This is a thread for ILXORS IN THEIR 50's

Our cohort is few, but mighty.

abbott being a sexy cold war scientist

OH MY GOD WHY WAS I NEVER THAT

I remember Howdy Doody.

and i thought i was old for remembering leaded gasoline!

madonna, michael jackson, prince and ME -- i am now 50 and 1/2.

sept 1968 was like the gayest time to enter high school

everyone cool in those days were entering college

there is truth lurking here -- people in our sub-generation have a complicated relationship w/our older sibs, the 60s baby boomers. this usage of "gay" is uhm, anachronisitic, or something. (I entered HS in 72 FWIW.)

anachronistic! edgy, you mean!!1!

so is bimble part of this exclusive club?

I didn't expect to get shoulder and back hair this late in the game.

ha was wondering what you meant in the 40s thread

what's up y'all

had a cardiologist call me at 7am to cancel my appointment (snow)

this morning the dentist said that my teeth with metal fillings will all eventually need crowns; seems legit, the youngest of those fillings is 40+ years old

i went to the dentist for lots of work this past year, first time since forever, and it was all space aged nano whatever shit and i think the dentist and his assistant were legit smirking at my one old iron ore filling from when i was a teenager, fifty years ago, in an eastern bloc nation

oh hi, I'm 54 now

peeing takes a long time

backache is a thing

(knocks on wood)

As hinted above, I have a cardiologist now! My primary doctor, who has pretty amazing raw skills -- like hearing -- apparently, thought he heard a murmur in my heartbeat last month. GREAT!

It turns out I have an "unconcerning" prolapse which is a "2" (not a 3 or a 4), so it just has to be checked every year from now on.

Aging is a motherfucker.

all the best morbs

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murmur_(album)#/media/File:R.E.M._-_Murmur.jpg

i am two years older than william hartnell in this picture :D

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/1920x1080/p01hg14p.jpg

(obviously i have regenerated several times: also did not grow up in poverty etc)

He got paid five times more per ep than Anneke Wills was, to make up for the poverty stricken childhood!

what a feelin'

mainly feeling it in my lower back today

Rapidly approaching Sammy Hagar milestone.

Minutemen?

Can you hear me, Dr. Mu

Imagine my surprise

Just realized that the “ordinary guy” in Pavement’s “Stereo” is maybe a reference to “Dr. Wu.” I still got it!

Oh wait

I just went through all the tests you are supposed to do when you get to 50, only 7 years late.

Anyway, all passed 100%, so hey!

I guess that lower back pain is gonna go in the "what do you expect at yr age?" cart.

Thanks for reminding me. I just did the same with one test, the biggest of all, remaining to be done in the next few months. If the news is bad I will speed post my remaining backlog of screennames.

I was Big C diagnosed about five months after turning 50, so maybe i didn't get the other tests.

(i'm mostly OK now, just medicated)

He got paid five times more per ep than Anneke Wills was, to make up for the poverty stricken childhood!

― calzino

for two months and then he got sacked. quintessential "being in your '50s" experience tbh

Definitely another bummer about being in your 50s. If you lose your job, you can't necessarily bounce back. You might never have a salaried position again.

Definitely another bummer about being in your 50s. If you lose your job, you can't necessarily bounce back. You might never have a salaried position again.

HI DERE. Raise your hand if you have been rendered depressed, rudderless, and without direction because you've structured your life around a eight-hour, salaryman working schedule for so long that when you were inevitably disrupted out of your career you've become addicted to the anxiety and panic of not being able to focus. oops TMI

raises hand

in my case it took several years to work through the trauma of being ejected and to figure out other ways to live ... I won't trivialize the difficulties involved, but now the only thing I miss from my salaryman days is the income

i need the med coverage

As mentioned on the other thread, in January I was made redundant 7 days before I hit 50.
my skills are probably no longer in demand (manual software tester) due to an increased focus on automated testing, and to be honest, I think I have had enough of software/corporate culture.
The last few months I have been a stay at home dad, and will probably remain so while mk2 goes through his teenage trials and tribulations (3 more years).
The very idea of being the Office New Boy at the age of 50 fills me with dread, and I know it would bring on a lot of stress and anxiety.
I am in a 'fortunate' position in that due to life insurance, I have no mortgage and get a small occupational pension from BH so will not be made homeless or starve, but coming to terms with a very different financial outlook is still the big stumbling block.
That and daytime TV.
Thank goodness for 'Walter Presents .. '.

In other news : re lower back pain.
Having sat on my arse in an office for 30 years the last 2 years were very problematic re my back.
My solution : swimming.
I have started swimming 4 times a week (roughly 1km each time), and the change has been very noticeable.

Slightly overlapping with what I said on the Forties thread, but I was made redundant at 51, also due to having skills which are no longer in demand. My partner has always earned a lot more than me, so we were OK - but then he was made redundant last year, at 58. Thankfully his skills are still in demand, but he refuses to re-dose himself with the poison of corporate culture - so it's taking a while to sort things out, and we are having to be careful with money, for the first time since our twenties.

I cover my monthly outgoings with DJ-ing (a weekly gig and a monthly gig) and Discogs selling (I inherited a rare and valuable collection, and am being ruthless with my own). We also have a lodger, for the first time in nearly thirty years - a good friend, also in his fifties, going through a divorce and coming to terms with being on the gay side of bi. He hates his job and wants to change back to his old career, but it would involve a precarious salary drop, at least to begin with, which isn't great timing when you're getting divorced.

Despite this difficulties, my net life satisfaction level is still hugely in credit. I feel busy, fulfilled, and grateful for all I've got. But I can't deny the presence of a persistent low-level background hum, which says "You are uniquely unemployable. Everyone else can get jobs, but you haven't got what it takes." It's bullshit, but it's there.

Fuck those cry baby under 50s in that other thread. Here's to getting Saga Holiday ads and people ringing me to ask if I want to cash in my pension and/or release some equity from my home and to being told I can't increase my life insurance because YOU R 2 OLD.

Also I just put up a desk, not too shabby eh? I'll be paying for it tomorrow mind.

it doesn't start getting real until you can't remember your 40s

xp Incidentally my pension is not worth the paper it's printed on so who's laughing now Mr Random Cold Caller?

it gets really real when your pathetic gig income and Obamacare fast-track you to bankruptcy

what a feelin'

― the ignatius rock of ignorance (Dr Morbius), Monday, July 2, 2018 8:55 AM (one year ago) bookmarkflaglink

Right in my knees.

oh hi, I'm 54 now
peeing takes a long time

― WilliamC, Thursday, January 4, 2018 12:24 PM

Seven weeks shy of 56, but I found the secret: constant impotent rage keeps me young.

momus is almost 50

He’ll be 60 in February.

Fuck those cry baby under 50s in that other thread.

They're just coming to grips with their ultimate mortality, poor dears. Be kind to them.

I’m 55 and having a pretty good time.

I seem to have rediscovered my mojo this year: got serious about my job, holidayed in Japan, rekindled my interests in art and photography, good clothes (lost 40lb weight which helped), and the joy of short breaks by Eurostar.

lol I've had two CPs now and I know I shouldn't be a baby but I don't handle fasting well at all. It always feels like something terrible has happened to me and my composure is paper thin. Ironically the anaesthesia doesn't bother me and I'm always totally fine and happy to have it over with afterward.

but my GP said the newer poop-on-the-paper tests can actually detect the DNA of polyps

― Andy the Grasshopper

I used Cologuard two years ago only b/c my doctor said it was cool with no history of cancer on either side of my family.

Re grandparents: my mom and dad look better at 76 and 75, respectively, than their parents did.

accidentally, but appropriately, i passed the sleepless night watching episodes of the new Harry Hole series on Netflix.

the appropriateness of the title was accidental, that is

"Hole, that is!"

https://i.ibb.co/tPNjQ7T3/YKDH4d-P.jpg

The miracle of anesthesia makes it all worthwhile. I feel a little drifty, close my eyes, and open them with it all over. All behind me, so to speak.

I would do that shit recreationally if I could.

Anal probes for everyone!

I didn't mind the prep *or* the procedure, and the results were pretty productive (both the prep and procedure, lol). It's great to have a baseline idea of what is going on in there, or an idea of what they should pay attention to going forward. They found a rare, slow growing and very tiny form of malignant polyp after my first one, a variety almost always discovered by accident. They were able to remove it and, when I went back 6 months later, confirm that it was not coming back.

FWIW, the first time I did any of this I used Cologuard, too, but Cologuard is apparently close to 100% effective at confirming no cancer but only 80% effective at catching something that *is* there, which means 20% likely to miss something that would otherwise be very treatable. And if Cologuard *did* catch something you have to get the real deal anyway. So even before I had to go in for a colonoscopy for a not regular maintenance reason I had been planning to go full monty vs. Cologuard anyway.

xpost you're always saying this.

So... I woke up a couple of weeks ago with a very painful shoulder and shooting pains down my arm as the morning went on and the inability to grip. Eventually... I went to a&e.

Once they'd ruled out a stroke they were slow but methodical and I saw two different orthopedics guys. Who referred me to their consultant a couple of days later.

Talking to him with pain relief so I could explain better what was happening, and him looking at 30+ years of records he's referring me for various MRIs (the first of which was due tomorrow but I'm having to reschedule).

Basically he's 99% sure I've got herniated discs all the way from c6 to c9 and as soon as he gets confirmation I'm going straight to spinal surgery.

I don't know what to think. It'll be nice to see the end of recurring weakness in my right hand that I've been having on and off since the late 80s but the concept of spinal surgery is pretty terrifying, I can't lie. I also don't know what exactly it is they're going to do, but I guess that's what the surgical consultant is for. Estimates seem to be between a couple of days and a couple of months in hospital and recovery from 6 weeks to 9 months.

So yeah... old.

I don't like that for you one bit.

Look at the bright side, you found a doctor who understands that arm pain can come from a pinched nerve in the spine.

That saves enormous amounts of wasted time on treating the place where it hurts, instead of the source of the problem. I had weakness and pain in my arm that everyone thought was carpal tunnel / RSI - so many completely ineffective wrist braces and suchlike until I found someone who would treat the actual trouble.

Good thoughts to you, aldo. Spinal stuff is definitely scary. But hopefully can bring relief! Speaking of carpal tunnel, I'm 95 percent sure I'm dealing with it in both hands. I get this array of pains from them — not all at once or all the time — that have ranged from knuckle and joint pain to burning sensations on the back of my hand. I've always known carpal tunnel or some kind of repetitive stress pain was possible because I type a whole lot and also I'm sure it's been made worse by constant phone use. So I've been trying to cut down on the amount of time I spend holding a phone, and also doing lots of wrist and arm exercises every day. When I remember to do the exercises, it definitely helps. If it keeps getting worse I'm sure I'll consult someone at some point. (My favorite treatment for my hands is this paraffin wax machine I got. It's just palliative, but feels amazing.)

Anal probes for everyone!

― boners for bombs (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Monday, August 10, 2026 11:31 AM (one month ago)

Behind a cut for "butt stuff", genital stuff, self-harm, and SI... well, just TMI all around, really:

I had a DRE a couple weeks ago. It's obnoxious. They said I had a "thrombosing hemorrhoid" and took some samples and now they want me to get a screening for anal cancer. I'll probably call sometime this week about it. People are like "that must be painful" and I don't know what I'm doing wrong because no, not really? I would bleed whenever I pooped and that would hurt, but I'm kind of used to everything hurting. I have a hard time judging pain. There's this part of me that likes pain. There's this part of me that _needs_ to hurt, physically. Not sexually or anything. Emotionally. Like, it's the depression. If something hurts physically, it allows me to express some of the emotional pain I'm feeling. I used to self-harm for that reason. I never really felt bad about it, but I knew that other people were gonna judge me for that, and people said it was a bad habit to get into, so I quit doing it. There's just a lot of ways to hurt that don't "count" as self-harm. So I liked epilating a lot, because when I started that used to hurt. It doesn't really hurt anymore. Finally I got to electrology... part of the reason I put it off so long was because I like epilating, and permanent hair removal would mean I couldn't do that. I'm just having trouble keeping up on my epilating, and it doesn't really hurt anymore, and, well, I had GRS without hair removal, which means that there's hair places it really shouldn't be.

Well, electrolysis doesn't feel _good_ but I emotionally like it. Sometimes I push myself harder than I need to just because I emotionally crave that pain. Again, it's not sexual or anything. It just feels good, particularly if I know it's for a good cause. I mean I was raised Catholic. I grew up valorizing suffering. Apparently the most painful part to get electrolysis on is the upper lip. My electrologist, who is very good, did a little bit there and it hurt, sure, but not that bad, considering it was my first time. I'm looking forward to continuing sessions with her. Anything that gives me external routine in my life... I value that.

Anyway, my primary doctor also said I should get pelvic floor physical therapy. Which is great except that nobody on the public transit lines does that apparently. Anyway I doubt I have anal cancer and getting medical procedures also means reckoning with my passive SI. I have a lot of health problems and my chronic depression is like, "What's the worst that could happen?" One of my uncles died in his 50s. Lymphoma. None of my other relatives have really dealt with cancer, though, so I'm not terribly worried. I know that I'll do it eventually, by which I mean call the hospital and let them do whatever. I had a colonoscopy a couple years ago, which came back relatively clean. The preparations for it (I am also on Descovy, and I hate that it's called "PrEP", it's like the word "vibe", like, the TLAs (three letter acronyms) that also stand for dirty things are bad enough)... the preparations for the colonoscopy were problematic because they told me I should only drink "clear fluid", but the only "clear fluid" I could find was colored red. Which confused me. How can fluid be "clear" if it's colored red? But I drank it anyway and they said oh, no, you shouldn't be drinking the RED clear fluid. Because, uh, the insides of my colon are kind of red.

Preparation for the colonoscopy isn't great, but at the point I'd had it I'd already had my dick off, so I figured, it can't be worse than that. And it wasn't. Once the colonoscopy was done, it was done. I didn't have to get cathed for a week, I didn't have to spend six weeks bleeding from my genitals, I didn't have to wait a year and get a revision surgery. The prep for my GRS was probably just about as bad as the prep for the colonoscopy, but I don't remember it at all. It's eclipsed by (1) the anxiety I had about having my dick off and (2) the long, intense (emotionally more than physically) recovery period.

Anyway, the colonoscopy came out OK. They gave me some pictures of the inside of my colon. Beautiful. I have a beautiful colon. It's getting there that's the problem. I've had... and maybe it's the pelvic floor thing. The way my insides are arranged, for whatever reason... I've been on tamsulosin, Flomax, for ages. I peed sitting down starting in my 30s, and it wasn't a gender dysphoria thing. Drip, drip, drip... I couldn't pee standing up, I'd just wind up dribbling for minutes afterwards. I was diagnosed with BPH, Benign Prostatic Hypertrophy, and even though I have a testosterone level of literally zero, I still have to take the damn tamsulosin or I can't pee. I was surprised, actually, that my GRS made it easier to pee. I figured it'd be easier to pee for men because, you know, the urethra and all that, but nah, I have a much easier time now.

I first went to the ER in my 30s for rectal bleeding. This was when I lived in the Midwest. They told me to eat more fiber and stop getting fucked in the ass so much. Funnily enough, I haven't ever been fucked in the ass by another person. After I came out I got a butt plug and tried it out. It was fine. I had a prostate orgasm - wasn't terribly hard to find my prostate, that's for sure - but I don't think it's really my thing. Personal preference. Maybe I should try it after pelvic physical therapy. I might like it better.

A lot of trans women get pelvic floor physical therapy, but it's mostly for recovery after GRS. I didn't have the kind of GRS that requires that - I don't need to dilate or whatever. Which I'm very happy for. Me, I guess it's just... I haven't been diagnosed with any of the Ehlers-Danlos syndromes but I haven't ruled out the possibility that I have one. A lot of queer and trans people have some variety, for whatever reason. I know I'm hyperflexible. That seems like a good thing, but in fact it just means that I can move my body in ways that aren't really optimal, which, combined with my dyspraxia... I've never been able to run, I've never been able to ride a bike, I couldn't tie my shoelaces until the fifth grade. I'm "slow", kinetically speaking. Makes it hard for me to stay in good health. I love my body now. It feels like _my_ body. I have a hard time getting it to do the things that I want it to do, things that most people just seem to assume anybody can do without that much work.

I tried physical therapy a couple years back, when I had a job. Scoliosis and I think kyphosis. Nobody knows what "kyphosis" is and when I say I'm a hunchback, they don't believe it because I don't look like Quasimoto. The upside is that nobody accuses me of being a predator or tries to ban me from going with 500 feet of a school or whatever just because I'm a hunchback, even though in real terms my kyphosis affects me way more than whatever gender shit I have going on. The problem - and this has been a problem all my life - is that I can't stay in one place. People say that I'm "fidgeting" which OK I do or that I have ADHD which I also do, and the real issue is that it's _physically uncomfortable for me to stay in one place without moving_. They tried to do an MRI on me at some point for my back. I didn't mind the enclosed space, I just couldn't lie still, and the MRI tech thought that chastising me for not lying still would somehow help. It didn't. Anyway, the physical therapist was very nice and gave me about a hundred exercises a day I'm supposed to do and I guess they'd help if I did them. I'm just exhausted. So fucking exhausted. I wake up and it takes me half an hour to drag myself out of bed enough to take my ADHD meds, and then another half hour to wake up. They've scheduled a sleep study for me. I had one 30 years ago. They wanted me to lie on my back for eight hours straight, which I couldn't do and which they yelled at me for. And then they said the study was inconclusive. Apparently they're easier now. They just mail you something. All I know is that I haven't slept for shit in years. I don't know if it's the nightmares or needing to pee or my back or if I have, I don't know, something that needs a CPAP. Sleep apnea. Because I went in for... I have a deviated septum, and they say I should get a rhinoplasty. I say great, can you give me a cute girl nose while you're at it? They might actually be able to, is the funny thing. Because I do have dysphoria. I can't understand how I can have a nose as big as mine and not be able to breathe through it. I've never been able to breathe through my nose. I had a turbinate reduction but it didn't do shit. Then they wanted me to come in twice a week for a year for allergy shots, because I'm allergic, apparently, to fucking everything, particularly cats and pussywillow. I don't mind the pussywillow, but being a lesbian who's allergic to cats isn't great.

Anyway this is why I don't like talking about my medical problems, because I have a fucking million of them. None of them very serious, but shit, it takes time. I struggle to take care of my health and I can't even _remember_ all the fucking medical problems I have.

I might actually get a car. Could help me get a job. I fucking hate driving, and with I-5 being closed for the next five weeks it's not a great time to start. That said my last car was, like, one of the worst fucking cars in the world, so it can only look up. I broke my glasses frames in half last week, though, so I gotta get new glasses. I got, I don't know, diplopia. I don't even know if they can make glasses for me... I had a special ophthalmologist associated with a DO school, back when I had vision insurance. I don't know how _that's_ going to work out. Right now my frames are being held together with krazy glue and medical tape and I'm sure the misalignment is exacerbating how exhausting it is to just try and LOOK at things. So I definitely don't want to start driving again until _that's_ worked out. My night vision is terrible, my ADHD makes it hard for me to concentrate on the road, my proprioception is awful... people don't think of proprioception as a "sense", they think of things in terms of the "five senses", but I do kind of consider proprioception, the ability to perceive things in relation to us without being able to see them, as a sense, and mine is terrible. It's like looking at the world through the reflection in a car's side mirror. Objects in front of my face may be closer than they appear.

pelvic floor physical therapy. Which is great except that nobody on the public transit lines does that apparently

I confess I initially misread this

(Glances around at my fellow passengers) I guess maybe they are, and I just don't know?

idk, i guess if i'm not doing anything else...

no honestly the bus would be a terrible place to do any kind of physical therapy, i can barely stand in place when nothing's moving