Star Wars 7 shit talk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTLAx3VDX7g

xpost I respect that review for keeping the plot clouded while still being pretty thorough about pros and cons. Don't think I need to read any more reviews, since they'll likely give away what few surprises this apparently holds.

Man, is Fallon anything but him and celebrities goofing around?

Oh good, Fallon likes Star Wars.

Doesn't Fallon like literally everything?

alcohol most of all, iirc

Best thing I've read about this movie: Candyass Fallon asking H Ford if he got sentimental playing Han again; the reply: "No, I got paid."

Is Candyass Fallon something real or just a morbsism?

In other news, my kid just got sent home from school throwing up, so we might not be going to opening night after all.

Most people only start throwing up after they've seen the new Star Wars movie. </morbs>

Sorry to hear about your kid. That's a sucky double whammy.

the reply: "No, I got paid."

Rather Han Solo-like answer

but who shot first?

My local critic

I'm only throwing up my old lunch. /kisses

I might actually see this in 2D at a bargain matinee while I'm on staycation, so there.

Is Candyass Fallon something real or just a morbsism?

it is the natural state of Fallon. the "Candyass" is generally implied.

He's so "nice" he makes Leno look like Lewis Black.

He's so not funny, he makes Leno seem funny.

he's such a corporate tool he makes Leno look like Bakunin

Leno was always a dickhead to guests, never seemed to care what they said

"liking cars" perhaps the lamest rich person attribute as well

The Force Awakens is effectively a remake of the first Star Wars, a smooth repurposing and reconfiguring of some very familiar beats rather than a whole new direction. This is what J.J. Abrams does: rather than coming up with his own material, he takes a sturdy foundation (Star Trek, Mission: Impossible, the Amblin Films corpus) and, like Lord-Miller with a (mostly) straight face, reworks it a bit. He’s not the guy who designs the car, he’s the mechanic who tinkers with the engine for a little while and makes it run eight miles faster. This might not be such a big deal if more people were competent at delivering spatially coherent, reasonably exciting action franchise installments, but there aren’t, so I’m all for it: these trains are going to run anyway, so they might as well run on time. In a friend’s post-screening words, Abrams’ task was to “unfuck” the franchise, and he’s done precisely that.

http://filmmakermagazine.com/96689-a-spoiler-free-review-of-star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens-a-film-by-j-j-abrams/

like Lord-Miller with a (mostly) straight face,

abrams is never gonna make a movie as genuinely unhinged and delightful as cloudy with a chance of meatballs, c'mon

Abrams’ task was to “unfuck” the franchise, and he’s done precisely that.

Put that on the poster.

nice to see the general consensus on abrams is a fair one

Star Wars: Unfucked

A New Fuck

Darth Fucker

the marketing options alone stagger the mind

Salacious F. Crumb

George Fucas

fuck skyfucker

Jabba the Fuck

Speaking of, why 'the Hutt'? It's not 'Wicket the Ewok' or 'Han the Corellian' or 'Sarlacc the Pit'.

seems indicative of racist attitudes towards the hutts imo

Foster the People
Cage the Elephant
Jabba the Hutt

iirc the hutts are both a species and a crime syndicate, so it's almost like a title

having every member of a species be a crime lord is kind of o_O but hey, it's star wars. they also have a planet/race that is 99% banking

It has kind of a gangster movie sound to it. Like 'The Turk' in Godfather.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Hutt_Clan

The Hutt Clan, also known as the Hutt Cartel and sometimes simply as the Hutts, was one of the most powerful crime families in the galaxy around the time of the Clone Wars. It was governed by the Grand Hutt Council, whose members were the heads of the five Hutt families which ruled over a number of systems, known as Hutt Space.

the uh, five families, huh

Ah, chicaboog noon-eeg, Corleone. Tah keeng sa leeng ah pak mugglah

According to film historian Laurent Bouzereau, Jabba the Hutt's death in Return of the Jedi was suggested by script writer Lawrence Kasdan. Lucas decided Leia should strangle him with her slave chain. He was inspired by a scene from The Godfather (1972) where an obese character named Luca Brasi (Lenny Montana) is garroted by an assassin.[47]

the five Hutt families which ruled over a number of systems, known as Hutt Space.

And here I thought Queen only made one album about adventures in space.

A+

https://twitter.com/jakefogelnest/status/676285530946977796

Nice.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ff/ba/16/ffba16d8f2e2d5ed1626088d7a49796e.jpg

there's a Truman Capote Hutt in the Clone Wars show

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsIALpfq8p8

(George's idea)

i'm starting to feel a little bad for the prequels

The what now?

I'm sure that the people in charge of determining the new canon deliberated long and hard about the inclusion of the prequels.

"determining the new canon"

reaching for my revolver

look out everyone, morbs has a hand canon

i'm with morbs on this; just the sound of that phrase gives me hives