. fry eggs and bacon in their long johns

-- RabiesAngentleman, sobota, 12 kwiecień 2008 14:30 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

btw i actually bought long johns because of that post

1. Stand in the yard and look at things.

^did this today for a little while

115. gossip

^^^ otm

116. refer to gossip by some surreptitious masculine euphemism like "intel"

2. Set aside sticks for stirring paint with.

― roxymuzak, Sunday, 6 April 2008 20:56 (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Set aside large glass jars and wire coathangers to make "paint cans" for all the house painting that they're "going to do as soon as the weather gets better".

I always forget I can use the weather as an excuse for shit, gotta get on that asap

117. read books about military history

Claim to know directions in places they have not been before.

118, sorry.

119. keep a tally of how many squirrels/chipmunks/skunks/rabbits they've run over. compare these stats with guy friends, usually during road trips.

things that some dudes you know did once and felt like sharing

119. privately weep and wallow in their own guilt every time they run over a squirrel/chipmunk/skunk/rabbit

xpost

I'm pretty sure that's the unspoken premise of this thread, gbx.

(last one should be #120, fuuck)

121. declaring the unspoken premise of things

118. get DEGREES in military history

122

123. Get a book deal.

124. WRITE books about military history using their DEGREES

125. Dress up re-enact classic military battles

Correction of slocki's 124:

WRITE books about military history using their DEGREES in things that are neither the military nor history.

126. walk with their hands clasped behind their back.

127. yawn in a rascally fashion

128. save a triangle of a sandwich in aluminum foil to eat later, possibly in their car

^ did this last night

real men finish their sandwiches

129. claim not to enjoy chocolate but gladly accept it when offered

130. keep a bucket of old t-shirts under kitchen sink/in garage

jordan this is about things men do, it is not a discussion of some BS like what makes a man a man

xpost caek OTM on the bucket of old tshirts

also

26. yawn ostentatiously

― n/a, Monday, April 7, 2008 10:34 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haw

131. grunt or clear their throat ostentatiously as they sit down

8. wear clothing with paint on it

i don't have any external clothing, but i do have a pair of boxer's shorts with gloss on them (dunno what you call gloss in america) from the time i repainted the woodwork in my bathroom and i don't see any reason to stop wearing them.

hang on, i do have external clothing

gloss is what American girls smear on their lips to look kissable and smell like ungodly superfruits that Monsanto can only dream of engineering (kiwi-guava-tangerine comes to mind).

...but I'm guessing you're talking about high-gloss paint.

varnish maybe

cherry chaps stick

132. get chapstick/lipgloss stains on their undergarments

the paint where the pigment is disolved in mostly varnish rather than mostly water, which you use on woodwork, etc. it is indestructible on clothing.

133. google to find out how much water and varnish is used in different kinds of paint

i think you mean "stain"

staind

134. play catch

aaron lewis stains are impossible to remove, in my experience

fine,

135. finish their sandwiches

136. tell really lazy lies

136. put maple syrup and brown sugar in their oatmeal

137. rarely eat oatmeal in public view

138. feel proud of their loudest and longest farts

what do you think this is, "Things guys do"?

some men are guys, but not all guys are men. do I have to Venn this for you, or are we clear?

139. sneeze really loudly wah-CHOOOOO!!! - like a Klingon warrior sneeze or something

138. feel proud of their loudest and longest farts

― where we turn sweet dreams into remarkable realities (just1n3), Sunday, May 3, 2009 4:33 PM (12 minutes ago)

^ love this tbh

haw crutis

26. yawn ostentatiously

― n/a, Monday, April 7, 2008 10:34 AM (1 year ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol did not see this when i posted

127. yawn in a rascally fashion

― I'm not some HOOS for someone's lust to snack on! (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver),

thats why i reposted, haw

MY BEEF

STRONG!

140. take long drinks off of stuff then take a couple really deep, raggedy breaths when they're sweaty

139. sneeze really loudly wah-CHOOOOO!!! - like a Klingon warrior sneeze or something

― snoball, Sunday, May 3, 2009 8:46 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is the manliest thing i do :-/

140b. take a big drink of something and then really ostentatiously go AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH

ha, i had a conversation the other day about turning bodywracking sneezes into a martial art

haaaaaaaaai-choo

138. feel proud of their loudest and longest farts

Ya mebbe more of a guy thing but tbh have never met man/guy/bloke who is NOT proud of lettin' one rip with great relish.

wow

feelin mad thankful for my friends right now

141. feel inclined to discuss their unusual bowel movements, or at the very least, inform you when they're about to have a bowel movement

129. claim not to enjoy chocolate but gladly accept it when offered

hahahah yes

lol
have experience that
with some
but not all
xpost

142. feel snot-rockets are a perfectly legit form of nasal clearance

wow you are really having a fun night!

143. gossip avidly and deny it hotly.

144. pay extra close attention to sentences containing the word "hot"

snot rockets *are* perfectly legit

what is the 1p3 position on loogies?

oh, harbl

harbl you are harbl

also lol @ "wow you are really having a fun night!"

lolz these are not nec things my hubby does, just things i've noticed men in general doing

speaking of:
143. totally freakin out in the presence of a stray tampon (unused, still in its plastic wrapper) (def not something my husband would do, but my dad is famous for this)

stray tampon freakouts are fair game though when man lives alone

like, when found in bathroom of alone living man

<3 <3 men

♪♫ Meennnn ♪♫

good call, nicka, good call

145. Smoke a cigarette on a horse

146. Bear traps

147: make that face while shaving the top lip, under the nose.

148. Transport several items in one harrowing, towering load instead of making two trips.

^^ lolllll i do this

It's all about challenging yourself guys.

149. highly strategic dishwasher loading

149b. Highly strategic ANYTHING loading. God forbid you have to fill the car with stuff for a camping/fishing/anything trip. Plan for it to be loaded experimentally and unloaded at least a few times in search of the perfect arrangement that wastes no space.

You know, the thing about like half this thread is that these are really useful human skills for living, and I already do them and so should probably everyone who's even remotely mentally inclined to. But I do particularly like it when men do them.

I mean, paint stirrers! Important for stirring paint.

i have one of these. it is rad.

http://www.wood-finishes-direct.com/products/accessories/tools/paint-stirrer.htm

uh, these: http://www.wood-finishes-direct.com/products/accessories/tools/paint-stirrer.htm

Paint will really fuck up a screwdriver, you see, so having a special stick conveniently to hand is actually really helpful. Otherwise you're liable to reach for a screwdriver in a moment of weakness/laziness.

150. Reaching for a screwdriver in a moment of weakness/laziness

151. punch bears

152. jump flagpoles

153. paint horses

154. run the gauntlet

147: make that face while shaving the top lip, under the nose.

― But not someone who should be dead anyway (Laurel), Monday, May 4, 2009 11:34 AM

<3 <3 <3 <3

You know, I don't think I've ever seen a man shave irl

run the gauntlet

hahaha, yes. And not only that, but get EXCITED about having to run the gauntlet.

funny shaving faces are unavoidable (and funny)

143. gossip avidly and deny it hotly.

― estela, Sunday, May 3, 2009 11:01 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is the truest thing i have read in a while

149. highly strategic dishwasher loading

<3 hahahah this one is my dad!

He gets all upset if anyone else does it wrong, and redoes the whole lot.

loading up a car with camping gear is one of my favorite things to do in the whole world

besides camping i guess

117. put 'er there!

is this even legal

No that's shaking hands

Oh you're making a joek! I get it!

155. consider the financial value of something directly proportional to its intrinsic worth

156. idly contemplate conquering things

157. roll shirt sleeves up to elbow

^a favorite

where else would you roll them to?!?!?!?

haha you have a point!

http://www.buzzflash.com/store/images/1163_200.jpg

my shirtsleeves are rolled to my elbows right now

it is the best thing men do!!!

like having a pen in a shirt pocket - makes you feel like you're on the verge of doing something practical and hands-on

haha i have a pen in my shirt pocket right now

is "carrying a pen at all times" one of these things, because i do that

i roll my shirtsleeves to mid-forearm

girls can roll too, you know

so? this isn't a thread about them

I rolled sleeves up to elbow ALL DAY today. But wearing a short sleeved shirt? No need, no need...

I should do this more often.

<3

Rolled sleeves look better than short sleeves or unrolled sleeves. It's just one of those things.

158. focus in on sports broadcasts at least part of the time whenever sports broadcasts are in viewing range

159. carefully rip the smallest possible scrap of toilet paper to put on spots where they've nicked themselves shaving

160. Regardless of the qualifications and difficulty involved in a mechanically oriented task, will either claim basic proficiency, or at the least nod sagely while watching an expert perform said task

Fuckin <3 this thread fwiw

161. speculate about when and by which Jonas Brother Miley Cyrus is gonna get knocked up

162. Vacantly stare at their own penis while pissing at a urinal

have missed this thread

163. Drive with elbow or whole arm out of window

164. Make lists of records or books

165. Eat all of [food product x] out of box/container then put box/container back in cupboard/fridge

166. Pull hair back to study hairline reflected in window of car

167. Sit in front of taxi

168. Carry business cards for services they will never use in wallet

167. Sit in front of taxi

This is a guy thing!? I do this! Should I not be? ha.

Trayce, I do at least 1/4 of these things - i think it was established upthread that these aren't things that only men do.

169. sit down and play someone else's drumset without asking permission at a party, ability to play drums irrelevant

keep receipts

168. Carry business cards for services they will never use in wallet

Hey, I resemble this remark, and I'm not a man.

170. giant wallet

171. Have elaborate shelving for records/CDs/books, but nowhere for guests to sit

Yeah this.

172. feigning an old-timey, backwoods toughness whenever the power goes out on a cold winter night. viz:

a. pulling a book (any book, as long as it's sufficiently musty and boring) off the shelf and making a show of reading it under candlelight, just like Abe Lincoln did when he was a boy

b. promising to go out and chop lumber for the fire, dig a latrine in the backyard, pack perishables in the snow, etc., while secretly hoping the lights will come on before it's remotely necessary to do any of these things

c. claiming that they'd keep the thermostat at a comfortable 50°F if weaker housemates didn't expect it to be like a fucking sauna all the time

d. not dressing in layers and pretending not to shiver

173. going through a luddite phase, which usually involves wearing a pocket watch, pretending to know what a slide rule does, and shredding one's face beyond recognition with an old-school straight razor, just like great-grandpa did.

i do or have done everything mentioned in the last 3 days. except the miley cyrus one yuk.

174. crush aluminum cans with hands as a display of basic competence

175. Lounge around my store not buying anything while their wife/gf goes shoe shopping or whatever

176. Warn people not to step on the modem, when the modem is in the middle of the floor (for some reason) and the people have seen it anyway.

177. Compare prices of beer in the supermarket according to £ per litre.

178. Retain the right, when they can't find something and you tell them where it is, to act really affronted that you would put it THERE.

^ inalienable imo

'you tell them where it is' = you let slip where you've hidden it, let's be honest here.

163. Drive with elbow or whole arm out of window

this rules btw. but I don't do it.

179. Go on and on about chili peppers

180. Fall asleep watching a cop show

181. Go to prison

xp Oh shit does L&O count?

Majorly

182. Have cooking repertoire consisting almost entirely of breakfast foods and meat

you let slip where you've hidden it, let's be honest here.

Omg he accused me of hiding the vitamins yesterday. On the shelf. In the kitchen. Where they go.

183. Secretly indulge his own squalid enjoyment of legal drama and possibly the blond DA from SVU by turning on L&O "for you" when you want to nap with the TV on.

my own SO also has places in her head where stuff should go

given that 'stuff' doesn't move itself from where i left it, that counts as 'hiding' imho

184. Leave random objects on the floor or table in plain view because it's easier to find them that way than if they were put away.

184b. Get mad when there are so many things on the floor or table that they can't find the thing they're looking for.

i think you made up 184b, or at the very least i submit that you are in fact mistaking it for something women do

yeah that's something i do a lot but so are like all of these things (except the ones related to having a receding hairline or penis etc)

important: the girl with the butt tattoo does NOT have a receding penis

LOL

My dad says "Everything goes somewhere. Put it there." but perhaps he took the military a little too much to heart because I'm pretty sure that's not normal man behavior.

Disclaimer: he's also the kind of man who hangs custom-shaped shaped hooks and slings in his workshop for each tool and part to be hung up...and then puts them there. They practically have little crime-scene outlines around them.

that sounds manly, in fairness to your dad, but it's something i'd still want to check out in the manly handbook.

I will be using that quote on my son. Thank you, Laurel.

have a ready refutation for "but lots of things go anywhere, dad"

http://images.swaptree.com/images/books/27/1561582727.jpg

You mean this book?

AERRRGHGHGHHG

http://images.swaptree.com/images/books/27/1561582727.jpg

nobody needs that many chisels. jim tolpin is a dick

You leave a chisel in the middle of the floor so you can find it later, and you'll find it all right...with your foot. In the dark.

haha receding penis

why on earth would you walk around your toolshed in the dark?

ps nobody is advocating leaving chisels on the floor, you are being very silly

You have a shed? I have a 530-sq ft apartment. If you leave more than three things on the floor, you can't walk across it.

well you have no business with chisels in a small apt imo

Although last night he got out a box of papers (whole other story there) and left it on the floor and then tripped over it 5 times. He apparently really doesn't care, so no WONDER he doesn't know why the vitamins/salt/coffee should be on the shelf.

183. Exaggerate otherwise superficial and insincere "friendship" with bartender/barista/local business owner in order to appear "connected"

183a. Also feign more than a passing knowledge of said person's trade

183b. Appear less superficial and insincere if said person is a pretty girl

this has turned into a manhating thread imo and i want no further part

dont forget there is a "things guys do" thread also

Although last night he got out a box of papers (whole other story there) and left it on the floor and then tripped over it 5 times. He apparently really doesn't care, so no WONDER he doesn't know why the vitamins/salt/coffee should be on the shelf.

― the soul of the avocado escapes as soon as you open it (Laurel), Thursday, July 1, 2010 12:01 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark

he was getting the papers getting the papers getting the papers getting the papers getting the papers

this thread is to celebrate men

http://diversitybuilder.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/champagne-pop1.jpg

In all their alternately infuriating and endearing glory. Actually this thread is slowly defusing the infuriation and bringing on the endearment, for me. I see it in print, and all my "JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHAT DID I DO WITH IT?" anger kinda...it just looks different. Like changing the filter on a camera.

165. Eat all of [food product x] out of box/container then put box/container back in cupboard/fridge

this is so otm, for pretty much every guy i've ever known.

unfortunately, this is not the thread about guys. this is the thread about men.

Things guys do.

guys put empty container back in cupboard/fridge
men leave empty container on counter to alert you to the fact that it is empty

165. Eat all of [food product x] out of box/container then put box/container back in cupboard/fridge

this is so otm, for pretty much every guy i've ever known.

― just1n3, Thursday, July 1, 2010 9:03 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

I do this all the time - it's one of my worst habits. Then I get all sad when I go to get let's say a popsicle, and find that the box it empty. I never learn.

Do we have a "things boys do"?

1. Wish they didn't get whipped old skool for attempting to get away with doing things men do.

165. Eat all of [food product x] out of box/container then put box/container back in cupboard/fridge

this is so otm, for pretty much every guy i've ever known.

― just1n3, Thursday, July 1, 2010 9:03 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

I do this all the time - it's one of my worst habits. Then I get all sad when I go to get let's say a popsicle, and find that the box it empty. I never learn.

Found an empty box of these in the freezer last night: http://martyncox.biz/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/07/fab-lolly.gif

I was fucking livid. And now blame ENBB.

166. Check the oil.
167. Change flat tires.

168. Loiter in the big box store, weighing the merits of electric vs. gas-powered string trimmers.

169. http://rencher.com/images/20091022b.jpg

http://chroniclesofdad.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/bike-coaching-shorts.jpg

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4054/4387860118_37687319ba_b.jpg

those kind of shorts make me laugh

If that guy were about 40 pounds heavier and wore plastic framed glasses, he would be my high school gym teacher.

Those shorts are COOL

All the men I know are guys, tbh

sad life

Lotta the men I know are boys :/ And I dont mean that in the chrono sense.

170. Take "shortcuts" that are definitely longer

171. move heavy boxes
172. reach high places
172a. change light bulbs in out of the way locations

172b. make grunting or emphatic sniffing sounds while doing ^^

173. know what screws you need to mount shit in various different kinds of walls

174. Think about boats

175. build model airplanes
176. carry handkerchiefs

174. Think about boats

― marios balls in 3d for 3ds (Princess TamTam), Saturday, January 29, 2011 11:50 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

true! they read books about boats too.

175. be the only person who would/could ever really love you

176. call their girlfriends "babe" when it appears that they're about to get dumped, but at no other time whatsoever.

178. affect a nostalgic attachment to talcum powder, Bay Rum, and other barbershop smells, even if they've never even been to a proper old-time barbershop.

179. criticize scented candles for not smelling "lifelike" enough.

180. say "no" and claim to have a weak sense of smell whenever a woman asks, "do you smell that?"

181. Make point of completing already-commenced task, hours after said task shown to be futile

love that this thread has remained numbered through three years and half-a-dozen revives btw

182. Really enjoy discussing how to get somewhere, and what roads and routes it took, and how the traffic was.

feel like this is more 'old people' than men, but ok

Well, I was thinking of my dad there tbf

183. Shoehorn an application of WD-40 into the problem solving process.

2. Set aside sticks for stirring paint with.

What's good for this, by the way, is if you have a left-over piece of quarter-round.

184. Have leftover lengths of quarter-round.

It's never a bad time to re-do your molding!

185. Use Borax

(I was one of three men at the laundromat earlier, and noticed that we each had a box. Don't think I've ever seen a woman use it for any purpose.)

186. never ever EVER close cupboards or drawers all the way after opening them

All the people I know who use Borax are women! Ancient cleaning secret and cheap as buttons.

Ha the WD-40 thing came up the other day, my ex posted on his FB "I love wd-40!"

187. Walk around in their underwear

188. Address other people as "big guy"

187 otm and also awesome

I just bumped into my stepdad in the kitchen--also in his underwear. We proceeded to phone up all the male neighbors on the block, who also came over in their underwear, and we all stood around the kitchen, grumbling and milling about and looking through the fridge, before everyone poured themselves a tall glass of ice water and retired back to bed.

living the dream

Totes how that works though. All my young life my dad kept a metal stein mug of water by his bed each night. It was just this Thing Dad Did. I only realised as an adult it was because he's such a stupidly heavy drinker, it was most likely his 3am "fuck I'm dehydrated" water supply, heh.

imo those are things that guys do

189. are totally willing to snort vodka for the possibility of watching other people do the same

theres a thread for the last three options: Things guys do.

oh thanks for the tip **vomits all over thread**

187 because I'm skipping over that embarrassment up there.

187. The mid-conversation head twist to crack their necks like it's nothing.

185. Use Borax

(I was one of three men at the laundromat earlier, and noticed that we each had a box. Don't think I've ever seen a woman use it for any purpose.)

― naus, Saturday, March 12, 2011 8:26 PM (2 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i love borax

188. Say "BTW, I fixed ___" with excessive pride in having just tightened a couple screws or something.

i do that too :/

180. Fall asleep watching a cop show

189. fall asleep watching the evening news

190. Mentally plan optimum exit route from home in case of fire, over and over.