Star Wars 7 shit talk

Is Candyass Fallon something real or just a morbsism?

it is the natural state of Fallon. the "Candyass" is generally implied.

He's so "nice" he makes Leno look like Lewis Black.

He's so not funny, he makes Leno seem funny.

he's such a corporate tool he makes Leno look like Bakunin

Leno was always a dickhead to guests, never seemed to care what they said

"liking cars" perhaps the lamest rich person attribute as well

The Force Awakens is effectively a remake of the first Star Wars, a smooth repurposing and reconfiguring of some very familiar beats rather than a whole new direction. This is what J.J. Abrams does: rather than coming up with his own material, he takes a sturdy foundation (Star Trek, Mission: Impossible, the Amblin Films corpus) and, like Lord-Miller with a (mostly) straight face, reworks it a bit. He’s not the guy who designs the car, he’s the mechanic who tinkers with the engine for a little while and makes it run eight miles faster. This might not be such a big deal if more people were competent at delivering spatially coherent, reasonably exciting action franchise installments, but there aren’t, so I’m all for it: these trains are going to run anyway, so they might as well run on time. In a friend’s post-screening words, Abrams’ task was to “unfuck” the franchise, and he’s done precisely that.

http://filmmakermagazine.com/96689-a-spoiler-free-review-of-star-wars-episode-vii-the-force-awakens-a-film-by-j-j-abrams/

like Lord-Miller with a (mostly) straight face,

abrams is never gonna make a movie as genuinely unhinged and delightful as cloudy with a chance of meatballs, c'mon

Abrams’ task was to “unfuck” the franchise, and he’s done precisely that.

Put that on the poster.

nice to see the general consensus on abrams is a fair one

Star Wars: Unfucked

A New Fuck

Darth Fucker

the marketing options alone stagger the mind

Salacious F. Crumb

George Fucas

fuck skyfucker

Jabba the Fuck

Speaking of, why 'the Hutt'? It's not 'Wicket the Ewok' or 'Han the Corellian' or 'Sarlacc the Pit'.

seems indicative of racist attitudes towards the hutts imo

Foster the People
Cage the Elephant
Jabba the Hutt

iirc the hutts are both a species and a crime syndicate, so it's almost like a title

having every member of a species be a crime lord is kind of o_O but hey, it's star wars. they also have a planet/race that is 99% banking

It has kind of a gangster movie sound to it. Like 'The Turk' in Godfather.

http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Hutt_Clan

The Hutt Clan, also known as the Hutt Cartel and sometimes simply as the Hutts, was one of the most powerful crime families in the galaxy around the time of the Clone Wars. It was governed by the Grand Hutt Council, whose members were the heads of the five Hutt families which ruled over a number of systems, known as Hutt Space.

the uh, five families, huh

Ah, chicaboog noon-eeg, Corleone. Tah keeng sa leeng ah pak mugglah

According to film historian Laurent Bouzereau, Jabba the Hutt's death in Return of the Jedi was suggested by script writer Lawrence Kasdan. Lucas decided Leia should strangle him with her slave chain. He was inspired by a scene from The Godfather (1972) where an obese character named Luca Brasi (Lenny Montana) is garroted by an assassin.[47]

the five Hutt families which ruled over a number of systems, known as Hutt Space.

And here I thought Queen only made one album about adventures in space.

A+

https://twitter.com/jakefogelnest/status/676285530946977796

Nice.

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/ff/ba/16/ffba16d8f2e2d5ed1626088d7a49796e.jpg

there's a Truman Capote Hutt in the Clone Wars show

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsIALpfq8p8

(George's idea)

i'm starting to feel a little bad for the prequels

The what now?

I'm sure that the people in charge of determining the new canon deliberated long and hard about the inclusion of the prequels.

"determining the new canon"

reaching for my revolver

look out everyone, morbs has a hand canon

i'm with morbs on this; just the sound of that phrase gives me hives

also this movie is destined to be underwhelming (to anyone, like me, who isn't in this for the long haul of endless sequels, spin-offs, spandrels, etc.) b/c of its need to jumpstart a franchise. whatever world-building thoughts lucas may have had in his head in 1975–77, he couldn't have had much expectation that he'd be allowed to make any more films*, and so the first film was designed to be satisfying on its own.

i mean i guess you could argue that the whole franchise thing is just a more literal version of the thing that hollywood does, according to christian metz et al, which is to satisfy that urge to scratch an itch but not so much that the itch is gone.

*in an alternate universe, the first STAR WARS flopped and lucas devoted the rest of his career to writing comic books elaborating on the universe he had created. in 2015 those comics are collected in a handsome hardcover edition by fantagraphics publishing.

in the alternate universe, AVClub has a WATCH THIS column dedicated to this underseen sci-fi curiosity that starred the daughter of debbie reynolds and--get this--alec guinness of all people.

also this movie is destined to be underwhelming (to anyone, like me, who isn't in this for the long haul of endless sequels, spin-offs, spandrels, etc.) b/c of its need to jumpstart a franchise.

I'm not "in it for the long haul" I just wanna watch this one movie and see how I actually feel about it?

why the question mark?

i wasn't addressing you much less attacking you; i didn't even notice your posts.

They (like practically everyone who's trying to make an expansive, multi-tiered movie franchise) are probably overshooting with the multiple spin-offs etc. I mean, in this case, they'll probably do fine business-wise but it kinda dilutes the special-ness of these movies being a once-in-a-while thing. We've previously had six movies over the span of almost 40 years (at least half of which were not well-loved by many) and we're on track to double that number within the next probably five years or so? Seems...unwise.

why the question mark?

I just talk that way, it's annoying probably

i wasn't addressing you much less attacking you; i didn't even notice your posts.

I didn't think you were addressing me or attacking me specifically. I just felt you were creating a dichotomy between true believers and everyone else, and that everyone else will be underwhelmed ... and by a movie none of us have seen yet except maybe some of the film goons.

I bored to shit with the whole Marvel thing, even though I was super inboard at the beginning. That definitely feeds into my hesitation on the new trilogy-plus angle.

metal hand we see in the trailers probably isn't even luke, it's Iron Man.

and that everyone else will be underwhelmed ...

it's just a hypothesis

it's just a hypothesis

and it very well could be correct!

Vader: Luke, you can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny! Join me, and together, we can rule the galaxy as father and son! Come with me. It is the only way.
[Luke lets go of the projection and falls into the shaft]
Vader: Luke, it's just a hypothesis.

I still love the whole Marvel thing but the way they're structuring their movies/shows makes sense because it's a reflection of how those stories were told in their original medium. Every other impending attempt at constructing a cinematic universe (yes, even DC's, given that their decisions thus far indicate the absence of a strong guiding hand) seems like folly to me.