❀ the cult of: ➥motivational speakers ➥life coaches ➥personal growth gurus ➥new-age charlatans ➥AWESOMENESS FEST

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please report back afterward please please

for the relief of unbearable space hugs (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 15:55 (eleven years ago) link

the one that gets me: "When I first met Alex and Ani’s CEO, Giovanni Feroce, I was struck by his clear intention to bring a new standard industrialization code (or SIC) to Alex and Ani products. Feroce wanted a new SIC labeled “positivity energy.” Not only does he seek reclamation of American manufacturing, but he also considers this “mission” a requirement amidst the climate of economic uncertainty for most human beings today."

― Milton Parker, Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:19 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i can't even parse that sentence. i need a diagram.

― fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, January 22, 2013 4:37 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

have fun guys!

http://www.osha.gov/pls/imis/sicsearch.html
http://www.sec.gov/info/edgar/siccodes.htm

goole, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:09 (eleven years ago) link

interestingly, OSHA and the SEC have slight variations in their SIC lists. pretty funny, huh. government, amirite?

giovanni feroce otm tho, neither authority lists "positive energy" as an industry classification.

goole, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:11 (eleven years ago) link

that is amazing hilarious and makes absolutely no sense

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:17 (eleven years ago) link

unless alex & ani headquarters is actually a giant orgone accumulator

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:18 (eleven years ago) link

If so, I'm heading on over

mh, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:20 (eleven years ago) link

“I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!”

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

What an incredible knowledge base you have. You turned the lights on, gave me actionable items & concrete steps to take that quickly changed the game for me and allowed me to make my BIG beautiful dream a reality in just two months!!

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 05:05 (eleven years ago) link

The video shows a very unfortunate still shot:

http://farm9.staticflickr.com/8088/8427140714_9ffb58af31_b.jpg

carl agatha, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 13:32 (eleven years ago) link

Then I tried to work out how I could do it by selling my art. The numbers didn’t add up. I had no idea how it was even possible.

Then I remembered bullshit business marketing schemes and now I'm rich! RICH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU SUCKERS

carl agatha, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 13:34 (eleven years ago) link

I find her schtick particularly repellent because I know a lot of crystal-gripping hippies who are sweet people but really gullible about anything presented with certain keywords like "goddess" and "soul" and "create" and "spiritual" and I can just feel the frustration as I try to explain to these people that they are wasting their money on nonsense.

carl agatha, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 13:40 (eleven years ago) link

I DOUBLED MY INCOME, TRIPLED MY MAILING LIST + QUIT MY JOB IN 6 WEEKS!

can we just say that these claims are pretty unimpressive if you assume a low starting income, as one should for a sacred crystal biz

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 14:40 (eleven years ago) link

it's hard to find good value in spiritual ventures

mh, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 14:41 (eleven years ago) link

not to mention low starting mailing list

zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 14:54 (eleven years ago) link

quit hippiesplaining

badg, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 15:32 (eleven years ago) link

xp

badg, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 15:32 (eleven years ago) link

I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix...

people using the matrix as a frame of reference is a huge huge pet peeve of mine. that and fight club.

goole, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 16:24 (eleven years ago) link

haha "i wanted to step out of the matrix... and into a pyramid-scheme affiliate marketing program!"

fueled by satanism, violence, and sodomy (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 16:37 (eleven years ago) link

I'm with the Joe Pantoliano character in this scenario.

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 16:44 (eleven years ago) link

next two things that are squares

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 17:26 (eleven years ago) link

I knew that my sacred crystal biz wanted to grow. I wanted to leave my teaching position and step out of the matrix & into the world of contributing, creating & running my sacred crystal biz FULL TIME. I knew I needed a biz coach but I didn’t resonate with most of run of the mill boring ole’ entrepreneur coaches out there. I knew it had to be someone who was spiritual & “GOT” me, my sacred crystal biz & what I’m trying to bring to the world. And then *poof*, there you were!! Of course. I knew then, I didn’t need a biz coach, I needed a LEONIE!

scream blahula scream (govern yourself accordingly), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 18:56 (eleven years ago) link

i mean, it really bears repeating

scream blahula scream (govern yourself accordingly), Tuesday, 29 January 2013 18:57 (eleven years ago) link

I’d do stuff like Hug 200 People In A Day, and give massages and angel readings to people who needed them.

tokyo rosemary, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 23:03 (eleven years ago) link

slightly off-topic but

http://www.youtube.com/user/MarkusRothkranz

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 12 February 2013 19:11 (eleven years ago) link

dude

goole, Wednesday, 13 February 2013 04:44 (eleven years ago) link

the "full force" video

goole, Wednesday, 13 February 2013 04:45 (eleven years ago) link

i'm saying!

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Wednesday, 13 February 2013 05:14 (eleven years ago) link

idk if i want him to be a ben stiller character or a tom cruise character

goole, Wednesday, 13 February 2013 05:58 (eleven years ago) link

I am having the same struggle, goole

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 15 February 2013 14:27 (eleven years ago) link

Which has brought me to substituting tom cruise for every ben stiller role and sketch, and it kind of works.

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 15 February 2013 14:28 (eleven years ago) link

my world is realigning

© all the feelings (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 15 February 2013 14:28 (eleven years ago) link

one month passes...

someone i know, a guy who was always a genius or thereabouts and also crazy or thereabouts, finished his phd last summer (writing the entire thing in something like six weeks) and then as far as i can tell p much disappeared. he's now reappeared as some kind of cosmic guru. he has multiple followers and everything. not entirely sure what to make of this.

hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Monday, 18 March 2013 20:19 (eleven years ago) link

no website no credibility.

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Monday, 18 March 2013 20:26 (eleven years ago) link

yes i would like to know more

goole, Monday, 18 March 2013 20:26 (eleven years ago) link

oh right i'll never convert you this way

youtube.com/watch?v=gpx_ht7Moqo

but shhh. i'm not sure that it's much more than standard new age stuff with a bit of cybernetics and information theory thrown in, he should be able to do better imo. though the rest of the people in the druggy pseudo-initiation ceremony i found myself part of seemed pretty into it.

hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Monday, 18 March 2013 20:46 (eleven years ago) link

he seems to get rolling at around the 11 minute mark.

hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Monday, 18 March 2013 20:49 (eleven years ago) link

did he always have the beard or did he grow that for the guru act?

wk, Monday, 18 March 2013 21:01 (eleven years ago) link

what was his phd in?

goole, Monday, 18 March 2013 21:02 (eleven years ago) link

philosophy. p hardcore german idealist stuff.

he actually doesn't have the beard any more, but his hair is longer and loosely ponytailed for that classic guru look. back when i first knew him both head and face were clean shaven.

hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Monday, 18 March 2013 21:05 (eleven years ago) link

dude just needs to learn about SEO and he's set

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Monday, 18 March 2013 21:49 (eleven years ago) link

terrifying Alex & Ani University billboard now looking out on the 80, peering over all incoming traffic to San Francisco

creeeeeeeping into the mainstream

Milton Parker, Monday, 18 March 2013 22:22 (eleven years ago) link

squished video aspect ratio makes the hand motions seem more significant

☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Monday, 18 March 2013 23:47 (eleven years ago) link

haha my dad is consulting for alex & ani now, i told him WATCH OUT

open the blood gates (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 14:36 (eleven years ago) link

since we talked about lululemon here:

http://www.reuters.com/article/2013/03/19/us-lululemon-taiwan-idUSBRE92I0MA20130319

hilarious PA here or just business-journo ignorance?

Late on Monday, Lululemon said it was pulling from its store shelves about 17 percent of the women's black pants made with its signature stretchy "Luon" fabric because the products fell short of technical specifications.

It warned that the recall of the see-through pants would have a significant impact on financial results.

The episode, the second quality issue disclosed in less than a year, could undermine Lululemon's reputation, said analysts who noted that competition from lower-priced brands is heating up.

goole, Tuesday, 19 March 2013 20:02 (eleven years ago) link

i mean, a psycho murder between employees and secret creepo messages on your bags aren't enough to do damage if you're showing growth i guess

goole, Tuesday, 19 March 2013 20:05 (eleven years ago) link

I think there is something a little admirable about people that think they are so enlightened that they want to go out and teach the world. At least they are actually getting out of the house, meeting new people, trying to start a business, etc. Most guru-types I've known simply wallow in drug addiction, sleep until 5pm, and end up late-night preaching the same vague regurgitated self-aggrandizing shroom trip realizations over and over to the same group of people. At least self help teachers and even straight up con men are actually making an effort to crawl out of their own egos.

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 20:11 (eleven years ago) link

Tho i guess listening to 4 straight hours of your friends scraping cymbals together is probably still a better thing to do than getting involved in a pyramid scheme.

Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 19 March 2013 20:12 (eleven years ago) link

they're... multiplying....

http://www.awesomenessfest.com/blog/join-the-movement/

❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Friday, 22 March 2013 11:39 (eleven years ago) link

"Afest" is a branding mistake. Reminds me of a similarly abbreviated term sharing many of the same qualities.

No, not sinister (Austerity Ponies), Friday, 22 March 2013 13:49 (eleven years ago) link


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