Inspired by this shit on ILE: GQ's 25 Coolest Athletes
Cool as defined by some sadsack Man Utd fan who has been watching football for 10 minutes, obv (Stan LOLlymore, aye, wifebeating is cool).
http://bleacherreport.com/articles/591275-counting-down-the-50-coolest-footballers-of-all-time
Have at it. Would make it a poll, but can't be arsed, tbh,
― ailsa, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:41 (fourteen years ago)
50. Berbs - Learning English from the Godfather movies. Plays only in backheels and ambivalence.
Gonna do this a rating out of 5 Fonzis)http://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpg
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:53 (fourteen years ago)
Ian Wright above Socrates! WTF?
― Guilty_Boksen, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:53 (fourteen years ago)
49. Gyan - Surprisingly decent at rapping.
http://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpg
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:54 (fourteen years ago)
48. Eddie Newton "the Chelsea gangsta" automatically gets 0 fonz for that phrase. Cool hair though, flat-tops should come back as an option for black dudes.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:55 (fourteen years ago)
47. CRonaldo - Gang rape is not cool.
46. he winger though was always a housewives' favourite and if his good looks and mullet aren't enough to earn him a place on the list, his efforts with Glen Hoddle in releasing a pop single have got to seal the deal.
i don't think they understand cool.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:56 (fourteen years ago)
45. Collymore - Man Bleacher Report does hate women, huh?
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:57 (fourteen years ago)
44. Jamie Redknapp - Coolest talking head commentator type going atm but that is like saying he is the person you are most likely to befriend in the tory party.
http://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpg
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:59 (fourteen years ago)
can't be arsed to flick thru that shittily laid out site
Dimi might be the coolest of all time tbh, oh man or Tino Sprilla
― Nulty By Nature (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 12:59 (fourteen years ago)
if that list that sam's going thru is Ginuwine then lol get to fuck you fucking cretins
44b. - He gets the 1 fonz for his time as a footballer.
OK - Where the fuck is Stan Bowles? And Rodney Marsh? And Charlie George? Poll put together by a young whippersnapper, I'll be bound.
― Guilty_Boksen, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:00 (fourteen years ago)
43. David James - Gets a bit 'lol we've never met a black man before, can I touch your afro?' at times but who cares, the dude is actually p cool
http://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpg
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:01 (fourteen years ago)
Just noticed that the guy doing the rundown is called Andy Gray. Not that one, sadly.
(Sam, wait until you get further up the list, your head will explode. It does in fact appear that HAIR IS THE DEFINING FACTOR OF COOL)
― ailsa, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:01 (fourteen years ago)
Like, Henrik Larsson only got in mid-table because he found a picture of him with dreadlocks.
Fair play to him though, the Robin Friday story is a belter.
― ailsa, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:02 (fourteen years ago)
Argentinians carry off cool pretty well imo, can't think of a dud except Palermo
― Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:02 (fourteen years ago)
42. Figo - Has he actually done anything to pronounce himself as a cool person off the pitch? Kinda greasy, proto-CRonaldo? On the pitch is enough for 3 Fonzs.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:02 (fourteen years ago)
liking this sam
― fuck you jan stepek you kurwa (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:04 (fourteen years ago)
Figo is a quiet domesticate off-pitch iirc, which makes him cool in my admittedly biased book.
― Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:04 (fourteen years ago)
41. Billy Meredith has a moustache guys! He is so cooooooooooool.
Like wtf. Had they accidentally just found a list of 50 random players and they were the only ones they believed existed, and then just ranked a gis of those players?
Too young to accurately Fonz this guy.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:04 (fourteen years ago)
40. Garrinchia - I don't know if he is actually cool but he is the cool, contrarian answer of who is the best from *that* team, mainly because Pele is so uncool.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:07 (fourteen years ago)
39. Cannavaro - Ronaldo has come and gone, I assume Ljungberg and Beckham will also be involved. Underwear modelling and then having the skills on the pitch to get past the shit you'll get from the crowds is a surprisingly successful gl. Low Fonzi rating though because I can never remember if he is a fascist or not.
http://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpg
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:09 (fourteen years ago)
more Fonzies if he is a fascist?
― Nulty By Nature (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:10 (fourteen years ago)
shit Gattuso better be top 5
38. Shevchenko - Was once the epitome of Milanese cool, non? One day I think he'll be fully appreciated for pre-Chelsea.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:11 (fourteen years ago)
Nah, possible fascism knocked it down a couple. Being able to have dudes love you on the pitch and girls love you for showing off yr junk off the pitch will get you far in life and so like a 4 fonz.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:12 (fourteen years ago)
fascism is the coolest of the right wing racist shitbag nutjob religions tho, well that or Calvinism
― Nulty By Nature (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:13 (fourteen years ago)
37. di Stefano - I wouldn't bat an eyelid at this guy turning up on The Satorialist tbh. And like Garrincha, a much cooler answer than Pele to that question (especially as none of us ever really saw any of them play, you can say what the fuck you like son, the answer is now Messi.)
http://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpg
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:15 (fourteen years ago)
36. Vialli - In my mind I always think he played for Lazio, which is NEVER agl, but he didn't, so maybe I've always been too harsh on the guy.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:17 (fourteen years ago)
35. Socrates - Damn son, talk about beard envy.
34. Ian Wright - Eurgh, this guy. Working for Channel 5 (if anyone else turns up who has done this and i just don't know it, feel free to take away any fonzs) is an automatic disqualification but in reality, he lost all cool points long before. RIP Childhood hero.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:20 (fourteen years ago)
33. Baresi - Not sure what at all makes him cool, other than being a ridiculously great player. Giving him the Figo mark.
32. Egdar Davids - The glasses are an awful look, there, I said it. But back in his Juve days - this dude was cool. How could you not be playing next to Zizou?
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:22 (fourteen years ago)
31. Stoichkov - Have no idea why but ALL TIME
looking forward to that slaphead Bulgar keeper turning up
― Nulty By Nature (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:23 (fourteen years ago)
30. Pep - Simply fucking effortless. Helps being part of the dream team (see #31) and being v. handsome, of course
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:23 (fourteen years ago)
29. Vidic - Ummm? Bit of a thug on the pitch doesn't get him the incredible talent points, assume he is as NAGL as many eastern europeans are around here but you never see him other than when he is eating the first borns of strikers across the land so...
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:25 (fourteen years ago)
28. Valderrama - FUCK OFF.
28b. Don Draper would piss on the shitty intern that made this list.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:26 (fourteen years ago)
27. Higuita - Oh come on. I don't care how good these guys were, just fucking look at them
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:27 (fourteen years ago)
Valderrama was genuinely dope hair has nothing to do with it
― Nulty By Nature (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:27 (fourteen years ago)
26. Ljungberg - Now we are back. Pulled off haircuts that would make less handsome men look like complete beef-flaps, famously saw on telly after scoring in an FA Cup final - p damn cool.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:28 (fourteen years ago)
25. Cryuff - <3 this dude. Just another bit of proof that GQs inclusion of Pele is fucking stupid. All the guys (not Messi, look at his 12 y/o attacked-by-his-mum haircut) that would go in that ALL TIME TOP 10 list OTHER THAN PELE are fucking cool.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:31 (fourteen years ago)
24. Xavi - Frequently talks about Le Tissier being his inspiration, otoh is a short nerd.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:32 (fourteen years ago)
23. Del Piero - Fascism is a bad drug. Such a shame considering how otherwise cool half of Italy would be, incl. their king Alessandro.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:33 (fourteen years ago)
22. Bullard - get tae fuck
21. Larsson - Ok this guy is fucking cool. Just everything about him. His career, his dece standing in the media, his ability to have various cool looks. Otoh, I'm disqualifying him from Fonz-ing for the fact that the website just gave him cool points for having dreadlocks. Go outside and meet some black people already.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:35 (fourteen years ago)
20. Di Canio - FUCK ANY NAZI LAZIO SCUM.
19. Maldini - Definition of COOL.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:36 (fourteen years ago)
18 Neil Ruddock.
Neil Ruddock.
As the 18th coolest footballer.
Guys, Neil Ruddock.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:37 (fourteen years ago)
Their reasoning why is that on Soccer AM he seems like a "likeable chap."
17. David Ginola - Pires did it better but Ginola did it first.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:38 (fourteen years ago)
Neil fucking Ruddock.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:39 (fourteen years ago)
By my reckoning, this makes Moritz Volz the coolest man on the fucking planet. Am surprised this fud doesn't have Chris Kamara on his list.
― ailsa, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:40 (fourteen years ago)
16. Baggio - I fucking love this guy as a player but dear god you just don't understand cool, at all, do you Andy Gray? HE IS A BUDDHIST WITH A PONYTAIL WHO WAS ESSENTIALLY A JOURNEYMAN ITALIAN FOOTBALLER. Just because he was once great doesn't mean that he was or is ever cool.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:43 (fourteen years ago)
Would like to see NME's 50 Sportiest Rock Stars list as a counterpart.
― James Mitchell, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:44 (fourteen years ago)
15. Van Bastan - Kinda cool, yeah fair enough.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:44 (fourteen years ago)
14. Rio - gtfoh
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:45 (fourteen years ago)
13. Ruud Gullit - Loses points for Sky Sports and Newcastle, otherwise would have been a 5.
12. Vinnie Jones - Just because he is in Hollywood, does it mean he is cool? Is Polanski cool? Is Carrot Top cool? Has Vinnie Jones been in a movie in the past 10 years?
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:47 (fourteen years ago)
11. Dennis
10. Hoddle - By all rights should have been the coolest player of a generation. Played overseas, had that two footed playmaker swagger, etc.
Instead he's a nob who once did a song with Waddle and hates the disabled.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:49 (fourteen years ago)
9 Ricky Villa - I don't know enough about him tbh but everything in my mind points towards cool
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:50 (fourteen years ago)
8. Beckenbauer - Other than being a great footballer, I don't know what makes him cool or uncool? Figo mark
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:51 (fourteen years ago)
7. Bobby Moore - I've never cared for Michael Caine-esque cockney cool but for those who do, you could do a lot worse than Moore as a cool icon afaict
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:52 (fourteen years ago)
6. Thierry - Va Va Voom!
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:53 (fourteen years ago)
5. Zizou - Worst mistake GQ made was omitting this guy. He breaks the Fonz metre.
http://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpghttp://www.notaddicted.com/images/l25/fonzi.jpg
4. Beckham - He is cool, let's not front. Still, it all just seemed a bit too Hollywood generic cool for most of his career to get any points from me. Now he is just becoming a cool dad with a beard does he make the Fonz scale, which is a terrific look.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:55 (fourteen years ago)
3. Robin Friday once shit in Lawro's bag. I think Mr. Gray forgot what this list is about.
I go to wrestling shoots for my lol pranks stories, not lists of supposedly cool people.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:57 (fourteen years ago)
2. Best - In his time he was cool as fuck, and by the time i was born he was a fat old drunk who lost his fortune and abused his wife. No dice.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 13:58 (fourteen years ago)
1. Cantona - Decent amount of cool but "ooh aah cantona lets sell the news of the world" is my defining image so...
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 14:00 (fourteen years ago)
well that was fun. cya next time someone else has a stupid fucking list.
― Samuel (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 14:02 (fourteen years ago)
later
― ullr saves (gbx), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 14:03 (fourteen years ago)
Cheers! Seriously though, Neil fucking Ruddock?
― ailsa, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 14:05 (fourteen years ago)
cya next time someone else has a stupid fucking list
Monday or Tuesday suit you? (PS get voting, scumbags)
― Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 14:49 (fourteen years ago)
The correct answer is Abel Xavier. Saw him outside Liverpool's training ground in a Smart car sucking a lollipop.
― territory of the magic wand (Chris), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 15:14 (fourteen years ago)
It's obviously Pat Nevin.
http://greatwenlondon.wordpress.com/2011/01/12/why-i-love-pat-nevin/
― isn't house rubbish and Pete W mental (Pete W), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:31 (fourteen years ago)
I spent an excellently shambolic evening in the company of a rather merry Mr Nevin at ATP just before Christmas, where he was so pished he couldn't find his glasses, and managed to clear a dancefloor by playing The Fall. Top bloke. He's not very cool now though, more like middle-aged man thinking he's still cool and embarrassing his kids in the process.
― ailsa, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:38 (fourteen years ago)
I saw him at Tebay services once. I had the Cumberland sausage. He had curry. We sat near each other but did not communicate.
― Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:42 (fourteen years ago)
Only two Fonzes for Cantona is straight up challops.
― Matt DC, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:43 (fourteen years ago)
Nevin is too much of a corny indie fuxxor to be proper cool. Didn't Choccy McClair used to be on that tip as well?
― Nulty By Nature (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:44 (fourteen years ago)
It's Leighton Baines' tip now unless LJ ever did manage to turn him onto prog
― Ismael Klata, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:45 (fourteen years ago)
I remember Graeme Le Saux picking his favourite records on MTV once, and he chose The Sundays and The Inspiral Carpets. McClair was a brainiac, but not particularly cool, I don't think.
― ailsa, Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:46 (fourteen years ago)
Chelsea lacking customary token intellectual since Alexei Smertin left.
― isn't house rubbish and Pete W mental (Pete W), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 16:55 (fourteen years ago)
But Frankie Lamps has got an IQ of 245
― Nulty By Nature (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 23 February 2011 17:06 (fourteen years ago)
fitba players arent cool
― Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 12:14 (thirteen years ago)
Neil fucking Ruddock!
― ailsa, Thursday, 3 November 2011 12:19 (thirteen years ago)
not even him
― Nigel Farage is a fucking hero (nakhchivan), Thursday, 3 November 2011 12:31 (thirteen years ago)
It wasn't a suggestion.
― ailsa, Thursday, 3 November 2011 12:51 (thirteen years ago)
baggio the journeyman
― blind pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 3 November 2011 13:06 (thirteen years ago)