The Groom's Cake

One of the publications I work for is a bridal magazine. Our latest issue featured some grooms' cakes, and this one made me stop in my tracks.

http://assets.inarkansas.com/25808/water-wonder.jpg

A water tower. A cake designed to look like a water tower. It's a work of art, even faithfully resisting the urge to "spray-paint" [groom] loves [bride] on the top.

Here are a few more.

http://cakelava.com/adore6/galimages//DSCN5758.jpg

http://www.weddingwindow.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2010/12/Handcuff_Grooms_Cake_RS09.jpg

http://themecakesbytraci.com/Gallery/albums/3Grooms/tennis_and_cakes_038.sized.jpg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_VJJFFnM-ZNg/Sl5BunqCvxI/AAAAAAAABt0/q6VlhcZ_I5w/s400/coorscake.jpg

http://sweetascho.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/kfc.jpg

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/__aBmLkwV3Wc/TCvycnXUKmI/AAAAAAAAAUY/Fkgk3nGI1mk/s1600/Seinfeld+Groom

"Yeah, that Tim. He really likes Seinfeld,"

http://www.chicagonow.com/wedding-scoop/files/2011/06/playstation_grooms_cake.jpg

http://anthony.darrouzet-nardi.net/scienceblog/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/grooms-cake.jpg

I cannot stop laughing at the KFC groom's cake

the Coors one is just depressing

http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/9762/img3679y.jpg

Best part of the KFC one is the "colonel" on the bucket.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/139/318991126_d597e86531.jpg

http://www.cmusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/poker-chips-my-wedding-bag.jpg

Also found with this one: Lots of references to going "all-in".

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RJupRFPE4gk/TfoGsvkOqsI/AAAAAAAAAlc/6FOPuNT6O98/s1600/harley-davidson-wedding-cake.jpg

If this thing smells like licorice, I would barf.

who would make a licorice cake?

Seems like the scent would go along with that classic Firestone lobby smell.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2056/2561744102_7cc748e781.jpg

http://www.delawareweddings.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/burger-cake-300x300.jpg

Nice work on the red band or whatever that's called on the cap.

http://www.carriedawaycuisine.com/images/DesignerCakes/FullSize/IMG_1097.jpg

Wait, are these wedding cakes that happen to be designed by the groom, or are they extra cakes because normal wedding cakes are too 'girly' and therefore belong to the bride?

the latter

it's usually the only concession made to the idea that the groom has any interests, personality or function beyond being the dude who married the bride

srsly going to go home and pray for this generation.

http://geekcentricity.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/3606003264_a629f1cf18_z.jpg

http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/4716/xbox360cakewithfigurine.jpg

You know they don't sell bottle caps on their own, right?

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/SnN4wtVqA8I/AAAAAAAAD7I/rN9sPejsbXY/s1600/Serena+M+.+lw+.+beer.jpg

Oh man. I don't know whether to feel sorry for the grooms, b/c that does sound like a shitty deal, or if I should just continue shaking my head at the enforcement of gender normativity on display...

xposts to DJP

generally I just go "awesome, more cake"

Here is a groom without any interests (except for a nice nap)

http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4070/4580165206_5738c59cd8_z.jpg

Not a groom's cake, but…

http://fabweds.files.wordpress.com/2010/09/47389450.jpg

but maybe it is, I don't know.

(sure hope it didn't start shrieking after the first cut)

http://www.happyplace.com/3479/bride-orders-giant-wedding-cake-shaped-like-herself

she looks like she thinks it's going to attack her when she cuts into it

One of those weird Twilight Zones where the copy takes the place of the original.

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2624/3837722473_b83657e5a7.jpg

Hmmmm, that looks delicious.

Swear I'm not actively seeking these out. They just keep… appearing.

http://mikeandbecky.blog.com/files/2011/04/head-bridal-cake.jpg

Wanna know what this guy's cake looked like?

http://www.laurenclarksblog.com/blogpics/7155.jpg

.
.
.
.
.
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http://www.laurenclarksblog.com/blogpics/7165.jpg

http://cakesbygraham.smugmug.com/Weddings/Groom-Cakes/Phishedited/333144695_gxA99-L.jpg

why on EARTH would anyone want a cake that looked like themselves

http://weddingpros.files.wordpress.com/2009/05/camo-wedding-cake1.jpg?w=535

aaahahaha oh god these cakes

MANCAKES

marlboro cake

what is wrong with people

a big cigarette butt made out of cake

open wide honey. mm-mm.

I'm actually impressed with the ice bucket one

http://photos.weddingbycolor-nocookie.com/p000002775-m43944-p-photo-130280/grooms-cake-jordans.jpg

hmmm, shoes. so … jordany.

http://media.cakecentral.com/gallery/674391/600-1326944843.jpg

noooooooooo

http://i93.photobucket.com/albums/l50/kdhart226/Beckys%20wedding/2004JanuaryBeckyandAndyswedding228.jpg

This was on a messageboard about grooms' cakes, but I have my doubts.

https://p.twimg.com/AqjQRW0CMAEo_Bs.jpg

The second deer cake looks like it's got deer diarrhea all over it.

Shelby: Wedding cake in the dining room and the groom’s cake … hidden in the carport?
M’Lynn: Shelby and I, we agree on one thing.
Shelby and M’Lynn: The groom’s cake.
Shelby: It’s awful. It’s in the shape of a giant armadillo.
Truvy: An armadillo? You’re joking, right?
Shelby: No, Jackson wanted a cake in the shape of an armadillo. He’s got an aunt that makes them.
Clairee: It’s unusual.
M’Lynn: It’s repulsive. It’s got gray icing. I can’t even begin to think how you’d make gray icing.
Shelby: Worse, the cake part is red velvet cake. Blood red. People are gonna be hacking into this poor animal that looks like it’s bleeding to death.

^^ Got to have this convo in my star turn as Shelby in my HS's production of Steel Magnolia's. It's what I always think of when I hear "groom's cake".

http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13600000/The-Groom-s-Cake-steel-magnolias-13691524-400-300.jpg

Oops!!

http://images2.fanpop.com/image/photos/13600000/The-Groom-s-Cake-steel-magnolias-13691524-400-300.jpg

G DAMMIT

This better work:

http://www.invitations4less.com/images/Steel-Magnolias-Grooms-Cake-102611.jpg

phew

i want a cake shaped like ilx

http://farm5.staticflickr.com/4126/5141685290_860610dcf2.jpg

there you go, whiney.

oh that's upsetting on several levels

http://images.theknot.com/blogs/stylefile/RWT07SS_JennKyle_GroomCake.jpg

looks like a rat died on the cake while it was stored in the kitchen overnight. I assume that's some team's mascot. But still. It couldn't be standing?

No results found for "tarkus wedding cake".

;_;

I wonder how much it costs to get a water tower cake made. I want one!

The best thing about the Marlboro cake (which, lol) is that the ashtray is proportionately the size of a thimble.

I thought the thing on the football field was an armadillo (it's actually a really bad terrapin), so I googled football armadillo, and now I'm glad I did.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PGzVMQjiUT0

Keep expecting Gumby or Pokey to walk out under that water tower.

And then knock the lid off that tobacco can.

The armadillo cake is disgusting. It looks like fish skin after it's been descaled.

http://cindyscakery.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/digital_camo_hat_grooms_cake.349212613_large.jpg

"Taco Grooms Cake" is probably the best idea on this thread of horrible ideas.

https://www.ambrosiabakery.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/wedding_cake_image_resize_full_preset/TacoGroomsCake%20copy.jpg

sorry, couldn't find an android.

http://cdn.slashgear.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/iphone_cake.jpg

Look away, look away, look away from this Dixie cake.

http://cdn.cakecentral.com/e/e2/900x900px-LL-e2be6783_modulescopperminealbumsuserpics1523005-04-07_Confederate_Cake.jpeg

http://i172.photobucket.com/albums/w6/westgard_lorri/DSC08469.jpg

http://www.alittlecake.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Storage-Wars-grooms-Cake.jpg

http://www.alittlecake.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/Zombie-Cake.jpg

Can I retroactively get an awesome groom cake like these? Me and Carl only had cupcakes at our wedding.

We also had pie!

Oh yeah. Also I was = drunk.

lol @ Storage Wars

i am getting married in EXACTLY TWO WEEKS. like basically to the hour and since i am an idiot i didn't even CONSIDER a taco-themed grooms cake. luckily the ambrosia bakery is in nearby baton rouge.

they also made this one:

https://www.ambrosiabakery.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/wedding_cake_image_resize_full_preset/Sculpted_Crawfish_2010%20copy.jpg

I want a groom cake that looks like Diddy Kong.

I want a Biz Markie groom cake

"Groom's Cake" sounds like slang for some disgusting sexual act

taco themed cake is awesome

lol I just found out a local bakery made this

http://www.villagecakeshoppe.com/2002/grooms/cake37.jpg

do 5 year old boys get married?

http://www.villagecakeshoppe.com/2002/grooms/cake9.jpg

http://cdn.cakecentral.com/5/56/900x900px-LL-5600ad8d_enticingcakeboutique_callofdutycake.jpeg

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_bkFIPLIOGL8/SmXpsVcY8II/AAAAAAAAiJs/SlqtoLefH_Q/s1600-h/deer+gun+drag.jpg

oh so it's like that, blogspot.

such a great thread

WHY DO THESE GROOMS NEED CAKES BUT ALSO I LOVE THESE CAKES

because they're afraid they'll get cooties from fancy lady cakes

I'm rankled by that. Women don't get bride's cakes, they just get the wedding cake. But dudes get their own cakes, because wedding stuff is all for ladies. Hmph. I want a moronic theme cake, too!

the wedding cake is supposed to be the bride's cake - she designs it and its color coordinated with her, etc. what we have here is a problem with the name, the wedding cake should be called the bride's cake.

although also it should be geared toward her interests like these are, sometimes they are tho its not v common i guess

The fact that it's supposed to be the bride's cake is my problem. I don't really want to get into a discussion about it, though. Suffice it to say: strictures on gender expression/sharply gendered division of labor and interest in traditional heterosexual weddings/wedding industrial complex blah blah blah fart zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

yeah i feel you and agree. she should get her own cake and not have her cake called "the wedding cake" in general as if it belongs to everyone. i think the best thing to do as a culture is institute a bride's cake that is made to look like whatever goofy hobby the bride likes and then have a reg cake for the cake cutting thing and the general populace attending the wedding - that is "the wedding cake". my previous idea that we should just transute the wedding cake into the bride's cake was deeply flawed obv

at weddings, i always try to grab a slice of the groom's cake instead of the wedding cake if i can. it is usually better, red velvet or german choc or something like that.

i am not a fan of frufru cake tho

We didn't have a grooms cake but we had cupcakes with little chocolate vinyl records on them, with labels for bands we both like. And a little carrot cake to cut into for pictures. I have never seen a groom's cake irl but that probably has to do with my liberal, strong minded lady friends.

if andy and i get married i am 100% certain that the groom's cake will be a pizza

Okay that cupcake thing is adorbs.

I'll go for anything that involves butter cream icing. Wedding cake, groom's cake, cupcake, old shoe... Although I, too, don't recall having seen a groom's cake irl, probably for the same reasons as FFM.

xp lol perfect

I hope you mean an actual pizza rather than a cake that looks like a pizza. Would be way more into having a Bride's Pizza than any kind of cake, tbh.

feel like i'm missing out on a huge opportunity by not having one of these

Bride's pizza OTM.

just got an email from my wedding dessert lady, here's what we're doing:

rosemary grapefruit shortbread sandwich cookies
black & white cookies
hand pies ( like Hubig's)
doberge cake (½ lemon, ½ chocolate)
chocolate & salted caramel truffle cups
fresh berry tart (vegan & gluten free)

nb each individual thing is going to be a character from call of duty black ops

welcome to adam's wedding dessert thread, hope u survive

75% of the reason we hired a wedding day coordinator was so someone would order us midnight pizza. He did, but I was outside and it got demolished before I got a slice ;_;

that's so fucking smart. i've been wondering why we hired this girl.

Make sure she *brings you* some pizza or at least saves it!

i have never heard of doberge cake, now I want some dammit

it's the shit

i had no idea this was a thing and i cant stop laughing

we had pie from dangerously delicious pies. i didn't even get any (wtf) although i heard it was grebt

(later i got divorced, but nevertheless pie >>>> cake)

Divorce does not negate awesomeness of wedding. That said, my second wedding revolved around cheese from Murray's and goddamn if the marriage turns out half as good as the cheese, S and I will be forever blissed.

S had no idea what a groom's cake was, and after I showed him this thread he now wants to have some sort of vow-renewal party featuring an obnoxious groom cake.

He is partial to the Copenhagen dip cake; hazard of marrying a Texan.

You are so so wrong about pie vs. cake, mookieproof.

http://cbswycd2.files.wordpress.com/2011/01/fish-on-jeff-lindas-wedding-cake.jpg?w=385

lol whaaaaat

http://imageshack.us/a/img22/4756/1a764597modulescoppermi.jpg

"The body is cake, the head is a form. All is iced in buttercream and airbrushed. Many times guests do not realize it is a cake until it is cut into!"

Guests just think hey cool, Bambi showed up and is sitting on top of a table.

http://aboutcakeetc.com/yahoo_site_admin/assets/images/grooms_cake_watermarked.298212818_std.jpg

http://sugarpunk.files.wordpress.com/2011/06/grooms-cake-2.jpg

loooooool

Huh, they make cakes for grooms soon to be divorced too.

http://www.funnycakepics.com/pictures/Groom_On_Cake.jpg

Not a big seller in Mayflower, Ark., currently.

http://farm6.staticflickr.com/5226/5640673672_8a392f3818_z.jpg

http://creativeeyekandi.files.wordpress.com/2012/10/mudslinginggroomscake.png

http://www.cakepicturegallery.com/d/8765-2/Funny%20Groom_s%20Cake%20in%20the%20For%20Dummies%20book%20series%20theme.JPG

I'm very much from the Western part of the world, so maybe this isn't unusual:

http://eventityinc.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/normal_sushi_cake.jpeg

They serve fortune cookies with sushi now?

No sushi in this one.

http://www.cakepicturegallery.com/d/222-2/war%20Grooms%20Cake.jpg

this is the most depressing thread on ilx. these are like greetings card for dads, except more specific, and with much more effort put in.

Mine looked like this:

http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j93/sixxkitten2006/chocolatecake.jpg

I did not get a piece.

"Plains so into strawberries, him and his wacky hobbies!"

lol. you do love starring into the dark void.

The sushi cake is pretty great. Not as a groom's cake but just in general.

i am going to assume i did not have a groom cake because afaik i became aware of this phenomenon approx 11 minutes ago. possibly i was not paying attention.

Sure you did. Looked like this:

http://farm3.staticflickr.com/2271/2408264138_33cd973f2b_z.jpg

lol

I think that these things are more of a Southern tradition? I've never been to a wedding that actually had one.

ha!! there i am! you won't believe this but i am actually posting from my small tank right now.

OH IS THAT SO ENBB

http://a4.ec-images.myspacecdn.com/images02/72/1aee5272a8734c5a99b53fdb7a8d5873/l.jpg

I tried to find a Man In the Mountain cake. Lord, did I try.

I did find this tho'

http://www.tastefullywright.com/publishImages/index~~element310.png

I hope that guy was a fax sales/repair person.

Or named Fred Alan Xander.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--_Rt745h2as/TokcMMaSImI/AAAAAAAAEMk/bnuJi8k1yyo/s1600/dog1.jpg
http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/48/e1/c2/48e1c24a472059bf7e8877a2b6a216eb.jpg
http://img.cakesdecor.com/image/upload/c_limit,h_1000,q_80,w_540/skxtoewf5lmskoq503vl.jpg
http://byrdiegirl.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/img_4444.jpg
http://media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/5e/08/1c/5e081c2e7f33b4abb2b0b64b39ff44de.jpg
http://thatcrazycakeplace.webs.com/photos/undefined/Deer%20Hunter%20cake.jpg

Has the hunter in that final picture clubbed the deer to death with a massive cudgel? And is that cudgel resting on a giant severed ear?

that crazy cake place

Bad taste, regrettable humor, and schlock are unassailable wedding traditions in much of the inhabited universe (see also: waving a bloody sheet).

Is the first one a DUCK HUNT cake tho?

Duck Hunt dog was brown.

And giggling, ALWAYS GIGGLING.

Hard to make cake giggle! My mistake. Still. Duck hunt cake would be pretty great.

see also: waving a bloody sheet
wait wut

Non-wedding tradition Yankees used to pull on Southerners around election time to remind them of their treason.

wait wut

In the Balkans it was traditional for the wedding guests, who had been drinking all night, to gather the next morning at the house where the bride and groom had retired for their wedding night, in order to view the triumphant display of a blood-stained sheet, proving that the virgin bride had been successfully deflowered by the virile new husband. In a rural village setting, refusing to do this was unthinkable and tantamount to an admission that either the bride was a whore, or the groom was impotent, so that, as if by some miracle, a bloody sheet was always available to be displayed at the proper moment.

Tradition!

I've heard of that in Latin America too, but I only know about it because of some Gabriel Garcia-Marquez book I read

I think there might have even been something in that book about having to fake the blood because the bride's hymen had broken when she was a girl.

oh god, that was my first thought too, but I thought it was a joke.

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

Wise old grandmothers knew all about that. It was handy, if, say, a sheep was being butchered for the wedding feast, to set a bit of its blood aside, in case.

Basically, everyone knew this and the whole show was just "for entertainment and not for investment purposes".

http://mcphee.com/shop/media/catalog/product/u/n/unicorn_and_horse_wedding_cake_topper.jpg

lol aimless

I think (or something similar) was a tradition in several places/cultures. I would've been fucked because I didn't bleed at all which afaik is pretty common. I was in gymnastics when I was little and then took horseback riding lessons from 4-12 so there was a lot of opportunity for plenty of accidental hymen breaking before I actually had sex. Not that I'm complaining but it kind of made the whole thing a little anticlimactic. No pain and no blood and no real pleasure because I was so nervous made it all a little "Oh, that's it?".

― Airwrecka Bliptrap Blapmantis (ENBB), Tuesday, April 8, 2014 12:51 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I hope I will not regret this post, but I just want to point out "I would've been fucked" and "a little anticlimactic"

pplains u are the king of the grooms cake

I thought this was kinda morbid at first,

http://i.imgur.com/wC8zEOH.jpg

until I realized you're supposed to "read" it from the bottom up.

i feel like we lost some fundamental idea of what a cake is/was, somewhere along the way, as a society

computerized image-to-icing transfer has much to answer for

http://www.royalcakery.com/Photo_Gallery/Grooms_Cakes/slides/steak%20cake.jpg

They got a name for the weddings in this world,
But I want a cake when I lose.

http://media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/originals/ea/4c/6e/ea4c6ed294738a2c2fe6886f5ee158d0.jpg

I could probably tour the whole damn SEC for bad grooms cakes, but the first thing I saw on Pinterest five seconds ago was "Alabama grooms cakes" as a fixed search term.

http://i.imgur.com/TwGjDBS.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/HTLUvOn.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/g2IBptY.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/hEsFtnJ.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/R0b3UYK.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/sGoB32e.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/jt19FOg.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/rDE1IrB.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/V2AU6y5.jpg

But first, getting back to the SEC for a moment...

http://i.imgur.com/RZcBbdS.jpg

---

Pretty sure this is somehow SEC-related too.

http://i.imgur.com/kZ5LcyM.jpg

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SEC, though B1G12 definitely a possibility.

http://i.imgur.com/Fmh3SYf.jpg

---

OK, now. Getting out of hand.

http://i.imgur.com/1u87aXS.jpg

---

http://i.imgur.com/p8fTHi6.jpg

---

No, seriously. It looks just like the painting. It's got wings and everything.

http://i.imgur.com/Q0jN4DJ.jpg

---

Not sure what football conference this is from.

http://i.imgur.com/K054tmW.jpg

Didja hear that even "geeks" get married now too?

http://i.imgur.com/L4fc0NX.jpg

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No, a Jabba the Hut cake sounds like the perfect accompaniment to a perfect day.

http://i.imgur.com/MOXyhiC.jpg

---

"I do."

"I know."

http://i.imgur.com/wNuQOq1.jpg

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Not sure which conference. PAC 10 maybe?

http://i.imgur.com/GXjVaSP.jpg

---

And you thought it was weird someone would marry a Star Wars fan...

http://i.imgur.com/8Njbe9T.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/TbdQR9R.jpg http://i.imgur.com/QUSD4yA.jpg

I know that squashed dog cake is college football related but it's gross and upsetting and a nice encapsulation of why I hate college football enthusiasm.