start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

I sat behind someone testing our software on those Samsung phones and that whistle would go off 100 times a day. Didn't seem to bother him enough to mute the fucking thing.

The doc I work with has the footfall of a stealthy jungle cat. He's lucky I don't carry a knife.

lol at "standing inside a giant nose". YES working inside a nose is just not how I envisaged my career, you know?

Nose/squelchy mouth noises are the worst but really I am just terrible at noises in general (I was already annoyed by him humming and commenting on his email), horribly easily distracted (oh a shiny thing, hmm, think I'll read websites for 2 hours), and put on edge by the feeling that someone's looking over my shoulder, which having someone right behind me sets off even if I know they are almost certainly not looking or giving a fuck.

Glad you're OK, Stevo!

Thanks

It's the "eye of the needle," not the other way around.

My boss used to have this tic of making a weird water drop Bloop sound with his mouth whenever something was tight against deadline.

OMG one of my workmates does this! It drives me insane and I dont even sit that near him.

I am also driven ballistic by sniffing.

Or wait... is it that the bloop noise is also an Android SMS sound? Because if so aaaaaaaaaaartghh

this is the ringtone:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5h411OcttA

My boss' bloop sound was/is completely organic.

I hope you guys never have to hang around me for an extended amount of time, you'll probably kill me.

that is most definitely the samsung tone that haunted me

people who have their ringtones cranked up at work, especially if they get calls 12 times an hour, are disgusting savages

some dude left his phone at his desk overnight (screenlocked) and his alarm blasted from 7am until 10am when he started his shift.

I don't understand the need to have sounds turned on the phone at all, outside of specific situations where you are expecting an important call that you are worried you might miss. Put it on vibrate, man. Nobody wants to hear the sound of submarine sonar every time you get a text.

my phone is on silent 90% of the day! if I'm at home and it's not in my pocket I turn the ringer on, or if I'm working outside. like why... does your phone need to make noise

ia at my mum who saw sinead o connor perform live & gave the mommingest review ever "i would have left if i could, she didnt talk to the audience once"

Ohhhh, man, not the same thing but this reminds me of when I recently saw Cat Power. She was technically opening for Rufus Wainwright (who, as I've discovered, has a fairly sizeable middle-aged lady following, including my gf's mom) but she arrived late and wound up playing after him. And this group of women in the front row talked shit about Cat Power through most of her set. Not exactly loudly but loud enough for us to hear them several rows back, so I'm sure she could certainly hear them over a piano from <10 feet away. "This is so depressing." "She's just playing the same thing over and over." Mortifying.

Tbh I'd probably be saying exactly the same thing, plus my irritation that I arrived late on purpose and still didn't manage to miss her.

not audibly during the performance, I hope!

Listen with the kind of day I've had I'm not ruling anything out.

IA at supermarkets that sell chunks of ginger root in a cellophane packet for 90p instead of selling it loose so you can break off a chunk for 16p.
Ditto 3 onions in a net for 1.10 or two Courgettes for 2 quid but for some reason the gunner bugs me the most.

Because you'll never use that much ginger before it goes bad. You want to make a stir fry, not open an Asian fusion restaurant.

I feel the same way about cilantro which always comes in massive bundles.

use all the cilantro, ignore the instructions

Step 1: Buy the entire bushel of cilantro that comes wire twistie-tied together.

Step 2: Put all the cilantro in the garbage, tie bag, remove from house immediately.

give all cilantro to mh, keep it away from in orbit

use all the cilantro, ignore the instructions

This just made me think of a burrito containing nothing but cilantro, like a Vietnamese spring roll except a burrito and hold the lettuce, noodles, meat, and sprouts and sub cilantro. Now I am sad and disgusted.

that might be almost too much cilantro, unless it's a thick tortilla.

Since I got anosmia in 2010 I haven't been able to taste cilantro :(
My sense of smell has come back partially (with major "perversions") but cilantro still doesn't taste like delicious soap.

I created a massive list of UK-US English translations for a work thing - possibly the most comprehensive list that exists anywhere - and the last-discovered major omission was cilantro.

So it's something you can't share? Or can you? I love that kind of thing.

My iPhone's autocorrect has learned the following bad spellings that drive me crazy

yiu
Coukd (always capitalized)
tye (the)
wilk

And it insists on changing "co" as in "co-authored" to "℅."

And this post reinforced all of those spellings :(

Lol at c/o

Shoukd make it easier for yiu to shop for wilk tho

i hate ios8's autocorrect. at least i think that's when it got worse. went through so many autocorrected Hash, Hag, Hear just to type Yeah to my supervisor the other day.

Wondering what the story is on the disappearance of instant fairtrade coffee from the shelves of the local LIDL. Been gone for the last couple of weeks and now its shelf space has been taken up. So looks like it isn't about to reappear.
Been relying on that place for my coffee needs for the last couple of years so hope it isn't permanent.
Hoping it isn't an intentional policy thing. Cos I liked the fact you could get Fairtrade coffee. Also hoping i haven't been hoodwinked into thinking something that wasn't actually fairtrade was.

Now wondering if you can get a cafetiere that does less than 8 cups of coffee at a time. I haven't really used one before so don't know what a minimum amount you can make in one would be. & I only really drink one cup at a time and live alone.

They do still do fairtrade non-instant in the place.

pfeh, i get that restaurants need to make money, but i am IA at being guilt-tripped when i don't order a lot of food. i just ordered a club sandwich from room service and the guy was like "are you sure you don't want anything else? something to drink?" and you could visualize him mentally sighing even though it wasn't audible. i didn't even want a whole sandwich, but i would have felt self-conscious just asking for a starter. the sandwich arrived and it's HUGE and comes with fries. i couldn't even eat half of it, and there's no mini-fridge in the room so i can't save the rest for breakfast. i should have just had one of the protein bars i brought with me. now i'm IA at myself for not doing that.

it bothers me that the transportation department in my state regularly refers to the "MS River" on Twitter.

"MS" is a postal abbreviation for the state's name. You would never refer to the first president as George WA.

Of course. it's George IA

multiple sclerosis river

Ms. River

george iowa?

I get annoyed when people use old-fashioned abbreviations for states! Particularly on pieces of mail but anywhere else too.

I tell you what, no one thought I was from Arizona back when we used Ark.

People who say "karma, bitch!"

HSB your associates are horrible quote machines

Was actually my pastor that said it ;_;

your religion is subservient to Breaking Bad scripts

My phone autocorrects ill to "I'll" all the time and drives me bonkers.
Perhaps I should stop having such an affect of saying "ill" instead of "sick", i unno.

if i type "he's" on my phone it tries to auto-correct to "hens".
only if i type "hes" does it default to "he's"

stop penalising me for correct punctuation, dickwad phone!

Websites, billboards and advertising that use outdated versions of the city's skyline.

My own company even just did this recently on a magazine cover, somehow catching the magic week the Met Building was getting turned into Simmons.

http://i.imgur.com/dRjfNBp.jpg

When you click on a picture to enlarge and it opens a picture exactly the same size. MOTHERFUCKINGGKJKLSDFJKLSDF

^ THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS THIS.

• Click on a picture to enlarge, stays the same size.

• Click on a picture to enlarge, lightbox screen opens up, obscuring half of picture.

• Right-click on a pic to view separately, somehow automatically downloads to your hard drive.