tilted football fan laments - list them all

1. The ref was letting their players foul us with impunity from minute 1 - and of course as soon as we tackled them once he blew up immediately!

2. They celebrated that last minute winner like they'd won the Champions League, pathetic

3. They always treat matches against us like it's their cup final. no doubt they will spitefully field their under-15s against all of our actual title rivals. rent-free

4. the VAR decision/amount of stoppage time in this game between two teams I don't support is the latest chapter in the pro-big 6 conspiracy intended to prevent my team breaking into their little clique

5. the VAR decision/amount of stoppage time in this game involving a big 6 team I support is the latest chapter in the conspiracy against us because everyone at every level of the English football pyramid is jealous of how great we are

6. [team on a good run of form] are fucking shit. they barely even beat us

7. I swear we must be the worst team in the league for [metric that your team is comfortably the best in the league for]

8. They might have beaten us 11-0 but they're absolute fannies, they go down at the slightest touch

9. [region-specific category] [worst accent imaginable] if Hawkeye hadn't of failed they'd be in the fifteenth tier of English football by now I hate them so fucking much the one I work with is gonna be fucking unbearable after this

10. I don't care how many goals he scored for us, I'll never forgive him for celebrating that goal he scored against us. classless

we're losing at home to birmingham today so I am planning on using about 4 of these ngl

'other fans talking about us/ridiculing us means we are good and important'

'we are a real club because we are crap'

'the plane our team flew in was the one that transported the death squad who killed jamal khashoggi, not khashoggi himself'

'our zillionaire American owners are quieter and less corny than your zillionaire American owners, thus we are the people's champions'

^gonna be using this one and all

I don't have any extra examples to add, but every time I go to a match there's some guy shouting about everything like there's some grand conspiracy against the team and he's the only brave truth teller who can speak up, and I guess this is just how he releases his anger and frustration in life, but I will still always want him to fuck off.

"the suggestion that [Big 6 club] benefit from refereeing bias is ridiculous, and besides [other Big 6 club] get way more iffy decisions than we do"

the father/son/grandson combo that sat behind me in the Holte End when I still had a season ticket were some of the most relentlessly miserable people I've ever encountered

I think it was when we drew 2-2 with Utd at VP in 2010 and we had some pressure in the late stages and the middle guy was like "watch them add no time at all now to save their favourite team from losing", and then they announced four added minutes just as Utd were getting the ball back and launching a counter, and he was like "FOUR MINUTES? WHAT IS THIS, FERGIE TIME??", like actually apoplectic

I am always fascinated that I can go to the pub to watch any game and hear some loud cunt singing “same old ——, always cheating”. About ten years ago I heard it sung about Ajax when they were playing an English team in Europe. I can’t even remember the game, but I remember the pillock.

Now maybe he knew more about Dutch football than I, but it just seemed preposterous.

Bound to be an Italian version about Juventus.

I always wonder whether these people actually believe all the bollocks they come out with, my feeling is that they do.