start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

My (very unscientific) impression is that Tesco scans left-to-right and Sainsbury scans right-to-left. But I am a right-handed golden child, who as a rule never notices anything unless it discomforts him.

Tesco scans left-to-right and Sainsbury scans right-to-left

It's an international Jewish grocery conspiracy.

This was Waitrose (I shop there, or in Sainsburys) and whatever I do it's always PLEASE WAIT FOR ASSISTANT.

the scan doesn't require a swipe at all really, but all the ones i can think of have the scanner to the right of the bagging area

FWIW I'm severely left-handed, and I confess I don't understand the problem. US grocery stores typically have a self-checkout area with one line (= queue) feeding into two groups of 2-4 checkout machines. These generally face each other, so half are left-to-right and half are right-to-left. Also, the scanners don't care what direction you wave your groceries - R-L, L-R, in-out, up-down, whatever.

So if I'm standing in front of a right-to-left machine, my basket is to the right and my bags are to the left. Nothing stops me from grabbing my cucumber (so to speak) with my left hand, waving it in front of the scanner, then placing it in a bag that is to my left.

At the same time, if I'm standing in front of a left-to-right machine, my basket is to the left and my bags are to the right. Nothing stops me from grabbing my banana (so to speak) with my left hand, waving it in front of the scanner, then placing it in a bag that is to my right.

In either case my arm still has to cross my body. What difference does it make whether it's basket-to-scanner or scanner-to-bag?

This is all presuming I cannot possibly use my "other hand." However, last time I checked, even my weak, pathetic right hand is still capable of grasping my produce (so to speak). Seems to me that one is actually capable of using either machine, regardless of handedness.

... are you for some reason IA there's a girl in the thread?

Amazing

Huh?

I'm not sure exactly what Andrew is getting at, YMP, but it does sound as if your problem at the supermarket isn't as much your left-handedness as it is that your constant and fervent masturbation.

that

i feel both political and spiritual guilt over loving self-checkouts

Old Lunch: guilty as charged. I proactively denounce myself.

Still I am a left-handed person and I can happily shop both ways. I'm bi-scan-ual.

LOOOOL

I also come a cropper because I bring my own bag and even though the first prompt gives me an OWN BAG option, the Ritalin-deficient child trapped inside the machine constantly prompts:

DO YOU NEED A BAG? *no*
HOW MANY BAGS DO YOU NEED? *zero*
DID YOU STEAL A BAG? CONFESS! •fuuuuuuuuuuck offffffffff•

AAAAAAARGHHHHH
"Please wait, a cashier will assist you!"

'place your own bags in the bagging area then press start'

places own bags in bagging area; presses start

ERROR 'are you using your own bags?'

Oh yeah that's a thing

the worrst

I share the hate for the "own bags" button. Some things are universal

I love self checkout but I'm always buying beer and often have to track down the attendant to override the age check, it's a drag

wow i only just realized why self-checkout sometimes makes me feel so clumsy. left-handedness.

I always have a shoulder bag on that falls off when packing at those things

I am oblivious right-hander but there is one shop in town which has the self-service checkouts the other way round from everywhere else and I am slow as hell and make some kind of dumb mistake every time I use it, so if being lefthanded is like that except at every checkout ever then you have my sympathy

also I am v suspicious of self-service checkouts as they always start flashing and shouting at me, like if the fabric of the bag moves even a millimetre apparently the weight changes and assistants have to be summoned

and the "I have my own bag" option never seems to work as any bag I've ever brought to a supermarket always fails the empty bag weight check, so I just end up piling everything up on the weighing shelf and then shove it into the bag later while a queue of people tuts behind me

Seeing people eating lunch outdoors in full sunlight when it's ungodly hot and humid.

the mayo smearing their faces, the ants crawling up their soda splashed legs

Cole slaw in their hair, apple pie filling congealing between their fingers.

But, yes. Eating in full-blast heat & humidity is nauseating. Don't get it.

What if lunch is a slice of watermelon and a tall glass of ice cubes? What then?

je55e otm. These ppl with their low resting heart rates & no sweat glands, pah

I don't even understand when people choose to stand when a chair's nearby

https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/601178046469525504/OfLnP3zk.png

xpost Man, I almost always hate eating outside (bugs, heat, noise). And I especially hate sitting on the ground, for all those reasons, plus uncomfortable.

bugs, heat, noise, people seeing me, stupid jerk sunlight reflecting off of me to aid people in seeing me

People eating ice cream in the rain in autumn or winter always struck me as odd. You see it quite a bit. Oh NO maybe the fact that summer looks like that anyway confuses them.
BUt you do see it around quite a bit after the temperature noticeably drops.

because ice cream is delicious in all weather conditions

Body temp's always gonna be around 100.

I don't understand people who try to open a bathroom stall door, find that it is locked, and then knock on the door until the person inside acknowledges them. I can see knocking before you pull on the door, just to avoid opening an improperly locked door on someone. When this happens I usually ignore the knocking to see how far they'll take it.

That's pretty rude, maybe they just wanna have a conversation.

"Excuse me sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?"

"I don't mean to intrude but it smells like you have the devil in you"

people who take clearly satirical/fictional articles seriously and then blame 'the way things are going these days' and/or 'Poe's law' when their mistake is pointed out to them

Ha, I was in an argument with someone the other day who thought that 'baa baa black sheep' had been banned. I pointed out that that story had been around since the 80s and they said that how crazy this PC stuff is it's perfectly believable. I see the same pattern with Clinton - she's untrustworthy, but if you probe any specific act they believe the worst because she's untrustworthy.

So much Microsoft fodder for this thread.

"I noticed you've been writing an entire document in Times New Roman 12, so I was thinking you'd probably like it if I switch your font to Calibri 11 at random times for no apparent reason."

"Hey, remember how you used to be able to save and print shit without going into a different window? We figured we'd make that one step harder.'

"Oh hey, you know that toolbar at the top that made it possible to even get to that stuff? We figured we'd just take it out of your way entirely."

Man I was getting sick of being asked if - wait, no, WHEN - I wanted to upgrade to Windows 10 and now the deadline has passed and I am dead to Microsoft and fucking loving it.

So much Microsoft fodder for this thread.

"I noticed you've been writing an entire document in Times New Roman 12, so I was thinking you'd probably like it if I switch your font to Calibri 11 at random times for no apparent reason."

fucking yes this has been happening to me all day also yes please I'd like every paragraph in this 70-page document to switch to Header Style 1

there used to be an option in word somewhere where you could set some value to 2.0cm and it'd show you a column down the side with the paragraph style next to each paragraph. i couldn't find it the other day when using Word 2003. but then i couldn't find much at all with the ribbony thing.

jobsites that require word documents for linux-related jobs, gtfo.

koogs, it is still possible in Draft view, but it is tricky to find. Here's a tutorial.

https://cybertext.wordpress.com/2010/05/19/word-display-styles-for-each-paragraph/

at times i am using MS word and it spontaneously tries to center justify things then types letters TTTHHHRRREEE TTTIIIMMMEEESSS

Record companies that sell albums as MP3s which you buy at higher-than-iTunes rates and they come with no album art or metadata like 'artist' or 'track title' or 'album title'.

ms word 2010 "shrink to 1 page" no longer a menu option you have add the fucking command to your custom toolbar and THEN you can use it

cmon