start a victory garden and ration your IRRATIONALLY ANGRY feelings, part 3

I just dip my hands in bleach and then wipe them off on the toilet.

lol

can't believe you guys figured out my patented methof

I misread that first as meatloaf and then meth, both of which would have been funny responses.

Methloaf

Methloaf of Modern Love.

I saw the typo and decided to keep it

I used to clean school toilets for a living. I had to use gloves then, but I don't bother with my own place. Just make sure you wash your hands thoroughly.

If I chop serranos, wash my hands 20 times, and then try to insert a contact lens, my eye burns like crazy. So I guess I regularly put poop in my eye.

and soap is a scam

I just make sure to always bully mop-haired kids so when I give them swirlies they do a bit of scrub-a-dub

I think the spiciness of peppers is, like oil, not as soluble with normal hand soap. Make sure to use dish soap or something else meant to cut oil to clean after slicing peppers

High Maintenance had another means of dealing with that. But it relies on having a non squeamish acquaintance.

How is autocorrect so mind-blowingly stupid?

Guys you can wash or use hand sanitizer on rubber gloves. Just saying.

I just burn down the toilet and move house. Saves on bleach, soap, gloves, etc

you didn't happen to take a restroom cleaning job in north carolina, did you?

adobe acrobat launches with zoom defaulted to 125%

why

because adobe are diiiiiiiiicks

disabling adobe updates is so choice

people who try to nail down your support to help them do something (ie moving) without giving you a date, then when they finally get around to confirming the date at the last minute, get upset that it isn't convenient for you.

like are you supposed to give someone a blank check for an entire month?

i always love when it's me moving tho cos I've thrown so much shit away over the years that the big stuff takes an hour and I usually just start the new tenancy the same month my lease is up so I can take the month to move less big stuff gradually instead of having to do it all in a day.

^^^ lifehack right there. That's what I did the last time I moved and it was almost relaxing compared to the nightmares I put myself through as a young person.

Yea it's more expensive but soooo much less stress.

ppl on twitter who can't:
A) manage the tweet chain mechanism (you don't have to @ yrself, just reply to yrself)
B) manage the dot (it's just a on-character substitute for text b4 the @)
C) prefer incomprehensible shortforms of words to editing down the tweet intelligibly

on-character s/b one-character X[

A) manage the tweet chain mechanism (you don't have to @ yrself, just reply to yrself)

Yes I don't link my tweets. Like I started doing this but then sometimes right in the middle of a twitter 'essay' I am going through it fails to link properly. Think I am going too fast for twitter. So my method is to do a tweet followed by 1/, 2/ etc.

There is a person I follow on twitter who is pretty obsessed with this - its very funny, eg "I see John McDonnell doesn't link his tweets"

How can you reply to yourself without @-ing yourself?

ok when you reply to yr self it inserts the @-yrself -- but if you then delete it the tweets are still linked and you have have 10 whole characters to play with (i have 11)

I will try next time #yourWorkIsDone

Why would you want text before the @? I mean as a goal in itself, such that you'd use a dot instead?

So it appears to everyone who follow you not just ppl who follow both u and the person you're @ing

the best thing to do when on Twitter is to click "deactivate account" and then go back to whatever you were doing prior

and to try to get rappers to respond to you

while we're in the territory of what are basically pedantic sub-editor beefs:

1: ppl who use superscript for ordinals (mainly dates), but…
2: … don't RESIZE the superscript, so that it actively messes with the layout of the lines

My migraine headaches. A certain amount of anger is rational, of course, but sometimes I really just want to start drilling into my skull.

TAKE THAT, BRAIN.

Yeah, the trepanning fantasies can be weird. Or thinking if you could just find a way to squeeze your skull very hard. I sometimes think about washing my brain, with a kind of squeegee, as though it were covered in pain-goo.

Ha, when I have a bad headache I fantasize about pouring aspirin directly on my brain (as if that would help)

Plenty of cases of people with really bad toothaches shooting themselves in the teeth, etc. Extreme head pain can make you do some weird things.

Or thinking if you could just find a way to squeeze your skull very hard.

Oh god, yes. The vise in the garage looks really tempting sometimes.

Oddly I've been able to kind of beat headaches back (temporarily) by aggressively thinking about the headache as a physical thing I'm mentally crushing back into its hole. Probably purely psychosomatic but that hour or two can really help.

"Trepanning Fantasies" sounds like it should have been an obscure Cure record.

Had my gas meter changed in January and 3 readings later, this last one done by one of their employees, they still flag it up as an error every time. I even sent them photos.

(Have read or seen on TV something where they tortured somebody by putting their head on a vice. Was quite extreme)

This has probably become mainstream usage by now but: people who overcorrect to "you (or he) and I" when they should say "you and me".

These Stars lyrics always killed me:

In a cage where only one thing could be free
And it's not you and I

C'mon, it would even rhyme better!

Yes! This one bugs me a lot and there are lots of songs that get this wrong.

Memes like these make me want to punch a wall:
https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/bc/90/84/bc9084c64eb5f6055e461e1285bc9426.jpg
http://cdn.someecards.com/someecards/usercards/im-glad-i-learned-about-parallelograms-instead-of-how-to-do-taxes-its-really-come-in-handy-this-parallelogram-season-06cac.png

Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm being rational in thinking these are idiotic, if maybe not in the depth of my rage.

i) If you weren't so precious and took non-university stream math and home ec/family studies classes, you would have probably been taught these things anyway.
ii) They don't teach them in academic-stream courses because the math and literacy skills involved with these tasks are relatively basic and they hope that you are intelligent enough to apply the concepts you learn to everyday situations.
iii) The tax code keeps changing so it's actually more practical to learn broader concepts that you can apply to different contexts.
iv) Taxes are boring as all fuck for me as an adult, let alone for children and teenagers. I find it more interesting to learn about parallelograms and right-angled triangles and doubt I'm alone.