❀ the cult of: ➥motivational speakers ➥life coaches ➥personal growth gurus ➥new-age charlatans ➥AWESOMENESS FEST

All in all for a first time kick at the can Qualcomm did a great job, look forward to see more of their products in action.

now comes the second wave of thinkpieces about how this was in fact a wildly successful keynote: Qualcomm sells computer chips to other manufacturers, and is therefore invulnerable to the kind of image problems that affect retail manufacturers; but at the same time, wide public awareness of the brandname does influence those industry purchasers

http://www.pcmag.com/article2/0,2817,2414112,00.asp

See, we weren't the audience for Qualcomm's "Born Mobile" performance. We were the subject. And what's most embarrassing in all of this is that not only does Qualcomm think of us as frivolous, delusional, ambulatory ATM machines, but there's a good chance that the seller of the next mobile device you buy does too.

Sadly, they're probably right.

Most definitely.

The part that stands out the most is that they're speaking to an audience that they know is skeptical of "personas" which are the different use-cases for types of technology, so they've gone out of their way to show how fleshed-out and accurate they are. Normally you end up with "early 20s guy, office job, gamer, lives alone but has girlfriend, goes out to eat on weekends but plays a lot of xbox during the week" and turned it into AWESOME GAMER DUDE on stage. It's like they went full circle from stereotypes -> persona studies -> even worse stereotypes in an effort to make the presentation appeal to more groups.

oh my god

http://www.mindvalley.com/blog/office-drama/why-you-should-take-naps-in-our-office-to-motivate-us/

ok, so if you're unfamiliar with the world of overpriced baubles, alex and ani is a rhode island based company that's had a remarkable success story selling underwhelming jewelry. the company's quickly diversifying is weird ways, including buying a local vineyard, launching coffee shops, and buying one of the grand mansions of newport. and now, YOU TOO can enjoy the unsettling optimism of the hive-mind and suffer the corporate ego-death through their terrifyingly positive new-age work style! behold: ALEX AND ANI UNIVERSITY

http://www.alexandaniuniversity.com/

http://i.imgur.com/fMNGvzd.png

http://www.alexandaniuniversity.com/course-offerings/lead-250-reality-management/

http://www.alexandaniuniversity.com/article-1-about-course/

^^ every last word

Owner and designer Carolyn Rafaelian truly fuels this organizational spirit. As her personal calling, Rafaelian awakens the essence of team members by embodying the spirit of being human each day herself never seeming to lose sight of her guiding role. It is her life’s work to inspire her customers to relish what is unique and authentic about their selves.

that description makes her sound like a sorceress

thanks for posting that, elmo. grade A example of new age terminology being effortlessly integrated into corporate philosophy without a hiccup.

this thread is focusing on some of the more over the top, easier to laugh at examples, but a relevant tracking term here is Sacred Commerce (i.e. spearheaded by the founders of the infamous Cafe Gratitude)

I couldn’t help but reflect on how the combination of Rafaelian and Feroce have ignited a spark heard around New England.

www.wisdom2summit.com

"wisdom 2.0 is, quite possibly, the most important gathering of our times."
- Bob Marley

Oh no whoops it's not Bob Marley it's R1ch F3rnand3z, PhD, D1r3ctor of Ex3cut1v3 D3v3l0pm3nt, G00gl3

"real silicon valley could learn a thing or two from fake silicon valley"

overheard a middle aged guy on the bus talking to whom i assume was his mother about his plans for the week.

tuesday night was "neighborhood association meeting" and all day thursday was an "ideas summit" because, "i really should be at that kind of thing, even if it costs $150."

oh man

I couldn’t help but reflect on how the combination of Rafaelian and Feroce have ignited a spark heard around New England.

― zero dark (s1ocki)

i'm just glad somebody else appreciated that.

fwiw alex & ani u does NOT offer writing classes, maybe?

ideas summit letterhead has light bulb over mountaintop

alex & ani university is chock full of wtf

"I call Alex and Ani products “love-identity” objects since the company spotlights our feelings and focus on connection."

All of this language just turns into a muted trombone riff.

I've sat through a few meetings like this (minus the hippie overtones). Even when people who are infected with this language try not to speak like this, it just creeps back in.

a song has to be really good to get me to the point where i'm singing "cause you sex takes me to paradise" around the house and walking to work and clapping my hands and bobbing my head and shit

oops wrong thread

lol

I don't know man, I don't think it is

alex & ani university is chock full of wtf

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a6/Sprad/Mindvalley_Earth_zps8ff0e84f.png

wow

how did i miss this thread until right now, this is amazing and horrifying

it's like a late-period david foster wallace story escaped into the real world

welcome, strongo.

profits support the earth. smdh

profits all the way down

you need to get 11 servings of profits daily but earth should only be enjoyed sparingly

oh hahahaha fuck me so i get to work this morning and i'm told that we have members of the alex & ani design team visiting the office today oh lord

please report back afterward please please

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

― Milton Parker, Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:19 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

― fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:37 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

have fun guys!

http://www.osha.gov/pls/imis/sicsearch.html
http://www.sec.gov/info/edgar/siccodes.htm

interestingly, OSHA and the SEC have slight variations in their SIC lists. pretty funny, huh. government, amirite?

giovanni feroce otm tho, neither authority lists "positive energy" as an industry classification.

that is amazing hilarious and makes absolutely no sense

unless alex & ani headquarters is actually a giant orgone accumulator

If so, I'm heading on over

http://leoniedawson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Business-Goddess-Header-600x424.jpg

http://leoniedawson.com/shop/courses/business-goddess-e-course/

“I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!”

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

What an incredible knowledge base you have. You turned the lights on, gave me actionable items & concrete steps to take that quickly changed the game for me and allowed me to make my BIG beautiful dream a reality in just two months!!

The video shows a very unfortunate still shot:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8088/8427140714_9ffb58af31_b.jpg

Then I tried to work out how I could do it by selling my art. The numbers didn’t add up. I had no idea how it was even possible.

Then I remembered bullshit business marketing schemes and now I'm rich! RICH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU SUCKERS

I find her schtick particularly repellent because I know a lot of crystal-gripping hippies who are sweet people but really gullible about anything presented with certain keywords like "goddess" and "soul" and "create" and "spiritual" and I can just feel the frustration as I try to explain to these people that they are wasting their money on nonsense.

I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!

can we just say that these claims are pretty unimpressive if you assume a low starting income, as one should for a sacred crystal biz

it's hard to find good value in spiritual ventures