Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

I'd try to make sure the boss leaves verifiable fingerprints on the original instruction and the subsequent changes.

coworker gets in these weird moods where she just hums to herself allllllll day long and I want to drown her

co-worker today on a call that I was merely observing kept stating her confusion on this one particular item over and over, and the host kept restating his reassurances and next steps (follow-up meeting) over and over to where I began to wonder if I was in a time loop.

coworker gets in these weird moods where she just hums to herself allllllll day long and I want to drown her

Oh quit being so whiney.

lol took me a sec

OH. lol.

idgi

battle of the egomaniacal, pan-genre overproducers w/ albums of shimmering genius that i want to drown in '10

actually oops it's this one:

http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=67985

Thats a 77 thread.

THEN NOBODY WILL EVER KNOW...THE ANSWER

co-workers are now on their second day of arguing about whether sports should honor full-season champions (like the premier league) or have playoffs (like north american sports)

decided to listen to tubular bells instead

My office is dog friendly. And I hear all of you. AW! YOU GET TO HANG OUT WITH DOGS ALL DAY! WHO'S A PRETTY BOY?

Well. I've got this one behind me who lays at his owner's feet and gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws gnaws on its fucking chew toy ALL DAY LONG.

I will say that it hasn't barked today, like it did Friday whenever someone would, you know, walk through our area.

You didn't hear me say it.

Dog friendly

Fuck off

some places need to just be for adults/humans.

All places tbh

jfc

i have enough trouble with these ppl without introducing their animals into the equation

nope nope nope

We don't have a dog-friendly office, but we do have a tradition of, whenever the dog-hating boss is away, someone will bring in their dog and sit them in her chair, and we photograph it.

You have to make your own fun round here.

That doesn't sound terrible. I couldn't stand a workplace with a dog unless it was a junkyard or something outdoors.

I think one of the few things worse than being a person made to go an office every day is being a dog made to go to an office every day.

^^

this is a bare-bones summary of a broken-record convo I heard the other day. I was laughing for probably five straight minutes.

Doofus: i wanna talk to you about <platform>. you told our client we might have <platform> go live 7/1 despite delaying <other platform> to 8/1. we can't do that.

Leader: I don't think I said we were considering having <other platform> delayed to 8/1. We were just talking about sending specific files later.

Doofus: Ok because <platform> can't go live if <other platform> doesn't go live.

Leader: Understandable. I don't think we're talking about that, though. We are just talking about possibly changing the date certain files are sent.

Doofus: Ok - just so we're clear that we can't have <platform> go live, if <other platform> doesn't also go live. That isn't even an option, we need to not offer that.

Leader: I don't think we're going to. So - assuming that, could you create an order to have your team start working on <assignment>?

Doofus: That's going to depend on you all. As long as <other platform> goes live at the same time, we can do that - but we can't have <platform> go live before <other platform>.

Leader: Ok, ok, ok. Assume <other platform> going live 8/1 is off the table. Assume it's going live 7/1, like <platform>. Can you guys create the order to get the ball rolling on <assignment>.

Doofus: Well, it depends. I just want to make clear to you that <platforms> have to both go live at the same time.

......

I hung up after, I was giggling so hard and yet at the same time I knew if I listened to another second I might ping said person and say "OMG STFU ALREADY".

I'm really tempted to run a practical course on the fine art of how to eat an apple or bag of crisps without being overheard from a distance of 6 rows of desks.

cube neighbor SHOUTS HIS PHONE CONVERSATIONS IN A BOOMING VOICE ALL DAY

For a long time I thought he had a middle ear issue bc he is a loudtalker in general

the other day he placed an apologetic phonecall to a customer in a low normal speaking voice & i wanted to run over & shout J'ACCUSE! So you CAN talk in a normal volume motherfucker WTF

Cube neighbor SHOUTS ALL OF HIS CONVERSATIONS IN A BOOMING VOICE ALL DAY. Like, all day. Every day. I don't know how he gets work done. Or why no one has acted on the many complaints they've received about him.

There are about 8 million things about this dude that irritate me on an almost cellular level but I think the top two at the moment are 1) his "laugh", which is uniformly this completely fake and weirdly forced wheezy exhalation that would seem to indicate that he's never actually heard a human laugh before (and I'm certain that I have yet to hear an actual laugh come out of his face) and 2) his apparent wish to slowly kill me by using 'yadda yadda' in every third sentence.

But seriously. I could absolutely swamp this thread with an array of fascinating details about Blabbermouth.

I genuinely think Kutcher is gonna jump out any minute and tell me I've been punked, such is the voluminous and unceasing stream of stupidity hitting my inbox this morning. Like, deep and profound, 'I have suddenly forgotten the most basic functions of my job' stupidity. I'd suspect a gas leak or some other freak incident that was impairing cognitive function en masse but this is coming from multiple offices so I'll just blame Obama.

I had to test our phone lines this week on a specific platform (one I'm new to). I read the SOP - they have three platforms (including mine) in the same SOP, but this platform uses an entirely different system than the other two. SOP is full of info that's completely irrelevant, and missing instructions that I need because of this.

Asked around for a solid week to fill in the gaps - some of the answers I got in bits and pieces, some of them nobody could answer after going to five people. Just finished testing and I have no earthly fucking idea if it's done correctly.

*throws hands up*

SHOUTS HIS PHONE CONVERSATIONS IN A BOOMING VOICE ALL DAY

Yes - there's someone in my office space who does this - and she's says 'know what I mean' every 10 seconds. The whole purpose of these conversations as far as I can tell is to communicate to the office "Look! I'm doing all this!".

Even worse is she likes to get up and do a self-satisfied lap of honour around the office after a round of calls, obviously energised by calls that have achieved absolutely nothing in practical terms.

if you can be heard more than like a row behind your desk, stfu, is how i see it

Everyone one phones and in browsers watching football
Send mail to the team leads pointing out we're not blind
Mail was just forwarded on to team
Pandemonium and outrage

Im not displeased tbh

I've had three loudtalkers

Two of them were in one place where, because of the nature of the phone calls they were getting, you couldn't really blame them

The other one was a monster though ... the voice used to rise up, up and up ... this from two long desks away ... it always consisted of 'I think ... I think ...' and it was either about football or work related that they 'thought ...'

@ darragh I hate football at work tbh, the way you get pressed for an opinion on it and there is no right answer

xpost i can almost guarantee my office loudtalker has everyone beat

he's like a cross between morning zoo radio dj and a monster truck rally announcer

permaloud, always. no indoor voice at all. ONLY THE OUTSIDE VOICE, ALWAYS

the loud talker in our office is the Skype speaker they use for meetings - every morning the people phoning into scrums blast out of the thing like some kind of tannoy announcement.

what chaps me is when people loud-talk while having very personal calls.

there was this co-worker once who was going through a divorce and decided to have his arguments with his soon to be ex-spouse at max volume a row behind me.

working from home has been so nice

^
otm

i'm thinking we should hold some kind of loud-talker world cup.

"he's in the final third, and.....ouch, he was talking about the time he got wasted at the local Red Lobster, and he lost a little volume there. he's got to watch his breathing, judges deduct two points for a 10 decibel drop so that's going to hurt his final score"

often at work people do blog posts and are like "tell us what you think!". it's a very collaborative open organisation, or . so this week i saw one of the pieces i work and i decided to "tell them what i think!" - and basically it had loads and loads of problems. i was pretty polite but made a big list of them, and there have been two reactions. the person that does my job who was involved has got mega-defensive and fu about it. i then sent a mail being as ultra-nice as i could "just my opinion, i apologise if it came across over-zealous etc etc", which didn't really change her tone.

just after this, her boss (i think it's her boss) is like "interesting ideas, let's you and me catch up about this, local garda".

feel like in trying to help i've just utterly utterly undermined someone and their boss is like "yes let's undermine them". this post is less bitching about co-workers and more office politics.

feel free to point out the errors in my post - i'd love to hear your feedback!

jesus that is the worst post ever.

just after this, her boss (i think it's her boss) is like "interesting ideas, let's you and me catch up about this, local garda".

lol, did her boss copy her in to this? cold bruv

yeah she was copied in. i had apologised and everything, she didn't really accept the apology, like replied brusquely, and then he replied in the same chain: "no need to apologise, feedback helps us to make things better. are you free to discuss this?"

terrible bossing on his part tbh. i've mailed my boss to extricate myself. POLITICS.

Go gard or go home

turned out fine really. my boss was fine with it, pretty much. just said to find out exactly who receives the feedback email in future, based on her own experiences.

i wasn't offering my opinion to boost favour with this team or get one over on the person, i just had genuine opinions about the piece of work that i felt most people in the organisation would agree with.

our 'practices' team decided to roll out this new procedure to the entire firm while simultaneously forgetting to notify 33% of the people who would be affected by it *and* without piloting it to ensure it was set up to work correctly on all systems first (*it isn't*) or giving anybody ample time to train people on it.

so now there are hundreds of employees all mondo confused about how to adhere to the new protocol.