Nult satis nisi optimum: Phil McNulty 2011/12

Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.

<3

haha i wanted to post this, so fucking shameful that nult puts his own dirty mark even on an interview. i read it and knew from the first line it'd say nult had done the interview.

like all the great auteurs, nult does his best work with other people's scripts

sometimes on a day so warm yr laptop has died, all you can think of is a cool glass of chablis and a fresh nultblog on the iphone

― tipper gore (nakhchivan), Monday, 27 June 2011 14:24 (1 hour ago) Bookmark

irl lol

only one direction for my thought to go when, reading W.G. Sebald's 'The Emigrants', I come across the phrase 'one thing is certain'. Damn you Nult.

Wonder what Nult thinks of Austerlitz and its long multi-clause sentences, can he read German do you suppose.

No matter how often I tell myself that chance happenings of this kind occur far more often than we suspect, since we all move, one after the other, along the same roads mapped out for us by our origins and our hopes, my rational mind is nonetheless unable to lay the ghosts of repetition that haunt me with ever greater frequency. One thing is certain: Sir Alex will be delighted.

very much enjoying wg sebald but he does have a habit for slightly nult via thomas mann lengthy future perfect sentences in his reimaginings of past lives

― kid 606: the nultness (nakhchivan), Tuesday, March 29, 2011 7:47 PM (3 months ago)

@chrisbevan have a read of wg sebald, excellent prose. @jonathanstevo #themagicmountainmate #alliteration sir alex will have cogitated

By Mark Ashenden

1055: England's Paul Casey will have had better starts to a major championship. Four pars and three bogeys leave him struggling on +3.

I like how in its simplest form that construction just reads as "I can't be bothered to verify whether this assertion is true." Has Casey had better starts in majors? He will have had, I should think.

By Phil McNulty

Manchester City are moving to finalise the signing of Atletico Madrid's Sergio Aguero despite the collapse of Carlos Tevez's move to Corinthians.

City boss Roberto Mancini has decided to press on with a deal for Aguero even without finance from the sale of Tevez.

The two sides are moving towards agreement on the £39m buy-out clause in the 23-year-old's contract.

can someone tell nult that buy-out clauses are legally binding and no agreement is necessary if they are fulfilled

I seem to remember reading (maybe on here?) that the buyout clauses in Spain only apply to deals with other Spanish clubs. Could be bullshit i dunno

was just thinking i was missing pasting nult's every awful sentence on ilx.

think he's had a few weeks off

nult

Cesc Fabregas' future, or lack of it, has once again dominated the summer

The weaknesses that cost Arsenal last season, vulnerability in central defence and a physical presence in midfield, have not yet been addressed.

They may well arrive once the saga of Fabregas' seemingly inevitable move to Barcelona is concluded. And their success will shape Arsenal and Wenger's season.
If they are, Arsenal may cling on to fourth place - if they are not then there is the real possibility of the Gunners dropping out of the select quartet at the top of the Premier League.

IF WHAT ARE YOU CUNT

Dalglish has problems to solve at left-back and in central defence, but if he does that successfully I expect Liverpool to seriously threaten Arsenal and Spurs for fourth place - and well worth a few pounds of anyone's money to win a cup without the added fixture congestion of the Europa League.

and well worth

I love that this article was trailed as Nult making "some bold predictions"

Nult clicking submit then sitting back in his chair, steepling his fingers and going "truly, the cat will have have been set amongst the pigeons. Game on."

Also not entirely sure what Phil is saying "may well arrive", but it seems to be some weakness in central defence and some physical presence in midfield?

Nult clearly making predictions that only he understands so he can't get called out on them

This has created unrest among the fanbase and led to Kenwright's rendezvous with "The Blue Union" in his London office and the frank admissions that confirmed the worst fears of Everton's following regarding finances and the lack of interest from any potential purchasers.

The catalyst, however, is Suarez. The credits were rolling for Arsenal as soon as he appeared. Full of movement - not movement for movement's sake but going into areas defenders do not appreciate - and menace, he unsettled Arsenal's makeshift defence instantly.

"movement for movements sake". WTF?

If Spurs fail to clear the clouds in Modric's mind then they are left with a major dilemma and little time to find a solution.

No such worries for Ferguson as he strode off towards the Stretford End at the final whistle with a paternal smile of satisfaction after watching a youthful United see off Spurs, robust for an hour, to win in style.

this tendency to splice in nonsequitur subclauses - thought by many to rhyme with 'cub pauses' - is quite the new thing for the embattled web scribe nult

There are still as many questions as answers surrounding Torres. When he chose to square for Ramires in the first half Old Trafford's panel of judges was divided. Did he pass up an opportunity to shoot that a striker in full flow, and sure in his powers, would have grasped at, or is he still so clear-headed in his struggles that he calculated Ramires was obviously better placed?

who is this panel of judges he speaks of?

When the list of great managers is compiled, Ferguson's name will be near the top of some lists and at the top of others, alongside the founding father of United, Sir Matt Busby, Liverpool's Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley, the maverick Brian Clough at Derby and Nottingham Forest and his own inspiration, former Celtic and Scotland manager Jock Stein.

good to know there are no good foreign managers.

When the list of great managers is compiled, they will be on some lists and on some other lists.

When the list of great managers is compiled, Ferguson's name will be near the top of some lists and at the top of others

this is a new low. i think he might be reading wikipedia articles i "unsub-edit" and copying the style.

John Terry's meeting with the media started with a bouquet before barbed wire was placed around the elephant standing in the room with England's besieged captain.

Couple of very interesting shouts here this morning that Man Utd should have signed Friedel to allow De Gea to develop. Makes sense that.

not v nulty

With Terry stripped of the captaincy for a second time, the prospect of him ever regaining it will surely be gone forever.

brilliant analysis.

why does he court controversy like this???

ugh grammar

Capello is now handed the dilemma of whether he should even take Terry to Euro 2012 - as well as the possibility that his former captain may not wish to go.

let me hand you this possibility

fucking hell, the whole article is vintage nult doggerel

Capello clearly felt Terry's credibility as captain had been damaged and his ability to lead - and perhaps more importantly unify - England's squad was beyond him.

As the Football Association removes the captain's armband for a second time with Terry scheduled to stand trial in July for alleged racist abuse directed at QPR's Anton Ferdinand - and for which he has entered a not guilty plea - the discussions and conclusions will have been much more complex.

When FA chairman David Bernstein canvassed opinion from his other board members, the legal and footballing implications of such a move will have weighed heavily on their minds, as well as the reaction of their coach.

xhnnntthh ffffffvvvv - pointless subclause - gjtdhkkgrr jecbbjjrr

The FA will feel it has moved to clear away a cloud that could have been the England squad's constant companion up to and including Euro 2012. Terry's presence as captain will have ensured constant questioning about the very obvious sub-plot to this tournament - but it will not go away if he is still a member of the squad.

hating him more than ever now, picturing him having a post-work fosters in salford with "stevo".

kinda imagine them saying 'quaffing'

bevies will have been quaffed by the bbc football men

"stevo it's nult. will have been in the bbc bar at 7 tonight for an hour at 8. you'll want to come?"

Terry's presence as captain will have ensured constant questioning about the very obvious sub-plot to this tournament

feel that 'will have' entering the future tense marks a giant leap for nultianism.

difficult to imagine alphanult's mumbly evasions fitting easily with stevos contrived beta banter

Lampard's strategy was even more high-risk against Liverpool given the fact both his goalkeeper and the current Chelsea defence represent accidents waiting to happen, which they duly did

Liverpool have struggled to find high points this season as their Premier League title defence disintegrated spectacularly and their Anfield form has made history of the wrong sort - but could this traumatic campaign yet have a satisfactory ending?

But manager Jurgen Klopp's beaming smile was back after Liverpool took Arsenal to the cleaners at Emirates Stadium in a 3-0 win that was not close to being an accurate reflection of their total domination.

vintage fare

Just terrific stuff
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60774931

And the sight of Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp's traditional triple fist pump after the final whistle could just as easily have been the sound of a gauntlet being thrown down in front of Manchester City counterpart Pep Guardiola after this 2-0 win at Arsenal.

lovely. classic nult

Marc Cucurella looked to panic as the ball came in and grabbed at Erling Haaland with inevitable results.

Did the FA simply want an English coach - or did they want the coach who will make the England team winners?

The answer to that question is Tuchel.

lol whoever is nominally supposed to edit him is just sat back laughing at this stage

in his metal machine music era, lol.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/c78dgy9qngno

i read the headline here from the main site and was like 'please let this be nult'

so many great bits

And surely St George's Park and all the coaches and development teams nurtured there can only benefit from having someone of Tuchel's stature and success rate in the building? He will not live on an island. The FA will hope he can make his own indelible mark on future coaching generations.

time for a geography lesson, phil.

I love the ones where he's just given free reign to type out every single thought he's had about an issue

Sometimes I am a mild sceptic about the layout of a piece of prose dictating mood above and beyond what it says, or before you begin reading, but then you see six almost equally sized Nult four-line paragraphs in a row, just a terrible drab feeling.

The notion is misguided as any mistakes made by those who take charge of games, as with players, are because of honest human error, not ill-feeling towards - or bias against - a particular manager, player of club.

Sitting back with a hot drink at the end of a long work day and taking 30-40 minutes to try and understand what "as with players" is doing in this sentence

think he's saying Keane honest human errored Haaland's career

[pointing angrily at a video of Ben Thatcher clotheslining Pedro Mendes] that's bias

The majority of sensible observers, though sometimes not those fans who choose to view decisions through the prism of their own partisanship, accept referees will make mistakes under the severest pressure.

classic nult. the sentence but also the constant positioning of himself and most others as right and reasonable, unlike more hot-headed observers, who will have been trapped in the brig of their own partisan ship.

It is stretching reality to breaking point to suggest all is sweetness and light between officials, players and managers but what has to be real is the principle that none of this goes through any official's mind when it comes to the decision-making process.

In other words they, as in the time-honoured adage about Caesar’s wife, must be above suspicion.

time-honoured adage... again, just absolutely deep, prime nult.

Lee Carsley's reign as England's interim manager has not been without its obstacles, but the most impressive performance of his reign may just have made the road to succession a lot smoother for incoming coach Thomas Tuchel

It's raining reigns, hallelujah, it's raining reigns, amen.

Redemption and revenge for Carsley, along with a list of positives he can hand over to Tuchel, came in the shape this stylish win here in Greece, where the vast crowd inside Athens' Olympic Stadium was silent – not to mention largely absent – by the end of England’s 3-0 win.