Star Wars 7 shit talk

https://www.reddit.com/r/StarWars/comments/3qvj6w/theory_jar_jar_binks_was_a_trained_force_user

I'm your mama
I'm your daddy
I'm that wookiee in the alley

two boys (6 and 4) watched star wars for the first time last night. they get super excited when vader steps on ben's mysteriously empty robes and they turn to me, eyes shining: "he's faking, daddy! obi wan's not dead!" and well, it is a pretty mysterious thing, the empty robes, isn't it? it's never explained, never spelled out.

I have just spent far too long going through that Reddit on JarJar Binks. There's a very great deal of circumstantial evidence to back it up, including some animation shots that make little sense if it isn't true.

my take on that is trying to discern the motives of something that makes no goddamn sense lends itself well to complex conspiracy theory
BUT IF IT'S TRUE i take it all back

Friend told me there's some new comic or series that tries to explain all the weird shifts between the first movie and Empire, like how Vader went from underling flying his own plane to evil leader, or how he couldn't even sense he had a daughter, etc .

Yeah, the new(er) Marvel series, which by all reports are great

Vader ends up using a black market weapons specialist to get some shady side work done and she has a pair of killer droids, coincidentally a protocol droid/astromech pair, who were decommissioned because they love murdering more than anything else

it is interesting watching the first one how Peter Cushing calls the shots and tells Vader what to do and Leia even mocks Vader for it to his face

fell in love with Leia all over again obv

i love the jar jar theory. it all rhymes! he's evil yoda.

Jar Jar's the key to all of this.

how heartbreaking would it be to feel like you had to walk away from such an awesome plot twist. no wonder george cashed in his chips after it was over.

Consider: We hate the way Jar Jar influences major plot points for the same reason we hate his physicality- it messes with our sense of realism. Two experienced Jedi on a serious mission would never actually bring someone that stupid along with them. No character that idiotic would ever really be made a general. They certainly wouldn't be made a senator. How could anyone like Jar Jar really convince the entire galaxy to abandon democracy? That's ridiculous.

These things are just the political version of his physical "luck." Inadvertent, seemingly comical bumbling that just so happens to result in astoundingly positive results. But what if it isn't inadvertant, and what if Jar Jar's meteoric rise and inexplicable influence isn't the result of dumb happenstance, but the result of extensive and careful use of force mind powers?

I love this argument. The other characters' tolerance of Jar Jar is so inexplicable that it could only be Sith mind control!

Maybe Gungans are naturally selected for luckiness like that girl in Ringworld.

one of the recent comics implied that Palpatine had orders that went into effect if he were to die

one of the first tasks was the razing of the planet Naboo

COINCIDENCE?

The Sheevening, as I believe it was called.

There is a lot of room for speculation about what the hell the Emperor was up to by the Return of the Jedi era. Vader was pretty much done with his killing of all jedi, with the exception of that Skywalker pet project, and the Imperial military was just building a second Death Star? He seemed like a dude who would have more than one iron in the fire, so what else was he out doing before he checked on Vader? Presumably not just reading diplomatic updates.

Fantasy Deathstar leagues

There is a lot of room for speculation about what the hell the Emperor was up to by the Return of the Jedi era. Vader was pretty much done with his killing of all jedi, with the exception of that Skywalker pet project, and the Imperial military was just building a second Death Star? He seemed like a dude who would have more than one iron in the fire, so what else was he out doing before he checked on Vader? Presumably not just reading diplomatic updates.

according to Wikis he was writing textbooks

I just discovered that there were three year gaps between the prequels - in my mind they were all produced together and released yearly.

He seemed like a dude who would have more than one iron in the fire, so what else was he out doing before he checked on Vader? Presumably not just reading diplomatic updates.

He's doing a whole bunch of nothing between the prequels and A New Hope; and presumably more of the same in between, albeit with extra tactical concerns after Yavin. Gradually losing his mind, to the extent that he was eventually blown up by his own apprentice after a pathetic failed attempt to turn a relative child, full of hubris, blah blah blah. Classic Nero villainy. His answer to the disaster in A New Hope is to order the acceleration of Death Star #2 (presumably it was already in the works, I mean why only build one) like that solves your real problem. The strategic naval trap he sets up sucks, he still doesn't have any better kung fu that he did when he nearly got killed by Mace Windu, and he's completely unable to prevent his own death via Force 101 maneuvers that are clearly part of the repertoire of every other Jedi in the series.

Guy jerked off for three decades and some change. His uselessness is even more of an argument for Jar Jar Supreme.

between the prequels and A New Hope = between the prequels and ROTJ

man what was I thinking!

if the book about him and his master (I READ IT, I ADMIT IT) has any truth to it, he was probably doing really boring-ass political manipulation while hoarding jedi and sith artifacts

the recent comics include Lando stealing a ship that ends up being Palpatine's private Sith stash cruiser, and a post-ROTJ one has Luke raiding an Imperial research facility that is studying two tree fragments, apparently all that's left of the tree that was in the middle of the Jedi temple

consolidating and holding on to power sounds boring as fuck when most resistance is crushed

God, I had no idea so much discussion centered around whether Palpatine threw the fight with Mace Windu.

So in the Sunday NY Times there was a bunch of stuff about this movie/franchise/oh the significance of it all for Gen X and millennials, and apparently there's a villains' ship in TFA called THE FINALIZER. Sounds like a badass kitchen cleaner.

also, Kylo Ren belongs to the Knights of Ren

http://images1.nick.com/nicktoons-assets/shows/images/ren-stimpy/characters/character_ren.jpg?height=363&width=332&quality=0.75

so this thing's out in a little over a month! came round fast.

Half a month over a month, yeah.

space racist???

spacist

Asian trailer hotness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SdAUiyeJMFQ

wow, I like how crazy and out of control the lightsabers look, like they are crackling with flame and electricity

Haha, was just coming to post that. That shot of the three TIE fighters backlit by the sun is, by itself, better than the entire prequel trilogy.

this could probably be a great film if they limited it to lightsabers and space ships flying around, and cut out any characters or dialogue

i am getting a little psyched

Yeah each preview makes it look a little cooler....

TIE fighters at sunset got me interested too. Good grief...

We're suckers.

I wish to hell I could stop clicking on these things.

why, they're cool! everybody relax, this is gonna be cool! and suck a little too probably. whatever!!

http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--DfEBTzmB--/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/1507041736147986246.gif

goddamit
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--DfEBTzmB--/c_scale,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/1507041736147986246.gif

That shot of the three TIE fighters backlit by the sun is, by itself, better than the entire prequel trilogy.

why, they're cool! everybody relax, this is gonna be cool! and suck a little too probably. whatever!!

― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Friday, November 6, 2015 10:33 AM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

because I'd like to be surprised but I have no self-control.

For the impatient among us we could probably convince that terminally ill dude who got a screening to spoil the movie for us.

If BB-8 isn't Force-levitated at some point I riot.

That tie fighter shot is straight out of another Lucas-related project with Harrison Ford:

http://s10.postimg.org/3le14pll5/images_q_tbn_ANd9_Gc_Q9_Bgk9qo_Huxa_HVmij9_NSUCQ_c_S1kl.jpg

If BB-8 isn't Force-levitated at some point I riot

Gotta get him into an Xwing _some_how

Still, twenny bucks says he gets levitated during Daisy Ridley's Jedi training in EP VIII.

It's like poetry, y'know; it rhymes.

bb-8 looks so slow running from the explosions PICK THE LITTLE DOOD UP

That is a great shot. TIE fighters seldom look actually threatening.

boy you guys are really easily excited by obvious Apocalypse Now refs eh

well it would be cool if in these movies luke skywalker was crazy, bald, weighed 350 pounds, and quoted TS Eliot