start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

Joni Hendrix?

Oh, hell.

Wishing pain on whoever sent their ~4y/o kids out into the street to scream and shout and play some surprisingly loud plastic bongos starting at 7:15am on a Sunday

people who post what row/aisle they parked in at theme parks on FB.

tempted to burgle them

wait... what? Explain?

like if you go to Universal you might be in the "Jaws" parking lot, row 433. sometimes people want to note to themselves by sending a text or something so they remember where their car is. I have this one friend tho who checks-in to the theme park and posts where he parked his car on FB for everybody to see.

completely innocuous and harmless but for some reason I find it annoying - like I need to know where they parked their car?

we've talked about those faux-flow-charts that pubs put on sandwich boards outside, right?

i saw someone chalking one this morning, which had reduced it down to one decision diamond. 'is everything ok?' and both yes and no branches ended up immediately at 'come in for a coffee'.

worse still, he was copying this down from a piece of paper. like he couldn't remember the simplest thing.

also, the tesco's on the way to work has rearranged about 10% of its stock. couldn't find half the things i normally buy.

Was at a breakfast place the other day that boasted on the board in big letters "Now Serving Stan's Donuts!" And then right under it "Proudly supporting local farms and businesses," with a list of some regional farms. But Stan's is an LA-based chain, and donuts are probably the easiest thing to source locally, so it kind of undercuts the message. It would be like saying "Now Serving Starbuck's!" above the "Proudly Supporting Local" sign. Should have been "proudly supporting THESE local farms and businesses."

Also, they had a chef's special omelette described by the server as having onion, peppers, ham and cheddar. AKA a Denver Omelette, or Western Omelette, so call it that! Also, it's nothing special, so don't call it that.

people who post what row/aisle they parked in at theme parks on FB.

tempted to burgle them

I've never heard of nor seen such a thing.

it might be confined to the one friend of mine who does this.

lol what?

It might be confined to people who live in the Orlando, Fla., metro area.

No, I wasn't trying to be mean, I just hardly know anyone who drives or goes to amusement parks! So I've never seen that.

What is more irrational than getting angry over something so isolated and obscure? Thumbs up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZRNEUc5k7Jw

xxpost oh I didn't take it that way. I live within 10 miles of both majors in O-Town so it's ubiquitous here. I'm amazed how often locals go to these places, I got sick of Disney in 1995.

Self-service tills AAAAARGH on the rare occasions I use them, I rue it because they are NOT set up with left-handed people in mind.

My (very unscientific) impression is that Tesco scans left-to-right and Sainsbury scans right-to-left. But I am a right-handed golden child, who as a rule never notices anything unless it discomforts him.

Tesco scans left-to-right and Sainsbury scans right-to-left

It's an international Jewish grocery conspiracy.

This was Waitrose (I shop there, or in Sainsburys) and whatever I do it's always PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANT.

the scan doesn't require a swipe at all really, but all the ones i can think of have the scanner to the right of the bagging area

FWIW I'm severely left-handed, and I confess I don't understand the problem. US grocery stores typically have a self-checkout area with one line (= queue) feeding into two groups of 2-4 checkout machines. These generally face each other, so half are left-to-right and half are right-to-left. Also, the scanners don't care what direction you wave your groceries - R-L, L-R, in-out, up-down, whatever.

So if I'm standing in front of a right-to-left machine, my basket is to the right and my bags are to the left. Nothing stops me from grabbing my cucumber (so to speak) with my left hand, waving it in front of the scanner, then placing it in a bag that is to my left.

At the same time, if I'm standing in front of a left-to-right machine, my basket is to the left and my bags are to the right. Nothing stops me from grabbing my banana (so to speak) with my left hand, waving it in front of the scanner, then placing it in a bag that is to my right.

In either case my arm still has to cross my body. What difference does it make whether it's basket-to-scanner or scanner-to-bag?

This is all presuming I cannot possibly use my "other hand." However, last time I checked, even my weak, pathetic right hand is still capable of grasping my produce (so to speak). Seems to me that one is actually capable of using either machine, regardless of handedness.

... are you for some reason IA there's a girl in the thread?

Amazing

Huh?

I'm not sure exactly what Andrew is getting at, YMP, but it does sound as if your problem at the supermarket isn't as much your left-handedness as it is that your constant and fervent masturbation.

that

i feel both political and spiritual guilt over loving self-checkouts

Old Lunch: guilty as charged. I proactively denounce myself.

Still I am a left-handed person and I can happily shop both ways. I'm bi-scan-ual.

LOOOOL

I also come a cropper because I bring my own bag and even though the first prompt gives me an OWN BAG option, the Ritalin-deficient child trapped inside the machine constantly prompts:

DO YOU NEED A BAG? *no*
HOW MANY BAGS DO YOU NEED? *zero*
DID YOU STEAL A BAG? CONFESS! •fuuuuuuuuuuck offffffffff•

AAAAAAARGHHHHH
"Please wait, a cashier will assist you!"

'place your own bags in the bagging area then press start'

places own bags in bagging area; presses start

ERROR 'are you using your own bags?'

Oh yeah that's a thing

the worrst

I share the hate for the "own bags" button. Some things are universal

I love self checkout but I'm always buying beer and often have to track down the attendant to override the age check, it's a drag

wow i only just realized why self-checkout sometimes makes me feel so clumsy. left-handedness.

I always have a shoulder bag on that falls off when packing at those things

I am oblivious right-hander but there is one shop in town which has the self-service checkouts the other way round from everywhere else and I am slow as hell and make some kind of dumb mistake every time I use it, so if being lefthanded is like that except at every checkout ever then you have my sympathy

also I am v suspicious of self-service checkouts as they always start flashing and shouting at me, like if the fabric of the bag moves even a millimetre apparently the weight changes and assistants have to be summoned

and the "I have my own bag" option never seems to work as any bag I've ever brought to a supermarket always fails the empty bag weight check, so I just end up piling everything up on the weighing shelf and then shove it into the bag later while a queue of people tuts behind me

Seeing people eating lunch outdoors in full sunlight when it's ungodly hot and humid.

the mayo smearing their faces, the ants crawling up their soda splashed legs

Cole slaw in their hair, apple pie filling congealing between their fingers.

But, yes. Eating in full-blast heat & humidity is nauseating. Don't get it.

What if lunch is a slice of watermelon and a tall glass of ice cubes? What then?

je55e otm. These ppl with their low resting heart rates & no sweat glands, pah

I don't even understand when people choose to stand when a chair's nearby

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/601178046469525504/OfLnP3zk.png

xpost Man, I almost always hate eating outside (bugs, heat, noise). And I especially hate sitting on the ground, for all those reasons, plus uncomfortable.

bugs, heat, noise, people seeing me, stupid jerk sunlight reflecting off of me to aid people in seeing me