Words, usages, and phrases that annoy the shit out of you...

'poetic justice'. Used by the lazy to describe all 'justice' the speaker approves of, instead of a particular type. The adjective is rendered meaningless.

Agree re 'bird' for woman/girl, and lament its threatened return. Stinks of 'I'm being un-PC, where's my medal?'. Also the C-person uses it, which kinda ends the argument.

Wait, huh? Fridge is the thing you put food in, whats wrong with it?

I'm picturing him saying things such as "Would you like me to remove another beverage from the refrigerator for you, whilst we watch some association football?"

As used to describe a footballer running into a streak of good form

When used in phrases like "a raft of policies" or "a raft of new measures" - why?!?!??!!?

Or a colon.

COINKY-DINK, "guestimate," and any time someone ends an interrogative sentence with "at," as in "Where's my keys at?" or "Where's your head at?"

"hating on"

"Action" used as a verb. (Especially with regards to some annoying little thing I had already been doing.) "Can you please action this?" Actually, no I can't. Action is a noun. If you would like me to DO it, then just ask. Argh.

Especially when coming from the same irritating marketing bods who last week asked me to "manage the relationship" with one of our suppliers. Fuck. Right. Off.

A term of address directed at Turkish shopkeepers by 13 year old boys and directed by Turkish shopkeepers at everyone else. The most annoying ever.

DON'T MADAM ME, YOU LITTLE...!!! OK, according to Watching The English, this means that they have socio-status assessed me as middle class or higher. But it irritates me because it makes me feel old.

'Whilst'

"AARRGGHHH!!! I certainly hope it will be taking off longer than that - we're flying to London!"

"No can do"

'If I can just ask you to power off your machine'.

What's wrong with switch off?

> Something Something Something: A Totally Heartwarming Romantic Comedy with Cake

when you buy such a book from Amazon as a kindle ebook, all of this ends up in the book title field

here's one from today's daily deals:

The Accidental Soldier: As recommended on Off Menu and The Rest is Entertainment - 'Very, very funny, genuinely brilliant', MARINA HYDE

Which, coincidentally, is the:
#1 Most Gifted in Middle Eastern Historical Biographies

Undies

"when you buy such a book from Amazon as a kindle ebook, all of this ends up in the book title field"

Well, that's the thing - the advertising text is literally part of the title. Or at the very least it's on the front cover of the book as a kind of subtitle. I was specifically thinking of Tilly Tennant's The Little Village Bakery: A feel good romantic comedy with plenty of cake. In the case of The Accidental Soldier the blurb about Off Menu and Marina Hyde is just Amazon fluff (the title is, technically, The Accidental Soldier: Dispatches from Quite Near the Front Line), but The Little Etc is literally called etc.

The same author has published 43 novels in the last four years, including A Cosy Candlelit Christmas: A wonderfully festive feel good romance, A Very Vintage Christmas: A heartwarming Christmas romance, Christmas for the Village Midwife: A feel-good, heartwarming and cosy Christmas romance, and Cathy's Christmas Kitchen: A heart-warming feel-good romantic comedy.

And yet, the stereotypical pre-AI 1990s sub-Terry Brooks fantasy novel was usually called The Something Chronicles: Something: Book One of the Something Saga, so who am I. It's only a matter of time, if it hasn't happened already, before Temu has bulk-listings for books that have literally every word in the title in order to get the maximum amount of hits.

The ultimate book will be called Aaaaargh!: An Accidentally Awesome Apotheosis of Allusive Antics etc ... Zygotic Ziggurats!

'Cracking' in all its forms.

Rachel Reeves says she is 'cracking on with the job'
A cracking good time
even 'cracking one out' i.e. masturbation

I guess this is derived from craic? Anyway I hate it.

Other way round actually craic is derived from crack.

'It's been a minute'

For double annoyance - 'It's been a hot minute'

Laxative Commercials referring to pooping as a "go".

"For a more comfortable go, try <xxx>"

I get why you have to use euphemisms on TV but it'd bother me less if they said FOR A MORE RELAXING DUMP

I know the 'minute' thing is regional but it took me a while to work out whether it was meant to mean a short amount of time or a long amount of time.

The comedian Kiell Smyth-Bynoe absolutely swears that he coined "platty jubes" as a kind of pisstake of this sort of Englishism. He says he tweeted it and other people just started using it. Who knows if that's true.

"Been a minute" is a thing that has spread, yes.

Likewise "take a beat." It was nowhere (except drama/acting) and then it was everywhere.

Kids offa my lawn etc.

The comedian Kiell Smyth-Bynoe absolutely swears that he coined "platty jubes" as a kind of pisstake of this sort of Englishism. He says he tweeted it and other people just started using it. Who knows if that's true.

I always assumed it was a parody of that so very willing to believe his story.

yes, same

i had never heard of this anglish paired abbreviation slang naming before. Now that I’ve read some examples— it really does make your cockney rhyme thing seem incredibly clever, brilliant, insightful, and funny.

“Not gonna lie”

Rhyming slang rules.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ij5mw_eqKuc

Let's not have any argy-bargy about this lads

What are you doing with your time and talents