tipping

vs both

"doing vomit on a stripper" sounds incredibly unappealing

well, for the stripper, sure

would have to be "coke off and vomit on" vs "staying at home"

for you or the stripper?

Crucial distinction.

would have to be a hell of a tip for the stripper. here's the question - how much would someone have to pay you to vomit on your naked body? that's how much you should tip for the stripper to "come out ahead", right?

how much would someone have to pay you to vomit on your naked body?

and to think ILX existed for 10 years without you

(which reminds me...)

every generation gets its own c-man

idg why someone would want to do it

I mean, would it be like performance art?

underrated ilx0rs I have showered with vomit

maybe we don't have to entertain all of frogbs's thought experiments

i disagree

Not going to criticise, it's not like I have a better stripper vomit story to tell. Thanks for sharing.

― i wanna be yr rhizome (seandalai), Thursday, 23 June 2011 17:59 Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

killing me :)

Strongo should srsly pitch Five Thousand Bucks to the Farrelly brothers.

itt frogbs instructs you how to get a ban

lol

he self-banned before his time had come.

goodnight, sweet prince. I hope that they tip you well past the pearly gates.

http://i.imgur.com/K9bGt.jpg

oh no.

i guess if it also had money tucked inside it would be okay

That would make me chase after somebody, I am pretty sure, to violently return their "tip."

also what kind of cheapskate only gives you half a bible

if a friend barfed on a stripper, i think i'd probably leave a couple 20s on the table and hit the door pronto. then again, i've only been to a strip club once (at a family member's bachelor party), and left quickly without the goad of barf, so what do i know?

― And the piano, it sounds like a carnivore (contenderizer), Thursday, June 23, 2011 1:07 PM Bookmark

Wow, so totally wrong. A couple twenties == tip for what this person is ordinarily doing in their line of work. This is like if you went to a restaurant and ordered a cup of black coffee and then vomited all over the server and left three quarters and a couple pennies on the counter.

yeah if someone vomited on my mostly-naked body i'd want to get at least a bill out of that

so let me talk about today

i do catering and deliveries for a store that's part of a chain of delis, and most of the work is in a 15 mile radius around the university of maryland, which is right outside DC. i get minimum wage but still rely on tips because of how the hours are set up -- you work 3-4 hours in the morning/afternoon (when businesses are having their meetings) and you spend the rest of the day on-call. you don't get paid to be on-call but you also can't get a second job during those hours. so my paychecks are tiny, and they take massive hits after our credit tips are taxed as well (i lost a third of my last paycheck from taxed tips alone). drivers are supposed to get 10-15%, but the way it is, we're usually fine with $15-20 tips, because that's what we're used to. a lot of people just don't tip, and we're not allowed to say anything about it to them bc that would be considered "soliciting." of course there isn't any mention of "please tip your driver" or anything, so a lot of people just don't know that they're supposed to. or it isn't enough of a fucking taboo not to like it is for waiters (i do just as much, if not more, than waiters) so they don't have much guilt over it. anyway that's not the point but i wrote about this more eloquently here http://ironstring.tumblr.com/post/6648337722/siftons-rule-is-that-you-have-to-tip-well-on

today i was moving $1200 of food to a building on campus. not a long drive, not the most expensive order, but definitely one of my heaviest deliveries ever -- my car, a subaru forester, was absolutely packed with hundreds of lbs of food and drink. two important factors. one, obama gave a speech today. campus was packed, roads were closed off, and when they weren't, they were filled with cars. it was general mayhem. i could not park close to the building, so every trip involved crossing roads and going up a hill and up stairs. if the building didn't have a working elevator (it's often broken) i probably would've ended up in the hospital. two, it was 104 degrees with 50% humidity. i just learned that today, the heat index in DC is the highest in the country. the kind of weather that makes everyone constantly point out how much of an oven it feels. so this was my worst order ever. all time, likely always. had to make seven trips back and forth from my car, each heavier than the last. i might have lost about five or ten lbs in sweat. seriously, by the fifth or sixth trip, i was covered, head to toe, through both layers of shirts. my HAT was soaked. i had a receipt in my pocket from an earlier order, and it was completely wet by the end. it was disgusting and i looked like hell, everyone giving me pitied looks. the girl who ordered it told me that they were hosting the dept of homeland security and wanted to impress them in order to get a $15 million grant. by my last trip -- i'm not kidding -- i was giving myself motivational speeches to keep going. YOU'RE STRONGER THAN THIS, ZACH. JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE. DO NOT DISAPPOINT ME. i think people heard this, but i was absolutely delusional and dizzy, despite the fact that i drank two entire water bottles between trips. and that's just the delivery part -- i also had to set up and organize this $1200 of food.

long story short, she gave me $50. in most cases, $50 is fucking swell. even if it's just a 4% tip. in this case, i was too out of my mind to make a deal out of it, but i couldn't do anything anyway. the problem is that my coworker eased my worry before i took the order: i told him, "oh god, it's UMD, they're not even gonna tip me for this" (i've gotten zeros on orders just as expensive) and he said, "oh, no, yesterday this lady tipped me $50 and it was on like, $250." she asked how much you're SUPPOSED to tip, and he answered 10-15%. so i went into it thinking HOLY SHIT, 10-15% OF 1200! when the time came, though, she got on the phone and talked to her superior, who was somewhere far away, and who obviously had control of the funds they were using to pay me. this happens often, because half the time the orders are expensed to company accounts and whatnot, the person accepting the delivery is just a middle man. so i'm standing there, in her office, and i am literally dripping from several places with sweat, my shirt is a completely different color, even my loose pants got in the action, and my face is 100% red. i'm sort of pacing around, confused, looking at the walls, and she's discussing my tip to her boss, and saying "i mean, he made like seven trips, he's covered in sweat, i think we have to give him more than THAT," so i was thinking YESSS 2000% TIP and i end up with a 50. but that's all she could do, because that's how it is: my money comes from people who have no idea what i actually did to earn it. i get uncomfortable when people start talking about what a service worker has to do in order to get the tip they're SUPPOSED to get. what else could i have done?

i come back from the order and take two more deliveries, ending up with $65 total on the day. not bad, normally. when i'm back, i'm such a mess that my boss is like "go spend five minutes in the freezer," and i'm in there for at least ten minutes (20 degrees! it was heaven) and after a second delivery this large manly man who i have never seen not presenting himself as macho says "you poor little thing." i find out that the two other drivers made at least $80 on the day. one of them got $40 -- ten less than my big one -- because a frantic guy ran up to his car and said he'd give him $40 if he drives him a mile to the metro station.

I am amazed that they don't provide a service charge on deliveries, especially in your own vehicle. Even the florist got $9.95 from me just to bring flowers to my uncle's funeral.

Oh, that charge probably didn't go to the florist. There's a $7 delivery fee on orders before 5 PM, $5 after 5 PM. University is tax exempt and pays no delivery charge. Even so, I get $1.75 delivery expense for each one I go on, which is meant to cover gas and parking. It's usually fine for those things, except that it cost me several dollars at the meter just to keep my car there for the amount of time it took to finish the delivery. (university meters: 1 dollar per half hour). And gas, right now, where I have to at least have my AC up to the second notch to not pass out, is a lot more expensive than the store seems to think it is.

Delivery fees are mostly bullshit, just a way the company bleeds money from customers. I'm not getting that money, and I'm the only factor separating your order from a pickup. I tend to think that they're clever ways the company has of stealing my tips (not paranoid, I swear!) because people see the fee and assume it goes to me, which makes them think it's just automatic gratuity, which makes them more likely to buy delivery.

Signs that an ILX0r is now commissioning Comment Is Free articles:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jul/26/britain-tip-jar

Immanentize the eschaton, commence the apocalypse, etc.

Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc. Unless you're talking about Stumptown, Intellegensia, Four Barrel, Blue Bottle, etc.

"I've just stood in line for 10 minutes while the yummy mummies in front of me order their non-fat, low-foam, half-caff macchiatos and debate whether or not to go off their diets and have a scone this morning."

This woman should have her writing privileges suspended.

Is "low-foam" something you can actually order, or was she just trying to get the rhythm right.

?

A friend of mine posted on facebook asking whether it was common and how to tip her contractor for the fabulous kitchen he'd just remodeled. I suggested she focus her tip energy towards the sweaty end of the management-labor spectrum. I think she got him some omaha steaks anyway.

Tips in the residential construction business aren't common, but we did have a family throw a catered bbq luncheon for us and all our subcontractors once. I hope they tipped the delivery driver well.

Mostly I see frazzled homeowners "already" spending 6-figures on a remodel or addition getting riled up wondering why I'm putting maybe $5 worth of misc debris from somewhere else into "their" dumpster.

"Is "low-foam" something you can actually order, or was she just trying to get the rhythm right."

I don't know. It's the "yummy mummies" that makes me want to take her keyboard away.

Oh yeah, that's bad. I think the American translation would be MILF? Something these women probably didn't know they were signing up for when they decided to not look bad at the coffee shop.

I actually find "yummy mummies" a slightly less bad term than MILF but seriously, MILF is one of those terms that makes me IA.

Karen, it is not irrational to get angry about that term.

Mom I'd Like to (Have) Fun (With)

MILF is like the Howard Stern of words

yummy mummies refers more to class, iiuc? Has an SUV, kids sent to creche, dines at fabulous eateries for lunch, that sort of thing? Or, at least, i don't think it's quite the same as milf

I object to "MILF" on ideological grounds, and "yummy mummies" on linguistic grounds. Also ideological grounds. Just quit making up cutesy terms for women with children that you find attractive, as though they are so strange an phenomenon that the heretofore perfectly useful "attractive person" no longer applies.

Wow, so totally wrong. A couple twenties == tip for what this person is ordinarily doing in their line of work. This is like if you went to a restaurant and ordered a cup of black coffee and then vomited all over the server and left three quarters and a couple pennies on the counter.

I don't know where you live but I can't imagine a couple twenties is normal for a lap dance or whatever; the problem here is that you are definitely getting kicked out if you do this so it's basically whatever you have on you

I think actually darragh is right, that Yummy Mummy has more of a lifestyle and class element to it than simply noting their physical attractiveness. That is slightly less annoying because it is actually noting something inherent in the woman herself (even if it is something as shallow as her class or lifestyle) rather than simply pointing out that the observer wants to mate with her, which is entirely external, as if she does not have essence or being in her self. But perhaps they are more annoying as people than "MILFs" because if godhelpme I walk over to Balham, then Yummy Mummies en masse with their enourmous SUV sized perambulators and even bigger sized entitlement issues, getting in the bloody way when you just want a cup of coffee will also make me IA.

So it's odd that you, Jenny, pick up on the entitlement issues of the writer, when the writer is probably carping about the entitlement issues of women of a certain class. (That said, the fact that she is writing for the Guardian probably means she is very likely of a very similar class?)

Then again, the entire neighbourhood of "Balham" probably deserves to be on the "things that make you IA" thread. And this thread is about tipping.

Now that I know that "yummy mummies" is a UK class-issue thing, I will not be touching it again with a ten foot pole.

I am loving your new display name, Ms Tregaskin.

In other news, this thread's latest episodes are reminding me of how I never want to live in the USA for fear that I either get stuck in some kind of low paid job where I am relying on the generosity of strangers or end up causing confusion and awkwardness by either not tipping enough or tipping in inappropriate situations.

I also hate the word "yummy" tbf.

And why is a rich mother described as "yummy"? Probably a Brit/USA communication breakdown but if the meaning of "yummy" is still "tasty," how is that supposed to be a class-related descriptor? I'm not saying it isn't - I'm just saying the phrase is abysmally stupid and people who use it shouldn't be allowed to publish their opinions on the internet.

Young Upwardly Mobile Mother?

Also "Mummy" is often used as a middle-class signifier - poor people have Mums.