Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

http://i.ytimg.com/vi/YxcwkJbC558/hqdefault.jpg

it's a he and he whispers quiet rants to customers as he's typing friendly emails to them, or quietly ranting to his wife after he gets off a phone call with her

he is nice to me but all i picture is what he says to himself about me when i leave

dude is majorly unbalanced & perma-angry. even a friendly greeting is loud & intense

"is it really possible that we don't as yet have a thread about DAVID LYNCH'S DUNE?"

, he said, in an angry whisper

and can i just

this guy badmouths his wife to anyone who will listen (me not included, i have made it clear that he can keep that shit to himself). i have never met her but i feel a weird protective kinship because FUCK this guy for real

yeah, the guy i sit next to starts every other story with "if you ever get married, here's what's gonna happen..."

"what's gonna happen" is inevitably a series of terrible things

he had a long rant yesterday about the *way* she asks him for help

._.

That sort of reminds me of the security guard we had who would complain about his child support payments ALL THE TIME. I am not feeling any sympathy for you, dude.

LOL I knew what PhilDs simpsons gif was gonna be before i clicked on it :D

i hope i never get as dug in inside my own head-bunker as this guy, like he is literally coming to work in a mental foxhole

Someone I have to run a draft of a PRINTED MAGAZINE, ON PAPER, which they know it is, as they have been doing this for years, sent back the "correction" that the hyperlinks weren't clickable

I don't even I mean how do I begin to what the fuck is this?

Maybe they're like Salieri in Amadeus, they can just pick up a sheet and see the links get clicked in their head.

had no MEETINGS in my life two years ago.

since the 'joint venture,' meetings WHICH HAVE NOTHING FOR ME up the ass.

tbf, any meeting that DID have something for me up the ass is still not one I'd be wanting to attend

On a similar kick to VGs muttering workmate, the guy opposite me (who is actually a v close friend outside of work - I got him the job here) has these weird tics I've never noticed in my 15 years of knowing the guy.

He constantly makes water-drop "poik!" noises with his mouth, and blows raspberries, and sighs and sniffs... and today, he has taken to *growling like an angry dog". I'm... more than a little perturbed.

like not "grrrr" like you'd do expressing distaste, actually making doglike grrrwwlllll sounds. WTF dude.

Said workmate has just put a customer on hold mid-support-call to answer his personal mobile and have achat to his wife about dog surgery. WTF.

maybe he's having the growls surgically removed from himself and inserted back into his dog?

lol

Two people in this office are on a conference call which the rest of us aren't on, so the rest of us are listening to approx 40% of a conversation, in stereo, at extra speaking-down-microphone-obliviously-while-wearing-headphones volume

xps oh lordy @ Trayce's coworker (yes, I have outed myself as posting to a thread without reading it)

Trayce's co-worker:

http://i.imgur.com/I2oXi1G.jpg

Conversations with my co-worker require so much set-up that I feel like I have to establish that we are employees in a law firm, working on litigation.

One simple question -- Should I make Document X part of Exhibit 8? -- took over 10 fucking minutes to slog through.

I established early on that we were talking about Exhibit 8. I had Exhibit 8 displayed on my monitor. After SO MUCH TALKING I said, again, "What I'm asking is, should Document X be part of the exhibit?"

He said, "What exhibit?"

was just in the bathroom, empty except for me. dude comes in, walks past the two unused urinals, proceeds to piss in a stall, door open, with the seat down. thanks, dirtbag

"Exhibit 8 - the one we have been talking about. Should this document be part of that exhibit?"

"Uh, well -- I don't understand what you're asking."

I swear to God I'm not exaggerating or making this up.

xp sorry I might stop posting soon

"hey, there's an opportunity to make a men's restroom even nastier. i should act on that."

je55e i'm going to make an executive call and just advise that document X should be part of Exhibit 8. if someone complains just say that earlier this morning you heard notice of an executive call saying that it was ok.

I feel like I have to establish that we are employees in a law firm, working on litigation.

I recognize this surreal feeling. I'm at school, but our lab has no lab manager and lots of undergrads helping out, so the grad students do a lot of admin and managing people's work. The worst offender is a fellow grad student who has been in a lab an entire year. Next time she says 'I'm confused right now' I might start with 'We are grad students, running a lab'.

Backing Karl here, good call imo

the state of toilets in offices really is a damning indictment of human behaviour

I honestly thought he was fucking with me when he said "Which exhibit?" I thought he was joking. It was hard not to get exasperated and whiny.

Karl, when things got really fucking stupid I said, You know, I think it makes more sense to just make it a separate exhibit, but I still had to finish explaining what we had been talking about THE WHOLE TIME.

FUCK what a way to start the day. Looking forward to the actually complicated discussion we have to have soon.

Thanks, thread, for letting me blow off steam.

who the fuck stands up and pisses into a toilet that has the seat down? for fuck's sake, you can kick it upright with your foot if you really have to.

we have a thread where all u inaccurate pissing worriers are wrong on this already

then again, I did that once and it failed to stay up, I leaned down quickly to catch it with my hand so there wouldn't be a huge CLUNK noise, and the seat somehow hit me in the dick

I am the world's most coordinated man, though

naccurate pissing worriers

NO ONE CAN DEFY THE LAWS OF PHYSICS
(except for j.c., RIP)
there's gonna be splashback unless your piss has superpowers

I leaned down quickly to catch it with my hand so there wouldn't be a huge CLUNK noise, and the seat somehow hit me in the dick

braggin'

:/

fucking lol'ing at my desk at that story.

personally, i don't care if the seat hitting the toilet makes a sonic boom so loud it will blow out all the windows in a three-block radius and permanently deafen several innocent bystanders; i am *not* touching the underside of a work toilet seat.

i had a pang of sympathy when i thought maybe he was preventing the world from seeing something weird about his junk.

but nobody was at the urinals. and why did he leave the stall door open.

https://cdn2.scratch.mit.edu/get_image/project/16112046_144x108.png?v=1398475700.0

On a similar kick to VGs muttering workmate, the guy opposite me (who is actually a v close friend outside of work - I got him the job here) has these weird tics I've never noticed in my 15 years of knowing the guy.

He constantly makes water-drop "poik!" noises with his mouth, and blows raspberries, and sighs and sniffs... and today, he has taken to *growling like an angry dog". I'm... more than a little perturbed.

― I checked Snoops , and it is for real (Trayce), Wednesday, September 23, 2015 4:29 AM (14 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha.

the guy i mentioned above that talks about everything he finds on the intarwebz does a lot of these things. he made a joke about me once and we're not even on friendly terms, so i was taken aback by it. anyway, i couldn't resist and i said, "okay, tourrette's" and it stuck for a long time. a few laughed and i felt bad. i actually don't talk to him anymore even though the "creative team" works in my area, so i still see him.

anyway, this dude must be really young and have a really tough personal life, because out of nowhere in the lunchroom he starts telling me that his brother is in prison and he doesn't know what to do. then he continues to tell me all sorts of personal things about him and his family.

so yeah, this guy does loud, short moans at his desk, says "HA!", talks to himself, picks his nose, pretends he cracks his neck (by moving his head sideways and making a cracking noise with his mouth), and is always taking some type of "brain power vitamin."

there's always a nutter

7AM and some complete wank has chosen to microwave what I assume is fish but what smells like hot cat food in the kitchenette that's thirty feet away from my desk. It socked me in the nose when I went for coffee and now I'm noticing the stench radiating slowly out into the office proper. Nauseating. How do people not know that shit like that isn't okay?

because they are stupid and annoying

Oh yeah.

Certain people have 'stopped smoking'. What this means is that they've stopped smoking their cigarettes, and are now smoking mine. This hasn't yet reached the level of annoyance that merits posting it to this thread, but at some point it will, so I'm posting pre-emptively. For now I am caring and sharing.

Boss puts her gum in the office's garbage disposal. B/c she's "an old hippie" and she doesn't want it going to a landfill.

She once put a whole box of barley in the disposal for the same reason, which completely stopped up the drain pipe.

she has an intriguing idea of how the sewer system works

smdh

she has an intriguing idea of how the sewer system works

― μpright mammal (mh), Friday, September 25, 2015 3:12 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Her concept of public utilities in general is a topic of great fascination to me, cf the time she could not fathom why her home internet would be out when the electricity to her home was still on.