Star Wars 7 shit talk

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Anthony Lane, clumsy.

It is not for that reason, however, that I salute your courage in going to see “The Force Awakens.” Something more urgent than metaphysics is at issue, namely this: paying to watch a new “Star Wars” movie, in the wake of its predecessors—“The Phantom Menace,” “Attack of the Clones,” and “Revenge of the Sith”—is like returning to a restaurant that gave you severe food poisoning on your last three visits. So, be of good cheer. “The Force Awakens” will neither nourish nor sate, but it is palatable and fresh, and it won’t lay you low for days to come. Worshippers of the older films will have every right to feel cosseted and spoiled, as random exclamations—“Weapon fully charged in thirty seconds!”, “It’ll take a miracle to save us now!”, “Let’s hit that oscillator with everything we’ve got!”—echo through the cinema like the barks of excited dogs. Heretics and infidels, like myself, will be gratified to have avoided a more parlous fate. Please forgive us if we snort into our sodas when Han Solo remarks, “The Dark Side, the Jedi—it’s true. All of it.” Actually, Han, it’s not. It’s baloney. But it’s fun to behold, for now. And how long is it until the next chunk, a spin-off titled “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story,” crash-lands at a movie theatre near you? One year. The Force is with us forever, whether we like it or not.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 19 December 2015 18:59 (eight years ago) link

he's gotten glibber by the year imo, that graf about the force is very bad.

denies the existence of dark matter (difficult listening hour), Saturday, 19 December 2015 19:03 (eight years ago) link

and he acts like he isn't the 800000th person to opine that Guinness and Ford "save" the original.

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 19 December 2015 19:03 (eight years ago) link

I rewatched A New Hope yesterday. Force Awakens is better

polyphonic, Saturday, 19 December 2015 19:38 (eight years ago) link

I watched it this morning directly before Force Awakens and nah

Number None, Saturday, 19 December 2015 19:46 (eight years ago) link

^^^ Number None otm

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Saturday, 19 December 2015 19:51 (eight years ago) link

I thinkw e can all agree that Force Awakens, Empire, and New Hope are the three keepers of the 7 movies so far.

akm, Saturday, 19 December 2015 19:53 (eight years ago) link

and Ewoks: Battle for Endor

The burrito of ennui (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 19 December 2015 19:58 (eight years ago) link

anyway, this was the most satisfying movie I've seen in quite a long time.

akm, Saturday, 19 December 2015 20:05 (eight years ago) link

Hmmm. I still think the trench run from ANH is one of the most amazing chase sequences ever put to film. Top five easy, top three or two quite possibly. TFA didn't have that going for it but it's still a great movie

El Tomboto, Saturday, 19 December 2015 20:06 (eight years ago) link

The trench fight in Hope didn't hold up to my memory of it at all

polyphonic, Saturday, 19 December 2015 20:08 (eight years ago) link

the scene where it goes from cockpit to cockpit "red five standing by" "gold leader standing by" is my fav suspense-ratcheting scene of all time

ogmor, Saturday, 19 December 2015 20:15 (eight years ago) link

"seat-dampening delirium"
Anthony Lane reads ILX

El Tomboto, Saturday, 19 December 2015 20:25 (eight years ago) link

THEY CAME FROM BEHIND

El Tomboto, Saturday, 19 December 2015 20:25 (eight years ago) link

it's called STAR WARS btw

skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 19 December 2015 20:30 (eight years ago) link

Saw it this morning, here is my review

:D

Flamenco Drop (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 19 December 2015 21:01 (eight years ago) link

It's hard to compete with William Hootkins as one of the original pilots

Professor Goodfeels (kingfish), Sunday, 20 December 2015 02:59 (eight years ago) link

this was fine but not as great as i was hoping based on the reaction of others

k3vin k., Sunday, 20 December 2015 05:20 (eight years ago) link

It's hard to compete with William Hootkins as one of the original pilots

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_pi1PVw792M

Resting Bushface (Phil D.), Sunday, 20 December 2015 14:29 (eight years ago) link

so $238 M weekend gross in N America est'd

seems low

skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 20 December 2015 16:31 (eight years ago) link

gotta wait for the nerds to liquidate their kids' college funds so they can see it again

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Sunday, 20 December 2015 17:06 (eight years ago) link

this was fine but not as great as i was hoping based on the reaction of others

also known as Fallout 4 syndrome iirc

cart and spork (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 20 December 2015 17:07 (eight years ago) link

wonder how many seats had to be disinfected for semen stains on opening night

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Sunday, 20 December 2015 17:11 (eight years ago) link

the scene where it goes from cockpit to cockpit "red five standing by" "gold leader standing by" is my fav suspense-ratcheting scene of all time

― ogmor, Saturday, December 19, 2015 3:15 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

truth

, Sunday, 20 December 2015 20:05 (eight years ago) link

Lost Tyree lost Dutch... they came from behind...

, Sunday, 20 December 2015 20:06 (eight years ago) link

saw this yesterday, had a lot of fun

daisy ridley is the best thing to happen to star wars since 1980

hand of jehuty and the blowfish (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 21 December 2015 13:01 (eight years ago) link

Did u forget Squid Head

Some Pizza Grudge From Twenty Years Ago (Old Lunch), Monday, 21 December 2015 13:29 (eight years ago) link

Sorry: Tessek the Quarren

Some Pizza Grudge From Twenty Years Ago (Old Lunch), Monday, 21 December 2015 13:29 (eight years ago) link

What the "remix" reviews are missing, for me, is the overwhelming (in every sense of the world) sensation I got that this world had kept on existing just as it was since 1983, with the characters living on, messing their lives up, time passing just as in the real world, and only now did we somehow manage to find our way back to it, a return to neverland, more or less, tinged with the pathos of loss, of having grown up in the meantime, and yet it was there all along. We just didn't have access to it. It's a different kind of enchantment from the first trilogy precisely because it builds on that feeling of time and a world lost, but it does remember the importance of enchantment and captures it correctly.

Great post.

ledge, Monday, 21 December 2015 23:08 (eight years ago) link

Feel the same way with Crystal Skull?

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 21 December 2015 23:26 (eight years ago) link

I rewatched Crystal Skull over the Thanksgiving holiday and it was decent! It has more jokes related to historical setting than the other Indiana Jones films (atomic bomb test, Grease-style diner fight) and the end is more of an effects-laden send-off, but there are some really good set pieces when they're springing traps and navigating ruins.

John Hurt and Karen Allen are great, Shia LaBeouf a lot less so.

μpright mammal (mh), Monday, 21 December 2015 23:34 (eight years ago) link

Pfff, Indy's just a guy, this is a whole world. [CENSORED} - still, that felt like some genuine, unfakeable emotion.

ledge, Monday, 21 December 2015 23:43 (eight years ago) link

Sorry for spoiler leakage.

ledge, Monday, 21 December 2015 23:45 (eight years ago) link

Yeah, come on, dude. There's a whole other thread.

Some Pizza Grudge From Twenty Years Ago (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 00:00 (eight years ago) link

Having trouble containing my excitement :(

ledge, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 00:02 (eight years ago) link

hehe

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CWye0lkWoAAd_0x.jpg

polyphonic, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 00:21 (eight years ago) link

It's just fair; a Stormtrooper was on Fridays cover

Professor Goodfeels (kingfish), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 00:43 (eight years ago) link

idgi

tobo73, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 02:34 (eight years ago) link

This is pretty great:

http://www.gq.com/story/oscar-isaac-guitar-star-wars-cover

One bad call from barely losing to (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 03:51 (eight years ago) link

Having trouble containing my excitement :(

seek help

skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 04:26 (eight years ago) link

Not all of us spend all day cumming on Virgin Spring VHS covers

Hammer Smashed Bagels, Tuesday, 22 December 2015 04:29 (eight years ago) link

pfffft

u don't know me

skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 04:32 (eight years ago) link

picturing Morbs swaggering in a north face puffa and skully now

glandular lansbury (sic), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 12:11 (eight years ago) link

Lol!

Acid Hose (Capitaine Jay Vee), Tuesday, 22 December 2015 19:36 (eight years ago) link

Saw it last night and thought Force Awakens was wonderful. Went in a cautious skeptic, left a total convert. It is just *so well done, so charismatic, so adept at tapping into the magic of the originals without being beholden to them. I very much look forward to the subsequent movies in the series.

It's bizarre to me how invested some of ILX's in-house film critics are in dissing a film they have not seen and will not see (see also the Chi-raq thread), which is never ever AGL.

Now off to the spoilers thread to chat some more.

Are you fondeling the computer. (stevie), Wednesday, 23 December 2015 15:08 (eight years ago) link

also, booming posts from longneck and veg in this thread

Are you fondeling the computer. (stevie), Wednesday, 23 December 2015 15:08 (eight years ago) link

i know yr not talkin bout meeee, stevie, but i will see this at some point. preferably for free.

i dunno if youve heard, but this film is actually running for more than 3 days! what a world.

skateboards are the new combover (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 23 December 2015 15:42 (eight years ago) link

its really good Morbs! I hope you enjoy it!

Are you fondeling the computer. (stevie), Wednesday, 23 December 2015 15:46 (eight years ago) link


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