start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

Here's something for the thread: K's third bday party last weekend. Woman we used to be closer to, now divorced with new weird boyfriend, shows up very late, with boyfriend and WITHOUT her son (excuse about last minute problem with ex, but who the fuck comes to a kid bday without a kid?!), and the second they come in they corner me and start pitching me their new business idea in this very obviously practiced but terrible speech. With perspective, it seems more sad than IA-making, but at the moment I really felt like these people were violating something important to me.

I had to cut them off because H was telling me it was time to bring out the cake and they were oblivious and continued to spew their bad business idea. Definitely never inviting them again.

http://youtube/OkdLWuCRe0c

OK, I can get wanting to come anyway without kid in tow if reasons neccesitate and yr close, but yeah thats way out of line. Ugh!

I sneeze loudly, need to get laid, and have better sex. Thread otm.

same

xp I never really thought of her as close to the point of coming to my kid's bday without their kid, although I guess she's more H's friend than mine. It also came in a context of this hardly being the first odd shit she's ever done.

a good loud sneeze does feel heavenly, i do admit

One of the managers in my office does this insanely loud HAAAA CHOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW sneeze that is so ridiculously theatrical and loud, it cannot be necessary. It scares the shit out of everyone when it happens.

gtfo I'll sneeze how I want its a little orgasm and its all mine

geez ok i take back the sex thing, sorry

Woman on a plane sneezes loudly several times within a minute and furrows her brow.

Woman next to her says, Are you ok?

Sneezer says Yeah, I'm fine. I just have this condition where every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.

Oh, my, says the second woman. Are you taking anything for it?

Yes, says the first woman. Pepper.

I do not like thee, Doctor Fell,
The reason why - I cannot tell;
But this I know, and know full well,
I do not like thee, Doctor Fell

For Doctor Fell, substitute a certain coworker whom I'm not going to name here. Difficulty: He is the in-office trainer, and I need his approval if I am to be certified as an HTML prepper.

is that in case HTML takes over the world and we all die in anguish

I'm trying to use Google Calendar for the first time and I am losing my fucking mind because there is no margin at the bottom of the page. Is there a way to create one? My eyes and sanity can't handle it.

xp

Given that the job involves the preparation and distribution of U.S. Federal Government documents, the idea of going off the grid and living off the land in, say, rural Montana has a greater appeal than is normal for me.

I am on a web meeting/presentation deal where there's slides on the computer and then a conference call for the audio, and someone is on the call without muting his phone and is snorting and sniffing and blowing his nose pretty much constantly and I'm torn between being grossed out, amused, irrationally angry, and irrationally embarrassed about it.

Just politely ask them to put mute on. Happens all the time.

If I were a presenter, I would but as a participant, I would feel presumptuous.

nah, you gotta speak up, everyone will be thankful

Be a hero.

be the change carl

It's been an hour and a half now. It's too late.

next time!

LOL somebody just yawned.

Okay it's over. The end went like this:

HUGE SNORTING NOSE BLOW

"That's the end of our presentation!"

Whenever my boss sneezes she follows with "Damn it!" She gets so angry and even somehow offended every time.

When I'm forced to be in on conference calls, I sometimes pull up a sound search engine like http://www.findsounds.com/ and play random noises from my PC into the phone (lion roars, car crashes, airplanes flying low, horror movie screams). Nobody can work out what's going on and it derails things splendidly.

omg thats a brilliant idea

(sadly im in an open plan office so I couldnt get away with such shenanigans but i love it nonetheless)

yeah idk if you cant make yr own sounds you get no love from me tbh

Home Depot keeps all of their metal-handled hand trucks outside, even in way below freezing weather. Absent-mindedly keep your un-gloved hands on the thing for a couple minutes in 15 degrees and experience some serious pain. Rubber grips would solve the problem.

seems like a liability issue

I was put in the mind of german soldiers getting chilblains on their feet from boots with nails in them in the russian winter. I'm not actually sure what a chilblain is, and I don't think I have them, but I was running to my car in pain to get to the heat as soon as possible, and it did feel like the kind of thing that would probably turn into some kind of frostbite or damage with another couple of minutes. OTOH my dumb ass should have worn gloves.

...wait, whats a hand truck?

im getting pretty rationally angry at my lungs wheres my bloody (sputum) thread

Actually I think hand truck isn't the exact right term anyway -- hand trucks are those upright two wheeled dealies you use to move a bunch of boxes or a piece of furniture. I'm talking about the flatbed carts.

Oh a trolley.

send a hand truck to do a hand job

I will forever think of a "trolley" only as a streetcar type of thing, probably due to Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood

yeah, I would never think of a flatbed cart if someone told to go get a trolley

I'd be more like "Do you also want me to pick up some sourdough bread?"

you're 2/3 of the way to a Hardee's/Carl's Jr.

Gonna put another IA in here for drivers that don't use turn signals. I hope you put the energy you save from not moving your hand inches away from the steering wheel to some good use.

Drivers who throw cigarette butts out the window

"But what am I supposed to do with them?"

I don't know. Swallow them and choke to death a little sooner

 I hope you put the energy you save from not moving your hand inches away from the steering wheel to some good use.

Ha I literally say this in my head on a daily basis.

you dont imo want these ppl to lose an iota of concentration from not crashing the car, which is what unlike to assume would happen instantly were they to break out the signal move

I like

but what about the classic (1) slow down, confusing drivers behind you, (2) begin turning even more slowly, (3) signal? surely those people would not lose concentration by signaling earlier

Once saw someone get out of their own car, pick up the still-burning fag and chuck it back through the window of the 4WD it had come from, then drive off