UNICORNS! SHOW PONIES! WHERE'S THE BEEF! • NFL Week 7 2013

http://d3j5vwomefv46c.cloudfront.net/photos/large/815021264.gif

Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals
Tampa Bay Bucs @ Atlanta Falcons
Cincinnati Bengals @ Detroit Lions
Houston Texans @ Kansas City Chiefs
Buffalo Bills @ Miami Dolphins
New England Patriots @ New York Jets
Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia Eagles
Chicago Bears @ Washington Hatcats
St. Louis Rams @ Carolina Panthers
San Diego Chargers @ Jacksonville Jaguars
San Francisco 49ers @ Tennessee Titans
Cleveland Browns @ Green Bay Packers
Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers
Denver Broncos @ Indianapolis Colts
Minnesota Vikings @ New York Giants

please welcome your Week 6 thread sponsor and new buffalo bills quarterback...

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BWjqo6RIIAAA3BX.jpg

I hope he's taking the job on spec

That would be funny for someone to go up and post the Bills or Browns QB job on Monster or Career Builder!

"TEMP TO HIRE!" It would be just like a good chunk of the rest of a America.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/broncos-perfect-season-ends-with-humiliating-win-o,34222/

While speaking to members of the media following yesterday’s practice, several Broncos players reportedly took time to reflect on their perfect season ending with Sunday’s humiliating 35-19 win over the Jacksonville Jaguars. “I think we stopped taking games one at a time, got caught looking ahead, and ultimately we paid the price,” said Broncos wide receiver Wes Welker, referring to their embarrassing 16-point win over the last-place Jaguars in which the Broncos only managed to score four touchdowns heading into the fourth quarter...

At press time, sources confirmed Jaguars players continued to celebrate their sixth straight moral victory.

Ha! This one is just wrong but funny as hell.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/marcus-vick-likely-out-for-sunday-shift-at-sbarro,34169/

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQ1RU9ZucAM

josh freeman confirmed as vikings starter vs giants on mnf. i will be rooting so hard for minnesota when i check the score the next morning.

Last week 10-5, 63-29 so far this season

Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals- AZ has played decent at points, but I got to think Seattle wins.
Tampa Bay Bucs @ Atlanta Falcons- Falcons ugly win.
Cincinnati Bengals @ Detroit Lions- Detroit has been better than expected, Bengals kinda scraping by at points. I'm taking Lions at home and hope Cincy proves me wrong.
Houston Texans @ Kansas City Chiefs- Houston is just too banged up, give me KC.
Buffalo Bills @ Miami Dolphins- Bills 3rd stringer played pretty good considering. I'll take the Dolphins but would believe a Bills upset could happen.
New England Patriots @ New York Jets- Pats. I'll be surprised if the Jets knock them off, it would have to include a couple of bad turnovers or a big return to happen I would think. NE is kinda off but this is the Jets offense seems like some pickup squad thing.
Dallas Cowboys @ Philadelphia Eagles- Pretty even matchup with Dallas' injuries. I'm going Eagles in a tight one to win.
Chicago Bears @ Washington Hatcats- Bears are no great shakes but Washington is just not that good. Bears to win.
St. Louis Rams @ Carolina Panthers- I can't figure these clubs, they play dumb and lose or just flat out bad then one week they beat someone to a pulp. I guess Carolina, but you can file these two clubs with the Titans as clubs I just can't figure.
San Diego Chargers @ Jacksonville Jaguars- Chargers should win but this is the kind of game they have lost over the last few years. I'd say SD to win, but a highly trappable road game.
San Francisco 49ers @ Tennessee Titans- Niners should win.
Cleveland Browns @ Green Bay Packers- Packers. Browns would be a pretty good club with a good QB.
Baltimore Ravens @ Pittsburgh Steelers- Forget the records, it's Ravens and Steelers. The fans bathe themselves in blood and nacho cheese and everyone walks around like a warrior around the cubicle. I'm kind of feeling Steeler upset at home.
Denver Broncos @ Indianapolis Colts- Broncos are better and I think Denver can do exactly what SD did and just keep Luck off the field. One poster I saw on Yahoo said Andrew Luck's voice on the field making calls sounds like the killer's in Silence of the Lambs 'It puts on the lotion.' - I thought that was pretty funny and I get it.
Minnesota Vikings @ New York Giants- Wow...Giants at home.

it seems crazy to even think, but i feel like the ryan fitz titans have a good shot of beating the 49ers

yeah I'm generally anti-Viking but I really want them to win this one

"but i feel like the ryan fitz titans have a good shot of beating the 49ers"

It could happen. I really don't know how good the Titans are but they seem to have their moments.

http://deadspin.com/browns-sign-player-with-torn-acl-because-they-are-the-1446613694

oh browns

Case Keenum to save the Texans

This will end well.

It will either be genius or lunacy or perhaps lunatic genius. I'd figure rookie first game, first start on road in Arrowhead and the Chiefs linebackers have been hitting everything...yikes.

Arizona D-Line getting dominated

maybe next year, Cards

oh really?

yeah wow, we know what's happening with Carson tho

damn nice catch

http://www.boston.com/sports/football/patriots/extra_points/post.jpg

HA

Never change NY Post.

RIP Bum Phillips

Football was just so much better when you had dudes that would wear a cowboy hat while being one.

http://qz.com/137216/fantex-arian-foster-how-an-nfl-running-back-is-out-smarting-investors/

Aw man bum Philips. Absolutely LOVED that guy. Oilers for those few years were the best thing ever

Ugh, the Patriots' defense is DOA

every 1st down and the TD was to kerley, so i have an idea how they might want to approach things on the next drive

GRONK

Nice to see that dude back. Stay healthy!

re pats defense, my expectations for the remainder of the season were set by bedard's piece at MMQB this weekend - on why the pats are yet again going to make the playoffs but aren't good enough to win a championship due to loss of too many key players to injury

"Rob Gronkowski not playing on the field-goal protection unit in his return to action."

ya think

btw i thought the "unicorns, show ponies" thing was not a non sequitur, it was a reference to stupid twitter comments by pats fans hating on brady all the way up to that last q4 drive?

Wow, just when I was lamenting the loss of Talib

the ol' false sense of security defense...

nice

did he do a marshawn lynch style jump into the end zone there

i love these booming squib kicks

spikes covering a wr. good plan.

How many more times are we going to see that play on 3rd down?

this eagles cowboys game has sucked

Finally a stop

WHAT THE SHITTING FFUCK DOLPHIN

wow rough day for whoever this left guard is on the cowboys

CUTLER pick six <3<3<3

shady can't get anything going

why did no other team want edelman?

oh hey, edelman
shifty

pro tip: whatever side wilkerson is, run the other way

sigh I have so many fantasy players in that goddamn cowboys-eagles game

oh no cutler's hurt :(
i only wanted him to throw a million INTs ugh

Gronk looks great

oh shit we kicked it to hester
damn

right on cue text from my friend the bears fan "NEVER KICK TO HESTER"
gaaaaah wtf

who the fuck is nick foles

u didn't give enough advance notice daria Rolling 2007 Regualr Season thread

they better fucking put Hester in the HOF

i like that it sounds like a Fall song, does mark e smith know about nfl

nevah kick to hestah

HEY. DOLFINS. THIS IS THE DEPLETED BILLS.

also lol Bucs

the way hester repeatedly slows merely to very fast & accelerates again timed with the blocks he wants <3

Is Hester the kick returner with the greatest maintained success? I mean remember Dante Hall?

yes, no one else has done what he has

Antonio Allen having a huge game

oh noes brady

The pressure on Brady has been huge the last couple possessions.

From the local Fins bar

http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/6797/y48k.jpg

Fuckin eagles

entire 3rd quarter has gone just about as badly as it could've

FIRST DOWN!

why is blount returning kicks good grief

especially why is he returning them from deep. get him the fuck outta there imo.

Allen down

Nevar thot id say this but...go jests

Also why cant the eagles and cowboys both lose

MIKE SHERMAN FUCK YOU

Running the ball with a lead will not give you polio

Matt Barkley era begins

bears/wash game is wild

Sam Bradford carted off apparently

oh barkleypaws

redux

ugh not overtime, no more

man simultaneous overtimes coming up

oh man and I jinx the the lions with a horrible punt

Not a good week for Detroit sports fans with the Tiger bullpen blowing it with 2 grand slams and their punter pretty much shanking the Bengals to victory in a tight game.

brady has been a disaster on third down. pats need to stop getting into 3rd and long

without all the injuries the patriots would have been really good, really tough to watch

HAIL

man 56

wtf

are you fucking serious

that is an amazing bullshit call. simply outstanding

rex ryan looks like he just robbed his mother

What a stupid ending

what a weird rule

it would be so NFL2013 if the Texans win this game

i know it can't be, but it seems like my entire life the only consistent iggles game plan has been to disappoint me

what a pass by keenum!

lolz at the browns running the wildcat

Going for it on 4th and 15 was pretty dumb. I know Wheeden is no great shakes but he isn't getting help from that Gordon guy who looks like he is playing in a haze for the Browns.

yeah, i mean a field goal there gets them within 8 which the announcer seems to think puts them down two scores

not like weeden was going get the browns a TD

jets fans could totally redeem themselves by adopting "geno" by dexy's midnight runners as an anthem. it's got anthemic horns and everything.

what i want to know about this denver/indy game is, are they going to have the monkeys riding dogs halftime show because iirc these are the two teams that have done that

aw man peyton's welcome back at indy was really nice

<3

Keenum played really well, I think he's gonna be a solid backup at least

Haha roof open, a subtle Peyton troll by Indy.

ha yes

Brian Cushing thinks he broke his leg and tore his LCL. Texans fans should start looking at mock drafts.

how the fuck did they blow this call

the refs are such punks good job ruining a cool play punks

sergio brown, wasn't he like starting safety at new england when belichick kept changing the secondary every other game

I think the ref literally did not see the ball come out

hahah he was

They took my boy @SergioBrown38 td away from him

says devin mccourty

ah, but DHB gets a TD even better :)

had never seen what andrew luck looks like til now... Man what a freakin dweeb

that kicker hit

lol if his hair is out of bounds i will laugh

oh man Luck is a beast

what a fiasco the trent richardson trade has been huh?

getting the safety worked out!

colts are the weirdest team

haha this game is awesome

Broncos defensive backfield is a sieve. Colts missed on a couple of long passes, one or two on the receiver and one or two on Luck which if they would have hit it could be even a bigger margin.

that DHB play looked like PI too

it's really unfair that the Colts got Luck

DHB so frustrating to watch. W/o looking at stats, I'd guess he'd be down near the bottom of receivers for drops and targets/catches this year.

http://1mo3a51u3xgwu9a981kw5m2fdt.wpengine.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/forearm_exercisesshutterstock_106980389.jpg

Also Luck is a legit dweeb architect major who married another architect. So, even if he weren't playing football, dude will still be diagramming shit for a living.

how did i not know that lucks dad was peytons dads backup

well it was just for a year

DHB's deal is that he has a horrible time tracking deep balls but if you put it out to him in the flat he's actually pretty reliable

so crazy xp

Dude just seems totally shook on all deep balls and screen passes.

Welkerzoom.gif

Lol Luck always xxl on those spikes.

Oliver Luck looks like the dad from Troll 2

omg

Adam Kinney ‏@DSNAdam 18m

WHAT DOES A FOX SAY?! PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT.. PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT PUNT

Bradford torn ACL

man peyton's had some ugly throws today

yeah even uglier than usual

irsay got inside his head

Peyton's throws have looked wobbly since that Mathis strip sack.

wow trent richardson

ugh bradford, that stinks
i haven't seen any news on cutler either..

it's tebow time

manningface

http://pro32.ap.org/article/http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG-meriweather-flagged-2-helmet-hits

this guy
are you kidding me

ahahaha thank you hatcat!

[Removed Illegal Link]

that guy should be banned from the league

gaaah I give up. sorry guys

Meriweather walked among the defensive teammates in the locker room with some cash in his hand and jokingly asked: "Anybody else want to chip in on my dinner? I can't afford it right now."

has anyone done a study on average field position when a team tries to run it out of the endzone after a kickoff? seems like it's rarely a good idea since they've moved the spot up

welker isn't real

why did those guys in foxboro let welker go, seriously

Andrew luck the flopper

Hillman shouldn't have fumbled, but Denver is getting jobbed by the refs right now.

well it can't be a coincidence that most of Denver's opponents have had their best day offensively against them (including the Jags)

just gotta bask in the fact that after 7 weeks the lone undefeated is freakin' Kansas City, must be awesome to be Andy Reid right now

heh is it legal to grab someone and throw him into the ball so it becomes live cuz that was kinda smart

just gotta bask in the fact that after 7 weeks the lone undefeated is freakin' Kansas City, must be awesome to be Andy Reid right now

― frogbs, Sunday, October 20, 2013 9:04 PM (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

See also: Alex Smith

I love Kaepernick and all but Chiefs over 49ers would be such an awesome Super Bowl scenario

i'm still in shock from yesterday. can anyone help me understand what happened to foles?

i just don't understand how he can go from being NFC offensive player of the week to putting in one of the worst QB performances ever. i heard kelly on radio say that the cowboys defense didn't do anything they hadn't prepared for from the first 6 weeks of play - nothing surprising.

well it wouldn't relaly be an eagles season if the eagles qbs werent shitting the beds

Ugh if Wayne tore his ACL, Colts chances moving forward don't look so good. Luck has depended on him as a security blanket, esp on 3rd downs. They'll be down to zero possession receivers for those 3rd downs since Dwayne Allen is out for the rest of the year, too. DHB particularly bad at catching tough balls, and that's exactly how Wayne has been bailing out Luck for the past season+.

this has been one of the worst weeks for injuries I can remember, Bradford's done for the season, Wayne's likely done, Foles and Cutler went down, Jermicheal Finley in intensive care, not to mention like 5 other Colts starters

acl tear confirmed for reggie wayne. elsewhere doug martin might be out for the season.

whoever still has players left at the end of the regular season to be declared superbowl champ

hopefully both conferences can still field a pro bowl team

I haven't watched them at all, what's going on with Jacksonville (aside from "lol u guys suck")

They dumped every playmaker they have except for Blackmon, Jones-Drew and Posluzny, and of those guys only Posluzny is having a good year.

they also started a pretty legitimately awful QB for their first 5 games

http://blog.chron.com/ultimatetexans/2013/10/titans-owner-bud-adams-dies/

http://www.manolith.com/files/2013/03/bid-adams-flipping-the-bird-300x300.jpg

They dumped every playmaker they have except for Blackmon, Jones-Drew and Posluzny, and of those guys only Posluzny is having a good year.

Blackmon has been great since he got back from suspension and Cecil Shorts is a solid #2. They need a QB.

http://www.sbnation.com/chorus_images/21530471/standard/medium_709/1382381499

awesome

lmfao

Colts at this point already have wins against the 49ers, Seahawks and now Broncos. Bad thing is that they got already like 6 players on IR done for the year.

Raiders beat Chargers beat Colts beat Broncos, Raiders #1

so let's see how the Vikings' quarterback of the week does, shall we?

If you been waiting for Eli to snap out of it, a week against the Vikings secondary missing our best player (Harrison Smith) should be a fuckin' back rub

dying @ kool-aid andy

colts looked great last night and that was a fun ass game i just wanted to say

Raiders beat Chargers beat Colts beat Broncos, Raiders #1

― polyphonic, Monday, October 21, 2013 11:02 PM (49 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

and the raiders were one play away from beating the Colts.

colts looked great last night and that was a fun ass game i just wanted to say

― lag∞n, Monday, October 21, 2013 7:52 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

super fun, i was watching in a fancy hotel bar and it kept grabbing everyone's attention

WELCOME BACK TO AMERICA'S FAVORITE NEW REALITY GAME SHOW - Minnesota Viking QB

This weeks contestant please welcome, Josh Freeman!

so many randos in the giants backfield

i just don't understand how he can go from being NFC offensive player of the week to putting in one of the worst QB performances ever. i heard kelly on radio say that the cowboys defense didn't do anything they hadn't prepared for from the first 6 weeks of play - nothing surprising.

― Mordy , Monday, October 21, 2013 9:36 AM (11 hours ago)

i thought that article you posted in the eagles thread was a bunch of crap tbh, foles was a third round draft pick for a reason which is that he does not have star talent. nfl stats are hilariously antiquated to me, those dudes were trying to make an argument that foles was a better fit than vick on the basis of what, 70 snaps? no one understands football, it's a dumb sport for dumb people, put the most talent on the field imo

present company of course excepted

wow these matte vikings helmets are kinda interesting first im seeing that, how come no one has gone super shiny like notre dame, would love to see that in the nfl, silver no logo helmet would be so fn tite for the patriots

http://i.minus.com/ibhdRT4bMbAqXf.gif

i'm not super crazy abt the matte helmets but overall our new uniforms are preferable to the fuckin' mess the last ones were.

i'm beginning to suspect the vikings aren't very good at football.

http://i.imgur.com/oHgSGNB.jpg

rip bum u were clearly a baller ass white man

I always liked the Vikings helmet cause its not a logo its a representation of a real kind if hat, also the purple is cool

no one understands football, it's a dumb sport for dumb people, put the most talent on the field imo

this def resonates

giants have a ton of unathletic & untalented players rite now

cool run back btw

i feel like the vikings helmet and our color scheme is all fundamentally sound

yeah what a cool motherfucker he was

feel good for Sherels, I always like him, he's perpetually on the bubble of making the team in preseason, real overachiever and hustle guy

I feel like the Giants have that weird systemic thing that happens to teams in doomed seasons where the attention to detail just isn't there.

best play

gif plz

jared allens hand is more powerful than elis whole being

i thought that article you posted in the eagles thread was a bunch of crap tbh, foles was a third round draft pick for a reason which is that he does not have star talent. nfl stats are hilariously antiquated to me, those dudes were trying to make an argument that foles was a better fit than vick on the basis of what, 70 snaps? no one understands football, it's a dumb sport for dumb people, put the most talent on the field imo

that article aside tho, it's still a pretty dramatic collapse over one week. it's not like he put up some gaudy numbers against a terrible defensive team and then disappeared when faced w/ a real defense. buccs defense was for real and his play in that game didn't seem like a fluke. in the cowboys game he held onto the ball longer, he made more inaccurate throws -- it's just a very weird turn in a very short period of time.

This game sucks!

i started watching the dimitri martin movie about woodstock

yeah man i don't know, sometimes a nobody goes and pitches a perfect game and then goes back to being mediocre, it just be like that sometimes. football is kind of prone to these kinds of disappointments because each game is such a large chunk of the season compared to other sports, a dude has a great game and people have 6 days to talk about it, then he goes back to being nick foles, schlub 3rd round pick and you're like oh it was one game maybe it was just a fluke

xxp

hes tripping in a van listening to love, not bad

these are some really fucking bad football teams

really amazed they're not benching Freeman

there have been 124 season ending injuries this season

another way to look at it is 124 jobs created

what is this

it's now so bad that it's compelling

punt return TD, dropped pick 6, fumbles inside the 15

You guys, this game is fucking terrible

I've only watched the third quarter and it's like I'm watching my neighbor's kids play football

Do you think Ponder is on the sideline cultivating a rage ulcer?

Freeman is having the worst game I've seen from a QB since Boller's one start with the Raiders

There's no way Joe Webb would be worse

Keep in mind, my neighbor's kids are toddlers

hillis every play

oh my god

Leslie Frazier must just not want anything to do Christian Ponder at ALL considering how long and awful Freeman has looked. It's like I don't care if I get fired, that Ponder guy's not playing.

ah why cant the vikings come back and win this it would be so funny

This is dire

can the league step in and trade Peterson and Allen

19/50 passing!

finishes 20/53

even gruden sounded super-bummed

"Do you think Ponder is on the sideline cultivating a rage ulcer?"

Ponder's got to at least be thinking, well I don't suck THAT bad and I wonder if Houston is nice.

lol vikes in primetime again next week

why arent all prime slots flexed, makes too much sense folks

i thought they could flex sunday games

iirc only later in the season

aren't the flex rules basically that the game you get is the best game of the day that is also on nbc, because the other networks will not waive their rights to their premier matchups? ppl were hoping that kc/denver might get flexed but i think it's on cbs, which nixed it.

whatever it is its dumb, they shd make it so everyone can see the sickest games of the week

the vikings will make you sick

true

doesn't it have to do with not screwing over ppl who paid like 200 dollars a pop for their family to go and took off of work months in advance? not that that's stopped the nfl before

https://twitter.com/Vikings/status/392712043800694784

I mean

Love you always, Jeff Garcia! Keep trying.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/10/22/jeff-garcia-tells-the-browns-hes-available/

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/10/23/josh-freeman-has-a-concussion-vikings-may-turn-back-to-ponder/

this is fucking unbelievable....after next week's game: "Vikings Announce Ponder Has Lupus, Going Back To Matt Cassel"

vikings to give up on the position of quarterback, going with an all direct snaps to adrian peterson based offense for week 9

Jason Campbell starting for the Browns against KC.

I like Campbell, and I hope he comes out and throws 400 yards and 4 tds and shows why it's crazy he's been on the bench all season. I'm not sure this will happen, though.

quarterback is so much more important than all the rest of the positions, a cool outside of the box strategy might be to one year use all of your draft picks on quarterbacks and then prob one of them will be good

was talking possibly w/ cad recently about how pats have been drafting skill position players in batches: TEs one year, RBs the next, WRs the next. it seems to work!

"Vikings Announce Matt Cassel Has Severe Hangnails, Going With A Chihuaha Wearing A Party Hat"

jason campbell does seem to show up and put usually an average qb game in, which is not to be sniffed at. i think he looked at his worst in the few games he started for cleveland but at least he has a couple ppl to throw to know. basically, he if he starts he is going to give you a qb in like the 3rd quartile, which is a big leap for some teams!