Real England

Oxford's a city of real/not real contrasts.

― he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up (NotEnough), Thursday, October 24, 2013 8:49 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Cambridge has a "reality checkpoint" but it overstates the case imo.

irreal england

http://www.blokesandbirdschicago.com/about/

This place claims to be British, so we'll use a Brit term to describe it: It's a bit shit.

Feels like a rant worthy morning, so lets do that. I feel like the creator of this place was once told about GB, a few words and phrases, and maybe a brief overview of the food, then 10 years later he recounted what he could and tried to base a restaurant upon it. Words and phrases are strewn about the menu with no regard for meaning or context, and it ends up making the customer feel like a jackass when ordering.

Cocktails: Seriously, why do restaurants feel the need to name their cocktails this way? You know what I wanted? Something with bourbon. You know what I had to order of their cocktail menu? "Mind the Bollocks". Now, I realize that this is probably in reference to the Sex Pistols (edgy...), although when it comes to it, drinks are like, one word phrases. So I have to order a "bollocks." Barkeep, please give me a "testicles" on the rock. That being said, it wasn't very good. Too sweet. Their entire cocktail menu appeared uninspired, and named like something from a themed restaurant like a Hard Rock Cafe.

Food: The menu was nice and short, although I might argue TOO short. The curry, albeit tasty (and also stupidly named,) would be unrecognizable as a curry to any Brit. It felt that they had filled out the menu with standard bar food but put "English" or "the Queen's" or something in front of it. Buckingham Baked Mac N' Cheese? Marleybone Mozz & Toms? Posh on Beck? Come off it.

"Amish chicken"
"Fancy curry"
"Queen's Oreo ice cream"
amazing

The thought of an 'English' theme pub serving 'brunch' is enough to make me choke on my bowl of shreddies.

Butcher & Squeeze

artisan cheese, serrano ham, dried & fresh fruit, water crackers & quince's membrillo

http://www.wsc.co.uk/forum-index/27-football/852607-mascots-observing-minutes-silences

Pompey v Norwich Sept 1997 - minute's silence for Lady Di - our mascot = over-sized mobile phone bowing its headset.

not to take the shine off the excellent WSC thread but the practice strikes me as spiritually American

the difference with america is that hieratic kitsch is naturalized, every nfl game has the national anthem and military pageantry alongside the cheerleaders and pyrotechnics, in this country the popular commemorative tendency is more a sort of uneasy solemnity enforced via bashfulness

none more real and England-y than this

http://www.theargus.co.uk/news/10794642.Katie_Price_refuses_to_come_out_of_back_room_at_Bolton_supermarket_as_perfume_launch_flops/

Fewer than 30 people queued to meet Katie Price at her fragrance signing in Bolton - and she responded by ordering out photographers and refusing to come out of a back room. The short queue gathered at Tesco Extra in Horwich near Bolton yesterday morning, where the Former Patcham High pupil was due to appear at 11am.. The strong-smelling, musky scent comes in a lipstick-red bottle, which the former Page 3 model said she designed to represent her "flirty yet innocent" side.
One punter said it smelled just like Brut.

http://www.real-whitby.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/Real-whitby-logo.jpg

that site appears to feature a whole section devoted to the annual Goth weekend, which could be none more England

http://www.youtube.com/user/benheels/videos?sort=dd&view=0&shelf_id=1

realness

yeah, have to cop a late pass cos the tremendous 'mans on road' there is attracting hipster kisses now but really it's all high grade material as they say

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/premier-inn-guest-stripped-naked-2786577

that version doesn't have the realest bit of the story

The court was told Small had travelled from Sheffield to make a deal on a used car.

demeanour, accent etc of mans on road bruh reminds a little of ex newsnight now channel 4 news economics maven paul mason, could be his son or nephew or something

obviously the ben heels youtube channel is my favourite thing in the thread

dunno if loss of life is too grim, out of bounds, but the peterborough ditch murders look v real england to me

reports giving impression that her plea is more 'cba with a trial' than 'guilty'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=3FtrloDwPQw

Enjoyed the little detail at the end of this:

Magistrates heard that police only became aware of the collision on 16 May because Way tweeted "definitely knocked a cyclist off his bike earlier. I have right of way - he doesn't even pay road tax!" using the hashtag #bloodycyclists afterwards.

The cyclist, Toby Hockley, suffered bruising and minor damage to his bike in the incident, near the village of Rockland All Saints, Norfolk.

Way was ordered to pay a £337 fine and £300 in costs, and was given seven points on her licence.

She said in court: "The tweet was spur of the moment. It was ridiculous and stupid and I apologise to all cyclists. It is the biggest regret of my life so far."

Way refused to comment as she left court, saying she had signed an exclusive television deal.

the next biggest regret of her life so far

Hope her first name is Rita

like to imagine a TV-ideas-pitching freelance desperado with a lightbulb above his head, the glow increasing as he ponders the surname Way and the phrse "right of way"

that was an xp but they can coexist imho

Way refused to comment as she left court, saying she had signed an exclusive television deal.

I'm a Celebrity Get Out of My Way

Fagg, 56, of Redgeland Rise, St Leonards, was due in Crawley Magistrates’ Court today to enter pleas to three counts.

He is charged on August 22 with harassment.

The specifics of this offence are “for approximately three years you have regularly called and visited the office of Holden and co solicitors and then in August 2013 you began to attend the offices leaving notes on the window and shouting outside the offices.

“On August 22 you then attended the offices and committed criminal damage by throwing fish entrails and sour milk on the carpet.

“On August 23 you attended the offices and poured a brown substance over the front windows of the offices.

“On August 28 you sent an abusive letter to Jolyon Holden and on September 11 after being arrested and bailed for this harassment you left a threatening message on the answer phone of the offices.”

It must be said, we are a nation rich in brown substances.

How much of that could one do and not get to the point of being charged with harrassment?
asking for a friend

like to imagine a TV-ideas-pitching freelance desperado with a lightbulb above his head, the glow increasing as he ponders the surname Way and the phrse "right of way"

i think we all know who

http://resources3.news.com.au/images/2011/02/22/1226010/267623-ben-elton.jpg

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-norfolk-25140358

Supt Carl Edwards said: "Firstly, I'd like to stress that it isn't against the law to dress up as a clown.

"Nobody has been assaulted and it appears that the people involved are waiting for a passer-by to be startled by their appearance and run away, and then the clown runs after them for a short distance."

it is important to gain a perspective on these incidents

Interested to see clown loitering perhaps starting to go viral after the Northampton occurrences. Anticipating the growth of a new subculture.

subculture shd die off pretty quick the first time one of these dorks startles somebody with a low tolerance for being startled

http://www.lynnnews.co.uk/webimage/1.5700506.1385117655!/image/3181243510.jpg_gen/derivatives/articleImgDeriv_628px/3181243510.jpg

many uk subcultures quite able to cope and even thrive while getting whaled on by yobs a lot tbf

good point, sir

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BbR4QIhCYAAcR0d.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BbPe3WgCUAEYlLu.jpg

I must say I have a lot of love for the kind of institutional stairwell pictured in that last shot. Prefer them to be unsullied by Space Raiders / M&Ms / unspecified slop obv.

I particularly love when pubs which have been decorated as traditional pubs on the ground floor of 60s / 70s developments but the wood-pannelled door marked "toilets" opens to a stairwell / corridor in this precise style, St Bride's Tavern off New Bridge Street being a particularly good example.

unspecified slop looks like blood to me, no doubt spilled in a Space Raiders vs M&Ms beef

Maybe more Real Britannia than specifically England but Iceland's attempts at hors d'oeuvres made me thing of this thread.

http://www.iceland.co.uk/_assets/images/cache/autoxauto/4769.jpg

Yes, that is a fish finger with a single chip embedded in mushy peas.

Also their attempts to help us navigate the minefield that is choosing wine for a party:

http://groceries.iceland.co.uk/medias/sys_master/h43/he7/8823802789918.jpg

That Iceland stuff makes me think that a PR agency has persuaded them to chase some 'ironic hipster food' buzz.

They had paper cones of chips as hors d'oeurves a few years ago and probably looked at trend reports to come to that decision.

The fish finger/pea/chip tower sounds delicious tbh.

i've had them, they're alright