❀ the cult of: ➥motivational speakers ➥life coaches ➥personal growth gurus ➥new-age charlatans ➥AWESOMENESS FEST

Message Bookmarked
Bookmark Removed
Not all messages are displayed: show all messages (2010 of them)

alex & ani university is chock full of wtf

"I call Alex and Ani products “love-identity” objects since the company spotlights our feelings and focus on connection."

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 22 January 2013 21:46 (eleven years ago) link

All of this language just turns into a muted trombone riff.

I've sat through a few meetings like this (minus the hippie overtones). Even when people who are infected with this language try not to speak like this, it just creeps back in.

for the relief of unbearable space hugs (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 22 January 2013 21:55 (eleven years ago) link

a song has to be really good to get me to the point where i'm singing "cause you sex takes me to paradise" around the house and walking to work and clapping my hands and bobbing my head and shit

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 22 January 2013 22:00 (eleven years ago) link

oops wrong thread

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 22 January 2013 22:00 (eleven years ago) link

lol

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 22 January 2013 22:02 (eleven years ago) link

I don't know man, I don't think it is

mh, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 22:11 (eleven years ago) link

alex & ani university is chock full of wtf

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

Milton Parker, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 22:19 (eleven years ago) link

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 22 January 2013 22:37 (eleven years ago) link

wow

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 00:05 (eleven years ago) link

how did i miss this thread until right now, this is amazing and horrifying

let's go do some crimes (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 00:07 (eleven years ago) link

it's like a late-period david foster wallace story escaped into the real world

let's go do some crimes (strongo hulkington's ghost dad), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 00:07 (eleven years ago) link

welcome, strongo.

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 00:25 (eleven years ago) link

profits support the earth. smdh

Aimless, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 00:54 (eleven years ago) link

profits all the way down

inste grammophon (rogermexico.), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 01:08 (eleven years ago) link

you need to get 11 servings of profits daily but earth should only be enjoyed sparingly

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 03:06 (eleven years ago) link

oh hahahaha fuck me so i get to work this morning and i'm told that we have members of the alex & ani design team visiting the office today oh lord

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 14:42 (eleven years ago) link

please report back afterward please please

for the relief of unbearable space hugs (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 15:55 (eleven years ago) link

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

― Milton Parker, Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:19 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

― fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:37 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

have fun guys!

http://www.osha.gov/pls/imis/sicsearch.html
http://www.sec.gov/info/edgar/siccodes.htm

goole, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:09 (eleven years ago) link

interestingly, OSHA and the SEC have slight variations in their SIC lists. pretty funny, huh. government, amirite?

giovanni feroce otm tho, neither authority lists "positive energy" as an industry classification.

goole, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:11 (eleven years ago) link

that is amazing hilarious and makes absolutely no sense

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:17 (eleven years ago) link

unless alex & ani headquarters is actually a giant orgone accumulator

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:18 (eleven years ago) link

If so, I'm heading on over

mh, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:20 (eleven years ago) link

“I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!”

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

What an incredible knowledge base you have. You turned the lights on, gave me actionable items & concrete steps to take that quickly changed the game for me and allowed me to make my BIG beautiful dream a reality in just two months!!

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 05:05 (eleven years ago) link

The video shows a very unfortunate still shot:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8088/8427140714_9ffb58af31_b.jpg

carl agatha, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 13:32 (eleven years ago) link

Then I tried to work out how I could do it by selling my art. The numbers didn’t add up. I had no idea how it was even possible.

Then I remembered bullshit business marketing schemes and now I'm rich! RICH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU SUCKERS

carl agatha, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 13:34 (eleven years ago) link

I find her schtick particularly repellent because I know a lot of crystal-gripping hippies who are sweet people but really gullible about anything presented with certain keywords like "goddess" and "soul" and "create" and "spiritual" and I can just feel the frustration as I try to explain to these people that they are wasting their money on nonsense.

carl agatha, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 13:40 (eleven years ago) link

I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!

can we just say that these claims are pretty unimpressive if you assume a low starting income, as one should for a sacred crystal biz

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 14:40 (eleven years ago) link

it's hard to find good value in spiritual ventures

mh, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 14:41 (eleven years ago) link

not to mention low starting mailing list

zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 14:54 (eleven years ago) link

quit hippiesplaining

badg, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 15:32 (eleven years ago) link

xp

badg, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 15:32 (eleven years ago) link

I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix...

people using the matrix as a frame of reference is a huge huge pet peeve of mine. that and fight club.

goole, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 16:24 (eleven years ago) link

haha "i wanted to step out of the matrix... and into a pyramid-scheme affiliate marketing program!"

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 16:37 (eleven years ago) link

I'm with the Joe Pantoliano character in this scenario.

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 16:44 (eleven years ago) link

next two things that are squares

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 17:26 (eleven years ago) link

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

scream blahula scream (govern yourself accordingly), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 18:56 (eleven years ago) link

i mean, it really bears repeating

scream blahula scream (govern yourself accordingly), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 18:57 (eleven years ago) link

I’d do stuff like Hug 200 People In A Day, and give massages and angel readings to people who needed them.

tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 23:03 (eleven years ago) link

slightly off-topic but

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarkusRothkranz

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 12 February 2013 19:11 (eleven years ago) link

dude

goole, Wednesday, 13 February 2013 04:44 (eleven years ago) link

the "full force" video

goole, Wednesday, 13 February 2013 04:45 (eleven years ago) link

i'm saying!

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Wednesday, 13 February 2013 05:14 (eleven years ago) link

idk if i want him to be a ben stiller character or a tom cruise character

goole, Wednesday, 13 February 2013 05:58 (eleven years ago) link

I am having the same struggle, goole

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 15 February 2013 14:27 (eleven years ago) link

Which has brought me to substituting tom cruise for every ben stiller role and sketch, and it kind of works.

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 15 February 2013 14:28 (eleven years ago) link

my world is realigning

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 15 February 2013 14:28 (eleven years ago) link

one month passes...

someone i know, a guy who was always a genius or thereabouts and also crazy or thereabouts, finished his phd last summer (writing the entire thing in something like six weeks) and then as far as i can tell p much disappeared. he's now reappeared as some kind of cosmic guru. he has multiple followers and everything. not entirely sure what to make of this.

hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Monday, 18 March 2013 20:19 (eleven years ago) link


You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.