❀ the cult of: ➥motivational speakers ➥life coaches ➥personal growth gurus ➥new-age charlatans ➥AWESOMENESS FEST

alex & ani university is chock full of wtf

"I call Alex and Ani products “love-identity” objects since the company spotlights our feelings and focus on connection."

All of this language just turns into a muted trombone riff.

I've sat through a few meetings like this (minus the hippie overtones). Even when people who are infected with this language try not to speak like this, it just creeps back in.

a song has to be really good to get me to the point where i'm singing "cause you sex takes me to paradise" around the house and walking to work and clapping my hands and bobbing my head and shit

oops wrong thread

lol

I don't know man, I don't think it is

alex & ani university is chock full of wtf

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a6/Sprad/Mindvalley_Earth_zps8ff0e84f.png

wow

how did i miss this thread until right now, this is amazing and horrifying

it's like a late-period david foster wallace story escaped into the real world

welcome, strongo.

profits support the earth. smdh

profits all the way down

you need to get 11 servings of profits daily but earth should only be enjoyed sparingly

oh hahahaha fuck me so i get to work this morning and i'm told that we have members of the alex & ani design team visiting the office today oh lord

please report back afterward please please

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

― Milton Parker, Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:19 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

― fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:37 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

have fun guys!

http://www.osha.gov/pls/imis/sicsearch.html
http://www.sec.gov/info/edgar/siccodes.htm

interestingly, OSHA and the SEC have slight variations in their SIC lists. pretty funny, huh. government, amirite?

giovanni feroce otm tho, neither authority lists "positive energy" as an industry classification.

that is amazing hilarious and makes absolutely no sense

unless alex & ani headquarters is actually a giant orgone accumulator

If so, I'm heading on over

http://leoniedawson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/Business-Goddess-Header-600x424.jpg

http://leoniedawson.com/shop/courses/business-goddess-e-course/

“I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!”

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

What an incredible knowledge base you have. You turned the lights on, gave me actionable items & concrete steps to take that quickly changed the game for me and allowed me to make my BIG beautiful dream a reality in just two months!!

The video shows a very unfortunate still shot:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8088/8427140714_9ffb58af31_b.jpg

Then I tried to work out how I could do it by selling my art. The numbers didn’t add up. I had no idea how it was even possible.

Then I remembered bullshit business marketing schemes and now I'm rich! RICH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU SUCKERS

I find her schtick particularly repellent because I know a lot of crystal-gripping hippies who are sweet people but really gullible about anything presented with certain keywords like "goddess" and "soul" and "create" and "spiritual" and I can just feel the frustration as I try to explain to these people that they are wasting their money on nonsense.

I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!

can we just say that these claims are pretty unimpressive if you assume a low starting income, as one should for a sacred crystal biz

it's hard to find good value in spiritual ventures

not to mention low starting mailing list

quit hippiesplaining

xp

I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix...

people using the matrix as a frame of reference is a huge huge pet peeve of mine. that and fight club.

haha "i wanted to step out of the matrix... and into a pyramid-scheme affiliate marketing program!"

I'm with the Joe Pantoliano character in this scenario.

http://i8.photobucket.com/albums/a6/Sprad/Mindvalley_Earth_zps8ff0e84f.pnghttp://www.readthespirit.com/storage/0119%20Capitalist%20Pyramid%20from%201911%20poster.jpg

next two things that are squares

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

i mean, it really bears repeating

I’d do stuff like Hug 200 People In A Day, and give massages and angel readings to people who needed them.

slightly off-topic but

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarkusRothkranz

dude

the "full force" video

i'm saying!

idk if i want him to be a ben stiller character or a tom cruise character

I am having the same struggle, goole

Which has brought me to substituting tom cruise for every ben stiller role and sketch, and it kind of works.

my world is realigning

someone i know, a guy who was always a genius or thereabouts and also crazy or thereabouts, finished his phd last summer (writing the entire thing in something like six weeks) and then as far as i can tell p much disappeared. he's now reappeared as some kind of cosmic guru. he has multiple followers and everything. not entirely sure what to make of this.