Star Wars 7 shit talk

new SW coming out soon, 'sode 7 - harrison ford is in it, reportedly broke his femur or something during filming, jj abrams directing, he is universally loved and will do a great job

sorry if any of that has been covered upthread i haven't read it yet

it's mostly banter about whether or not JJ will bring back the OG star wars' heart and soul, i.e. incest

xp Yeah, you replace the word Trek with Wars - filk is a fandom-wide curse.

Not sure about any of that but what are your feelings about hilts.

Hilt C/D?

fan theory: the hilt is for slicing onions

'sode 9 should be nothing but siblings making out

Slicing and caramelising!

plus flashback scenes of darth maul getting agonizing sith tattoos personally applied by darth sidious

we also discussed the new leaked movie art, which mostly depicts jar jar binks being milked by various futuristic machines

*SPOILER*
so we think there is a big milking scene

the hilt does look like 2 bunsen burners

after the filking scene

xpost

like poetry

binks filks and gets milked xxx

milky-chlorians

a Zabrak father who, by tradition, was murdered after Maul's conception.

this is positively the dumbest thing i've ever read in my entire life

it seems like such a waste of a good Zabrak

maybe it was many years after conception. it does not say 'immediately after'.

but someone should have been murdered after Maul's conception is what I'm sayin

that tradition would quickly result in a declining population and eventual extinction, is the weird thing

xp

I never saw episode 3, should I watch it before I watch this y/n

i want to know more about this Zabrak universe. i would like to know the story of Darth Maul's father, just after his birth. like did he just walk around awaiting his murder or did he fight back? i hope that every father who gets murdered goes down in a 20 minute light saber battle

maybe it's a tradition bc there are too many zabrak dudes

after a few generations there wouldn't be

i imagine that in the Zabrak world that climactic fight scene music from TPM is constantly playing as people get murdered left and right. also in the Zabrak world men are always weeping as they have sex for some reason

I mean if the male reproduction rate is anything lower than 100% you're going to have an exponentially declining population

xp

If you survived the first 2 you can do anything

xposts

what is the point? u know preying mantises actually have kind of a reason for killing dad right? how do they even keep their population stable if they kill the dad right after a conception? is their infant mortality rate zero? so every darth maul couple can have at most 1 darth maul child who might get their junk chopped off by a lightsaber before they can even produce another darth maul embryo?

ok gd i underestimate this ridiculous thread many xps

I mean if the male reproduction rate is anything lower than 100% you're going to have an exponentially declining population

UNLESS

what if the Zabrak men father multiple babies? if there's even 15 minutes allowed before they get murdered, that's enough time to jump in the bushes with someone else

that must be it. otherwise you're right, the population would quickly crash. glad to have cleared that up!

or the ratio of males to females is really large. it would still happen for many more than a few generations

Zabrak would commonly take their names from animals native to Iridonia, with many Zabrak families named after the Bukk. Many Zabrak males were named after the Blok, Lok, and zur. Many Zabrak females were known to take their names from the Triz.

According to Ashaa, the Mother Machine, the Zabraks were one of her "children," synthetic lifeforms she created under orders from the Infinite Empire, as part of experimentation the Rakata hoped would give them insight into the loss of their connection to the Force. [5] This would place the origins of the species sometime between 30,000 and 25,200 BBY.[6]

Zabraks, unlike Humans, could not grow eyelashes or facial hair – there were some exceptions, such as Maris Brood and Bao-Dur, who had eyebrows) and eye color (which have certain pigmentations that Humans lack, such as purple, yellow, red, and orange).

Many Zabrak females were known to take their names from the Triz.

^^ This stuff. Why "known to take"? Why not "took"?

it's more of a rumor

also what does it even mean to take your name from animals? how close did we come to Darth Mittens and Darth Mister Fluffums?

Darth Blobfish

an epic lightsaber battle between Darth Three Toed Sloth and Darth Two Toed Sloth

poop dance of death

http://www.wackyowl.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Darth-Vader-dog-costume.jpg

Darth Porkins

https://c1.staticflickr.com/1/67/156203373_345184dd92.jpg

Darth Maullard

http://youtu.be/N2Iu39b1IUc

#1 hope about Boyega trooper is JJ has chosen to totally ignore prequel canon

surely its a goodie in a stormtrooper costume in a "Aren't you a little short to be a stormtrooper?" type scenario?

Canon is nothing; by the time of ANH, stormtroopers were either conscripts or enlisted, not clones.

OK this splendid thread has introduced me to the concept of 'Filk'. I think I'm going to let it remain a concept and not watch any YouTube videos.

Good morning! this thread needs Sy Snoodles:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Kj98hIb58