God bless the goddamn Onion

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/20_000_tons_of_pubic_hair_trimmed

i love it when they go gross

"Bzzzzzzzz," he added. "Timber!"

megalols

haaa i came to post that magazine cover

"I'm not going to let corporate America dictate the date or time at which I choose to groom my genitals," said Denver resident Marcus Shannon, adding that Valentine's Day was "invented by the razor industry" to sell grooming devices. "If you really love somebody, you should shave your pubes year-round."

A1

this made me LOL

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/rise_in_teen_pregnancy_proves

yeah i've had "coming back with so much thunder it's like they never left" as a phrase in my head all day

I lold at the very NSFW video about the 2am computer virus.

lolz: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/latest_sarah_palin_speech_opens

About right:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/former_prom_king_now_living

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_bought_an_awesome_gun_that

bunch of NRA guys all going "how did you get my diary"

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/money_0.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/paleontologists_weve_been

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sierra_leone_diamond_miner

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/senator_dikembe_mutombo_blocks

this is my favorite onion article in a long time: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daytime_nighttime_7_11_clerks_have

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/denmark_introduces_harrowing_new

Tiger Woods article is the best they've done in a long time.

von trier is awesome; this is also killing it:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/report_baby_skull_jewelry_may_be

Von Trier ads A+++++++

lolll the club scene

it kind of weirds me out how The Onion now has sponsored links to stories on CNN and other legitimate news sources, like i'll look over to the sidebar and think "Death toll in Afghan war nears 1,000...wait that's not funny at all"

http://infinitesummer.org/images/ij_weekender.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_some_bullshit (via)

"I'm just some fucking guy."

"I talked to this random expert on the subject who told me this thing you're about to hear him say right after he points at a piece of paper."

hahaaa

"and free-associate about what's going on"

"this is some footage of congress"
"i can see that"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/houseguest_just_going_to_lie_there

extra credit for subject's name

R.I.P.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mytron_the_fifth_illuminati

That houseguest one! A++++

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_blowjobless_rate_at_all_time

looool at bullshit video

I'm an old man so you can trust me!

Hahah that houseguest one is awesome, been there done that (from both sides!)

TL;DR
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_shudders_at_large_block_of

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_on_internet_almost_falls_into

^^ pretty much gets the measure of awe and horror that makes up the internet

ROFLMAO@ "That's when I realized the mustard had come between us."

i have a friend who is exactly like that dude.

does he post to the internet about mustard a lot?

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

The historically fluid blowjob market reached its climax in 1996, when millions of wives and girlfriends vigorously stimulated the privates sector.

thumbs up

Well they say that helps it along!

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

― ksh, Sunday, March 14, 2010 4:25 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont think u get why the article is funny

Pope Forgives Molested Children

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

― ksh, Sunday, March 14, 2010 4:25 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont think u get why the article is funny

― n00b jack city (deej), Wednesday, March 17, 2010 7:56 PM (3 days ago)

explain?

it's funny because mustard is a funny word

Boy's Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he6O9nZ3CZs

A+++ Bone-dry deadpan perfection. "Today Now" is so brilliant.

Someone should put together a DVD set of the best of the ONN. They've completely raised their game since the movie.

^^^ pitch perfect mapping onto of this:

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/toddler-dies-mistaking-gun-wii-controller/story?id=10056190

They've completely raised their game since the movie.

The Onion didn't make The Onion Movie

Hasan, my man, if you don't give me a high five right now, I don't know what I'm gonna do.