when you're sliding into first and you feel something burst

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Poll Results

Option	Votes
diarrhea	17
diarrhea	12

― combination pizza hut and koala taco bell (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 05:22 (fifteen years ago)

lol

― gabb 'bag (s1ocki), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 05:22 (fifteen years ago)

fun fact: "diarrhea" is the only word spell check suggests for my middle name.

― body merkin (The Reverend), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 05:23 (fifteen years ago)

wonder if whiney's had an IRL experience related to his username

― ramón gastro (omar little), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 05:23 (fifteen years ago)

that's some classic ILX shit right there: Koala tacos

― probably gets busy with larper chicks or somefin' (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 05:51 (fifteen years ago)

never slide into first, fool

― mookieproof, Tuesday, 23 June 2009 05:52 (fifteen years ago)

sure, but when you do, diarrhea

― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 05:54 (fifteen years ago)

Having recently returned from south america I wish to tell you this is no laughing matter.

― tehresa, Tuesday, 23 June 2009 06:07 (fifteen years ago)

i didnt even know you played the baseball

― meh (jjjusten), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 06:08 (fifteen years ago)

in south america they call it "football" i think

― combination pizza hut and koala taco bell (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 06:10 (fifteen years ago)

beisboll

― meh (jjjusten), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 06:12 (fifteen years ago)

or pooping, cant remember

― meh (jjjusten), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 06:13 (fifteen years ago)

cha cha cha

― dorkus malorkus (latebloomer), Tuesday, 23 June 2009 07:49 (fifteen years ago)

haha i knew this would be whiney's thread, we like all the same juvenile shit from childhood

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 June 2009 00:15 (fifteen years ago)

literally

― Kerm, Saturday, 27 June 2009 00:17 (fifteen years ago)

when you're drivin in your chevy and your pants are gettin heavy

― Fred Durst. Wat heb ik gewonnen? (Matt P), Saturday, 27 June 2009 00:21 (fifteen years ago)

when you're sliding into home and your pants are full of foam iirc

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 June 2009 00:26 (fifteen years ago)

oh fucking christ

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:17 (fifteen years ago)

diarrhea?

― Kerm, Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:32 (fifteen years ago)

this is going to be in my head all night.

― Fred Durst. Wat heb ik gewonnen? (Matt P), Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:50 (fifteen years ago)

when you're sliding into first and you run into fred durst

― harbl, Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:51 (fifteen years ago)

hahahaha xpost

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:51 (fifteen years ago)

the third/turd rhyme is pretty straightforward, but i could never remember the one for second

― goole, Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:52 (fifteen years ago)

i almost wanted to see if i could get rev with it like we did last time.

"Hey Rev, did you catch ESPN tonight?"

― Everyth@ng Bage1s0n (Whiney G. Weingarten), Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:53 (fifteen years ago)

i dunno but this popped into my head when i was sitting in the library once and i almost exploded

― harbl, Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:53 (fifteen years ago)

with laughter i mean

― harbl, Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:53 (fifteen years ago)

L O L

― Fred Durst. Wat heb ik gewonnen? (Matt P), Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:55 (fifteen years ago)

It's "when you're sliding into 2 and you're pants are full of goo," tbh.

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:57 (fifteen years ago)

The Essential Structure of The Diarrhea Song

1. A scene-setting preposition, usually just one word will do. Classically, this has taken the form of “When”.
2. The first free-form part of The Song, this should further develop a sense of place, time, urgency, activity or any other useful stage on-which Diarrhea could plausibly occur. The only true requirement for this element is that it rhyme with element #4, below.
3. Insert the mandatory conjunction AND. There are very few hard rules in creation of The Diarrhea Song; the use of and in the middle is a tradition, and as such, an exception to the rule. Please use it.
4. The second free-form part of The Song, this is the punch line. It is here that it will be revealed how one knows that it is, in fact Diarrhea, and not something else. In other words, describe the result of the Diarrhea (i.e.. “You feel something burst”). Keep in mind that this should rhyme with element #2.
5. Add the famous ending that truly identifies your work as part of the long legacy of The Diarrhea Song: "Diarrhea, Diarrhea". If you are a traditionalist, you may prefer the more automata-poetic, "Diarrhea, Plop, Plop, Diarrhea". Both variations are correct, according to the linguistics department.
TIP: When finished, read through it several times, recite it in your head and consider alterate wording if the meter of the verse or affect of the joke are not top caliber. There is a certain cadence that cannot be taught and is reflected in only the finest variations of The Diarrhea Song.

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:58 (fifteen years ago)

"Diarrhea, Plop, Plop, Diarrhea"

totally forgot about this part

― harbl, Saturday, 27 June 2009 01:58 (fifteen years ago)

FYI: what is that?

― carpathian florist (roxymuzak), Monday, 29 June 2009 03:42 (fifteen years ago)

A foam??

― Pål Útlendi, Thursday, January 3, 2008 11:58 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark

― i yelled "BIG HOOS" but i was yelling at my steen (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 29 June 2009 03:46 (fifteen years ago)

Could you imagine being the umpire of this game?

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, 6 July 2009 07:07 (fifteen years ago)

hahahahahaha

― gucci gone bonkers (roxymuzak), Monday, 6 July 2009 07:08 (fifteen years ago)

http://media.courierpress.com/ecp/content/img/photos/2009/05/25/BBHHCHSvTriggTARP_t607.jpg

― jabandroids (J0rdan S.), Monday, 6 July 2009 07:11 (fifteen years ago)

Could you imagine being the umpire of this game?

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Monday, July 6, 2009 3:07 AM (32 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i guess technically the umpire would be the one who would say "diarrhea"

― Michael tapeworm much talent for the future (s1ocki), Monday, 6 July 2009 07:41 (fifteen years ago)

ahaha, now i'm imagining a music video

― bENBBag (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 6 July 2009 14:13 (fifteen years ago)

Or the aging third basemen, long past his prime, but still hobbling through his final season for the love of the game. Or the first base coach.

― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 6 July 2009 14:17 (fifteen years ago)

peanut sellers, umpires, fans, bat boys -- no one escapes the diarrhea

― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Monday, 6 July 2009 14:23 (fifteen years ago)

Long after the game ends, near midnight, as children are tucked into bed by parents with the highlights of bursting diarrhea still fresh in their minds, the groundskeeper peels the crust off of the lid of the diarrhea-neutralizing powder can and then sprinkles a new layer on the chunky piles surrounding each base. Waiting for the mix to solidify, he stares at the waning moon and wonders if someday they'll play diarrheaball there, too. The groundskeeper thinks he sees the ghost of his father standing in shallow center field, but he doesn't say anything. They both have stained pants, soiled in complicated ways. When he looks again the apparition is gone.

― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 6 July 2009 14:55 (fifteen years ago)

field of streams

― bENBBag (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 6 July 2009 14:56 (fifteen years ago)

goooo the distaance...

― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 6 July 2009 14:58 (fifteen years ago)

can i play diarrheaball w/u

― harbl, Monday, 6 July 2009 15:06 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/images/fieldofdreamsmann.JPG

The one constant through all the years, harbl, has been diarrheaball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It's been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But diarrheaball has marked the time. This field, this game, is a part of our past, harbl. It reminds us of all that once was good, and it could be again. Ohhhhhhhh, people will come, harbl. People will most definitely come.

― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:08 (fifteen years ago)

diarrhea cricket

― snoball, Monday, 6 July 2009 15:10 (fifteen years ago)

have you ever visited the diarrheaball hall of fame in pooperstown, new york??

― harbl, Monday, 6 July 2009 15:10 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.baltimoresun.com/media/photo/2008-05/38633918.jpg

^a determined groundskeeper just after the end of the game^

― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:10 (fifteen years ago)

our local team is good at getting runs btw

― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:11 (fifteen years ago)

runs splatted in

― harbl, Monday, 6 July 2009 15:12 (fifteen years ago)

http://users.ameritech.net/racinnut/header.gif

― bENBBag (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:14 (fifteen years ago)

automata-poetic choices: does one say "plop plop" or make two staccato wet-fart noises

btw "automata-poetic" = favorite

― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:16 (fifteen years ago)

then you'll be really intrigued to know the word is "onomatopoeic"

― bENBBag (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:17 (fifteen years ago)

i remember doing the wet fart noises as a kid

― harbl, Monday, 6 July 2009 15:17 (fifteen years ago)

mississippi ~~mudhens~~ mudbutts!!

― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:18 (fifteen years ago)

wet fart noises is the only way to go.

― bENBBag (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:18 (fifteen years ago)

in any social scenario tbh

― bENBBag (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:19 (fifteen years ago)

stfu whiney jesus h.

why else do you think it is my favorite

― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:19 (fifteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VxDbWIndU-4
May as well post this. 0:37 - 0:58 makes me tear up

― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:21 (fifteen years ago)

i like the idea of cellular automata that are also poetic, about diarrhea

― juliette brioche (elmo argonaut), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:23 (fifteen years ago)

After the foaming pants at home, the version I grew up hearing added "when you go into the dugout, and everybody gets out" and the sad epilogue "people think it's funny but it's really brown and runny"

― joygoat, Monday, 6 July 2009 15:31 (fifteen years ago)

"when you go into the dugout, and everybody gets out"

that's like a Lupe Fiasco rhyme

― bENBBag (Whiney G. Weingarten), Monday, 6 July 2009 15:37 (fifteen years ago)

poopy fiasco in this case

― joygoat, Monday, 6 July 2009 15:46 (fifteen years ago)

poopay

― steen gonna shine in my BIG HOOS (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Monday, 6 July 2009 19:05 (fifteen years ago)

when you're climbin' up a ladder and you hear something splatter

― ❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉Plaxico❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉ (I know, right?), Tuesday, 14 July 2009 23:25 (fifteen years ago)

rounding third, a storm's a-looming but it's your butt that's really BOOMING

― bentley cadence (gbx), Tuesday, 14 July 2009 23:39 (fifteen years ago)

When you hit a pitch from Gooden and your pants fill up with puddin'...

― Grip Tape And Some Wikked Trucks (Deric W. Haircare), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 02:32 (fifteen years ago)

(Incidentally, in re: the video above, as gassy as I usually am, I'm a bit shocked that yoga very rarely makes me fart...

I'm sorry, should I take that to TMI?)

― Grip Tape And Some Wikked Trucks (Deric W. Haircare), Wednesday, 15 July 2009 02:32 (fifteen years ago)

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

― System, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:01 (fifteen years ago)

the ladder/splatter one is the one i remember the best

― hallmark race cards (donna rouge), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 03:36 (fifteen years ago)

I laughed at this poll even though I knew what was coming.

― the kid is crying because did sharks died? (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 03:55 (fifteen years ago)

When you're calmly 1p3in'
and your butthole starts a-peein'
diarrhea, diarrhea

― He's a dilly through and through (unregistered), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 03:58 (fifteen years ago)

when you're walking down the road and your knickers overflow

― ❊❁❄❆❇❃✴❈plaxico❈✴❃❇❆❄❁❊ (I know, right?), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 11:31 (fifteen years ago)

when you're walkin down the road and you feel a heavy load

― blobfish russian (harbl), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 11:39 (fifteen years ago)

When you're on the 1p3 uh
rhyming onomatopoeia

― actually a decent question y'all fucked up with ironic bullshit answer (sarahel), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 11:45 (fifteen years ago)

when you're walking through the jungle and your stomach starts to rumble

― De Mysteriis Dom Passantino (jim), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 11:46 (fifteen years ago)

that one does;n't even rhyme. kids are stupid.

― straight from da seward (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 12:39 (fifteen years ago)

when you're chompin' Big League Chew
and your butthole starts to spew

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 12:44 (fifteen years ago)

when you're goin round second and ya feel somethin peckin is what I remember

― drunk shudder shades chick gets kicked out of mcdonalds totally (╓abies), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:35 (fifteen years ago)

what the

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:42 (fifteen years ago)

"second" is a difficult rhyme, the version I remember was "...and you can't wait a second" which is just the same damn word

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:46 (fifteen years ago)

i remember "feel something beckon"

― straight from da seward (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:47 (fifteen years ago)

diarrhea beckons

huh

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:49 (fifteen years ago)

and your pants are brown and specklin

and your ass can't wait, you reckon

and your colon starts a hecklin'

???

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:53 (fifteen years ago)

Profit

― straight from da seward (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:54 (fifteen years ago)

when the bases are all loaded but down below something exploded

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 13:57 (fifteen years ago)

sliding into 2 helps

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:02 (fifteen years ago)

when you're sliding into 2 and montezuma takes his due

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:08 (fifteen years ago)

or i mean, you know, "doo" or "poo" also rhyme with it

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:12 (fifteen years ago)

lol ed

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:13 (fifteen years ago)

when you're sliding into first and you feel the hershey squirts

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:18 (fifteen years ago)

first you scoop it out the toilet
then ya season stir and boil it

― drunk shudder shades chick gets kicked out of mcdonalds totally (╓abies), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:26 (fifteen years ago)

A++

― He's a dilly through and through (unregistered), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:29 (fifteen years ago)

when you're workin' 9 to 5
and your rump's in overdrive

― He's a dilly through and through (unregistered), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:42 (fifteen years ago)

the song matures

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:43 (fifteen years ago)

when you're welcoming back kotter
and you're shitting rusty water

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:44 (fifteen years ago)

lol @ welcoming back kotter

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:44 (fifteen years ago)

when you're lying in your bed
and you feel the turtle's head

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:49 (fifteen years ago)

when you're hangin with the boys
and you feel somethin *trombone noise*

― drunk shudder shades chick gets kicked out of mcdonalds totally (╓abies), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 14:55 (fifteen years ago)

when you're watching i love lucy
and you're crack is feeling juicy

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:00 (fifteen years ago)

contiuing on the nick@nite theme

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:01 (fifteen years ago)

loooool rabies

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:06 (fifteen years ago)

when you're lying in your bed
and you feel the turtle's head
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, July 21, 2009 10:49 AM (40 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Just like there's no crying in baseball...
...there's no "turtle's head" in diarrhea

― straight from da seward (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:31 (fifteen years ago)

I don't know if you've ever had diarrhea, Edward, but it's generally very wet, iirc

― straight from da seward (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:32 (fifteen years ago)

squirtle!

― there is no there there (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:33 (fifteen years ago)

whiney bringing logic into the diarrhea song

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:33 (fifteen years ago)

when you're lying in your bed
and you feel the softshelled turtle's head

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:33 (fifteen years ago)

this thread is gross in an entirely different way to the way i expected. i'm slightly relieved i guess?

― thomp, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:34 (fifteen years ago)

we are saving torn scrotum couplets for august

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:35 (fifteen years ago)

yeesh

― He's a dilly through and through (unregistered), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:36 (fifteen years ago)

haha yeah

is this song an american thing or did i just go to the wrong kind of school?

― thomp, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:37 (fifteen years ago)

when you're lying in your unmade bed
and you feel the softshelled turtle's head

^I like this meter better

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:37 (fifteen years ago)

me bringing meter into the diarrhea song

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:38 (fifteen years ago)

forever ruined

― dont blaze me dro (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:47 (fifteen years ago)

http://i5.photobucket.com/albums/y176/edwardiii/congratulations3.gif

― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 15:48 (fifteen years ago)

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