Star Wars 7 shit talk

I love you canon.

However, Maul managed to survive his defeat at the hands of Kenobi. Through his hate and will to live, as well as his hatred against Kenobi, he reached out with the Force and grabbed an air vent.[8]

http://img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120518041057/starwars/images/5/57/DarthScorpionKing-SWE.png

The hilt can also be used for offense this way.

can't really see that happening tbh w/o having the opposite end of the hilt up to yr throat or something, or having your opponent in a weird position where the blade wouldn't hit them first anyway

this is the worst movie ever

I had this idea that ILX should "precover" Ep 7 by building an entire film around the trailer scenes

directed by lou reed

No one ever dies in the Star Wars extended universe, do they? They always manage to claw back out of the Sarlacc somehow.

xxxp That Darth Maul thing was an entire story arc on the Clone Wars cartoon, where he was rescued by his brother -- I swear to god I am not making this up -- Savage Oppress*, and eventually given a regular pair of mechanical legs.

* This name was conceived by whichever one of Lucas's two daughters was a writer for the show. The younger one.

Yeah but the plot of the movie is pretty obvious:

-A stormtrooper wakes up in the desert after a heavy night of drinking.
-Some X-wings take some now unemployed rebel soldiers wake-boarding
-Some clumsy nerd kills himself with his stupid fucking light saber hilt in the woods somewhere. Nobody was anywhere near him and his body is never found. Good riddance.

BTW it's pronounced FRONKensteen SaVAJE oPRESS.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-7hBZNsPnyg

what if darth maul accidentally rips his own dick off with his mechanical legs. he should have short pants with a supportive netting interior.

http://images.superherostuff.com/image-shortstrwrsvdrkds-primary-shsresultsetsize.jpg

I don't think he has a dick anymore. Maybe his species never had dicks. hard to tell.

Or maybe they had very special dicks.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Lx-q0vsqrHQ/TcE6Lbw601I/AAAAAAAABtY/oSVnJEB1n_8/s1600/star-wars-darth-maul-double-bladed-light-saber-new-aede0.jpg.png

I don't think people you see at burning man classify as a separate "species"

-A stormtrooper wakes up in the desert after a heavy night of drinking.

Cut to an uber taking the other stormtroopers home, when one suddenly realizes "where's Mike?"

(Indiana Jones enters)

*"where's Jango 1002993?"

https://tribktla.files.wordpress.com/2014/12/star-wars-stormtrooper-trailer-boyega.jpg

rest of the film is about the awesome roadtrip they have trying to find Mike and bring him home

#1 hope about Boyega trooper is JJ has chosen to totally ignore prequel canon

(storm trooper enters Indiana Jones)

midichlorians shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

but they have to get to him before his uptight girlfriend finds out what he's been up to *gf rides off on landspeeder*

xxp but stormtroopers weren't Fett clones by the time of the original trilogy! Remember, Lucas dubbed over Boba Fett's voice with Temuera Morrison's, but *not* the stormtrooper voices.

They should reference midichlorians as a discredited theory a la luminiferous ether.

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/037/1/7/midi_chlorians_are_a_lie_by_nobdethroog-d4ouas4.jpg

Star Wars fan fiction can wiggle out of anything Lucas tries to do to ruin it.

Wait wait wait. So Darth Maul's actual last name is Oppress? That's like a Sith lord choosing to call himself Darth Vader when his real name is Anakin Hopecrusher.

maybe 'maul' is savage oppress' maiden name

what the hell is that comic

hey lets not be normative maybe oppress is maul's maiden name

maulopress

he had been busy designing his own custom force-powered coffee maker until he was seduced by the dark roast

Red Letter Media on General Grievous

"Also on this ship is Commander Nefarious, Captain I'm-A-Bad-Guy, and Admiral Bone-to-Pick. But they don't mention them."

I feel like Mrs. Oppress was pretty irresponsible in choosing the name of at least one of her children. Like, Oppress is a pretty heavy name to be saddled with already, but naming the kid Savage just gives him no chance at all. Name him Tim and there's at least the chance that he'll go to college or become something other than a violent despot.

But what do I know, maybe Maul's actual first name is Tim.

That comic has a bit of a Chick tract tone.

Gary Maul

Garth

"Darth" was just a mean playground nickname that stuck

Ollie Oppress

Darth Richard Branson

from Veergen Atloontic

http://theinfosphere.org/images/thumb/3/3d/Darths.png/225px-Darths.png

"Darth Stroyer, Darth Trocious, Darth Sploder, Darth Urderer, and Darth Ithead!"

http://theinfosphere.org/images/thumb/3/3d/Darths.png/225px-Darths.png

Gary Maul

― $0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Wednesday, December 3, 2014 4:11 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

http://photos.costume-works.com/full/darth_maul_starwars1.png

wtf is a 'vader' anyway

go way 'vadin

vater = german for father, come on noob

vādere: to go

I guess a vader is a goer, like in Monty Python.

ernest was a vader

Oh wait. In keeping with standard Sith lord naming conventions: Darth (In)Vader.