Great Real Names

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Real names of people that are just brilliant. Brought on by hearing the Ugandan Foreign Minister on the Radio, his name is James Woodpecker Bulo, which is pretty good if you as me.

― Ed (dali), Thursday, 24 April 2003 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:02 (twenty-two years ago)

(ahem)

― M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:03 (twenty-two years ago)

ThatFuckerJessHarvell

― Leee (Leee), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:05 (twenty-two years ago)

okay i made that one up

― jess (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Booz Wierdsma exists

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:12 (twenty-two years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

― gabriel (gabe), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

alain robbe-grillet ownz enough imo

― Sébastien Chikara (Sébastien Chikara), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Coco Crisp
Samantha Bond
David Duchovny, but only because it fits with "why won't you love me" in that song

Among ilxen, Ned and Matos and Martin and Lara have damn cool names, and if I'm remembering Ally's full name correctly, she sounds like a Barbara Stanwyck character.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Zinedine Zidane.

― James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 24 April 2003 06:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Wubbo Ockels = first dutchman in space

ps he is a dick

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 24 April 2003 07:37 (twenty-two years ago)

posting this anonymously as these people might just google sometime

anyway.. i used to work for a multinational company which had a searchable online name and address book. So we used to have office competitions to find the best names..

So. here we go with some of the best (and these are real employees)

Nick Sex
Shirley Shallow
Tory S Gaylord
Ricardo Cunto
Eduardo Bastardo
Eric Cartman
Mindy Smelkinson

there were loads more but i can't remember them right now...

― A Nonymous (Jack Battery-Pack), Thursday, 24 April 2003 08:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

He was a great authour, too.

― fletrejet, Thursday, 24 April 2003 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I knew a dude once named Ziad Ziady. Also, my step-sister's freshman-year roommate in college was supposed to be someone named Ojabberin Zayden Powpack, but she never showed.

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:45 (twenty-two years ago)

As for bad names, a guy in my office just named his new son Laws0n K1ncade H3adl3y. Blech! So snobby sounding!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on down top Ukranian footballer, Semen Semenko

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a lawyers office I came across once when I was lost (wrong bus route) the partners' names were Hartless and Rich.

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Spanish teacher at my middle school = AN1TA D1CK. Her husband's name = H4RRY D1CK. I. SHIT. YOU. NOT.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 24 April 2003 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

God Shamgod
Lucky Smalls works where I do...haven't met him.

― buttch (Oops), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

There's a hockey player named Miroslav Satan.

Not as crowd-pleasing perhaps, but there's a statue in Madison Square in New York of a man named Roscoe Conkling.

― Nemo (JND), Thursday, 24 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Rocco Baldelli

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Sometimes I love my job, like yesterday when I registered a student named Bo Ning. Shouldn't laugh, but gotta really...

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

At uni, I knew someone named Peter Handler. He didn't even understand why people giggled when they heard his name. He was such a sweet guy, too!

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

me.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Rufus Longstockings

-- jess

Oh, and my middle school band director was named Rufus Long.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

martin, I like your name!

― hstencil, Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Hmong names are great! Friend of mine student-taught in a school with heavy Hmong population and there was a kid named Bee Lor, who signed his name with a little cartoon bee, and I think actually did go out and learn a few things about bees, ie "bee lore." Also many Hmong kids have English names that are still literal and descriptive: the girl named "Pretty Flower [xx]"

Went to school with a girl who's last name was Sexe (p. "sexy") She was, too.

Geoffrey Stuart Cannon is such a bizarre formal name sometimes I can't really believe it's mine (heh "feeling slightly disconnected from one's own name c/d")

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh shit how could I forget. When I was a teenager I had a friend named Pendleton Brewster Wickersham III. Nice kid too. Probably a nice guy by now, but it's been a long time...

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

and i've always thought the name Raggett was cool. like a Shakespearean vagabond er something.

RAGGETT: "Tell me where's your fancy bread.
I need it for me, and I'm called Ned."

Edward John Moreton Drax Plunkett, Lord Dunsany

Seconding Fletrjet on both the name and his writing.

Working at a university as I do, I've come across many a mysteriously cool name. Current favorites, with slight non-google alterations (as these are folks I am currently having to bill for late books): the very Thai (I believe) Nar1n Charanvattank1t, the quite Scottish yet somehow naughty 1an Mu1r Duckles and the prime winner, someone I can only guess is from an Arabic/Dutch family of some sort, Azareen Vandervl1et Oloom1.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

he's like the rai beefheart prince!

― g--ff c-nn-n (gcannon), Thursday, 24 April 2003 14:49 (twenty-two years ago)

i actually really like the name Martin Skidmore. It sounds noble. Sir Martin Skidmore.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Thursday, 24 April 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Ransom Williams, an old friend of mine. Sounds like a black detective character in a series of mysery novels.

― Scott Kos (Scott Kos), Thursday, 24 April 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Best with his actual rank/title: Brigadier General Sylavanus Taco Gilbert (recently fired commandant of the US Air Force Academy).

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry, make that Sylvanus Taco Gilbert III. Really.

― Hurlothrumbo (hurlothrumbo), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Peter Peters, not sure who he is, but he was the keynote speaker at a Prayer Breakfast round these parts.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Doing some data entry I ran across "Oral Honeycutt"...

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I paid $30 for that one time...

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

You got ripped off.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I know. But I did get the clap. Sort of an added value thing.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

me to thread!

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I just saw another one: Dune Combs

Also, I saw a guy named John Hancock, which is not all that unusual, but I wonder if he would make his signature an exact forgery of the founding father of the same name.

― cprek (cprek), Thursday, 24 April 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks Chris and possibly Tep (he might have meant the other martin). Can't say I'm so keen on Skidmore myself, but I'm used to it.

At work today the person who I was given as a sample that would show a particular system error was Mr Doh. I like to imagine that to say his name correctly you have to slap your forehead.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

hey Martin, Martin is a cool name regardless of which of us he was talking about. It's a good thing at least one Chris thinks that.

― martin mushrush (mushrush), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I like your name too, Martin. It's got a nice rhythm to it.

― slutsky (slutsky), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:48 (twenty-two years ago)

There was a boatbuilding expert on telly today called Brian Labyrinth.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 24 April 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

old schoolmate: April Blue
friend who blogs: Gwenda Bond

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Best Names

i loved that thread, largely because spectra got so into it! :)

― ron (ron), Friday, 25 April 2003 06:15 (twenty-two years ago)

There was some important politician or someone back in the mid-nineties who was called Tokyo Sexwhale. And more recently, I was looking through my old school's Friends Reunited page searching for someone and I saw this girl from the class of 2000 who was called Jo King.

― Chriddof (Chriddof), Friday, 25 April 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Names of a couple I encountered while data entering:

Mr Dickie & Miss K Titmus

― Nordicskillz (Nordicskillz), Thursday, 1 May 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

sexwhale is pronounced sex - while (with just a hint of the wahl from mark wahlberg) - eh

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Thursday, 1 May 2003 10:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Skipping 1864 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

“ and another publication entitled Wankard Pooser's Bumblebee – The Paper With A Sting, which ceased publication in 1958.”

“Wankard Pooser's Bumblebee – The Paper With A Sting” is a phrase with powerful iambic energy. My mind sets it to music as a mid-century Andrew Sisters-style jingle.

― Theracane Gratifaction (bendy), Saturday, 18 January 2025 21:28 (five months ago)

Also has that Buford Pusser ring to it. Awesome name.

― Josefa, Saturday, 18 January 2025 21:59 (five months ago)

“Wankard Pooser's Bumblebee – The Paper With A Sting” is a phrase with powerful iambic energy. My mind sets it to music as a mid-century Andrew Sisters-style jingle.

one of the best things i've ever read on this board tbh

― budo jeru, Saturday, 18 January 2025 23:34 (five months ago)

"spooky scary skeletons send shivers down your spine" type beat

― aldi meola (unregistered), Sunday, 19 January 2025 00:44 (five months ago)

Thank you budo jeru!

― Theracane Gratifaction (bendy), Sunday, 19 January 2025 05:07 (five months ago)

Irma von Cube

― Hans Holbein (Chinchilla Volapük), Sunday, 19 January 2025 05:44 (five months ago)

https://i.imgur.com/VEqqptW.jpeg

― mookieproof, Thursday, 30 January 2025 02:17 (five months ago)

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rudolf_Rocker

― Please play Lou Reed's irritating guitar sounds (Tom D.), Wednesday, 5 February 2025 13:44 (five months ago)

Rudolf lived long enough to see all of Elvis' rockin' Ed Sullivan performances, and since he was an expat in New York, it coulda happened.

― Theracane Gratifaction (bendy), Wednesday, 5 February 2025 19:30 (five months ago)

two weeks pass...

i legit cried laughing reading Wankard Pooser’s wikipedia, many thanks

― butt dumb tight my boners got boners (the table is the table), Saturday, 22 February 2025 02:42 (four months ago)

"He was married to Maude Marie Brogdon at Jackson County on August 15, 1915, and with her had eleven children" - blimey.

I learn from the accompanying obituary that they were called Frances, Willie, Martha, Sally, Kathryn, and Annie (sisters) and Charles, John, James, Wankard Lucius, and just plain Lucius (brothers). Sadly it seems that they've all since passed away, with Lucius as the last survivor. He died in 2020.

Apart from the aforementioned Young Boozer, there was also Frank Schmuck

― Ashley Pomeroy, Sunday, 23 February 2025 19:24 (four months ago)

Heh heh Wankard

― at your swervice (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 24 February 2025 03:22 (four months ago)

Johnny Romeo has started a meeting, would you like to join?

― BrianB, Wednesday, 26 February 2025 18:53 (four months ago)

two weeks pass...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selwyn_Image

― Please play Lou Reed's irritating guitar sounds (Tom D.), Friday, 14 March 2025 10:13 (four months ago)

Dr. P1er Lu1g1 Buttigieg

― Theracane Gratifaction (bendy), Friday, 14 March 2025 20:52 (four months ago)

a councilmember in the arkansas town of, ahem, pleasant plains:

mike wagonblast

― andrew m., Friday, 14 March 2025 21:21 (four months ago)

epic

― tobo73, Friday, 14 March 2025 22:53 (four months ago)

it appears i never posted former NHL players: Bruce Shoebottom, Hakan Loob, and Ron Tugnutt as great real names imho

― fight for the right to remain silent (outdoor_miner), Friday, 14 March 2025 23:27 (four months ago)

Loob and Tugnutt are all timers imo. Dtu Grimson too.

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Saturday, 15 March 2025 00:20 (four months ago)

Stuuuuu obv

― underminer of twenty years of excellent contribution to this borad (dan m), Saturday, 15 March 2025 00:21 (four months ago)

I enjoyed it when the St Louis Blues had Kyle Clutterbuck and Kevin Shattenkirk on the same team. Those two names just work together.

― tobo73, Saturday, 15 March 2025 01:49 (four months ago)

My mum’s neighbour Sandra Gotobed

― Chuck_Tatum, Saturday, 15 March 2025 12:24 (four months ago)

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_le_Fucker

― Baroque Obama (Leee), Wednesday, 19 March 2025 20:46 (three months ago)

Sharona Volcano

― Crack's Addition (Boring, Maryland), Friday, 21 March 2025 17:16 (three months ago)

Muh muh muh MY Volcano

― at your swervice (Ye Mad Puffin), Saturday, 22 March 2025 00:01 (three months ago)

Presumably she's a household name in the United States, but I learn from the internet that there's a news presenter called Hoda Kotb. Who was married for a while to a man called Burzis Kanga. And confusingly there's an Egyptian sex therapist called Heba Kotb. Because it's apparently a fairly popular name in Egypt.

I also learn from the internet that, hilariously, Hoda Kotb went to Starbucks in 2017 - that's not the hilarious part, I'm coming to that - and the person behind the counter wrote her name as "Oda" instead of "Hoda" on the cup. Hahaha! And she was disappointed because she wanted them to write "Yoda" instead. Hahahaha! It was a hilarious name flub.

Oh, god, the internet was funny back in 2017. Not like nowadays.

― Ashley Pomeroy, Monday, 24 March 2025 12:50 (three months ago)

Hotb or notb

― at your swervice (Ye Mad Puffin), Monday, 24 March 2025 13:19 (three months ago)

https://www.futilitycloset.com/2025/03/27/roll-call-11/

― nxd, Friday, 28 March 2025 04:17 (three months ago)

Not only did my family have that John Train book, we had so many others like it that they constitute a (mostly lost) genre.

Little humorous books, often published by Price, Stern, Sloan, that provided a chuckle here and there but did not reward re-reading. Left in the bathroom sometimes? Uses for a Dead Cat, joke books, books of dubious trivia, funny road signs, humorous typos...

In every 70s US home ever

― at your swervice (Ye Mad Puffin), Friday, 28 March 2025 10:20 (three months ago)

Was listening to NPR this morning and heard someone referred to as Vanessa Bushlooter, and I was unsure if that's what I actually heard. Turns out it's Vanessa Buschschlüter, and was indeed pronounced that way.

― nickn, Wednesday, 9 April 2025 00:22 (three months ago)

milo z linked a Wired article on tariffs that quoted 'Chardonnay Love, an artist from Pennsylvania'... however, I can't verify if this is their birth name

― Andy the Grasshopper, Wednesday, 9 April 2025 00:25 (three months ago)

Chardonnay was a not uncommon name for girls born in the 00s in the UK, thanks to a character in the TV series Footballers’ Wives.

― Madchen, Wednesday, 9 April 2025 01:52 (three months ago)

Morales' attorney Susan was accused of assisting in the escape of Morales

― Dan Worsley, Friday, 18 April 2025 15:31 (two months ago)

Try again.

Morales' attorney Susan Tipograph was accused of assisting in the escape of Morales

― Dan Worsley, Friday, 18 April 2025 15:33 (two months ago)

https://www.discogs.com/artist/292311-Florence-Titty-Dimbeng

― Founder of America’s Golden Age (Dan Peterson), Wednesday, 23 April 2025 02:28 (two months ago)

Linnaeus T. Savage

― Crack's Addition (Boring, Maryland), Friday, 25 April 2025 16:44 (two months ago)

Thomas P. Bones

― Kung Fu Gift Shop (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 29 April 2025 19:14 (two months ago)

TV producer-cum-yacht broker Rounsevelle W. "Skip" Schaum.

― Founder of America’s Golden Age (Dan Peterson), Friday, 9 May 2025 13:14 (two months ago)

Contribution from child psychotherapist Graham Music here: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/may/18/my-mum-wont-let-me-have-a-smartphone-is-she-being-unfair

― Dan Worsley, Sunday, 18 May 2025 10:42 (one month ago)

Always thought Lorenzo Music was a great name.

― I am the stranger, killing the Boer (Boring, Maryland), Sunday, 18 May 2025 12:05 (one month ago)

Real name Gerald David Music. Apparently the surname is distantly descended from Moses rather than from the art form.

This led me to Quintus Pomponius Musa. Sadly Pomponius seems to have died out.

― Ashley Pomeroy, Sunday, 18 May 2025 19:14 (one month ago)

I was always a fan of Don Music myself

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M30g3In8ao

― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Monday, 19 May 2025 02:52 (one month ago)

Also, this man has climbed Everest nineteen times:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/newsround/articles/cy5er243vk5o

His name? Kenton Cool.

― Ashley Pomeroy, Monday, 19 May 2025 18:11 (one month ago)

LOL I’ve been listening to a mountaineering podcast where his name pops up and several times thought he belongs on this thread

― tobo73, Monday, 19 May 2025 20:41 (one month ago)

two weeks pass...

LaMonica McIver

― music for A★TEENS’ musicians (Stevie D(eux)), Tuesday, 3 June 2025 18:10 (one month ago)

Was listening to NHL Prospects radio on XM recently and they discussed the talents of young Roger McQueen. Love that name!!

― tobo73, Tuesday, 3 June 2025 20:14 (one month ago)

Lock thread https://www.alreporter.com/2025/06/05/young-boozer-launches-2026-bid-for-alabama-treasurer/

― Piedie Gimbel, Friday, 6 June 2025 13:45 (one month ago)

um, Max Chill

― j.o.h.n. in evanston (john. a resident of chicago.), Wednesday, 11 June 2025 03:04 (one month ago)

Former Hecate Enthroned vocalist

Ian Maiden

― Neanderthal, Saturday, 21 June 2025 17:42 (three weeks ago)

three weeks pass...

Vivabiancaluna Biffi

― Black Sabaoth (Boring, Maryland), Tuesday, 15 July 2025 16:46 (yesterday)

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