jesus
― circa1916, Thursday, 5 March 2009 10:08 (sixteen years ago)
That's horrible. Also, important to remember about our new friends and creditors.
― kenan, Thursday, 5 March 2009 10:18 (sixteen years ago)
Man, is it ever not funny, though.
Obama Outfitted With 238 Motion Capture Sensors For 3-D Record Of Presidency
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_outfitted_with_238_motion
(there's one missing from the first picture, under his left ribs)
― koogs, Thursday, 5 March 2009 11:52 (sixteen years ago)
http://pitchfork.com/news/34809-billy-corgan-speaks-before-congress/
― and how (omar little), Tuesday, 10 March 2009 22:25 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/stephon_marbury_embroils_celtics
^^^ I bet it was a lot of fun to write this
― iatee, Tuesday, 10 March 2009 22:46 (sixteen years ago)
sports = most constantly good section
― iatee, Tuesday, 10 March 2009 22:47 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29938?utm_source=most_pop_dugg
― corps of discovery (schlump), Tuesday, 31 March 2009 12:48 (sixteen years ago)
Yeah, that was funny when I read it 12 years ago.
― •--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 31 March 2009 13:54 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/renowned_hoo_ha_doctor_wins_nobel?utm_source=a-section
― bidfurd, Friday, 3 April 2009 22:27 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists?utm_source=a-section
― featuring Strawberry and the Shortcakes (Billy Dods), Tuesday, 7 April 2009 17:44 (sixteen years ago)
Bobbie Battista now works for The Onion? (in that clip Billy linked to)
― StanM, Sunday, 12 April 2009 23:49 (sixteen years ago)
Yup, she sure does.
― Ned Raggett, Monday, 13 April 2009 00:02 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/pragues_franz_kafka_international
This is my favorite since the schizophrenia one.
― Fetchboy, Monday, 13 April 2009 10:02 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Auction-Won-fp.frontpage_features_thumbnail.jpg
Auction Won By Crab With $20 Stuck In Claw
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
― EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Wednesday, 29 April 2009 12:15 (sixteen years ago)
ya that was amazing
― s1ocki, Wednesday, 29 April 2009 13:47 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/three_fingered_on_class_trip_to?utm_source=c-section
(lots of great material lately)
― StanM, Saturday, 9 May 2009 09:03 (sixteen years ago)
so perfect that it started as a student paper in madison. even though they're long since huge and located in new york now still it's like a weekly refresher on the town's attitude
― kamerad, Saturday, 9 May 2009 13:48 (sixteen years ago)
Besides setting the literary community abuzz, Salinger's decision to come out of seclusion has allowed scholars access to his massive archive of unpublished work for the first time. So far, critics have examined three never-before-seen novels, eight novellas, and more than two dozen short stories—all of which appear to be Terminator fan fiction.
― EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Monday, 8 June 2009 13:47 (sixteen years ago)
:D
― the England guy that throws the balls (country matters), Monday, 8 June 2009 14:39 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_90_of_waking_hours_spent?utm_source=a-section
― chap, Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:51 (sixteen years ago)
It's not funny because it's true
― The "Confirm" button from the hilarious Suggest Ban page (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:53 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/awful_article_large.article_large.jpg
"Wow, this is going to look really candid since I'm always hanging out by scaffolding," says the terrible human being.
― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Monday, 22 June 2009 09:43 (sixteen years ago)
And this headline: 60-Year-Old Hippie Pitied By 40-Year-Old Punk (link). "According to nearby sources, both the 60-year-old hippie and the 40-year-old punk were later pitied by a 30-year-old raver sitting barefoot in the grass."
― sciolism, Monday, 22 June 2009 11:33 (sixteen years ago)
Not brand new, but omg funny.http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_slog_through_40_000
― Hot Heineken (kenan), Monday, 22 June 2009 22:07 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gap_unveils_new_for_kids_by_kids
― funky house sceptic system (Curt1s Stephens), Wednesday, 24 June 2009 03:57 (sixteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_axes_pentagon_plan_to_build?utm_source=a-section
― chap, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:43 (fifteen years ago)
Well then.
― Ned Raggett, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:08 (fifteen years ago)
!
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:11 (fifteen years ago)
It's so good. Love the goddamn Onion.
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:26 (fifteen years ago)
amazing!
― Roz, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:33 (fifteen years ago)
http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/home/elements/4530/middle_china_warning.pnghttp://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/son_its_time_we_have_a_talk
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:40 (fifteen years ago)
Yao Ming, who at 28 will soon be the only active player ever to be inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame, learned to play basketball when he was 3 years old after finding an untamed cobra in the mountains, a cobra of ancient legend whose very breath was poisonous. The cobra was taller than a full-grown tree, and beat Yao in one-on-one basketball competition every day for 19 straight years. Then, the very night before their final game, Yao prayed deeply to his ancestors and ingested more than 20 pounds of Yu Wan Mei fish by-products, and behold! Yao grew three feet while he slept.Yao beat the cobra 11-0 the following morning, beheaded it with a great spear, fashioned a graceful sailing vessel from its colossal body, and rode this vessel across the Pacific Ocean to play professional basketball in the United States. There, Yao Ming became leader of the Rockets after receiving the Mandate of Heaven from previous team captain Hakeem Olajuwon.It is worth repeating, sources confirmed, that Tracy McGrady should always pass the ball to Yao Ming.
Yao beat the cobra 11-0 the following morning, beheaded it with a great spear, fashioned a graceful sailing vessel from its colossal body, and rode this vessel across the Pacific Ocean to play professional basketball in the United States. There, Yao Ming became leader of the Rockets after receiving the Mandate of Heaven from previous team captain Hakeem Olajuwon.
It is worth repeating, sources confirmed, that Tracy McGrady should always pass the ball to Yao Ming.
when these guys do dumb, it is so so beautiful
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:43 (fifteen years ago)
...and then he swallowed the ocean.
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:45 (fifteen years ago)
the Yu Wan Mei spin-off site is quite something too
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:47 (fifteen years ago)
http://www.yuwanmei.com/img/yuwanmei_device_large.jpg
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:54 (fifteen years ago)
Code 41-Virtue-00B
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:56 (fifteen years ago)
This is kind of a step up for The Onion, I think -- instead of just parodying dumb-ass Americans, they're throwing some poo in a direction that no one else seems to be throwing it. "Hey, guys, let's not forget. China is still pretty fucking evil."
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:00 (fifteen years ago)
They should do way more themed issues.
― Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:06 (fifteen years ago)
Pretty dark, you guys.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_still_searching_for?utm_source=a-section
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:16 (fifteen years ago)
The sheer amount of LOL in this whole project is incredible. (scroll down for the subsidiaries: http://www.yuwanmei.com/products )
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:17 (fifteen years ago)
For some reason "Hu-Hu Poisonous Treats" just cracked me up.
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:20 (fifteen years ago)
the spoken ad at the end of the "Workers Protest Over-Ventilation Of U.S. Factories" radio bit!
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:21 (fifteen years ago)
Do not remove the Loyalty Bracelet.
― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:24 (fifteen years ago)
I love the comments for an article on their Shawn Johnson Put Down After Breaking Leg video:http://blogs.suntimes.com/sportsprose/2009/06/onions_shawn_johnson_dead_vide.html
― My vagina has a dress code. (milo z), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:27 (fifteen years ago)
loool "I AM CONFUSED.... IS SHE DEAD OR NOT?"
― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:30 (fifteen years ago)
This picture is killing me.
― Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:33 (fifteen years ago)
That woman-missing video is like the cherry on the icing
― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:41 (fifteen years ago)
Funniest racist jokes I've read in literally days!
― Snorks is worst cartoon in america and world plus fuck Snorks (iiiijjjj), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 00:51 (fifteen years ago)
^new ILE handle, thanks mods
― k3vin k., Tuesday, 21 July 2009 01:04 (fifteen years ago)