Footcelsior

classic

sheringham/andrew cole rift starts here imo

i'm gonna spend a weekend off sometime bulking this thread up from the historical archives

id guess thread would get more traffic if it didnt sound like a bankrupt sneaker store in indiana

Noteworthy football content << classy, minimal, restrained, dignified -- an andrea pirlo to this thread's landon donovan

butthurt lance-asster here today to open our shoe store imo

god shoe store clerks are so surly

understandable, tbh, if it weren't for this damn fetish i could have been a physicist

"that's not dribbling, that's running" - Capote on Ben Arfa

― cissémanwhore (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 13 May 2012 23:03

it is true that relative to other sports...nobody really mentions technique in football.

They talk about little else in cricket, I can hear Boycott's voice droning away in my head, "You, see that's just bad tegneeg that is, you can't play grigid at this level with bad tegneeg, do you think I had bad tegneeg when I was scoring my hundred hundreds? Give over!"

― Tom D has taken many months to run this thread to ground (Tom D.), Tuesday, 31 May 2011 15:49 (11 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no wonder everyone stopped talking to the cunt huh

― ♪♫ hey there lamp post, feelin' whiney ♪♫ (darraghmac), Tuesday, 31 May 2011

tbf like

what do folks think of the portuguese winger ronaldo?

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:16 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Well at least he's got rid of that stupid spaghetti haircut he had. Although i don't think that was what you were looking for was it k*l*an?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:19 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all opinions re:ronaldo are welcome...

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:20 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

What's a "winger"? Did you misspell "singer"?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:20 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

(winger = footballer who plays attacking role and usually concentrates his/her efforts along the touchline)

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Monday, July 19, 2004 1:22 PM (7 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

jol out

― darraghmac, Tuesday, September 11, 2001 11:38 PM (10 years ago)

heh

Q: How could Arsene Wengers financial approach to signings be described.

A: As tight as Scrooge Mc'Ducks Arse (Contains a duck reference, a Scrooge McDuck reference (a famously stingy character), a common phrase relating to being penny pinching which relates to Arsenals famous policy of no big money signings and also contains the word 'Arse' which features in both the name of the club and it's manager.

― Jarlrmai, Tuesday, 16 March 2010 17:07

I predict a run of dispiriting Spurs defeats. Next time Spurs play.

― the pinefox, Monday, May 14, 2012 1:06 PM (4 days ago)

the question must be asked- how hungry can frank lampard really be at this stage?

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 21 May 2012 15:39 (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Ledley likely to hang up his knees?

― mizzell, Friday, June 1, 2012 8:44 AM

sit him up on kaboul's shoulders to steer imo

― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Friday, June 1, 2012 9:01 AM

THE WAYNE IN UKRAINE FAILS MAINLY BY EVERY AVAILABLE YARDSTICK

― Alba, Sunday, 24 June 2012 22:43 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

I hate Manchester United and all they stand for, and always will, but I'm now getting slightly confused as to whether Chelsea are worse ... gah

― Si.C@rter (SiC@rter), Saturday, 4 November 2006 17:31 (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
what do they stand for?

― Rebel.yell.For.Internet.cakes (nordicskilla), Saturday, 4 November 2006 18:57 (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Somebody took their seat cushions away when they were buying a prawn sandwich.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Saturday, 4 November 2006 19:01 (5 years ago)

Giggs gets his goal. That's not the 20,000th is it?

― Number None, Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:44 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

19999th

― awesome to have a clever englishman zinging yr enemies (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:47 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Damn, i was imagining the flowery tributes already

― Number None, Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:49 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the tributes would have reached such a pitch of encomium for the beloved 93 year old welsh wing wizard that ronan might literally have set fire to a church or something

― awesome to have a clever englishman zinging yr enemies (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:56 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

20kth goes to the Villa's Marc Albrighton

― mortified of ILX (onimo), Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:57 (6 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Good luck writing a flowery tribute there

― Number None, Wednesday, 21 December 2011 20:58 (6 months ago)

rooney's whiteness i think i don't let affect my judgement, i don't say i don't know it's there cos it's always there obviously, but i try to make a clear judgement on him as if he weren't white, iykwim?

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 02:06 (17 hours ago)

^^^^^^

― nakhchivan, Monday, 10 October 2011 19:07 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Sorry but I have no idea what that even means.

- You signal he's white
- You don't want that to affect your judgement
- Yet you are aware that he is white
- But you try to make a clear judgement "as if he weren't white"?

???

― Young Swell (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:15 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

deems is basically saying that when we discuss rooney's popular soubriquet 'the white pele', we refer largely to the pele element -- how does rooney relate to pele, his mythos, his technical ability, how does rooney improve upon his prototype?

however, what is missed is exactly the meaning of rooney's whiteness -- why he is white? did he become white? does his whiteness derive from or merely perpetuate the tabloid rooccult?

― nakhchivan, Monday, 10 October 2011 19:31 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ya

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:32 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

but without making it 'a thing' y'know

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:33 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I don't think the tabloids made him white.

I'll back off now, I'm afraid all this is too meta for me.

― Young Swell (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:34 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the rooniversity of ilx: ROO 101 -- introduction to roonology

― nakhchivan, Monday, 10 October 2011 19:35 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

just enough pigmentation to perform

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:41 (10 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a+ routine would confuse bystanders again

good times

gonna eat my tea really furiously if United win this effing thing now

― it's-a me, irl (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 2 September 2012 17:48 (Yesterday) Bookmark

lookit, the prods just get the technique (or maybe the work ethic to develop it)

this is why they develop the trades, and the golfers, and now the tricky wingers. they have been convinced since planter times of the benefits of the excursion into enemy territory, also as landowners they maybe had the time and resources to chase down avenues unavailable to the downtrodden peasant masses, hence an inbred proclivity towards the showy lollipop

catholics know their lot is to remain wary against invasion (hence two banks of four), to keep a general level of low-level skill married with strength of numbers and the odd guerilla ambush

it's the history of the country, idk what more i can say

― Randy Carol (darraghmac), Saturday, 8 September 2012 00:48 (41 seconds ago) Bookmark

Christ that's a good post.

"what more can I say" delivered with a Seinfeld swagger

couldn't cut and paste it fast enough, obviously

Otm, lads.

Otm.

quintessentially Lampardian strike for 2 - 1

― Number None, Saturday, October 6, 2012 2:23 PM (11 minutes ago)

deflected?

― pandemic, Saturday, October 6, 2012 2:23 PM (10 minutes ago)

or penalty?

― pandemic, Saturday, October 6, 2012 2:23 PM (10 minutes ago)

Seems like a nasty business - public repentance, then they burn you anyway? So we can expect the full Brazil 82 from Ireland tomorrow, followed by Trap in a wicker man at the final whistle.

(wikipedia seems to count burning in effigy as an execution; good traditional footy punishment imo)

― Ismael Klata, Monday, 15 October 2012 21:54 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

jesus i'd say he'd be great tinder tho, lookin at him

― the oft-posited third fisherman (darraghmac), Monday, 15 October 2012 21:59 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

like a pile of dead leaves

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:56 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

where's your god now trapp?

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:56 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a naked john o'shea cavorting outside his hotel room and banging walls tonight to irish folk music

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:57 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

there never was a world cup, we just needed something to bring him to the island

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 10:58 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

if we're going to give the job to mick or harry we might as well just interview a third person too, anyone really, once they're called tom.

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 16 October 2012 15:41 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wtf happened with the eng u21's today. Mass racism, brawl, danny rose sent off??

― pandemic, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 18:39 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, there's some clips on youtube but they're fairly brief

― Number None, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 18:41 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Was JT the overage player?

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, 16 October 2012 18:41 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

kiu guys, kiu

'john terry is a racist'

otm

Question: my dad told me that he stopped drinking Manhattans when they "started to go down too easy." I've always liked that way of explaining it, but I didn't know if it had an origin?

― these albatrosses have no fear of man (La Lechera), Wednesday, October 24, 2012 8:37 AM (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

foreign soccer players iirc

― i will fondue, and i will killue (darraghmac), Wednesday, October 24, 2012 8:41 AM (35 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

cross-board controversy

figured all the americans on the reg excelsior thread wouldn't get the subtlety -- ALL soccer players 'flop' amirite

"Contenderizer walked on to the gender issues thread with a smile on his face. He was skulking off it with a grimace an hour later. The first chance I got, I did him. Never have I hunted down a vaguely misogynist implication with greater appetite. 'You're not fucking laughing now, are you, you sophistic cunt?'

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Thursday, 1 November 2012 12:19 (Yesterday)

King: Do you feel an extra responsibility helping the young players (Wisdom is 19) coming through, Jamie, as you are the elder statesman in Liverpool’s squad now at 34?

Carragher: I’ve always tried to help whoever I’ve played alongside, no matter what their age.

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Wednesday, 31 October 2012 16:29 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

CarraZing!

― Named locally as Tom D (Tom D.), Wednesday, 31 October 2012 16:33 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

even the black players, eh?

― but with socks instead of football (darraghmac), Wednesday, 31 October 2012 16:56 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

no matter what age they claimed to be

― oh shawx (onimo), Wednesday, 31 October 2012 17:00 (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

bobby z is all aboard the o-train

http://news.yahoo.com/bob-dylan-predicts-obama-landslide-061628696.html

― reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 8:07 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

thats not bobby z

― ut's nutta bull, ut's a *romanda* (darraghmac), Tuesday, November 6, 2012 8:09 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

realize maybe the outright lolz aren't there but I'm just happy to get the joek

Just been sat on the train heading out from town towards Aston, crowded with villa fans, not a level head amongst them. We're either about to bosh bcfc 8-0 because we're villa and in the ep league and just because. Or alternatively we're about to get turned over 2-0 on our own patch and Lamborghini should be strung up from the nearest tree/lamppost. Can't anyone just be cautiously optimistic about this ffs? A degree of confidence is fine so long as you remain suitably wary

― Windsor Davies, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 19:14 (18 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Also lamborghini = phone autocorrecting lambo. Defs need a few more wins under his belt before I start bestowing him with cool monikers

― Windsor Davies, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 19:15 (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

spain make me feel like a sceptical boondocks sheriff looking at two moonshone alien abductees- if all this probing is really going on, then why is there no attack?

― Ну, там твое место, там сабе будь! (darraghmac),

ye must have missed me something fierce during the tourney itself

Wilshere limping off, Diaby limping on

― Ismael Klata

^ peach

yeah can't believe neville would absolve epl establishment samba or real british realness queen clinty hill in order to trash some effete foreign fucks nobody cares about

― Nilmar Honorato da Silva, Monday, February 25, 2013 10:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

real british realness queen clinty hill

― c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre (imago), Monday, February 25, 2013 11:00 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://i.imgur.com/NbCeoUd.gif

― r|t|c, Monday, February 25, 2013 11:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ba is p fuckin good, good epl standard anyway

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Thursday, October 6, 2011 3:12 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a 'ticking time bomb' acc to Pulis iirc

― boxall, Thursday, October 6, 2011 3:17 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

pulis feels that way about all strikers, hence standing orders for his midfielders to deliver the ball from a safe distance of min. 40 yards

― at-zing-two-boards (darraghmac), Thursday, October 6, 2011 3:23 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you footcelsiored yourself 16 months on? admirable chutzpah, bravo.

this post often comes to mind:

Graz_Entertainment - hyperenthusiastic and tbh slightly creepy mitteleuropean poster debuts with a splash next week through his 'Never Mind The Red Bullocks - Weiner Neustadt won't win the Austrian Bundesliga 2011/12'. Not one to admit defeat, he notches up 847 unanswered posts through to the end of November before pandemic takes pity on him and streams Mattersburg v Wacker Innsbruck late one Tuesday. To pandemic's surprise, the quality is astonishing, Wacker's Luka's Hinterseer sealing a 3-2 win late on via a backheel rabona from his own half.

It turns out Austria's international performance over the past two decades has been a smokescreen to protect the tactical leaps and innovations in technique hothoused domestically for the highest stakes before rabid crowds. Word gets around, sonderangerbot even going so far as to attend February's Vienna derby, won when Stefan Kulowitz ears in a swerving screamer from outside the box in injury time.

By March the entirety of ILX's football chat has migrated to the thread, now including dozens of regular ilxors who previously wouldn't've touched football with a bargepole - even some girls. The season culminates in the inaugural ILF awayday to Salzburg, where against the odds Weiner Neustadt do clinch the title amid incredible scenes. At least two posters never return, setting up home there so as to never miss a kick again.

Alas, all does not end happily for Graz_Entertainment - on top of the humiliation of Weiner winning the league after all, Sturm turn out to be merely the tenth most brilliant team in Austria and are relegated. He relocates to spam politics and conspiracy theory threads instead, before fatal indecision sees him selected as mod in dubious circumstances. He uses his new powers to takeover De Subjectivisten and several other, weaker boards, and is only repulsed from ILM itself in an epic struggle. Thereafter restricted to the 'Ask Graz_Entertainment' thread, he eventually self-permabans in pathetic circumstances. Some wag attempts a Downfall youtube, but it's hardly worth it.

― Ismael Klata, Tuesday, September 20, 2011 6:52 PM (1 year ago)

That is a thing of beauty

That whole thread is a pretty amazing read, although I don't think I noticed at the time how many of the protagonists ended up taking their own lives

perhaps the collective was a little in thrall to the turn-of-the-decade vogue for gritty miserablism

gritty, re: boots

Watching on a bit of a delay, who are these arseholes on motd2 please

― Windsor Davies, Monday, 28 December 2020 00:45 (thirteen hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Tottenham

― spruce springclean (darraghmac), Monday, 28 December 2020 01:43 (twelve hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

It's Christmas

Theres no need to be afraid (short of set pieces after the 80th minute)

Wow at the Dele goal. Not sure I've seen someone set themselves up for a bicycle kick before.

― cajunsunday, Thursday, 25 February 2021 13:31 (thirty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm sure darragh's done it once or twice

― Number None, Thursday, 25 February 2021 13:39 (twenty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Fair play hes caught that one just right, but its hit me the the lower stomach

gritty, re: boots

― hiroyoshi tins in (Sgt. Biscuits)

In itself a worthy effort

Ryan Sessegnon

― anvil, Sunday, 7 January 2024 20:07 (eighteen seconds ago) bookmarkflaglink

yes

the wicker man was on the tv last month and I suddenly thought of trappatoni and a naked john o'shea but couldn't remember why. it was fairly disturbing. I finally remembered this thread. darragh and ronan riffing off one another is beautiful.

Moyes - I'll take any kind of win

Would like if this was made into a musical number.

― Legitimate space tale (LocalGarda), Sunday, 27 October 2013 10:40 (17 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I often think of this and laugh

(Everyone else hears an actual tune in their head as they read it too right?)

i never do because the moyes van dyke head image disturbs me overmuch

i regret this thread title nakh otm

I won't be happy until Jon Moss is facing the dual pressure of court litigation and FA disrepute charges for accepting a bribe and tries to hang himself in shame from a kitchen hook, but his weight breaks it off the wall and he suffers a head injury causing severe brainstem injury that renders him paralysed, over the weeks his increasingly starving dog eats him in a slow piecemeal manner.

― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Monday, 15 January 2024 21:27 (fifty-one minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

it was this or vmic

it is funny to watch all the dweeb career politicians try to go trump they just dont have the stuff wheres the pizzaz the razzle dazzle

― lag∞n, Monday, 22 July 2024 14:41 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

however on a more serious note fascism will continue to be a serious threat in this country post trump because of conditions

― lag∞n, Monday, 22 July 2024 14:42 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

imagine the lampard pic yrself

Is Carsley just going to go back to the under-21s now, like a flustered mouse at the end of a children's book?

― LocalGarda, Tuesday, 15 October 2024 21:58 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink