The Tyranny of Humour

I think people, together, sometimes like laughing at other people, who are not there, or whom maybe they don't like that much

In my own particular experience, that does not have any gendered dimension, eg there is no particular tendency to laugh at women more than men, or to laugh at either on any sexual basis - this sounds likely to be vulgar and not so nice.

Pinefox, you live in such a lovely dream world, I wish I lived in that world, too.

But laughing at people who are not there or who are not part of the bantering group or The Other isn't what I would consider banter? In my experience, banter is between people of similar social standing, is to the face, and there's an implied light-heartedness to it. The expected response is an equally light-hearted ( but superficially cruel) insult straight back, not hand-wringing about how "my friends and colleagues don't like me"...

obvs there are problems where there are big differences in power/ privilege levels or where an equal response wouldn't be tolerated ( add your own examples here ) but that's no longer truly banter, its bullying / harassment etc

When you are bantering across a power gradient of something like gender or race or class, where the Privileged Person believes that there *is* no power structure and sexism or racism etc. is "a solved problem" and no longer really an issue, therefore just available for the humour box - while the other person is someone for whom structural racism or sexism is a real thing that exists and affects their lives in material ways on a regular basis. This is hugely problematic.

Also, in cases where it's perfectly *obvious* even to the privileged person that said structures exist, and they are doing it specifically to be bullying, but with the "hey but it's just banter, what's the matter, haven't you got a sense of humour?"

I'm getting so tired of saying this in a hundred different ways, though.

I would argue that Matt is right, there aren't class distinctions that need to be unpicked - there are *intellectual* dimensions that need to be unpicked. The intellectual people (though mostly men) of all classes are capable of true wit, the less intellectual are not and so need to fill the chasm where the wit should be with their banter.

Don't think so, I've met lots of very intelligent people who are completely witless and/or bludgeoningly and unthinkingly offensive, as well as people who would never trouble the inside of any academic institution who are regularly hilarious. This is the sort of reaching that lefties do when they try and convince themselves that people are right-wing because they're *less intelligent*. The dividing line isn't intelligence or intellectual capacity at all, it's emotional/social awareness and empathy.

^^ otm

wit shows intelligence

I think

It shows a kind of intelligence, but not really one confined to "the intellectual people of all classes".

I think 'intellectual' may have been meant to mean 'people with wit, ie a certain intelligence'? rather than people who read a lot or anything

sounds like 'bantering across a power gradient' means 'openly mocking people less privileged than you, to their faces'

I don't think I know anyone who does this

in my opinion 'banter' is more about perceptions of masculinity and sexuality rather than class or intelligence.

y'know, "it was only banter" is a good enough reason to ban "banter"
I do think a little competitive teasing between consenting adults can be fun though.

It's such a surprise that a straight white male doesn't know anyone who ever bullies anyone, isn't it?

And on the whole "consenting" part, fair enough, but I'm really sick of, well, straight white males getting to define who consents and who doesn't.

Oh god this thread just makes me unhappy and I should stay the fuck off it, it's not good for me to engage with this stuff.

What are the working definitions of "wit" and "banter" here, please? I mean, typically you hear the two words together as the phrase "witty banter" to describe Buffy or Gilmore Girls or something.

xp to wcc

ah, sorry it makes you unhappy - not the intention at all!

re consent : don't you think consent and trust can exist, and within those boundaries the rules of acceptable behaviour can (not should, but can) change?

I would hate to think that my wife and I shouldn't affectionately tease each other! (and in that context "you lazy bastard" can mean "I love you" given the right tone and non-verbals)

you're onto something tho, WCC, even if it isn't where i started the thread from.

the salon savagery of something like les liasons dangereuses is a part of banter, but the school classroom hooting and bullying of the sacrificial victim is another pole of it. some people will excuse one because it's "witty" and yet the intention in both cases is to wound, socially or emotionally. there's another kind of banter which is of the "friends and equals engaged in horseplay" variety i guess. the problem is the same word applied indiscriminately to different activities. and the word becoming an excuse for those who want to engage in the savagery but pretend oh so disingenuously that what they're doing is playful.

my notions of "public humour" don't really impact on this, which is older and darker maybe.

"Banter" doesn't always have to be oppressive. It can also be used for bonding - friends teasing each other - totally consensual and not directed negatively against anyone who isn't involved in it.

"you lazy bastard" can mean "I love you"

Now, this *is* interesting coz there is def a nationality component here. In terms of using insults affectionately, which may be considered "teasing" by some, it is more common and more commonly accepted in Australia, than the UK, and more common and more commonly accepted in the UK than the US.

I'm mindful of this quote from "Bodyline" now.

Although it can be when it is used in the sense "it's only banter - can't you take a joke". It's a word that can be used in lots of different ways

xp to myself

To take a specific example, The Tyranny of Humour, wrt banter, was very much a part of the power/privilege style bullying at a supermarket I worked in. Laughter or even 'light-heartedness' can also be directed at people, trivialising things they take seriously or are important to them. Further that banter/light-hearted back and forth can be withheld in a very tangible way from people who you do not wish to include.

This sort of behaviour was the preserve of bosses and longer-term people, and often used at the expense of people who didn't quite fit in or were new. The fact that it isn't quite bullying as such, doesn't mean that its effect is not the same.

This happens everywhere all the time, of course, but this seemed a particular tangible and exemplary version of how banter can work, often works in fact. The laughter of humour generally should, ideally perhaps, be seen as inclusive, as 'funny' beyond the immediate group and thus making people laugh who are not part of that group. Not sure it quite ever works like that, but 'banter' certainly doesn't work like that.

Recognising that you have established consent for banter with your wife is v v different from the kinds of places where these forms of harmful "banter" are used.

One does not have consent for this kind of banter in the workplace, with strangers on internet forums, in public newspapers, on the air of radio and television.

Conflating the two is really kind of disingenuous because "I like bantering with my wife" is not really what we're talking about.

"strangers on internet forums" is pretty problematic, without condoning obvious bullying. a lot of us here are strangers in one sense but feel a degree of familiarity with each others personae as well

*can't you take a joke* nearly always comes across as "it's my right to be derogatory to you and have you not mind" though.

there is the closely related *can dish it out but can't take it* where the person who had been accused of *not taking a joke* then makes a similar comment at the original "joker"'s expense only for the "joker" to be hurt by it.

i dunno "dish it out but can't take it" has broader applications than that

xxp
Hi WCC, No i'm not conflating the two. you responded to my note that consenting adults can tease each other competitively by ( i think) querying the concept of consent - I gave you a personal example of where consent is truly shared. {implicitly I hope recognising and agreeing that consent is often not shared}

Re. "harmful banter", I agree with you ! But I also wanted to recognise that there are areas where playful insults may be acceptable and fun.

there's another kind of banter which is of the "friends and equals engaged in horseplay" variety i guess.

the problem with this kind of banter is that, even when there aren't any power relations involved, it can be so rigorously enforced that anyone in that social circle or who comes into contact with that social circle will feel as though they have no choice but to conform to banter culture - which as previously noted is often based around mutually cruel put-downs and "pushing the boundaries" (and i think may have some unspoken roots in the idea of "toughening you up").

as i said only one subset of my own friends act in that way, and i actually sorta like it but only cuz i've known them for ages (so i know it genuinely "doesn't mean anything"), i see them v rarely (wouldn't want to be around that as a matter of course) and i'm not exposed to it at any other time.

pretty sure banter by the dictionary definition is ok with me. but the word has taken on some new meaning in the context of Lad culture e.g. lewd discussion of shagging, football, rugby, drinking etc. probably men have been discussing these things forever but it's become the enforced mode of communication for those that self-identify as Lads. i'm not sure all Banter is necessarily about offending the other, sometimes it can be quite self-deprecating too.

Would be interested in hearing the opinions of any literary theory types who could link banter to Bakhtin's theories of the Carnivalesque

"Roll up, Roll up you skinny indie twots and come inside!!"

http://i.imgur.com/dYc0c.jpg

"banter" in the 18th century was something quite different and much closer to "the argot of criminals and dregs" so there's at least a history of them and us entwined into the word

agree with Lex that any social group that communicates exclusively thru banter wd get very boring very quickly

Is this thread about why we banned Dom?

you are so weirdly stuck on him

nowt to do with banter, or Dom, but just remembered that the chaplain at my 6th form college used to be very keen on humour - which he defined as " the affectionate communication of insight" . not sure where he got that from, but I do rather like it.

Banter isn't the most advanced form of humour, no, but there is a difference between friendly goading among two people who know each other well and full on bullying/chiding - it's all case-by-case innit? ILX has its own "zing" culture that ranges between genuine wit and outright nastiness, but it's pretty much impossible trying to deconstruct this. When a bit of verbl rough-n-tumble spills over into malice/tedium, that's really up to the parties involved to decide.

Amazing Fugazi moment that I can't remember if it was actually in the Instrument film or just at a show I attended:

Guy in audience: "Banter!"
Ian MacKaye: "Banter? What kind of banter would you like SIR? Am I bantering enough for you now?"

how does "banter" work in England? your version sounds so mean.

banter is the many against the one (the many aren't required to be present at the time)

it is the form exclusion takes

it is used to reinforce the boundaries of who is inside and who is outside

those that are outside are required to play along in order that everyone can pretend for a joke that they are inside

to refuse the rules of the game is to let the whole of society down

how does "banter" work in England? your version sounds so mean.

― beachville, Wednesday, March 7, 2012

It is how we consolidate hierarchies

and reinforce status quo

Banaka?

no she went of her own volition

I am having trouble with this again.

This is a personal example, so I'm afraid it might come across as "wah, oh woe is me" when it's actually me adding another piece to the puzzle of why I find it so difficult and overwhelming and unhappy-making.

Recognising and responding to humour is really really hard work for me, reading "tone" and responding in the correct "tone" is a constant battle. I've always used the metaphor of trying to follow the steps of a complicated 19th century dance without knowing the steps - and indeed, without even being able to hear the music.

Someone responded to a nuanced discussion with a rather pointed - and to my eyes - rude dismissal. I kind of sat looking at it for about five minutes, trying to work out, do they mean this? Is it as rude and mean as it looks? Are they being "funny"? Is this "banter"? After about five minutes, I decided it was "banter" and responded in (what I thought was) exactly the same tone - pointed and slightly mean, but with a hook I thought was funny.

Hey, look at me, I'm doing "banter."

They responded back with an absolute shit-storm, accused me of "lashing out" and told me to "chill out" (erm, I've been perhaps too calm in my evaluation of this whole thing?) and when I tried to say this was hypocritical, asking why responding in exactly the same manner was somehow "banter" for them and "lashing out" for me - they pitched an absolute fit, accusing me of "drama" when what I'm thinking is "whoa, where did this come from, can you dish it out, but you can't take it" ?

This is when I just want to give up and move to Mars, because I'm hurt and confused by their reaction (both times - first in them doing the banter, second in their having such a terrible reaction to *my* banter) and they're (I think?) acting like they're hurt and confused by my actions.

And I just feel like... why the *fuck* would you put someone through this kind of ordeal, and call it "humour."

Do I have no sense of humour? Am I just an aspie shut-in who should stop trying to interact with other people because I can neither read nor properly react to "tone"? Have I just been bullied into a kind of defensiveness that perpetually reads as aggressive even when I'm not?

Don't bother answering those questions, I'm not asking for advice. I'm just trying to state, very inarticulately, how hard it is for someone to deal with, and react to, what other people claim is "just banter." And why someone like me will avoid "banter" like the plague.

People who insist on forcing "banter" on you, and then getting angry at you about your reactions, basically: MASSIVE FUCKING DUD.

Sounds like a pian. I guess the answer as with most things is just to be yourself, if you're not comfortable with banter, just answer with a straight reply. It's their problem if they find that annoying.

er *pain*

The word "banter" often reminds me of the phrase "bantha fodder" from Star Wars

I was at a dinner party the other night where none of the couples/singles knew any of the others, and the title of this thread popped into my head

There is a kind of arms race of clever-clever oneupmanship that can happen, and which is incredibly offputting if you're not part of the circle that understands it, or not on cocaine/drunk, and I think it's reaaallly exacerbated when people don't really know each other

It's especially bad when you have more than one (usually male) person in the room who is used to thinking of himself as the funny man.