Footballers who really don't need to be on Twitter

1. http://twitter.com/#!/GavStrach

http://twitter.com/jack_wilshere/statuses/29173399598

http://twitter.com/henri_lansbury/status/29264884394

http://twitter.com/jaetofficial/status/5071456434130945

Is that real?? Yeah Jet, the famously smug Iniesta and Xavi?!!

I think if I had a pocket full of La Liga, Champs League, Euro Champs and World Cup medals I'd be pretty fucking smug.

http://twitter.com/jaetofficial/status/5071456434130945

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:25 (Yesterday)

Sorry, that page doesn’t exist!

It was a fake Jay Emmanuel-Thomas slagging off Barca.

Footballers really don't need to be on Twitter

nah they all do just for the occasional darren bent moment or if any turn out to be as mental as arshavin's website

http://imgur.com/B3aKG.png

Aldershot's Marvin Morgan was today suspended, fined two weeks' wages and placed on the transfer list for comments he made on social networking website Twitter.

The League Two club issued a statement after meeting with the striker who was booed when substituted during the club's 2-1 defeat to Hereford on Monday.

Morgan responded to the crowd's reaction by later posting a Twitter message saying: "Like to thank the fans who booed me off the pitch. Where's that going to get you! I hope you all die.''

I am so glad I googled to see what he said after BBC apparently aren't allowed to tell the best bit of the entire story.

http://twitter.com/P_J_Roberts/status/22918252032172032

Is http://twitter.com/thuddz/ real?

This is better:

http://twitter.com/AaronLennonpsl

Bad game, bad result tired legs took its toll,,, roll on sunday get bak to winning ways asap,, in nandos wid the bruvas chilling!!!

ok im back!!! need to fix up my page cher lloyd big by the way smashed it!!!!

It is really him, isn't it?

I like how Thudd and Lennon get over bad results by going to Nandos.

And go to the same tattooist as Wilshire and Lansbury.

Kyle Lafferty's was taking TONS of abuse at the weekend (lafferty27, iirc, can't access twitter at the moment), I suspect he's now classifying himself as a footballer who really doesn't need to be on Twitter.

xpost, Nandos is definitely a thing, Michel Duberry seems to be quite the fan as well when he's not moaning about other people having the audacity to be driving at the same time as he is (don't ask why I follow Michel Duberry, I have no idea, but him and Jody Morris seem to be doing quite a lot of taking the piss out of former Chelsea colleagues who are way more successful than they are)

I suspect he's now classifying himself as a footballer

steady on!

tbf, I don't think anyone else is though :-)

I should also say that I really like Dominic Cervi's profile description: #47 in your programmes, #1 in your hearts. <3

Except he spells it programs, the daft big American.

unfortunately, he never tweets anything interesting. The only Celtic players on twitter are the ones who don't get games and are all mates with each other, all tweeting about not getting games and about being mates with each other.

Ledley tweets,ki as well.

Tho not very often.

Ki tweets in Korean and posts a zillion pictures of his kids. Ledley seems to be one of the matey bunch though he does still get a game, tbf.

YES I FOLLOW ALL CELTIC PLAYERS ON TWITTER (except Niall McGinn, because he wants requests to follow him, so fuck that, tbh, I don't care that mch)

who is this elegant french libero michel duberry?

Ha, I have no idea why I did that. Twice.

And I've done it before as well! I know that's not his name! I know how to spell Michael! What is WRONG with me?

(answer: I think I hear his name in my head and confuse him with Michelle Dewberry that won the Apprentice a couple of years ago)

unfortunately, he never tweets anything interesting.

Not true - he posted a pic of his shiny new Nike boots recently! Boots that will remain shiny and new, given that he's as likely to get a game as me.
(cue Lennie throwing him into the Berwick tie)

Is he not still in America? (I could check on twitter, I guess)

Wiki says he's at Dundee. I couldn't give one shit tbh.

Twitter says he's in America. Ah well, looks like I'm between the sticks for the big game.

I think it was a short-term loan and he's back again because he wasn't getting a game there either (though I might be thinking of someone else come to think of it), so he seems to have gone on a long holiday to America*. I don't particularly give much of a shit (since he's not even our second-choice keeper) either, tbh.

* google tells me it's actually a USA USA USA squad month-long training thing, but I suspect he's probably not getting a game there either

xpost while I was looking this up. and yes, would rate you over Lucas Zaluska any day. But can you play centre half :-)

I can play right back. Well, I have more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

Heather Mills McCartney has more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/2896/premier-league/2011/01/08/2295741/glen-johnson-launches-astonishing-twitter-attack-on-paul

Liverpool full-back Glen Johnson has hit out at former Arsenal player Paul Merson, calling him an "alcoholic drug abuser" on Twitter.

The outburst, which has since been deleted from Johnson's Twitter page, was in response to criticism from Merson on Sky Sports show 'Soccer Saturday', as pundits analysed the dismissal of Roy Hodgson as Liverpool manager.

Merson said: "He (Hodgson) didn't have the luxury of a budget to spend £18 million on Glen Johnson, who can't defend for toffee, he's had to buy players from Fulham that he knew before.

"I don't think it's the players hanging their head in shame - I don't think they're good enough. Who would take their players if they were to go on sale tomorrow? Glen Johnson wouldn't go anywhere for 18 million quid."

Johnson responded on the social networking site Twitter, writing: "Comments from alcoholic drug abusers are not going to upset me and who is Paul Merson to judge players. He was average at the best of times, the only reason he is on that show is coz (sic) he gambled all his money away. The clown!"

Paul Merson probably asking his PA to google "toilet seat theft jokes" right now.

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/6959/picture1nam.png

Know one noes,, KNOW ONE!!

If only Glen's tackling was as hard and his passing as accurate as his assessment of Merson.

http://cg.scs.carleton.ca/~luc/KurtSchwitters--Merz-Cover-1925.png

Why doesn't he tell twitter about the press gagging order he's got that we're not supposed to no about?

Sorry Howard Webb !
https://twitter.com/#!/RyanBabel/status/24184981412651008

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/jan/09/ryan-babel-howard-webb-manchester-united-liverpool

http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/852573-neil-warnock-issues-qpr-twitter-ban-after-el-hadji-diouf-abuse

QPR manager Neil Warnock has banned his players from using Twitter to discuss club matters after members of the squad used the micro-blogging site to criticise Blackburn’s El Hadji Diouf.

fucking hypocrite

From some interview with the guy who runs the Empire of the Kop fan site:

Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?
@kennethdalglish @pauldalglish @kellycates @marinadalglish @laurendalglish @lyndseydalglish The entire Dalglish family.

http://twitter.com/#!/Glenn_Hysen/status/32099577926524929

New favourite, better than Big Sam imho - http://twitter.com/chrisdawdle

Samir Nasri

https://twitter.com/CEO4TAG/with_replies

Thanks
It should be part of education though so people understand and can be more honest
Kids should not have to hide feelings

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 11, 2017

Alternate, much shorter, thread for footballers who are and should be on Twitter.

^ Neville Southall learning about gender identity issues from Left Twitter.

he also posts lots of animal welfare and anti-trophy hunting stuff. he's great.

and has a cool obsession with skeletons

this pleases me

oh yeah the skeleton thing is hilarious too

there is something so warming about Southall's twitter. He genuinely hates the Tories and loves dogs, and his legitimate concerns are mainly missing people + missing pets. Obviously when Lineker + co have been gulagged after the revolution, Nev will be be the new MOTD presenter.

<3

this is the true meaning of Halloween pic.twitter.com/dHJ73TnVRD

— bobby shawarma (@hummusandpizza) October 12, 2017

:D

someone I follow on twitter has deleted all of his tweets except one neville southall retweet, a pro-labour rallying cry

FYI - one for the Showboat here, @SoccerAM 💥#PartOfThePride #AVFC pic.twitter.com/M10as7R1u4

— Aston Villa FC (@AVFCOfficial) October 23, 2017

david dunn rabona dot gif

https://i2-prod.dailyrecord.co.uk/incoming/article11390021.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/DMwMsnRWAAAXBLU.jpg

i quite enjoy the simon ferry interviews with scottish football players on youtube. most of them come across quite well, even barry ferguson seemed alright to me, and i even maybe changed my mind about him a wee bit. charlie adam comes across like a total dead-eyed dullard

80’s Party 🏀🤣 pic.twitter.com/TtIVlCkrfd

— Antoine Griezmann (@AntoGriezmann) December 17, 2017

https://i.giphy.com/media/JfHZe1lqQCVr2/giphy.gif

(replies are good, but we all know footballers don't read replies)

friend of mine is currently having a Twitter convo about feminism with Woke Nev apparently

woke nev has given his twitter account over to sex workers advocates (for the day I think, not sure)

here's a really good critique of the nordic model being tweeted from nev's account:

Some people think that a legal model which criminalises clients & managers would be helpful for sex workers. This legal model is often called the Swedish model or ‘sex buyer law’.
- @SexWorkHive

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) April 9, 2018

today's woke nev twitter takeover is user @CorbynistaTeen

3 months ago we have ordered 60 pairs of @HavaianasEurope for the wedding of my daughter. The order has been fully paid, but until now not received. According to @havaianas the package is lost and they don't provide any further information. Very disappointing & a lack of service!

— Ronald Koeman (@RonaldKoeman) June 25, 2018

Amazing.

Devvoed Ron. Mind you, you spent £140m on just flops last summer. Give Ajax a tweet and ask them where the Davy Klaassen order went, because that never fucking turned up either.

— Nick Killip (@Marsantial) June 25, 2018

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dx7h6A6UYAApt9G.jpg:large

football teams who etc

... or Instagram.

The England and West Ham midfielder, 20, was an Ireland youth player in 2015 when he wrote '#UPTHERA' on Instagram.

Amusingly, this was pronounced as "Up the R.A." on Sky News.

soup-taking turncoat

jackeen gombeen man

Watching sky Scott brown what is going on in our game never been a bloke look in the mirror when you wake up to your children 🤚

— Dean Windass (@DWindass10) April 4, 2019

make u think

you have to give it him, he's intelligent enough to breath. I love it when normal-blokeism crosses into crypto-paed territory!

Since deleted and "someone else got my phone"

Trending in the United Kingdom
Matt le Tissier

I presume he'll be doing a bit of anti-mask activism, because he's a fucking ableist, selfish tory pillock!

Bingo

Todays poll. If the government asked you to stop driving because there was a small chance you’d kill someone would you do it?

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) July 24, 2020

People going "have you heard of seat belts?" are being accused of making a false equivalence.

Sports personalities - trending

Matt Le Tissier

Trending with:
Holocaust

Can’t wait for the next time you post in here

thank you

won't happen again

No I meant Le Tissier does something progressively more awful every time you post in here about it! I don’t want to see what’s next.

My Twitter Space is about to go live, to discuss my NFT project. Despite the critics, my NFTs will be the first ever that can’t lose their initial value 👊🏻

— Michael Owen (@themichaelowen) May 9, 2022

If we don’t let you sell your jpeg for less than £200, it’s always worth £200!

maybe you can use them as gambling tokens on one of his virtual racehorses when it proves impossible to sell them, even when you win you lose.

Add it to his other successes.

Delighted to see that Michael Owen IPA beer is now for sale in China and Hong Kong.
Join us in tasting our favourite IPA beer! Happy days. pic.twitter.com/KpUGtuIzpf

— Michael Owen (@themichaelowen) September 2, 2020

https://x.com/Joey7Barton/status/1743331027123388893?s=20

Why turn the replies off?

You don’t like hearing the truth.

Hearing the feedback.

Commie cowards.

Stop forcing your Woke, Racist nonsense on us.

DEI and Affirmative Action is failing.

Failing badly.

It’s doesn’t work.

Best person for the job.

Meritocracy Rules. 👑👍

— 👑 Joey Barton 👑 (@Joey7Barton) January 5, 2024

Meritocracy rules, with a crown emoji next to a thumbs up

Well I suppose it does explain his managerial career.

Cricketers who really don't need to be on Twitter.

https://x.com/KP24/status/1777611224160588284