Star Wars 7 shit talk

http://readeroffictions.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Emperor-Palpatine-laughing.gif

Anakin screaming "no"

this moment btw is the perfect example of something that by rights should have been really intense... just our accumulated knowledge of who anakin was and what he is shortly to become should have made that moment deeply emotional. but lucas just botched it in the execution... the framing, editing, everything (as i recall) was just so limp.

very awkwardly hilarious

the worst prequel scene I can remember is anakin and padre romantically running around in a field. maybe in the second film? mumbled to my friend "jesus christ what is this shit, god damn it george lucas"

Here's the prequels' profoundest moment:

https://instagram.com/p/9KNOC5QDUTkFn_cABUnhihUOw0m6N7syCGq9M0/

I was about to say that he hasn't been in a long-term relationship since the 80s but I guess he got married in 2013 and they had baby via surrogate. For some reason, having a kid via a surrogate seems really apt.

all of the "romantic" scenes were utterly atrocious

the thing is, you can see all of lucas's ambitions in those films, there are all kinds of motifs woven through the films (mise-en-scene, dialogue, etc.; e.g. the "sand" motif) -- it would be impressive if it wasn't all so pointless and ineffectual.

best part of lucas's directing style has to be actors admitting that some lines that fall flat or are delivered in a weird way are because george told them to deliver it that way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0Ti9NXc7CM

i was in some high school plays that had more convincing love scenes than this

and look at those thomas kinkade CGI environments

Made it 50 seconds into that before I couldn't even hate-watch it any more.

I really was expecting one of those romantic scenes to go...

Padme: I love you.
Anakin: Why?
Padme: (speechless, frozen for remainder of film)

McDiarmid in the opera scene is probably the most defensible piece of the entire prequel trilogy, and they put all the good lines from it in the trailer, so really you can save yourself nearly seven hours of viewing time if you just watch that.

Still not clear why he chooses this gauche, ignorant, petulant, and irritating teen to groom for his second in command. He's easily manipulated and bursting with midichlorians but hardly seems qualified for running the largest most evil empire in the galaxy, also would be a giant pain in the arse to have hanging around all the time.

cuz he is easily manipulated?

he looks cute in purple lipstick?

He's a powerful Jedi with wonky morals. You probably don't get too many of those.

Obi-Wan is a shit teacher, Palpatine has an alert on rateyourjedimaster.com

I like how Palpatine goads Anakin into killing Count Dooku, then later in his office is like, "Well, I know you have a problem controlling your temper . . ."

I don't know how I never noticed before seeing the gif upthread, but melted Palpatine totally looks like he has a penis for a head.

emperor palpatenis

I feel this

http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/return-of-the-jedi-was-great-you-ewok-slandering-fools-1738290933

tbh I've always had a fondness for Jedi. It was the first one I saw in the theater & I was the perfect age to be sold on Ewoks & it has held up to rewatching. yeah it seems more obviously kid friendly watching now but it doesn't upset me. Plus Muir Woods!!! i think ppl / nerds get way more bunched up over Jedi than they need to

The best thing about ROTJ is how Luke's suddenly a badass jedi when he shows up at Jabba's

^^^ this. And I still laugh when Threepio gets insulted in some guttural droid language by the eyeball-thing at Jabba's door. Though the belch from
that toad monster right before that prefigures the poop n' fart "jokes" Lucas put in Phantom Menace. Bad Sign #1.

Jabba being all "gtfo bitchass Jedi" to Luke's mindtricks only to be hoist by his own petard and die anyway is classic.

Hope they laid off the poop jokes in this new one.

"I'll catch up with you guys later, gonna go drop off some goods at Tosche Station"

Gotta go drop off the younglings.

The whole Jabbas palace sequence of ROTJ is one of the best things in the whole trilogy. I'm also in the camp that its good fun and measures up reasonably well to the other two. Also the ewoks give us the great sequence of c3po telling the Star Wars story in ewok

i mean the Ewok bullshit kinda brings proceedings to a grinding halt but the opening 30 mins or so are really fucking exciting.

but I imagine anybody would be let down after Empire - esp when they bring back another Death Star for round 2

Vader saving Luke and then demasking for his son in his final moments = always makes me misty tho

Going back to TFA -- I have to admit being a little sad when I saw Chewie with a bandaged arm in the new trailer. Would prefer my fave character remain beyond harm :)

Also : Star Wars Rebels is knocking it out of the park three episodes in. The third episode of this new season is some of the best edited and directed animated TV I've seen in ages.

but I imagine anybody would be let down after Empire - esp when they bring back another Death Star for round 2

― Hammer Smashed Bagels, Saturday, October 24, 2015 3:15 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah and it wasn't that impressive, it didn't blow up a planet just a couple starships. Lando and wedge when you really think about it just blew up some scaffolding, considering how it was half finished.

Ackbar took down that super star destroyer hardcore though damn

I love that nixon voiced fish thing

with Nien Nunb as John Dean

Jabba being all "gtfo bitchass Jedi" to Luke's mindtricks only to be hoist by his own petard and die anyway is classic.

― Hammer Smashed Bagels

lol yeah. Lucas doesn't even waste time -- Jabba waves Luke aside.

There are at least three belch jokes/beats in Jedi: the ILM/Henson crew-looking frog thing, Jabba himselft after space frog consumption, and the Sarlacc after Boba Fett goes in.

https://i.chzbgr.com/full/6311609088/hACEA647F/

Oh yeah, and later in the film, this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qm1OaKO_fzw

Hahah fuck! I forgot those :)

I thought the Sarlacc belch was added in a "special edition" later. And Jabba's is at least in character.

I gotta see that despecialized edition

Jedi was cool w the forest, and yeah Jabba's stuff was cool.

But Darth Vader should've been James Earl Jones, or a crazy half robot half person, not just some pasty little guy in the suit.

Liked the Ewoks as a kid though, the Ewok movies got a lot of replay. A large part of what makes them tolerable is not speaking English.

Salacious Crumb > Jar Jar by miles

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6J5EqFXErE

What kind of music do you call that?

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Jizz

I haven't watched any of these films in about 15 years, but that blue elephant thing from Return of the Jedi is still my favourite character from Star Wars (I'm sure it has a name, but I prefer to think of it as 'that blue elephant thing')

YES! Max Rebo Band for life

"the shape of jizz to come"
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