Star Wars 7 shit talk

and how come nobody's wondered where luke is yet?

Is the Finn Solo thing dead yet, or are people still entertaining it like it's not marvel comics level batshit?

Not really sure what would make more sense between Calrissian and Windu.

unless Windu's ghost has functioning reproductive organs I'd say it's unlikely

(something about midichlorians)

one of the characters has already been spoiled on Amazon by a product launch if you want to google for spoilers.

Wouldn't be the first time a jedi lost hand, fell from a great height then lived.

Unless his death is cannon elsewhere idk

one of the characters has already been spoiled on Amazon by a product launch if you want to google for spoilers.

― Kiarostami bag (milo z)

there are reasons to regard that spoiler w/ skepticism

What no one ever mentions is the faction that was neither Jedi not Sith that pushed for true balance in the force, no specialization, all aspects in every being.

The great master Ren taught this. Vader was their unknown martyr, having walked both paths, although he knew his real teacher by a different name.... Jar Jar

If the only black main character in the new film is related to the only black character in the other films I am going to leave this shit behind

i've seen TONS of discussion on if the girl is leia's daughter or han's kid or whatever
and plenty about WHERE IS LUKE including in this thread! i like the "he's the new emperor" theory, maybe using dark force powers makes you all wizened and shit and yoda used to be a wookie but he worked the darkside out of his system right after he got all frank oz with it? like, okay, the force is weed but the dark side is HEROIN

If Rey's not a Skywalker I'll eat my Fett

Rey is Yoda's kid

Well then. Imagining how that came about. Thanks.

Anybody see the nonsense about BB-8 identifying as a female? Completely shot down by citing comments from the producers that referred to it as "he" but I admit to seeing some logic in the theory. By "logic" I mean shorter and curvier than other droids.

i keep seeing ppl being like "Oh Luke is totally evil now, no question"

and to them I say:

fuuuuuuck you
and
based on WHAT
and
fuuuuuuck you

He's in the damn trailer with R2, and R2 would have bailed out if he was evil.

mark hamill is inside the melted vader mask. actually, it's not a mask -- that's just what mark hamill looks like in 2015

R2 going evil could set the stage for his battle with this new droid. BB-8 takes him out, but not before he apologizes in a series of books and beeps as the light dims on his panels. R2's sacrifice returns Luke to the light

thomp with the truth bomb

Man nobody's gonna ruin this movie faster than nerds with fanfic aspirations

it's the same idiots who thought kylo ren was luke in the first trailer telling the vader mask he's going to finish what he started

ohhhh so luke is space hamlet now jfc

Ren is actually Sammy Hagar

I'm not super deep into the SW mythos (seen all the films, like the original 3, hate the prequels), but Luke going bad doesn't seem like a crazy left turn or anything. He's had 30 years to slowly get there, and probably didn't just wake up one morning thinking "dark side, yeaaaaaaah!"

yeah but would be kinda like the Go Set a Watchman conundrum all over again. He has this redemptive, triumphant moment the last time we seem him on screen only to see him take an incongruous jump to the dark side in the 30 years since?

kind of a jarring character turn to happen off-screen without context.

i'll be happier if there isn't some goddamn huge plot twist in this one cos I enjoy the internet and not looking forward to it breaking on 12/19

A lot of Revenge is about Luke's journey towards the dark side!

but he averts it, the whole "triumph of will" thing with the fireworks at the end!

who knows, maybe his daddy issues sent him back

if you don't think there isn't going to be a massive TWIST to keep people freaking out and waiting for the next installment

Uh the obvious plot advancement here is Luke's realization that mastery of the Force is basically a terrible weapon in anybody's hands (ok, hand) - "The Force Awakens" spells peril for the universe, not salvation. Welcome to the post-Cold War Star Wars everybody!

if you don't think there isn't going to be a massive TWIST to keep people freaking out and waiting for the next installment

― a llove spat over a llama-keeper (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, November 11, 2015 4:01 AM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the twist isn't even needed, really. all they need to do is leave one easter egg in the film and fans' minds will begin wandering. look how much chatter the endless spinning top needlessly generated in Inception

Welcome to the post-Cold War Star Wars everybody!

Star Wars finally gets its The Quest for Peace entry

that top TOTALLY twitched at the end

just hoping JJ Abrams doesn't insert some bullshit time travel subplot into this one

i can't tell if ppl are pretending not to have read spoilers or informed speculation when they do their predictions here. in any case looks like luke is obi-wan now sorta. i think he's gone hermit for the reasons tombot suggests. he's got the beard and he dresses like ben and it looks like he's living in some rock hut thing they got in ireland. i'm not sure we'll see him much, in this one at least. i was thinking we might not see him until the end but there's that shot of him petting r2 and it looks like that might be in the aftermath of the first order coming in and burning that desert village. abrams said this one is basically self contained (like a new hope was really) but idk. that dude is a liar. i could imagine it ends w/ riley accepting her destiny and luke deciding to reengage w/ the world, the old all it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing. casablanca.

Oh I read the top nerd aggregators on a pretty regular basis, my predictions are WELL INFORMED
and I mean we have kingfish on this thread, you think he's fooling around?

considering hamill's most notable roles of the past twenty years it would be something if instead of having him turn into obi-wan you had him turn into yoda. cackling, maybe insane, and then when you get past that a grumpy old man who gut instinct is 'it's pointless to try'.

you kids, you don't know what it's like to have to go all the way to Tosche Station to get power converters, now the damn things get delivered same-day by probe droids

idk how much we can spoil or speculate! like nobody reliable has seen anything that really indicates kylo ren's parents or that han solo dies but man i've seen enough that i have a strong feeling han is kylo ren's dad and kylo ren is gonna kill him. i have less to go on w/ this than ppl buying into 'finn calrissian' have admittedly. the red letter dude's totally sold me that nu-hoth is the nu-death star. crazy prediction i'm going to make that has no basis from anything: nu-death star belongs to the rebels.

The twist is that at the end Han finds an origami unicorn on the dashboard of the Falcon.

i wish people did this kind of speculation when there was, say, a new frederick wiseman film
"they are TOTALLY gonna show a christening in this one"

I would love to see the Werner Herzog take on Lucasian universe/franchise-building

Kind of like how I will go to my grave wondering what it would be like if Wesley Willis joined the post-Onanie Bomb Boredoms

Oh wait the answer to the first idea is the WORLD WE LIVE IN NOW
I'm slow

Herzog film needs Siamese Hutt Twins

Notorious smuggler, Fitt Zcarreedo

And what haunts me, is that in all the faces of all the wampas that Probe 11-38 ever detected, I discover no kinship, no understanding, no mercy. I see only the overwhelming indifference of Hoth. To me, there is no such thing as a secret world of the wampas. And this blank stare speaks only of a half-bored interest in food. But for Probe 11-38, this wampa was a signal, a reason for being.

Boort Floss, Probe Wrangler:

My opinion, I think 11-38 thought these wampas were big, scary looking, harmless creatures that it could go up and scan and beep at, and they would bond as children of the universe or some-odd. I think it lost sight of what was really going on.

Little Dameron Needs to Fly

Even Ewoks Started Small

i wish people did this kind of speculation when there was, say, a new frederick wiseman film
"they are TOTALLY gonna show a christening in this one"

― a llove spat over a llama-keeper (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, November 10, 2015 10:24 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol. which american institution will he tackle next?

bait shop

DMV

motivational seminar

pest control

organic farm

If the only black main character in the new film is related to the only black character in the other films I am going to leave this shit behind

― μpright mammal (mh), Tuesday, November 10, 2015 8:05 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"What am I, her royal highness's chopped liver?"

http://usercontent2.hubimg.com/6742229_f260.jpg