start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

April Fool's Day in general is starting to make me IA. I wasn't affected by the Gmail April Fool's Day "prank" but I'm peeved thinking about everyone who was. This was a fun day when I was a kid and my friends and siblings and I would punk one another in a harmless way but now it's a day for every sociopath's inner Improv Everywhere to shit on people who just want to get through the day.

Yeah I pranked a co-worker once into thinking a project was cancelled and I stopped when I realized I was screwing up her day/planning and from then on have stuck to harmless things.

I always worry that I'm going to have like a heart attack or something and that a family member will post about it on FB and everybody will go "HAHAHAHAA GOOD ONE".

(the first prank was many years ago)

I also hate that due to AFD I had to actually check to see if the Google AFD prank actually happened or if it was a prank within a prank. I hate this fuckin day.

Those places that have just the one Freestyle coke machine.

Cos when it breaks like it did today at Mons and none of the staff knows how to fix it...YOU DRINKING TEA OR WATER BOIII

patsy cline car commercial

Is there any reuse value in a stolen tv satellite reception dish as in the kind of thing that Sky use? I'm just wondering why I would see one in the top of a bush as i walked to the bus stop earlier.
Or alternatively, one of those things has got too much weight on it to be blown in anything short of a hurricane from the side of a building to a bush that's about 200 foot away from even the closest house isn't there?

Maybe the fact that that is puzzling me is the most annoying bit. But fact is there was this object that I would think was probably too heavy to be blown to where i saw it earlier. Wind had been howling loudly through whatever gaps in the building I live in make that howling noise anyway. So my first thought was that it might have blown there but now I'm thinking it would be too heavy.
But maybe they are lighter than they look so they don't cause damage should they be blown off in a storm anyway?
But I'm thinking that flight trajectory for a loose one is either vertically down or parabolically down

resale value thing there was me wondering if the dish had been stashed. it was in the top of a bush about 6foot plus off the ground which had me wondering if it had blown there.

spending the morning cleaning because visitors are coming, then the visitors treading mud all over the carpet as soon as they come in.
I swear this happens with at least 75% of visitors, despite having two doormats and one long plastic mat by the door.

and they've usually driven here and parked right outside

how does this even happen

the redesigned oreo packets with the tearaway flap on top... it's smaller than the packet of cookies and dumb.

seriously there was nothing wrong with the standard packaging before

The other day I was getting lunch at the restaurant/deli in my building. The woman in front of me was getting a sandwich made and was asking the man behind the counter about the different condiments available. "This one is brown mustard, this is Thousand Island, this is chipotle mayo . . ."

She just stared at him blankly for a second, so he repeated, "Chipotle mayo. It's really spicy." So it dawned on me, she doesn't know that a chipotle is a variety of hot pepper. She just thinks it's the name of a restaurant. And she doesn't know why the restaurant is named that.

For some reason it made me really, really pissy for the rest of the day.

(File under: "50 Cent does not know what a grapefruit is")

I just clicked on my junk mail folder for some reason and Yelp had sent me an email titled "We're Reuben On Up!" and I was filled with the sudden urge to kick my monitor.

You don't appreciate rye humor like that?

I walked past a Sweetgreen restaurant that had a "Beets Don't Kale My Vibe" sign in the window

I saw a tshirt saying 'don't kale my vibe' and I don't understand it

don't is short for donut, vibe is short for vibrator, thus "Donut kale my vibrator". See?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GF8aaTu2kg0

I just clicked on my junk mail folder for some reason and Yelp had sent me an email titled "We're Reuben On Up!" and I was filled with the sudden urge to kick my monitor.

― how's life, Wednesday, April 13, 2016 7:43 AM (14 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

So much advertising/marketing tries to get cute with me that it sometimes makes me want to boycott humor.

the name meghann. i don't love the h but the 2nd n sends me over the edge. apologies to any ilxor meghanns

oh, it's like Megh-Ann? Never seen this before.

Facebook "suggested posts"

go eat a bag of vomit, jerks

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CgBcya-VAAA-pEe.jpg

I mean... WHY

Why are you showing this to me, do you hate me? Did I offend you in some way? AT LEAST GIVE ME THE CHANCE TO MAKE AMENDS BEFORE GOING NUCLEAR, YOU STUPID LITTLE VINDICTIVE ADVERTISING ALGORITHM

curious what the particular style statement you would be making is

"I love Legos and Meshach Taylor's costumes in 'Mannequin'"

http://www.tennesseetheatre.com/lib/image/shows/650989_tt1.jpg

I also beg to differ that those couches remotely resemble mid century modern.

I see that eric carle makes furniture now

First he builds it, then he releases a horde of hungry caterpillars to devour it

I've had three completely stupid incidents with revolving doors in the last two weeks. I hate them. They make men turn into macho pricks.

1) I went to get a sandwich. I came back into the building where I work, through the revolving door. The man in front of me loses his shoe somehow. I kind of manage not to smirk but then he turns around and glares at me: "Did you push that?" I say no, truthfully, there are enough people going through this revolving door so that there isn't a need to push at all, the door keeps turning itself. We both exit into the lobby of the building and he says "You did. You pushed the door." Now. Pushing a revolving door isn't something that would be seen as unacceptable in my experience but I didn't say that. I didn't push the door so I just said, No I didn't push the door. "LIAR!" This is a work environment, I don't get why he was so angry. Well I do, his shoe came off and he had to blame someone else.

2) It was raining a lot today. I felt good because I'd shown and then kind of taken a lost man where he needed to be. I guided him while covering him from the rain, sharing my umbrella. I was getting a sandwich again. As I came back in, through the fucking revolving door, the guy (a different guy) in front pushed the revolving door so fast that all of a sudden I knew that there was a problem. My umbrella was in the quadrant of the door but I wasn't going to make it so I had to let it go. The umbrella is now going around the revolving door by itself and I look like a dick.

3) Tonight at a different revolving door, near where I work. This one is a pain in the arse because it gives a lot of resistance. You have to really push it. I'd been watching this guy in a bright blue suit as we were both walking up the bridge to where we needed to be. He was drunk or something. He was with two very attractive tall women who were really into him. They were ahead of me and as they entered the revolving door he grabbed them both and the three entered the same quadrant. And stopped moving. Fuckers. This one needed pushing. They didn't push and I entered after them, minding my own business, I expected it to move smoothly and when it didn't I hit my head on the glass right in front of the super model blonde cackling her coke face at me.

amazing

do you have a history with revolving doors? where are you that they're so common?

Good question.

I deal with a minimum of three revolving door usages every weekday so you have my sympathies, kraudive.

The most irritating issue I've had recently was when the newspaper dude dropped unbound stacks of the free daily directly inside two separate revolving doors, such that someone would have had to exit the building via other doors and pick up the papers for anyone to be able to actually use the revolving doors. Just...why.

Young ppl growing beards. it makes you look dishonest and weak.

before anybody defends this, might I remind you this is the irrational anger thread.

Blah blah projection blah blah

That's it. We're kicking you out of ISIS.

people who use the phrase "so and so debunked this" to discuss someone who merely offered a differing opinion on something subjective

Hey ogmor, this is Canary Wharf, east london

are there places in the world with high concentrations of revolving doors or is everywhere just filled with people who suck at them? everyone here sucks at using traffic circles but i can at least take solace in knowing britishers have some idea of how they're supposed to work.

people who use the phrase "so and so debunked this" to discuss someone who merely offered a differing opinion on something subjective

― Neanderthal, Saturday, April 16, 2016 6:45 PM (2 hours ago)

yes. And "we already destroyed this article on twitter" meaning that we had a morning of circle-jerky like-minded sneering at an actual piece of well-reported journalism

ah ok, I am only familiar with the lifts of canary wharf thanks to the great beno - https://youtu.be/AcpUyPILN34 - but it seems like a sufficiently odd place yo generate a high number of such incidents

people who use the phrase "so and so debunked this" to discuss someone who merely offered a differing opinion on something subjective

― Neanderthal, Saturday, April 16, 2016 6:45 PM (2 hours ago)

Do you have an example of something subjective someone else believed was "debunked"? That sounds frustrating but I've never witnessed anyone say that.

The other day someone was talking about the Gira rape accusations and someone indicated that his wife and ex-wife "debunked" or "refuted" the claims.

Which while events like that aren't sure, the people referred to weren't present and could not "debunk" or "refute" anything.

Also lotsa blogs like "xxx debunks liberal myths "

Sure = "subjective"

I watch a lot of stupid ghost hunting programmes and the American ones seem to have recuperated the term "debunked" from their opponents, and often say things like "we debunked this orb being from an insect or camera flare", when what they actually mean is "we decided to say it was a ghost because that's the point of this programme".

Oh God I hate those programs

I love them, but I really just watch them to see how people can spin a story out of nothing. Also kind of enjoy psychic programmes for a similar reason (especially as some of them look SO shit at cold reading it surprises me they allow themselves to be filmed, even for a show that is positive about them), but every time I watch one of those I remind myself that they're actually conning people out of money and then I get sad.

lmao @ "we debunked this orb"