God bless the goddamn Onion

I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment

http://www.theonion.com/video/cosmopolitan-institute-completes-decadeslong-study,14257/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-flag-recalled-after-causing-143-million-deaths/

(143 mil a bit low, but nice to see)

oh, this is the correct link:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-flag-recalled-after-causing-143-million-deaths,17248/

Glee
FOX 9 p.m. EST / 8 p.m. CST
Romance is in the air and that can only mean one thing: GWAR week on Glee.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/exhausted-noam-chomsky-just-going-to-try-and-enjoy,17404/

lol x2

Today, I'm just going to kick back and enjoy some much-needed Noam Time.

http://www.theonion.com/video/semiliterate-former-gold-prospector-given-own-cabl,17408/

Laughing so hard.

BRILLIANT

oh god, please make that a series

Someone should just post this on like 75% if the ILM threads.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/not-very-good-album-takes-a-little-while-to-get-in,17425/

Also this:

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/17433/lumberjack_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heckled-christian-rock-band-knows-how-jesus-felt,17446/

(when you click the above link and you get an error -> just add the / yourself in the address bar)

That prospector is genius, and not too far removed from reality. Kind of like when Fey played Palin by simply repeating whatever stupid things Palin had said.

New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It

aunched last year, Foursquare is unique in that it not only allows users to broadcast their whereabouts, but also offers a number of built-in incentives, including some innovative new crap The New York Times surely has a throbbing hard-on for.

In fact, why don't we just let them report on this garbage and call it a day?

"Foursquare is a little bit of everything—a friend-finder, a local city guide, an interactive mobile game," said company cofounder Dennis Crowley, as if reading from the same tired script used by every one of these Web 2.0 or whatever-the-fuck-they're-called startups. "But more than that, Foursquare is an [endless string of meaningless buzzwords we just couldn't bring ourselves to transcribe]."

zang
i love the times piece at the end

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-actually-shouting-at-other-man-to-get-jennifer,17498/

OK, this, right here, is one of the best Onion articles I've seen, because it makes you want to high five it for laying out for you the reasons something pisses you off that you were never able to clearly orchestrate. Like that last sentence sort of.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-social-networking-site-changing-the-way-oh-chr,17465/

Linked a couple of posts back there...

Oh crap I looked right past it. I can always count on you to point out my mistakes, Ned.

God bless the goddamn Onion

:D

killer final line

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/17591/Jazz_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

that's pretty awesome, even though i can't imagine nyt magazine using stock images

dont think thats the point

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-grandmother-comes-forward-as-banksy,17604/

dont think thats the point

― its like why GROCERY BAG and not saddam? (deej), Saturday, June 12, 2010 5:30 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark

disagree, seems the true intention of the joke is not lost on dell, in fact if i may be so bold as to suggest that it appears he is a viking at 'getting it'

obviously its a joke about stock images -- i dont think that means its explicitly parodying the ny mag's use of stock images though

OK this is weird, I know the guy in this photo!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/eons-of-darwinian-evolution-somehow-produce-mitch,17635

(And actually, Mordy does, too. Turns out the photo was taken when he was touring the Onion offices with a group of ¥3$h1v@ students last year.)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/

"This is an abhorrent waste of federal funds," Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform said of Obama's May 13 video, timestamp. "How can a man overseeing the largest deficit in history justify spending our hard-earned money on some artsy video of him signing the same bill over and over again for 14 straight hours as the distant sound of children's laughter grows in intensity until it becomes unbearably loud and then the entire thing ends with footage of an atom bomb going off? It's just despicable."

"Do we really want our tax dollars going toward something so clearly derivative of Sadie Benning's early works?" Norquist added.

http://www.theonion.com/video/alqaeda-calls-off-attack-on-nations-capitol-to-spa,17688/

I don't know how old this is but I laughed hard and hearty

lol @ "Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa" in the related vids

http://www.theonion.com/articles/recently-single-al-gore-finally-able-to-listen-to,17824/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/florida-marlins-delay-game-until-their-fan-shows-u,17891/

CORRECTIONS: Actor Peter Sarsgaard's name was misspelled in a photo caption accompanying a story about the upcoming release of Green Lantern. We were unaware that our readers knew how to spell his name correctly. The Onion regrets the error.

Desperate Pandora Employees Scrambling To Find Song Area Man Likes

"It's called 'Steely Dan Radio,' for Christ's sake—why does he keep skipping over Donald Fagen's 'The Nightfly'?"

"Here's a guitar. Go write your own damn song, but don't come back crying to us if it sucks."

Awesome and timely.

Man Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About Muslims

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/17990/Man-Already-large.jpg
Gentries made a conscious decision to stop learning anything new about the Muslim faith on May 22, 2005.

barely sitirical though :/

I never liked that damn Tipper Gore - anyone with a name like Tipper must be a bitchtard.

lol

http://www.theonion.com/articles/84-million-new-yorkers-suddenly-realize-new-york-c,18003/

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/6200/NIB-Giuliani-Spotted-R_jpg_630x463_pad-black_upscale_q85.jpg

that article kind of almost made me move yesterday.

15+ people on my facebook feed all shared it

stuff is always less funny when other people find it funny

"nobody goes there any more, it's too popular"