"Tearing our kids out of hands of criminals" - rolling Scottish football 2011/12 thread

Can't believe we've never used a Vlad quote before. So, on the day that Davie Weir puts shaky quill to parchment to embark upon his 292nd season in professional football, it's time to dust down the gags about Jim Jeffries' chirpy demeanour, anticipate which of Gordon Smith's faux pas will see Sally out the door, and throw more abuse at Kyle Lafferty.

<3 title

I'm still trying to catch up on two weeks+ of the closed season thread and I've only just twigged that the season is upon us - we're only halfway through July and the league starts in 4 days! Dundee United have already lost a Europa League game!

I know! It is so ridiculous! We'll be halfway through the first round of fixtures before the transfer window even SLAMS SHUT.

Still, it's all good news as Kirk Broadfoot given Rangers an ultimatim insisting he doesn't want to sit on the bench. Do Rangers even have enough players to fill a bench these days?

Subliminal "given" in there as a nod to our goalkeeping situation, obv. This Pletikosa guy any good then (answers of the "he's not Fraser Forster" variety more than welcome)?

We have two friendlies with English clubs after the league has started.

We're playing a tournament in Dublin next weekend, and I think we've got a home friendly with Wolves after the season starts as well. God bless the SPL*.

* am I allowed to say that, or is that sort of thing banned under our amazing new legislation?

Fraser Forster would be an ok signing imo. Not peak era Artur or anything but good enough. I know nothing of Pletikosa except Neil Lennon said 'arry was raving about him (quality scouting there Lennie - maybe ask 'arry why he never got a game?).

We have also arranged pre-season friendlies for after the league start and are taking a week off the SPL as a result. I think by the end of September we'll have played 3 or 4 home games in a league that's been running since mid-July.

"He's an experienced guy and I spoke to Harry Redknapp through a third party and he was raving about him. He was tremendous for Spurs and he's had a good career."

"Tremendous for Spurs" = "played in 4-1 defeat to Arsenal babies in Carling Cup then never played again."

I'm not a huge fan of Forster, tbh, but would take him over Zaluska and presumably over Cervi, who I've never actually watched (think this might be a lie, he prob played one of our pre-season friendlies that I watched on a tiny pixelly internet stream last year).

xpost, yeah, doesn't sound too hot, does he?

First rumblings from the gob of Smudger:

The Turks accused Gers of trying to get Miller on the cheap for £350,000 - and last night the Scotland star was in Wales for talks. But Ibrox director of football Gordon Smith hit back, insisting Gers' offer for their former hitman had been fair.

Bursa chief Erkan Kamat fumed: "The policy of Rangers is not good. I don't like it. The offer was ridiculously low.

"As far as we are concerned Miller has been sold to Cardiff City. He is going to be their player and he is not going to Rangers."

But that sparked an angry response from Smith, who said: "This from a club who kept on bidding for Steven Whittaker when we kept telling them he wasn't for sale.

"We offered to pay Bursaspor what they paid us, which we felt was fair. We were willing to give them their money back.

"They had the player for six months when he obviously wasn't playing for Rangers.

"I wasn't involved in the discussions but from our point of view it was fair."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't a director of football (1) be involved in the discussions and (2) understand even vaguely how buying and selling players work?

Going to be a great season, I can tell.

Should a former agent know a player with 4 months left on a contract isn't worth the same as the same player on a three year contract?

Shouldn't a club with a £25M WARCHEST be able to cough up £900k for a guy who was top scorer in the SPL last season despite only playing till January?

My favourite bit of spin this closed season so far is how Rangers bidding buttons for Goodwillie, having their bid knocked back and being told he would cost £2m was presented as "Rangers reject Goodwillie transfer!"

Yeah, that Goodwillie story spin from the BBC was awesome. Forgot Smudger was an shit agent as well as a shit chief exec and a shit pundit and a shit son (unless the elderly parents he resigned from the SFA to take care of are all better now?)

iirc, Chick Young (or a fake Chick Young) on Twitter followed the Goodwillie story with something like "Just rejected Tesco's bid of £1.20 for a bottle of Irn Bru"

I'm still trying to get my head round Smith's logic. Is he really saying "sorry, Bursaspor, we sold you a dud, let's pretend it never happened, eh?" I can't parse the "they had the player for six months when he obviously wasn't playing for Rangers" at all.

I think they're honestly trying to treat it as a refund. Fucking gloriously brass necked tbh, I have to tip my hat.

I knew Smith would be good value for this thread!

I know nothing of Pletikosa

Somehow I have it in my head that he's pretty good... but like 3rd or 4th choice for Spurs... nowhere near as dependable as Heurelho Gomes then

He looked OK last night, didn't have much to do, but seemed to be communicating with the assortment of defenders in front of him and also seemed reasonably confident in collecting anything he needed to.

Rangers have opened the warchest to buy Lee Wallace for £1.5m, apparently. Which seems a bit ridiculously high, tbh. Last year of contract, to cover a position they've already got adequate cover for? Let's see how stumping up over a million for a guy with a year on his contract compares with, I dunno, £2m for a guy with 2 years on his contract? Or, indeed, £300,000 for a guy with 3 and a half years on his contract.

RIP Dundee United, out of Europe on away goals before the season even kicks off.

Seems most seasons we start with some poor bastards going out of Europe before a ball's been kicked in the league :(

I don't even look at that co-efficient site any more. Too depressing.

TITLE RACE BLOWN OPEN!

Hearts looked very handy at times today. Between them and St Mirren for most improved squad I reckon. Neither Celtic nor Rangers look particularly different from last season so far so I think Hearts have a chance to run us close - until Vlad takes his kids out of the hands of criminals and moves the team and stadium to Lithuania..

Rangers looked pretty pishy. Thought yer man Templeton looked excellent, and Sutton looks a decent option up front for Hearts.

http://willievass.photoshelter.com/gallery-image/230711-Rangers-v-Hearts/G0000B_5JTEts7xg/I0000ZbHeEH3utdo

Shite, that didn't work. Is photo of Jelavic and Naismith in compromising position, as seen all over Twitter.

willievass.photoshelter.com/gallery-image/230711-Rangers-v-Hearts/G0000B_5JTEts7xg/I0000ZbHeEH3utdo

Oh ffs, I am not good with internets.

It's good though. Where's a homoerotic sports imegery thread when you need it.

I am bracing myself for our inevitable 5-0 humping tomorrow btw.

Fingers crossed mate :)

v worried about our centre hoffs today. Wilson hasn't kicked a ball/opponent in anger this year and Loovens is Loovens.

So why should it be
You and I should get along so awfully

Never realised before that that song is about two pish centre hoffs struggling to build an understanding.

Celtic playing pish. Luckily Hibs have a Hibs keeper :)

Good goal by Mark Wilson just chopped off. Evening out over the course etc.

nice wee cushioned volley to take out the cup

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sctPH0I9ATY

Pars-Buddies been fairly entertaining but not very high quality.

The fat Paul Le Guen gets an apology out of the Beeb for editing him to look like a chump. In other news, many Celtic fans still waiting on an apology from the Beeb for allegations of sectarian singing at the cup final. Hell also due a defrosting before Neil Lennon ever gets an apology for every story ever featuring a picture of him snarling at the fat fool.

Nice to see a Swedish Larsson in a No. 7 jersey doing damage to Rangers at Ibrox.

The fat Paul Le Guen gets an apology out of the Beeb for editing him to look like a chump.

This despite the BBC journalist explicitly stating that Sally wasn't edited to look like he was smiling - he actually was smiling when the question was asked, then put his serious face on.

Coefficient fucked again then. Oh well...

There isn't a Champs/Europa League thread is there? We're a bit late considering we've lost one and a half teams already.

serious Sally is serious
http://i54.tinypic.com/ks37o.jpg
http://i54.tinypic.com/73ebh3.jpg
http://i53.tinypic.com/msk30p.jpg

who dae we blame fur that fuckin pish the night?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BU0_Wp5MHs

i coulda sworn the direct comment i heard from him on the radio where he dismissed the complaints about the policing cost of Old Firm games was some glib self-amused shite about "i've never seen any violence at games" but maybe that was edited too

allu mccoist is slowly turning into walter smith as he ages

oh hang on here is the presumably libellous made-up quote in question:

Celtic manager Neil Lennon said everyone connected with the club was aware of the new approach being taken following last season's problems.

He added: "We know where we stand and the players certainly know where they stand in terms of refereeing and policing.

"Some police have actually said they are going to step in. If there is a spitting incident or a headbutting incident or punching incident they may even step in and arrest players.

"Everyone has been left in no uncertain terms that in terms of behaviour, where the line is drawn."

When Rangers manager Ally McCoist was asked about the issue, a club press officer interrupted to say that it was not an issue for the manager to address.

When asked what Rangers would do to make this season a better one, given the violence surrounding Old Firm fixtures last year, McCoist said: "I didn't really see any violence at any Old Firm fixtures."

Asked if he was confident that there would not be the same spotlight on referees and off-field issues, he added: "Well it never was an issue with us to be fair."

McCoist must've really pissed somebody off on the Question of Sport team eh?

BBC statement:

"I am writing to you regarding the concerns you have raised in relation to an item transmitted on BBC News last Friday evening.

"Overall, we stand by the merits of our report revealing the extent of violence after Old Firm derbies and the cost of policing these matches. However, we do accept that the sequence involving comments from Rangers' manager Alistair McCoist could have given the impression that he did not take the issue seriously.

"It was not our intention to misrepresent Mr McCoist. The BBC accepts that Rangers Football Club and Alistair McCoist treat the issue of violence and disorder surrounding football matches as a very serious matter.

"We accept that offence has been caused by an inappropriate edit in the piece as transmitted and for that we apologise."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/scotland/14299133.stm

so did he not say those things then?

Can't believe they let McCoist away with "I didn't really see any violence at any Old Firm fixtures" when every single fucking picture ever accompanying reports of the supposed "shame game" features Neil Lennon copping a ban for, get this, snarling in a supposedly clearly violent manner in the face of one Alistair* McCoist.

* note dignified new name, none of this cheeky chirpy Ally pish. Surprised he still has a surname, tbh.

Considering one BBC Scotland phone-in last season featured the two main pundits/talking heads (Jim Traynor and Chick Young) arguing on air over which of them had their head further up Walter Smith's arse, nothing really surprises me about the Beeb's kowtowing to Rangers.

Rangers' Director of Football was working for the Beeb as a pundit last year, btw. Just saying, like.

it's like Rangers have an institutional refusal to accept that they have any responsibility for the behaviour of their fans, and when they get called on it rather than clarify their position they let that unfunny dick throw his toys out of the pram until the Beeb buckles under. real class all round there.

mind this is the BBC who obsequiously interview one of Ferguson's monkeys after every match instead of telling them to fuck off until the old cheat's ready to talk himself

Exactly. I've made the same point before in previous years re Motherwell, Dundee Utd, Gretna, etc. It's little wonder there's fuck all interest in the game in this country when there's so little promotion of it. News coverage perfunctory at best when mentioned at all. BBC only got a human interest angle article up because Cosgrove was out in a personal capacity. You'd think with recent events concentrating the efforts and attentions of fans that they could capitalise a wee bit more. I understand STV were priced out (suspect not going to capture audiences/advertisers), but it'd be a chance for BBC Alba to prove its remit to niche Scottish audiences, even on a delayed broadcast like its SPL coverage.

BBC Alba and "niche Scottish audiences" would certainly explain why we were on there so much last season!

sadly tv people other media and the footballing authorities believe that only Celtic & Rangers existed.
Now they still do yet...

Hang on, weren't your team (or is it ex-team?) on Alba a few times? They've been pretty good at showing non-Celtic/Rangers fixtures on delay on a Saturday night, coverage of Challenge Cup, etc.

Outside of the publicly-funded BBC, media outlets are dependent on advertising revenue, which is dependent on viewing or circulation figures. Newspapers aren't going to sell with splashes on Alloa's division 2 prospects or the latest injury news from East Fife. I assume local media covers local teams for local interest, I know our local paper leads on St Mirren and my old one still covers Caley Thistle first and foremost.

BBC and STV hacks were getting it tight on twitter about their lack of coverage but at least the STV guys posted links to watch the game (which I missed because I am a terrible skimmer) and acknowledged that it was going on, score updates regularly etc. BBC did nada, which I hope they will rectify when the next set of matches come around. The BBC is the worst culprit in my eyes as they're not (theoretically) as hampered by commercial interests as others. They manage to do split regional coverage for commentary on Radio Scotland, and I'd like to think they could at least send a reporter to provide online content for any Scottish clubs in Europe now that they have the technology to report via online radio/twitter if priced out of coverage on weirdy wee Gaelic telly.

I agree that the media is largely Celtic and Rangers/ZombieRangers-centric, but that's what draws the largest audiences. It shouldn't be to the exclusion of others, and it's not quite as bad as you paint it (though I guess it depends which form of media you use), but it'd be nice for a bit more focus on other Scottish teams doing important things.

Rare lapse into positivity on the media, and tangential to all this, but have been really pleasantly surprised by stv's online football coverage for the last couple of years. They seem to 'get' twitter and their site's actually pretty good. Weird to me because I fucking hate channel 3.

and bummer re first leg Michael - here's hoping for a comeback at home!

Yes, STV's new-media output has been excellent. I also never watch ITV except for Corrie and the odd Champions League game.

I wonder if Turkish telly is broadcasting from McDiarmid Park so we can watch the fightback?

Also didn't realise that Diomansy Kamara was playing for Eskisehirspor. I liked his wee cameo appearance for Celtic, even if he was playing second fiddle to the Robbie Keane marketing machine and no-one actually ever noticed him. I'd have taken a punt on him at the time.

He was the best of our C/Kamaras but not as good as our Samaras.

Motherwell v Panathinaikos

Celtic v HJK Helsinki (or Helenski if you believe Celtic's official website), unless Rejkavik pull back a 7 goal deficit in the second leg.

Martin O'Neill's first ever defeat at Celtic was a 2-1 loss to Helsinki - though we won the tie 3-2.

iirc the pitch was a fucking mess thanks to a Tina "Simply" Turner gig - big holes everywhere from the staging filled in with fucking rocks!

Boo,the potential hilarity of Dundee Utd v Liverpool is off the cards, as the Arabs are drawn with Dinamo Moscow.

St Johnstone will get Marseille if they get through this round.

I'm another who's been surprised and impressed with STVs online/"new media" coverage given how god awful the TV station is.

I've been surprised at the level of optimism among Saints supporters about a comeback, there's even signs of belief among the We Are Perth mob - a rarity.

Fingers crossed!

Marseille would be a crowdpuller; imagine it would also hearten the Doncaster/Traynor/Chick axis to see at least one SPL team line up this season against a side that spent unprecedented sums in the second half of the eighties, cheated their way through the nineties, and featured Basile Boli...

Any of the Celtic fans going along to boo Whittaker at the Celtic vs. Norwich game tomorrow? I'm heading through, though as a Norwich supporter. Will be hoping for a better result than we got against Hertha Berlin, though I expect y'all will also be hoping a better result than at Ajax...

Sorry, not going tomorrow. Please do extra pointing and laughing at Whittaker for me though, eh?

We were fecking terrible against Ajax, I gave up watching at half time.

Real Radio Football Phone In scrapped. Clyde next hopefully.

Your Call with Traynor as well plz.

Turkish TV will indeed be broadcasting from McDiarmid this Thursday evening. Radio commentary on Radio Scotland.

Wilson (aaargh!), Rogne and Mulgrew, aye? Wanyama at a push.

― ailsa, Thursday, 19 July 2012 13:17 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I believe Wilson made that exact noise before being subbed off injured tonight. Two centre hoffs left, seven days until CL qualifier.

Two hurt goalies too. Bring back Dominic Cervi ;)

Lustig converted into a makeshift centre half may have redefined my concept of The Fear.

Wanyama actually looked a decent match up against Holt. Whittaker didn't get to be booed for long (and he was, on every touch of the ball) before getting taken off injured (whereupon he was booed again!).

Honestly, Celtic had the better possession, and a couple of pretty clear chances, squandered by Samaras who was on classic form - missing 1-on-1s, think he took one of your shots that hit the crossbar (there were two nervy tipped-onto-the-crossbar moments), etc.

As you maybe could tell from the number of injuries, it didn't play a whole lot like a friendly at times... Pretty dull game on the whole too, unfortunately.

Judging by the number of twitter updates that were just people posting photos of the sunset, I guessed as much.

I love Wanyama, but don't really want him playing centre-half either. Sign people!

Ha, it really was an awesome sunset though...

Talking of sunsets, we need a new thread for the new season. Do we have a recent Vlad statement we can crib for a title or will we just go with a weak Rangers zing?

Yeah, let's think of stuff. I was tempted to do "we paid for this thread to be deleted from Google" or similar.

Ideas welcome!

Rangers won't be on dis ting 2012/13 - retro *and* truthful.

Too easy. Also it's a Scottish football rather than SPL thread so there will probably be some form of Rangers in there somewhere.

Possibly, aye...

"Godspeed, Rangers - Scottish Football 2012/13"

Rangers		2/7	
Draw		4/1	
Brechin		13/2

Very tempting 4/1 on the draw there, considering how welcome a replay crowd at Ibrox would be to the owner. Should the game actually take place, that is.

St Johnstone 1-0 up...

1-1 now. Ah well.

Please make this happen

http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/news/savage-ill-play-rangers-free-102308210.html

Was just saying to my dad last night how much fun it would be to see him receive no money and then spend his weekends getting punted up in the air by a selection of teenagers eager to make a name for themselves. It won't happen though :(

(still, would be amazing/amusing to see loads of 'em with "Savage" written on their backs. Apt.)

We might be out of Europe but I don't think Saints shamed themselves at all. Best atmosphere I've seen in McD ever, I think, had a brilliant time. Wish we could play games like that every week!

Feeling positive about the season ahead now. Expect me to be in despair by mid-September.

Celtic were excellent today vs Inter, a really enjoyable match for a friendly. Commons scored a cracker then got injured leaving us with ten men for the last ten minutes which ultimately cost us the victory. Most of the team looked sharp and confident in possession.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wd0DbI8s4As

I'm still not convinced that Mo Bangura is a footballer.

I missed it as I'd promised the other half I'd come good on my promise to support wee teams and go and watch Clyde v Partick with him, except he got a migraine and we couldn't go.

obv not that committed to drive to Alloa on my own....

http://uk.soccerway.com/matches/2012/07/28/scotland/challenge-cup/elgin-city-fc/arbroath-fc/1291841/

5-7 wtf

is the sev game on tv?

BBC Alba

rangers winning! quite the giant-killing on our hands here.

(also i thought they weren't allowed to be called rangers?)

Temp Sevco not winning any more!

Any thoughts on a new thread title? Inspiration has deserted me, but we'd better get it going soon.

btw, Rangers/The Rangers/Sevco are utterly gash. I think Kirk Broadfoot's found his level :)

Two Vlad options:

attempt to enlighten people who have been deceived and held as part of a stupid crowd by Mowgli

the monkeys start to squeal, lie and create conspiracy plots

Or the Vlad classic:

As such, I have not cheated anyone

I think the moment has passed for any Craig Whyte ones, sadly.

This "the monkeys start to squeal, lie and create conspiracy plots" is amazing.

Nice gesture by County, but I refuse to refer to their ground as the Global Energy Stadium. It's Victoria Park (and hopefully I'll be seeing it firsthand in a month...).

http://m.stv.tv/sport/football/clubs/ross-county/112912-motherwell-fans-travel-to-dingwall-to-be-paid-for-by-hosts-ross-county/

If Celtic get past Helsinki they'll have back to back away trips to Ross County and ICT either side of a Champions League play-off. I wonder if they'll make the same gesture to Celtic fans.

I don't expect they'll need to do it to attract folk to their ground for a sell-out big live tv game against the biggest travelling support in the league.

Right, European adventures start tonight for the rest of the teams, so time to move over to a new thread. Cheers to Aldo for the title:

"The monkeys start to squeal, lie and create conspiracy plots" - Scottish Football 2012/13