but i still find them very funny
to be honest i cant really think of many sources of comedy which dont use tired old formulas, or rather come up with totally new and hilarious joke formats every time....
― ambrose, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)
― Mark, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)
― Ally, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)
― suzy, Friday, 28 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)
― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:46 (eighteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news1802.jpg
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:11 (eighteen years ago)
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:12 (eighteen years ago)
― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:22 (eighteen years ago)
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 18:11 (eighteen years ago)
roffle
― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 18:29 (eighteen years ago)
― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 11 October 2006 02:30 (eighteen years ago)
― chaki (chaki), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:30 (eighteen years ago)
― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:42 (eighteen years ago)
― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:44 (eighteen years ago)
In the same edition, the TV guide spoof made me totally lose my shit (in the slightly unhinged mood of the time, obv)
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38450
Especially CBS: "Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air / Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit / Medicating Dan Rather"
― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 04:06 (eighteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/95_96_prayers_finally
I was laughing at this until the very end. That last joke seems unusually mean-spirited for the Onion.
― Nathan, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:42 (seventeen years ago)
um, the christopher reeve snipe was hardly cricket.
― darraghmac, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:44 (seventeen years ago)
True. I guess that somehow escaped me when I first read it.
― Nathan, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:45 (seventeen years ago)
i liked this one because is not jello a foods
[a hrarf = this is my internets link] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/conceptual_terrorists_encase_sears[/a hraf linkthing]
― a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:48 (seventeen years ago)
I have to say, for having webbed toes you are impressively skilled at typing.
― Abbott, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:53 (seventeen years ago)
a hrarf!
― G00blar, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:55 (seventeen years ago)
I don't get why everybody's blaming the puppy for not being Socialist Realism or somethink.
― Noodle Vague, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:56 (seventeen years ago)
I don't even know what that means and I am a hu-man.
― Abbott, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:59 (seventeen years ago)
who blames a puppy i am lerning better, promise the psyientests are teaching me
― a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:01 (seventeen years ago)
I didn't express myself very clearly.
Anyway, if y'all thought the "95-96 Prayers Backlog" was cold, look what I stumbled across:
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29919
― Noodle Vague, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:01 (seventeen years ago)
okay that is awesome
― HI DERE, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:02 (seventeen years ago)
the onion's had a hardon for superman for awhile - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30382
― balls, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:14 (seventeen years ago)
whose balls are you, i am lookinf for mine
― a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:18 (seventeen years ago)
http://fanaticking.com/photos/Michael_Vick_Dog.jpg
― balls, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:22 (seventeen years ago)
i kinda forgot abt the onion but this was posted on the quantum mechanic thread and it is funnee http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_ask_congress_to_fund_50
― rrrobyn, Friday, 19 October 2007 03:02 (seventeen years ago)
They've really been on a roll with the cartoons - they're probably my favorite thing in the Onion now.
― Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:24 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Cage-Free-Eggs.jpg
― Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:25 (seventeen years ago)
One of my more flattering caricatures.
― Ned Raggett, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:26 (seventeen years ago)
Ha.
I also really love that every so often there will be an editorial cartoon about the cartoonist's ex-wife.
― Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:29 (seventeen years ago)
lol http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Freak-Dancing.jpg
― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 2 November 2007 04:02 (seventeen years ago)
I read the last word wrong and thought this was gonna be about http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg
― James Redd and the Blecchs, Friday, 2 November 2007 04:55 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Teens-Turning-Backs.jpg
― Frogman Henry, Friday, 2 November 2007 09:02 (seventeen years ago)
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg who's that on the right? Jabba the Hutt?
― Heave Ho, Friday, 2 November 2007 10:41 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mel_brooks_starts_nonprofit
― El Tomboto, Friday, 2 November 2007 16:32 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyKlassicMujahideen.article.jpg
― Billy Dods, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:29 (seventeen years ago)
o shi i hadn't seen these cartoons before -- awesome.
― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:36 (seventeen years ago)
"After my baby didn't babble or gesture after 12 months, I hoped the cause was autism. I've since learned he's dead."
― That mong guy that's shit, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:47 (seventeen years ago)
Haha OMG:
First Indian-American Governor ElectedWith his swearing in as governor of Louisiana on Monday, Republican Bobby Jindal became the first Indian-American to head a U.S. state. What do you think?Dave Piedmont, Systems Analyst "His parents must be so close to being proud."
With his swearing in as governor of Louisiana on Monday, Republican Bobby Jindal became the first Indian-American to head a U.S. state. What do you think?
Dave Piedmont, Systems Analyst "His parents must be so close to being proud."
― nabisco, Thursday, 17 January 2008 01:01 (seventeen years ago)
Steven Seagal is...
― Kerm, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:09 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my
story of my life
― and what, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:45 (seventeen years ago)
lol "Skeepers"
― Jordan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:47 (seventeen years ago)
haha deja vu
me: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my Sent at 4:31 PM on Wednesday Jordan: haha lol "skeepers"
― deej, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:50 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/act_now_oped.jpg
: /
― Bodrick III, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:56 (seventeen years ago)
that's totally the lowered-standards look
... anonymous sex with me that I'll begin to regret it as it's happening? oh double-edged zing
― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 23:00 (seventeen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75350
― Dr Morbius, Friday, 7 March 2008 21:38 (seventeen years ago)
I am in awe
― Ned Raggett, Thursday, November 14, 2024 9:13 AM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink
truly amazing stuff
― lag∞n, Thursday, 14 November 2024 18:42 (seven months ago)
lol
https://bsky.app/profile/websitehomepage.bsky.social/post/3lawiqx4ct22g
― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 14 November 2024 19:28 (seven months ago)
Should I know who that is?
― Andrew Farrell, Friday, 15 November 2024 00:46 (seven months ago)
Apparently Tim Heidecker wants to get involved, that would make my fucking year
― frogbs, Friday, 15 November 2024 02:49 (seven months ago)
dril heidecker not really onion style but would be cool for sure
― lag∞n, Friday, 15 November 2024 02:51 (seven months ago)
clickhole has occasionally had heidecker/dril energy, could see it.
― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 15 November 2024 16:42 (seven months ago)
I saw an AP story this morning that said Jones's lawyers have succeeded in getting a judge to block the sale temporarily, by claiming the bidding process was flawed.
― more difficult than I look (Aimless), Friday, 15 November 2024 19:53 (seven months ago)
The Washington Post story said that "the Onion did not have the highest bid." So that does seem a little bit weird for an auction.
― bbq, Saturday, 16 November 2024 03:30 (seven months ago)
Does it offer an explanation for why they won the auction?
― tobo73, Saturday, 16 November 2024 03:52 (seven months ago)
suspect it may have to do with the creditors aka the sandy hook families wanted the onion to win because theyre going to take all info wars stuff offline ben collins said something about working with the families re the bid
― lag∞n, Saturday, 16 November 2024 04:00 (seven months ago)
why would jones or his lawyers have any input into this process? he lost. it's not like any of the money is going to him
― mookieproof, Saturday, 16 November 2024 04:09 (seven months ago)
Yeah my understanding is that the families could have got more from splitting it up, but that would have increased the chances that some of it would find its way back to Alex Jones. If that's the basis of the challenge, then I trust the judge will tell Jones's lawyers to eat shit.
― Andrew Farrell, Saturday, 16 November 2024 12:47 (seven months ago)
i don't think they did; the onion did
xpost
― Humanitarian Pause (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 16 November 2024 12:47 (seven months ago)
Collins says
I wanted to give a quick update on The Onion’s purchase of InfoWars, which we can’t wait to relaunch as the dumbest site on the internet.Long and short of it: We won the bid and — you're not going to believe it — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.On Thursday, the person overseeing the auction told us that The Onion’s bid for InfoWars, along with the Connecticut Sandy Hook families, won.We haven’t heard anything that changed that — except, of course, from the guys currently running InfoWars, doing InfoWars stuff.There was a status conference with the judge overseeing the auction on Thursday shortly after we were deemed winners.The judge had some questions about process and assets. We’re glad he’s doing that, since our bid with the families is clearly the best and transparency is even better.There was a status conference with the judge overseeing the auction on Thursday shortly after we were deemed winners.The judge had some questions about process and assets. We’re glad he’s doing that, since our bid with the families is clearly the best and transparency is even better.Obviously, when the current operators of InfoWars went back to operating as a business, they used that to falsely say the auction had been overturned and allege some truly wacky stuff. Something about Saul Alinsky? God bless ‘em.We expected all of this, obviously. Buying this site was always going to be fun later on, but annoying right away.Anyway, we look forward to completing this process at the next scheduled court date — which, at present, is a week from Monday.We think it’s all worth it to make a better, funnier future possible. As always: Tu Stultus Es.
Long and short of it: We won the bid and — you're not going to believe it — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
On Thursday, the person overseeing the auction told us that The Onion’s bid for InfoWars, along with the Connecticut Sandy Hook families, won.
We haven’t heard anything that changed that — except, of course, from the guys currently running InfoWars, doing InfoWars stuff.
There was a status conference with the judge overseeing the auction on Thursday shortly after we were deemed winners.
The judge had some questions about process and assets. We’re glad he’s doing that, since our bid with the families is clearly the best and transparency is even better.
Obviously, when the current operators of InfoWars went back to operating as a business, they used that to falsely say the auction had been overturned and allege some truly wacky stuff. Something about Saul Alinsky? God bless ‘em.
We expected all of this, obviously. Buying this site was always going to be fun later on, but annoying right away.
Anyway, we look forward to completing this process at the next scheduled court date — which, at present, is a week from Monday.
We think it’s all worth it to make a better, funnier future possible. As always: Tu Stultus Es.
― et a earwig (sic), Saturday, 16 November 2024 22:52 (seven months ago)
If there's one thing these people hate it's being made fun of...I wonder if that's why Alex Jones took it so hard. or maybe he doesn't know what The Onion is and just reacts that way to everything
― frogbs, Sunday, 17 November 2024 04:34 (seven months ago)
prob just mad about losing his empire, huge stash of scam supplements, and so forth
― lag∞n, Sunday, 17 November 2024 04:37 (seven months ago)
https://theonion.com/opinion/from-global-tetrahedron/... there is (was) an ILXor called global tetrahedron!
― StanM, Friday, 6 December 2024 19:22 (seven months ago)
judge blocks infowars sale to The Onionhttps://www.cnn.com/2024/12/11/media/infowars-onion-lawsuit-block-hnk-intl/index.html
― StanM, Wednesday, 11 December 2024 10:25 (six months ago)
We can't have anything.
― nashwan, Wednesday, 11 December 2024 10:45 (six months ago)
https://theonion.com/jealous-trump-throws-own-state-funeral-to-upstage-carters/
― StanM, Friday, 10 January 2025 01:27 (six months ago)
Leading Democratic Party Chair candidate Ken Martin says that Democrats won't take money from "those bad billionaires" but will take money from "good billionaires" pic.twitter.com/dkJbzM2Xss— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) January 19, 2025
― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Monday, 20 January 2025 05:05 (five months ago)
― a ZX spectrum is haunting Europe (Daniel_Rf), Monday, 20 January 2025 10:46 (five months ago)
was reminded of this one on bsky: https://theonion.com/fbi-uncovers-al-qaeda-plot-to-just-sit-back-and-enjoy-c-1819576375/
― rob, Monday, 10 February 2025 14:43 (five months ago)
I receive the paper edition and it is excellent - many little jokes that I suspect are paper-only as they take advantage of the layout. like a full-page ad for Tyson chicken tenders with the tagline "Eat Around the Tumors!"
― Tracer Hand, Monday, 10 February 2025 14:50 (five months ago)
a couple of times they've filled space on an inside page by printing a continuation of an article supposedly from the front page but which actually doesn't exist, and the continuation is some horrific detail. look I'm a Mad Magazine fan. i bought boxes of Croonchy Stars. i live for this shit.
― Tracer Hand, Monday, 10 February 2025 14:52 (five months ago)
Okay, that is awesome.
― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 11 February 2025 11:01 (four months ago)
oh yeah that was a common thing when i used to get the print edition regularly, maybe 25 years ago. They would fill space with some gory repeating sentence… searched and found it!: “Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.”
― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, 13 February 2025 03:43 (four months ago)
https://bsky.app/profile/theonion.com/post/3lii64umprk2c
― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Tuesday, 18 February 2025 23:00 (four months ago)
https://theonion.com/stephen-miller-enraged-after-discovering-cantaloupe-he-1828172700/
― joey crack, aka kaiser saucer (sic), Wednesday, 19 February 2025 00:20 (four months ago)
Pure magic:
https://theonion.com/tiger-woods-claims-that-in-time-he-will-fuck-everyones-ex-wife/
― Clever Message Board User Name (Raymond Cummings), Sunday, 30 March 2025 20:34 (three months ago)
New book about the origin and history of the Onion is excellent.
― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 2 April 2025 11:02 (three months ago)
you guys I’m sure the Onion has gone through some down periods before with it being around so long and all but
when did it become so bad, it’s so bad now
― Murgatroid, Sunday, 13 April 2025 13:32 (two months ago)
did it change after the 11th of February?
― Nancy Makes Posts (sic), Sunday, 13 April 2025 14:08 (two months ago)
i think the Onion is still funny
― frogbs, Thursday, 17 April 2025 20:16 (two months ago)
I think the best way to enjoy the onion is to just follow them on your social network of choice and have an occasional onion article mixed in with all the other news/opinion stuff you are following. In that way, even something dumb like
https://theonion.com/jd-vance-rushes-to-put-wifes-head-back-on-after-fumbling-second-lady/
gets a silent chuckle from me
― silverfish, Thursday, 17 April 2025 20:34 (two months ago)
Seeing stories about Russell Brand and Katy Perry in their breaking news section makes me wonder if I'm still living in 2011.
― Iza Duffus Hardy (President Keyes), Thursday, 17 April 2025 20:37 (two months ago)
Vanity Fair interviews Tim Onion (Onion CEO Ben Collins):https://archive.ph/Ojezk
― jaymc, Tuesday, 20 May 2025 23:04 (one month ago)
If you quote someone in yr piece and then go “…he exclusively tells Vanity Fair,” i think you should be flung into a lake of fire. unless you are using the onion’s house style ironically in an article about something onion-related.
― Theodor W. Adorbso (Hunt3r), Wednesday, 21 May 2025 02:40 (one month ago)
They don’t call it vanity fair for nothing
― I am the stranger, killing the Boer (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 21 May 2025 02:54 (one month ago)
https://theonion.com/letter-to-congress/
― Dan Worsley, Sunday, 22 June 2025 22:08 (two weeks ago)