Real England

I feel like perhaps the 'bagel on head' train incident of a day or two ago could fit here.

I liked the detail mentioned in reports that "During the video, a group can be heard singing: "He's got a bagel on his head" to the tune of "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands"."

not sure if richard whiteley being a spy counts as real england or not, mb rather part of some related phenomenon

Tomlinson, who appeared alongside Caroline Aherne in sitcom The Royle Family, made the startling claim in an interview with The Chester Chronicle as he opened a Wetherspoons pub in the city.

This is extremely real.

none more real, nothing more English

http://www.shropshirestar.com/news/crime/2017/03/07/telford-man-who-poisoned-wifes-food-with-laxatives-is-jailed/

why do all fantasists claim to have been in the SAS?

Blame Andy McNab.

i know at least one irl but this isn't the place

https://crimethroughtimecollection.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/jsn_2322.jpg?w=584
https://crimethroughtimecollection.files.wordpress.com/2016/02/jsn_2332.jpg?w=584
https://crimethroughtimecollection.files.wordpress.com/2015/05/jsn_2320.jpg?w=584
https://crimethroughtimecollection.files.wordpress.com/2016/12/jsn_3352.jpg?w=584
I bumped into Gloucestershire artist Paul Bridgman's crime through time collection whilst looking for A-level art style Weller sketches.

didn't know ILX's own Rory McGrath lived in Cromwell Street

I noticed Rory McGrath's hands are out of proportion and unconvincing and the artist has probably realised this.

The tiny hands . . . of a murderer!

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/1533914_10157331988995377_4149580904031315219_n.jpg?oh=5282cc3fce734b6565fb05d5160b97b6&oe=5963468F

Jobs too real to contemplate.

poll ffs

cow banger

victorian england

no way that is real

why not? dicking around is not a modern invention

xp
There were smartasses even back then.

this is the oldest version of that I can find, from 2001

http://boards.fool.co.uk/any-fatuous-paupers-out-there-6424064.aspx

http://search.findmypast.co.uk/results/world-records/1881-england-wales-and-scotland-census?occupation=%20%22fatuous%20pauper%22

0 results found for "fatuous pauper" ;_;

1881 census info released 1981, went online 2004: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4065313.stm

Was this guy who vandalised the Gainsborough painting at the Nat gallery doing it for the Turnip Shepherds in a display of misplaced activism?

list of occupations from the first eight censuses: http://www.worldthroughthelens.com/family-history/old-occupations.php

very long, mostly dull enough to be authentic, has a snarky notes abt spurious entries in *other* lists

WASTEMAN

Wow that is some list!

BANDSTER One who bound the wheat sheaves after harvest - there is a deffo a musical thread on that somewhere!

BATMAN

http://www.gunaxin.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/adam_west_as_batman__60s__by_kriegdersterne77-d51jcx0-copy.jpg

CRATCH MAKER. Made cratches e.g. mangers, cribs, or frames. Don't you fucking know this?

had to look up the oldest profession in the world

FANCY MAN A pimp. An agent for prostitutes who collects part of their earnings for services rendered.
FANCY WOMAN A prostitute. Offering sexual favours for money
GAMESTER Gambler or prostitute
PIMP An agent for prostitutes who collects part of their earnings
PROSTITUTE A person (usually a woman) offering sexual favours for money

I used to work with a Dry Stone Waller occasionally, in periods when the sparky work was drying up. This particular one I worked with had lots of guns and liked shooting foxes dead and taking pictures of their corpses so the NT would throw him a fiver per husk or whatever. He was tea-total but had a ruddy complexion from the amount of red meat he ate. He definitely makes me think of of old-Real-England.

classic calz

https://s29.postimg.org/k96me3uqf/Kent.jpg

I've not been to Sheppey yet but it looks pretty real.

Been loads but only to the nature reserve in its south side, not braved the towns yet

sadly the fun came to an abrupt halt

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-39568458

'Naughty girl'
Adverts seen by BBC South East included one posted by a Maidstone man asking for a woman to move in and pretend to be his girlfriend, another publicising a double room available in Rochester in exchange for "services" and one in Brighton targeting younger men.
One advert posted by a London landlord asked for a "naughty girl" to move in.
Landlords who posted the adverts were clear how the arrangement would work.
One said: "I was thinking once a week, something like that, I'm happy as long as there's sex involved."
Another said: "You agree sort of like a couple of times a week, pop into my room sort of thing, but as far as the apartment's concerned, it's like completely as if we're flatmates. It's all the bills, the rent, free."

N.B. not posted for lols - lock up these landlords pronto - but for there being something very 'Real England' about the way they express themselves:

One landlord, who spoke to BBC South East on condition of anonymity, defended the deals as a "friend with benefits" arrangement.
He said: "You can argue that high rent charged by landlords is taking advantage too. There's no compulsion for them to do this. Everyone goes into it with their eyes wide open.
"I am the last type of person who'd like to take advantage. Both sides have something the other person wants. I see it as a win-win situation."

https://twitter.com/toadsanime/status/855760304285896704

superb

had to share that beauty

https://twitter.com/tom_watson/status/856023747911983104

BritainEngland's Got Centrists

"St. George was born circa 280 in Cappadocia, an area that is now part of Turkey."

people keep quoting that but nobody points out that dragons aren't real

Back then weren't saints a bit ten a penny anyway? All you had to do was get executed for being a christian god-botherer, and there was plenty of that going on.

yeah, most of them were probably dicks, the Roman governors tended to do anything with their power not to execute people just for being into weird religions

what St George's day needs is a well-branded national beer, something that instantly conjures up connotations of Englishness in the same way that Guinness has attached itself to Ireland.

suggest Stella.

meanwhile, it's the 375th anniversary of Hull telling Charles I to do one

https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/18056630_1441284965932707_1529920356464001856_n.jpg?oh=f9e0b2f3dd2b5b2df560825adbf7824d&oe=598B00A8

Patron fucking saints, I ask you. Two centuries after the French Revolution.

https://twitter.com/liam__whu/status/855441195270631424

Lad on the far right, what's he up to?

he was holding a tray of drinks to offer their guests